In this episode of the Don’t Pick the Scab podcast, I interview Rabbi Avi Kahan, a seasoned mediator, judge, and expert in conflict resolution, who shares deep insights into divorce recovery for men over 40. Avi’s unique perspective stems from his 15 years of experience with matrimonial disputes and his background in both religious and civil mediation. He emphasizes that divorce is not merely an end but an opportunity for immense personal growth and healing.

Avi introduces the concept of transitioning from "needing" a divorce to "wanting" one, explaining that the latter comes from a place of self-awareness and healing. He discusses the importance of reframing divorce as a reset, especially for fathers, where co-parenting becomes the central relationship. Avi stresses the need for men to embrace their role as co-parents, respecting their ex-spouses as the mother of their children, and even providing continued support post-divorce.

Drawing on religious philosophy, Avi explains how conflict resolution is at the heart of religion and human growth. He shares powerful ideas about personal accountability, forgiveness, and creating boundaries for oneself rather than imposing them on others. Avi argues that men should learn to accept and even want the situation they’re in, as this is key to navigating conflict successfully and fostering healthier relationships post-divorce.

The conversation also touches on the destructive nature of child custody battles and the necessity of shielding children from parental conflict. Avi advocates for "romantic divorces," where civility and mutual respect replace litigation, saving both financial and emotional costs. Through storytelling and philosophical insights, Avi provides a thoughtful roadmap for men to heal, grow, and redefine themselves after divorce.

It was refreshing to interview Avi, for he does not conform to the traditional mediation and conflict resolution constructs. Wow! Interesting!

10 Most Important Points:

1. Divorce should be seen as a healing opportunity, transitioning from "needing" to "wanting" it.

2. Fathers and mothers cannot truly “divorce” if they share children; instead, they must restructure their relationship as co-parents.

3. Men should embrace their role as co-parents and aim to support their ex-spouses, even post-divorce.

4. Religious philosophy teaches that conflict resolution is essential for personal growth.

5. Boundaries should be created for oneself, not imposed on others, as they are subjective.

6. Conflict is necessary for growth and can lead to innovative solutions when handled constructively.

7. Shielding children from parental conflict is critical; child custody battles cause deep harm and should be avoided.

8. Litigating divorce and fighting through court systems often exacerbates pain and prevents healing.

9. Forgiveness—of oneself and one’s ex-spouse—is key to moving forward and finding peace.

10. Marriage should be approached with the understanding that it could fail, and one should only marry someone they could also divorce amicably.

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In this episode of the "Don't The Scab Podcast”, host David connects with Jon Emery, a single father of two who transformed his life after divorce and job loss. Jon shares his inspiring journey of resilience and self-discovery, offering valuable insights for men over 40 navigating similar challenges. After losing his job of 20 years and going through a painful divorce, Jon chose to rebuild his life by focusing on personal growth, community, and eventually launching a successful podcast.

Jon credits podcasting as a transformative tool, which not only helped him process his emotions but also allowed him to connect with a global audience and build meaningful relationships. He emphasizes the importance of reaching out for support, finding a community, and engaging in self-care—two areas where men often struggle. Jon recalls how joining a men’s group and taking a masculinity course helped him develop emotional resilience and communicate more effectively.

Jon also discusses the challenges of co-parenting, admitting it’s not easy but manageable when the focus remains on the children. He highlights how he redefined success by prioritizing emotional, mental, and physical well-being. This included establishing a morning routine, exercising regularly, and exploring his spirituality through prayer and church. Podcasting, in particular, gave him purpose and a platform to grow and share his journey with others.

Throughout the conversation, Jon acknowledges that healing and self-improvement take time, but the effort pays off in creating a better version of oneself. His message is clear: divorce can be an opportunity for growth, and men should embrace the journey, seek help, and never give up on becoming their best selves.

10 Most Important Points:

1. Community and Support: Jon stresses the importance of connecting with other men to navigate the struggles of divorce and emotional challenges.

2. Self-Care: Emotional and mental well-being are essential for recovery. Jon recommends letting emotions out and working through them constructively.

