Welcome back to Season 2, Episode 9 — we took a short break because… honestly, life is a bit of a shit show. Like, Congress-level messy. If vibes were legislation, we’d be filibustering our feelings.

(Legal note: this is a metaphor. Please do not subpoena us. We cannot afford a lawyer and also we are just girls.)

This episode is a full-body experience — from the boob massages of rural Italy to the hammams of Morocco (and existential shame). Simone returns from her steamy saga feeling cleansed, confused, and mortified (in that exact order), while Hilary shares the emotional arc of walking back to a ski chalet in socks, because snow boots are for people who still believe in consequences.

We unpack the ethics (and public health nightmare) of stick-and-pokes from the streets of Tanzania (potentially problematic? Definitely. But the vibes are ✨immaculate✨), and how Simone’s TikTok accidentally evolved from “just vibes” to full-blown feral girl thirst traps — complete with DMs that range from marriage proposals to “hey, I saw you in my dreams last night, where are you right now?” (Sir. Be so serious.)

Filler that migrates like your ex’s morals

Hailey Bieber’s yacht party and our ongoing yacht-based delusions (jealousy or... ?)

Longboards, ski helmets, and the downfall of millennial fearlessness

Monica Lewinsky x Call Her Daddy — the crossover we didn’t know we needed but we ABSOLUTELY loved (go off, girliepop!)

Penguin tariffs — because apparently even flightless birds can’t escape late-stage capitalism. (We don’t know either.) And Barron Trump’s sad tech guy origin story.

(Free the penguins. They’ve already got a tux, let them go to the gala.)

Plus: porn, patriarchy, and whether some dudes are born with fists or just wired that way (gross)

And of course — the ongoing investigation into the forbidden topic of our time: how does a woman ask for a happy ending at a massage parlour? Is there a secret password? A wink? A punch card system? (Asking for a friend.)

We Tajín this seriously. (Sponsor us, Tajín.)

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✨For everyone who’s ever said “you have to laugh or you’ll cry” — welcome, we do both.

P.S. Justice for penguins. They’re out here getting tariffed in formalwear while filler is migrating and men are still asking if “happy endings” are real for women. One of these things deserves freedom. (Hint: it’s the penguins. And also us.)

This week, Hilary and Simone are not feeling chill, because the world is basically a dumpster fire with WiFi. Things did get a bit more serious than normal, but when reality feels like a bad satire, what else can you do? So, naturally, we decided to unpack some of history’s greatest hits and today’s worst takes—while sipping on some liquor from Tanzania, because why not? Cheers.

We start with life before penicillin—when a simple paper cut could turn into your villain origin story. Then, we check in on Elon Musk, who is once again proving that having billions of dollars doesn’t make you a genius. Buying Twitter instead of solving world hunger? Groundbreaking. We also discuss Liberation Day and how Trump’s “liberation board” is giving strong Denny’s breakfast menu energy—except instead of pancakes, it’s serving up chaos.

Lobotomies make an appearance, because honestly… should we get one? Would it help? We weigh the pros, the cons, and whether a few jabs to the prefrontal cortex might be a relief at this point. And, of course, we take a moment to express our deepest gratitude to the men of history who so graciously allowed women to vote and have passports. Wow. So kind. So selfless.

If you love sharp takes, unhinged history, and coping with the downfall of civilization through millennial humor (and a stiff drink), this episode is for you. If you love sharp takes, unhinged history, and coping with the downfall of civilization through millennial humor (and a stiff drink), this episode is for you. Super Definitely Not Problematic—the podcast that pairs existential dread with bottomless sarcasm, because if the world’s gonna burn, we might as well roast some marshmallows. Listen now before Elon ruins Spotify too.

This week, Hilary and Simone ask the big questions: Should we start selling feet pics? Is there a tasteful way to monetize your toes without telling your parents? Can you write off a pedicure as a business expense if your arches are your brand? Would you join a cult if the starter pack came with matching water bottles and passive income? These are the entrepreneurial and existential dilemmas of our generation.

