Welcome back to Season 2, Episode 9 — we took a short break because… honestly, life is a bit of a shit show. Like, Congress-level messy. If vibes were legislation, we’d be filibustering our feelings.

(Legal note: this is a metaphor. Please do not subpoena us. We cannot afford a lawyer and also we are just girls.)

This episode is a full-body experience — from the boob massages of rural Italy to the hammams of Morocco (and existential shame). Simone returns from her steamy saga feeling cleansed, confused, and mortified (in that exact order), while Hilary shares the emotional arc of walking back to a ski chalet in socks, because snow boots are for people who still believe in consequences.

We unpack the ethics (and public health nightmare) of stick-and-pokes from the streets of Tanzania (potentially problematic? Definitely. But the vibes are ✨immaculate✨), and how Simone’s TikTok accidentally evolved from “just vibes” to full-blown feral girl thirst traps — complete with DMs that range from marriage proposals to “hey, I saw you in my dreams last night, where are you right now?” (Sir. Be so serious.)

Filler that migrates like your ex’s morals

Hailey Bieber’s yacht party and our ongoing yacht-based delusions (jealousy or... ?)

Longboards, ski helmets, and the downfall of millennial fearlessness

Monica Lewinsky x Call Her Daddy — the crossover we didn’t know we needed but we ABSOLUTELY loved (go off, girliepop!)

Penguin tariffs — because apparently even flightless birds can’t escape late-stage capitalism. (We don’t know either.) And Barron Trump’s sad tech guy origin story.

(Free the penguins. They’ve already got a tux, let them go to the gala.)

Plus: porn, patriarchy, and whether some dudes are born with fists or just wired that way (gross)

And of course — the ongoing investigation into the forbidden topic of our time: how does a woman ask for a happy ending at a massage parlour? Is there a secret password? A wink? A punch card system? (Asking for a friend.)

We Tajín this seriously. (Sponsor us, Tajín.)

SEO But Make It Cute: Moroccan hammam etiquette, stick and poke safety Tanzania, how to ask for a happy ending as a woman, botox gone wrong, yacht party Hailey Bieber, filler migration, ski fail stories, Monica Lewinsky interview, thirst trap TikToks, Twin Flames cult restaurant, penguins and climate change, Barron Trump tech rumors, longboarding cringe 2025

✨For everyone who’s ever said “you have to laugh or you’ll cry” — welcome, we do both.

P.S. Justice for penguins. They’re out here getting tariffed in formalwear while filler is migrating and men are still asking if “happy endings” are real for women. One of these things deserves freedom. (Hint: it’s the penguins. And also us.)