3. Morning Routine: Jon’s daily routine includes gratitude journaling, prayer, and motivational content, all of which helped him find balance.

4. Physical Health: Regular exercise and hiring a fitness trainer helped Jon regain strength and confidence.

5. Podcasting as a Tool: Podcasting became a transformative outlet for Jon, enabling him to share and learn from others’ experiences.

6. Redefining Success: For Jon, success now means being the best version of himself emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

7. Co-Parenting Challenges: While co-parenting can be difficult, Jon prioritizes his children’s well-being and maintains boundaries with his ex.

8. The Power of Forgiveness: Although Jon didn’t directly pursue forgiveness, he emphasizes letting go of resentment to move forward.

9. Personal Growth Through Adversity: Jon sees divorce and job loss as opportunities for self-improvement and building a better life.

10. Networking and Relationships: Building relationships through podcasting and events has been key to Jon’s personal and professional growth.

Places to find Jon:

Facebook

YouTube

Instagam

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In this episode of the podcast, David interviews Dr. Bernadette Atanga, a physician and mental health expert with a focus on empowering men through life’s challenges, particularly conflict. Dr. Bernadette shares her extensive experience working with men globally and discusses the unique struggles they face due to societal expectations of emotional suppression. She highlights the importance of mental health in physical well-being, explaining how unresolved emotions often manifest in physical ailments. The conversation delves into the cultural norms surrounding masculinity, the lack of support systems for men, and the need for a men's empowerment movement.

Dr. Bernadette introduces her "PEACE" method, an acronym encompassing Patience, Empathy, Awareness, Communication, and Emotional Intelligence, as a framework to help men heal and rebuild after conflicts like divorce. She emphasizes the significance of acknowledging emotional pain, embracing vulnerability, and redefining masculinity to lead with authentic strength. The discussion also covers co-parenting challenges, the importance of maintaining healthy relationships with children post-divorce, and why patience and self-discovery are crucial before entering new relationships.

Dr. Bernadette shares insights from her upcoming book, Beneath the Armor: Eight Practical Steps for Men to Embrace Vulnerability and Lead with Strength, which provides practical guidance for men to heal and rediscover their identity. The conversation concludes with a powerful reminder that healing starts with a choice and that men must prioritize their own well-being to truly thrive as leaders in their families and communities.

Top 10 Most Important Points from the Interview:

1. Emotional Suppression in Men: Societal norms discourage men from processing emotions, which often leads to internalized pain and externalized anger.

2. Mental Health and Physical Health Link: Emotional stress, such as that caused by divorce, frequently manifests in physical health issues like high blood pressure or unmanaged diabetes.

3. Unresolved Childhood Trauma: Many men suppress childhood pain, which resurfaces during life crises like divorce, affecting their healing journey.

4. The "PEACE" Framework: Dr. Bernadette’s method—Patience, Empathy, Awareness, Communication, and Emotional Intelligence—helps men navigate conflicts and heal.

5. Co-Parenting Advice: Parents must prioritize their children's well-being over personal conflicts, focusing on long-term relationships rather than short-term power struggles.

6. Redefining Masculinity: Men need to move beyond traditional definitions of masculinity tied to dominance and provision, embracing vulnerability and balance.

7. Healing Begins with Truth and Choice: Honest self-reflection and a conscious decision to heal are foundational steps for recovery post-divorce.

8. Cultural Universality of Masculine Struggles: Regardless of geography or ethnicity, men globally face similar challenges around vulnerability and societal expectations.

9. Impact of Divorce on Identity: Divorce often leads to a loss of identity, requiring men to redefine themselves not only for their own well-being but also for their families and communities.

10. Avoiding Rebound Relationships: Jumping into new relationships too soon after divorce often hinders healing and can lead to further emotional complications. Fellas!!!!
    