Then, as always, we spiral. Cue the international candy chaos: Mexican spaghetti candy that tastes like regret and childhood confusion, and a passionate campaign for the return of sauces with snacks. Dunkaroos walked so modern candy could run—but instead, it just... stood there. Flavorless. Dry. Alone.

Things get even spicier when we play “Most Likely To,” where we learn: – Simone would 100% critique herself in her own sex tape, probably in a notes app labeled “constructive feedback.”

We also learn that unfortunately Hilary claps when the plane lands. Yes, she is that person, and yes, she’s ashamed.

Finally we unpack our deeply shared fear of phone sex (seriously, no), and confront the burning question: does Simone have a sex tape à la Kim Kardashian? No comment, but the cloud is a dangerous place.

Listen before Simone's Icloud gets leaked.

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In this deeply philosophical (and by that, we mean absolutely chaotic) episode, Simone and Hilary get way too into their zodiac signs. Do the stars actually know them better than they know themselves? Probably. Are they still side-eyeing the whole thing? Also yes. Then, it's a deep dive into the Beta Generation—both the kids and the fish. Coincidence? Almost certainly. Are they doomed to a lifetime of second place? The jury's still out. But wait—there's more! We debate the absolute worst ways to die (spoiler: they’re all terrible), attempt to rebrand the word stubborn (because it's just passionate with bad PR), and praise the unparalleled joy that is everything bagel spice and Trader Joe’s cookie butter (AKA the two pillars of millennial snacking).

Also, let’s take a moment to appreciate that Merriam-Webster’s Instagram is 100% run by a Gen Z intern, and it’s everything. Educational? Yes. Sassy? Absolutely. Better than your favorite influencer? No question. So buckle up—whether you're rage-tweeting about airplane etiquette (to recline or not to recline?) or struggling to understand why journaling is an actual thing, this episode is for you.SEO-friendly buzzwords: astrology, Gen Beta, worst ways to die, airplane drama, journaling struggles, everything bagel spice, Trader Joe’s cookie butter, Merriam-Webster Instagram, millennial chaos.

Listen now before we get canceled (again). 🎧

Listen up, besties—Simone and Hilary are back for another episode of Super Definitely Not Problematic, where we ask the hard-hitting questions, expose flawed designs (both cosmic and anatomical), and fight for justice where it matters (like friendship monogamy and proper animal naming conventions).

First up: 69s. Let’s be honest, this position is for no one. Who designed it? (Men) Who benefits? (Men) Why does it feel like a poorly planned IKEA bunk bed of disappointment? (And once again… men) We break down why this so-called sexy number is a logistical nightmare and why we, as a society, need to retire it.

Then, naturally, we pivot to Zodiac signs, because nothing says nuanced debate like deciding someone’s entire personality based on their birth month and what time they were born. Are Geminis really the villains? Are Leos just walking personal brands? Are Pisces okay?? (No.) Simone and Hilary weigh in with scientific (vibes-based) analysis.

Speaking of things that keep us up at night: Do birds breastfeed? Like, technically, they don’t have nipples… but then HOW do baby birds eat?? What is crop milk?? Are pigeons secretly out here producing dairy?? So many questions, so little biology knowledge. Find out about this and more in a rousing game of 2 truths and a lie.

Next, an important linguistic fight: Is the plural of platypus “platypuses” or should we, as a culture, lean into “platypussies”?? We vote the latter, for obvious reasons. Say it out loud. It’s fun.

Finally, the case for monogamous friendship. In a world of messy group dynamics and backstabbing brunch squads, Hilary and Simone have cracked the code: one bestie, for life. No hierarchy. No drama. Just one unshakable, ride-or-die, tell-you-when-your-makeup-is-bad and pee-in-the-same-port-a-potty type of friendship. Because while relationships come and go, a bestie who knows all your cringiest moments and still sticks around? That’s forever.

So grab your emotional support beverage, settle in for some chaotic but necessary discussions, and let’s get into it.

