Preview
  • ADHD After Dark

  • Better Sex Life, Better Relationship
  • By: Ari Tuckman
  • Narrated by: Danny Hughes
  • Length: 12 hrs and 24 mins
  • 2.6 out of 5 stars (5 ratings)

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ADHD After Dark

By: Ari Tuckman
Narrated by: Danny Hughes
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Publisher's summary

This pioneering book explores the impact of ADHD on a couple's sex life and relationship. It explains how a better sex life will benefit your relationship (and vice versa) and why that's especially important for couples with one partner with ADHD.

Grounded in innovative research, ADHD After Dark draws on data from a survey of over 3000 adults in a couple where one partner has ADHD. Written from the author's unique perspective as both an expert in ADHD and a certified sex therapist, the book describes the many effects of ADHD on couples' sex lives and happiness, covering areas such as negotiating sexual differences, performance problems, low desire, porn, making time for sex, infidelity, and more. The book outlines key principles for a great sex life for couples with ADHD and offers strategies and treatment interventions where specific issues arise.

Written in an accessible and entertaining style, ADHD After Dark offers clear information on sexuality and relationships and is full of valuable advice on how to improve both. This guide will be a must-listen for adults with ADHD, as well as their partners or spouses, and therapists who work with ADHD clients and couples.

©2020 Ari Tuckman (P)2023 Tantor
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What listeners say about ADHD After Dark

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    4 out of 5 stars

The best resource for ADHD and relationships.

I never really even considered that being ADHD could be interfering with my relationships. I am 46. I have ADHD and I was first diagnosed as "hyper active" in 1985. So I've lived with the "condition" well before I had any intimate relationships and just never thought there would be a connection between it and my romantic life.
But going through this book, I started to see a lot of similarities between myself and the thousands of others who were polled/interviewed by author Ari Tuckman, and I am happy to say that it has really changed my approach to intimacy for the better.
I listened to the entire book and thought it gave great insights on how having ADHD can impact sex and intimacy.
This book is not about "solving" ADHD or a how-to on mitigating its symptoms - and it would be foolish to try and write a book claiming to have perfect solutions for anyone and everyone with ADHD. This book doesn't make such claims and I am not sure why some of the reviews were looking to this book for a list of solutions or dos and don'ts. It's a conversation and an effective one at that.
What this book does do is get into the minutia of where ADHD symptoms can show up in an intimate relationship, and each example shows a wide spectrum of problems and solutions from a variety of people. By taking this varied, analytical path, which was backed by research, Tuckman shows what has worked well and not so well for couples affected by ADHD. He consistently asks the reader to draw conclusions based on what they think would work for them in their situation.
This book brought me a great (and much-needed) feeling of normalcy. That these issues were in fact quite common and can be overcome with work. There were many times in this book where I wanted to pause and text my partner to let them know that we're not alone and that it's okay (although I didn't, mostly because my own humility could only stretch so far and consistently telling someone your normal would be pretty counter effective IMO).
This book also pulls from a lot of leading experts in relationships and sex. I was actually quite surprised at the amount of conventional wisdom included in each chapter that was just good advice for anyone and not just people with ADHD.
There are boring parts. For sure. I slogged through the first few sections. But to be fair, I have ADHD and not every book can start with a series of explosions to keep my attention - so my apologies if I mislead anyone with my early-chapter critiques.
Overall, if you have ADHD or are in a relationship with someone who does, then I highly recommend this book as a great resource for developing your own approach to any interference ADHD may be contributing to your relationships.

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The existing reviews do not resonate with me at all!

I am only 1.5 hours in and it is literally changing my marriage and life! Read this book! ~ADHD woman with non-ADHD man.

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A savagely basic book without stimulating insights

Context: I have ADHD, and I consume between 40-60 audiobooks a year. At its best parts, this book was boring and painful to get through. I found myself having to struggle to finish it, largely because there was no part in which there was an AHA moment, and a complete lack of stimulation. In its worst parts, tuckman displays a casual toxicity while handing out poor sex advice, such as when he suggests that if you don’t like the lube you bought because it irritates your skin, you should give it to someone you don’t like. Another wonderful tidbit - “[Unless you’re a teenager sneaking around, get yourself some grown up lube]”. I found myself shaking my head and wondering what would possess someone who knows about ADHD to actually give this advice to teenagers.

The author includes a lot of sex advice, some of which is decent but all of which is poorly presented. It seems to me that he wanted to write a book about sex to promote his other books, and encourage people to seek stimulant based treatment for their ADHD.

I was going to give this book two stars instead of one because Tuckman repeatedly suggested that someone struggling should seek a qualified therapist, and includes other tidbits that are technically correct. I changed my mind upon reflecting on the toxic parts.

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TL;DR: ADHD bad. Be less ADHD

The interminable, droning stats don’t lie: ADHD is bad for relationships, relationships are basis for sex, healthy sex is very important for mental health and wellbeing … Therefore, don’t have ADHD. You can completely ignore the banal, predictable “you have to …” and “you should/‘nt …” boilerplate therapist sayings because he doesn’t actually believe them. They have to be said. When you drill down into the findings it’s: don’t get into a relationship with someone who has ADHD because it’s just not going to work. I came to this book looking for some hope. The author has been dishonestly feted on podcasts and interviews as an expert on ADHD and sexual relationships. He absolutely is not. He has book knowledge of both, but no experience. The only person who will get anything from this book is the non-ADHD partner, because it hands them every excuse.

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Boring Banal Bulls**t

After listening to a podcast featuring the author, I was excited to listen to this book. As someone with ADHD, and an aspiring sexuality educator, it seemed like it would be interesting, relevant, and perhaps even relatable…. Spoiler alert- it is none of these. I love research and statistics

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