Dr. Bernadette Contacts:

Linkedin

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On this episode of the Don't Pick the Scab Podcast, host David interviews Daryl Tanner, a counselor, author, and lay minister from San Antonio, Texas. Daryl shares key insights from his book, Great Expectations Today, which offers practical advice for men healing after divorce. Drawing from his personal experiences and decades of work in Christian counseling, Daryl discusses how men can overcome anger, rebuild self-confidence, and find purpose following divorce. He emphasizes faith, forgiveness, and gratitude as essential components of personal growth.

Daryl explains that many men struggle with feelings of failure, anger, and inadequacy post-divorce. He advises men to focus on what they can control and to stop blaming external factors. He also highlights the importance of lowering unrealistic expectations, which can often lead to frustration and disappointment. By setting practical goals and being honest with oneself, men can begin to recover emotionally and spiritually.

Growing up on a farm in Lower Alabama with a strict father and a nurturing, spiritual mother, Daryl learned resilience early on. He credits his upbringing for helping him develop the strength to overcome challenges, including personal setbacks. A self-described daydreamer as a child, he explains how imagination and reading helped him escape difficulties and build a positive vision for the future.

Daryl also addresses the importance of forgiveness, both for oneself and others, to release the emotional burdens associated with divorce. He encourages men to avoid bitterness and instead focus on being present for their children without speaking negatively about their ex-spouse. Daryl underscores the significance of living in alignment with one's faith, finding gratitude in small blessings, and helping others as a way to heal.

The interview concludes with practical advice for men, including cleaning up unhealthy habits, seeking spiritual guidance, and surrounding themselves with supportive people. Tanner also recommends his book as a resource for additional insights and guidance.

Top 10 Takeaways

1. Lower Expectations: Avoid setting unrealistic standards for relationships and life; focus on practical, achievable goals.

2. Forgiveness is Key: Forgiving both yourself and others is essential to emotional and spiritual healing.

3. Focus on What You Can Control: Let go of the things you can't control, including your ex-partner's behavior.

4. Rebuild Confidence: Start by cleaning up unhealthy habits, exercising, and improving your diet.

5. Be Grateful: Shift your mindset by appreciating blessings, no matter how small.

6. Faith and Spirituality: Strengthen your relationship with God through prayer, Bible reading, and self-reflection.

7. Anger Management: Address underlying anger issues to avoid carrying emotional baggage into new relationships.

8. Help Others: Being a blessing to others can provide a sense of fulfillment and purpose.

9. Parent with Purpose: Focus on being a positive role model for your children without criticizing your ex.

10. Discover Inner Strength: Recognize and nurture the unique talents God has given you to thrive in life.
    

Daryl’s Book: Great Expectations Today!: A Happier Life Filled Wth Greater Abundance. Expand Your Inner Power and Become the Person You Have Always Wanted To Be.

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In this episode of the Don't Pick the Scab Podcast, host David interviews Dr. Benjamin Ritter, a leadership and career coach with over a decade of experience working with top companies like Amazon, Google, and Pinterest. Dr. Ritter specializes in helping individuals align their values with their careers and navigate life transitions, such as divorce or job loss. The conversation focuses on the parallels between losing a job and going through a divorce, both of which can leave individuals feeling stuck, lost, and disconnected. Dr. Ritter emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, self-care, and intentional living to overcome these challenges.

Key themes include the concept of "living for yourself," which involves aligning your life with your values and goals rather than external expectations. Dr. Ritter also discusses the importance of building confidence as a skill, creating a supportive environment, and taking small, actionable steps to move forward. He highlights the need for men to prioritize self-care, redefine their sense of purpose, and develop "executive presence" in both personal and professional contexts. The episode concludes with actionable advice for men recovering from life-altering events: focus on personal goals, build confidence, and evaluate relationships to ensure they align with your aspirations.

10 Important Topics Discussed

1. Parallels Between Job Loss and Divorce

-Both events involve a loss of identity, routine, and purpose, requiring individuals

to rebuild their lives.

1. Living for Yourself

-The importance of aligning your life with your own values and goals rather than living for others.

1. The Concept of Being Stuck

-Feeling stuck often stems from a lack of clarity, routine, and purpose, which can be addressed by identifying small, actionable changes.

1. Building Confidence as a Skill

-Confidence is not innate but can be developed through practice, self-reflection, and intentional actions.