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Podcast Host Hilary MacMillan, and Simone Lee Hamilton

Buckle up, besties, because Hilary and Simone are back with another episode of Super Definitely Not Problematic, where they deep-dive into the unhinged, the oddly educational, and the things you definitely should NOT bring up at family dinner.

First up: rat rabbits (yes, we said RAT. RABBIT. Let that nightmare fuel sink in). Are they a genetic glitch? A government psy-op? Or just further proof that Mother Nature is out here playing Sims with no cheat codes? Either way, we’re horrified.

Next, meet Sid, the baby sloth, who is living proof that you don’t need to do much to be iconic. This, naturally, leads to our official declaration of Sloth Girl Winter™️, a season dedicated to slow living, maxing out your bed-rotting stats, and perfecting the art of simply not. (If “hustle culture” makes you itch, this one’s for you.)

BUT—while some of us are embracing the sloth life, others are choosing violence. Enter: female lobsters, the chaotic queens of the ocean who will claw everyone down to get ahead. Literally. If you ever feel bad about being a little ruthless in your career, just remember that a lady lobster’s entire personality is “it’s my turn now.”

Then, we spiral into anti-gravity airplanes, because apparently, we’re just accepting that some flights casually defy physics? Who is making these? Where do we apply? Is Delta involved? No one knows.

From there, things take a hard left into the Gypsy Rose discourse—because the internet is doing the absolute most (as always). Did the parole board watch the Hulu show? Has anyone checked in on Nick? Is society okay? (No.)

Finally, the existential crisis you didn’t ask for: Did anyone ACTUALLY go to the moon? Or was it just an expensive Hollywood production before CGI got good? We’re not saying it’s fake, but we are saying the flag was flapping, and some of y’all have suspiciously strong opinions for people who weren’t even born yet.

Also, minor tangent: Honduras, immigration struggles, and how we all grew up mispronouncing words because our parents thought it was cute instead of correcting us like responsible adults. Because nothing says “childhood” like finding out you’ve been confidently saying libary for 16 years.

So, grab your emotional support beverage, lower your expectations for accuracy, and join us for another episode of ✨ Super Definitely Not Problematic ✨—where the facts are loose, but the vibes are immaculate.

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Podcast hosts Hilary MacMillan & Simone Lee Hamilton

Hold on tight, because Episode 3 is about to break your brain—and we’re not sorry. Hilary and Simone are spilling the tea on The Challenge hookups, how love really isn’t blind, and the Golden Oldies Bachelor - where it may be more of a race to the walker than the rose. We delve into the important topics like raves that start at 8am (with these old knees? pass!), how to take a vacation from your vacation by day-drinking and night-sleeping! (Maybe we need to be on the Golden Oldies Bachelor…)

Plus, let’s talk about the best thing about being a woman…. And it isn’t the time we shared a portal potty at an ice rave…. It is the superpower that is carrying EVERYTHING in your bra—because honestly, what else are bras for if not for stashing snacks, keys, coins and maybe your dignity? So grab your drink (or your bra full of snacks… we’re not judging) and settle in for an episode that’s full of laughs, hot takes, and a lot of questionable life choices. You’ll need a nap or a drink afterwards—trust us.

Podcast hosts Hilary MacMillan & Simone Lee Hamilton

Get ready for Super Definitely Not Problematic Episode 2—where we dive into everything from Micheladas with tajín to life-or-death "Would You Rather" questions.

In this episode, we get to find out why Hilary isn’t allowed to have a laptop and examine the art of the perfect Uber Eats Starbucks order.

We’ll also ponder some deep, philosophical stuff—like how Simone sees numbers as colors, do snakes really have teeth, and would you eat your friends on a deserted island? (And if so, which body part?)

And if you’re into conspiracy theories, we’ve got aliens in the ocean and a look into the mind-boggling world of Jeffrey Epstein.

So grab a Michelada, get comfortable, and tune in to the weirdest, wildest, and most definitely not problematic episode yet. It’s time to question everything!

PS Sponsor us, Tajin!

Podcast hosts Hilary MacMillan & Simone Lee Hamilton