1. Self-Care for Men

-Men often neglect self-care, but prioritizing physical, mental, and emotional well-being is crucial for recovery.

1. Executive Presence

-Developing executive presence involves defining your values, being reliable, and engaging fully in the moment.

1. The Role of Community and Support

-Losing a job or relationship often results in losing connections, making it essential to rebuild a supportive network.

1. Small Steps Toward Recovery

-Taking small, manageable actions—such as journaling, joining a group, or volunteering—can help create momentum.

1. Redefining Purpose and Direction

-Purpose can be rediscovered by focusing on meaningful activities, helping others, and reframing your perspective.

1. The Importance of Environment

-Surrounding yourself with people who support your growth and align with your goals is critical for personal development.

Dr Ritter’s Website

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This podcast episode from Don’t Pick The Scab features Mac Pierre-Louis, an attorney and mediator specializing in co-parenting and conflict resolution. Mac, who practices law in Texas and Florida, shares insights from his work helping parents mediate disputes and resolve custody issues amicably. He emphasizes the importance of avoiding court battles by seeking agreements that prioritize the child’s best interests over financial or personal disputes. Mac explains legal processes like modifications, where court orders can be revisited if circumstances change, and highlights how children’s voices are factored into custody cases, particularly when they turn 12.

Mac discusses common challenges in co-parenting, such as disagreements over financial contributions, allegations of selfish motives, and differing parenting styles. He explains how mediation can help parents understand each other’s perspectives, reduce emotional conflict, and focus on pragmatic solutions. Tools like injunctions, which set mutual rules for parenting, can address concerns over behavior or boundaries across households.

The episode also delves into the psychological aspects of mediation, with Mac describing techniques like active listening, reframing perspectives, and avoiding “amygdala hijacking,” where heightened emotions impair reasoning. He stresses the importance of boundaries, both for parents and mediators, to foster respect and effective communication. Mac also shares anecdotes about his mediation experiences, including the nuances of online mediation and the importance of using technology to maintain engagement.

Ultimately, Mac advocates for peaceful resolutions, highlighting mediation as a collaborative alternative to court battles. He encourages parents to focus on their children’s well-being, let go of the need to control the other parent’s household and create agreements that foster respect and cooperation.

10 Most Important Points:

1. Introduction to Mac Pierre-Louis: Attorney and mediator specializing in co-parenting and conflict resolution for parents in Texas and Florida.

2. Modifications in Custody Agreements: Court orders can be revisited due to material and substantial changes in circumstances, like a child turning 12 and expressing preferences.

3. Avoiding Court Battles: Mediation focuses on agreements that prioritize the child’s best interests and avoid unpredictable court rulings.

4. Financial Disputes: Parents often accuse each other of prioritizing money over the child’s needs; Mac emphasizes neutrality and practical solutions.

5. Injunctions in Parenting Agreements: Parents can create mutual rules (e.g., no drinking before custody, consistent discipline methods) to ensure boundaries across households.

6. Mediation Psychology: Techniques like reframing, active listening, and addressing emotional triggers are essential for resolving disputes.

7. “Amygdala Hijacking”: Emotional reactions can impair reasoning, but mediators help parents shift to rational decision-making.

8. Boundaries and Self-Respect: Healthy boundaries foster mutual respect and prevent abuse or overstepping in co-parenting arrangements.

9. Challenges of Online Mediation: Mediators must use technology effectively to maintain engagement and interpret non-verbal cues.

10. Letting Go of Control: Parents must accept that they cannot control what happens in the other parent’s household unless safety concerns arise.
    

Mac Pierre-Louis Website

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The Don’t Pick the Scab Podcast episode featuring Andra Davidson, a certified divorce coach and mediator, focuses on supporting divorced men over 40 as they navigate the emotional, social, and practical challenges of divorce. Drawing from her personal experience of divorcing after 20 years of marriage, Andra shares insights into overcoming feelings of overwhelm, rebuilding self-confidence, and co-parenting effectively. She emphasizes the importance of self-care, humor, and setting goals to help men recover and grow into the best version of themselves.

Andra introduces her "Better Than Before Divorce" program, which uses a strength-based approach to help clients identify their skills, set goals, and develop strategies for recovery. She also highlights the value of letting go of control over uncontrollable factors, such as an ex-spouse’s actions, and focusing on what can be managed. Her newsletter, Divorce Is a Shit Sandwich, provides a humorous yet practical perspective on navigating divorce, encouraging men to find moments of levity during this challenging time. And, how do you eat a shit sandwich, one bite at a time.

Key takeaways include the importance of building a support system, practicing self-compassion, and celebrating small wins to rebuild confidence. Andra’s practical advice and relatable approach make this episode a valuable resource for men seeking to navigate divorce and emerge stronger.

10 Important Points:

1. Divorce is the second most challenging life event after losing a loved one.

2. Men often struggle with accessing support systems and expressing vulnerability.

3. Self-care is essential for maintaining energy and focus during recovery.

4. Letting go of control over uncontrollable factors is key to emotional well-being.

5. Rebuilding self-confidence involves reflecting on past successes and small wins.

6. Co-parenting requires focusing on creating a stable environment for children.

7. Humor can be a powerful tool for coping with the challenges of divorce.

8. Setting clear goals helps men envision and work toward a better future.

9. Building a support system is crucial for emotional and practical recovery.

10. Divorce can be an opportunity for personal growth and transformation.

Better Than Before Divorce Website

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Welcome to the “Don’t Pick the Scab Podcast,” where we help men over 40 recover from divorce with a mix of practical advice, humor, and heartfelt conversations. In this episode, David sits down with Markus Wolf, a health and fitness coach who works with men to rebuild their confidence, physical health, and mindset after divorce. Markus brings his unique perspective, blending personal experience, fitness expertise, and a no-nonsense approach to self-belief.

Markus Wolf is no stranger to challenges. From being a high school dropout to holding 25 jobs in five years, Markus admits to being “the epitome of a quitter.” But his story took a turn when he discovered health and fitness, which gave him the discipline and confidence to rewrite his life. Now, he’s on a mission to help other men transform themselves inside and out, focusing on fitness as a cornerstone for rebuilding self-belief and creating a better life after divorce.

There’s also a heartfelt discussion about parenting and co-parenting. Markus opens up about his struggles with anger, his journey to becoming a more patient father, and the importance of showing your kids the “real you” – flaws and all. He stresses that parenting isn’t about perfection but about connection and teaching your children how to face challenges with confidence.

The episode is packed with wisdom, humor, and actionable tips for men looking to rebuild their lives after divorce. Markus reminds listeners that recovery isn’t about sprinting to the finish line; it’s about taking small, consistent steps toward a better, more fulfilling life.

Top 10 Topics from the Episode

1. Fitness as a Catalyst for Change: How health and fitness can help men rebuild confidence and rediscover themselves after divorce.

2. Mindset Matters: Why focusing on gratitude and small wins is crucial for self-belief and overcoming negativity.

3. Parenting Through Divorce: The importance of showing your kids the authentic “you” and teaching them resilience through your actions.

4. The Power of Community: Why men need to prioritize social connections and find supportive networks.

5. Sleep and Self-Care: How sleep impacts testosterone, energy levels, and overall well-being – especially for men over 40.

6. Motivation vs. Self-Belief: Why the problem isn’t lack of motivation but a lack of belief in yourself – and how to fix it.

7. Reframing Fitness Goals: Shifting from aesthetics to using fitness as a tool for mental clarity, stress relief, and personal growth.

8. The 1% Forward Rule: How small, consistent progress can lead to big changes over time.

9. Parenting with Purpose: Building confidence in your kids by teaching them how to face adversity and connect with you authentically.

10. Building Habits Post-Divorce: The importance of creating routines, such as regular conversations with other men, to foster growth and accountability.

Remember: It’s a marathon, not a sprint.

Contacting Markus Wolf

Email - markuswolfcoaching@gmail.com

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/coachmarkuswolf/

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