
How to Murder Your Life
Failed to add items
Add to Cart failed.
Add to Wish List failed.
Remove from wishlist failed.
Adding to library failed
Follow podcast failed
Unfollow podcast failed
$0.99/mo for the first 3 months

Buy for $15.98
No default payment method selected.
We are sorry. We are not allowed to sell this product with the selected payment method
-
Narrated by:
-
Cat Marnell
-
By:
-
Cat Marnell
About this listen
At the age of 15, Cat Marnell unknowingly set out to murder her life. After a privileged yet emotionally starved childhood in Washington, she became hooked on ADHD medication provided by her psychiatrist father. This led to a dependence on Xanax and other prescription drugs at boarding school, and she experimented with cocaine, ecstasy - whatever came her way. By 26 she was a talented 'doctor shopper' who manipulated Upper East Side psychiatrists into giving her never-ending prescriptions; her life had become a twisted merry-go-round of parties and pills at night and trying to hold down a high-profile job at Condé Nast during the day. With a complete lack of self-pity and an honesty that is almost painful, Cat describes the crazed euphoria, terrifying comedowns and horrendous guilt she feels lying to those who try to help her. Writing in a voice that is utterly magnetic - prompting comparisons to Bret Easton Ellis and Charles Bukowski - she captures something essential about both her generation and our times. Profoundly divisive and controversial, How to Murder Your Life is a unforgettable, charged account of a young female addict so close to throwing her entire life away.
©2017 Cat Marnell (P)2017 Random House AudiobooksListeners also enjoyed...
-
Self-Tanner for the Soul
- How I Ran Away to Europe and Found My Inner Glow (When Life Got Dark)
- By: Cat Marnell
- Narrated by: Cat Marnell
- Length: 6 hrs
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The spring of 2017 should have been the greatest time of Cat Marnell’s life. She was 34 and living the New York glamour life downtown, with a thriving career and a best-selling memoir. Instead, it was one of the worst. She’d gone through a protracted and traumatic breakup, nearly run out of money, and, during a month-long binge, "done something horrible" to herself that she couldn’t undo. Her troubles mounting, Marnell makes a radically simple choice: She decides to leave her problems behind.
-
-
Substance free and self indulgent
- By CC on 10-24-19
By: Cat Marnell
-
My Fair Junkie
- A Memoir of Getting Dirty and Staying Clean
- By: Amy Dresner
- Narrated by: Amy Dresner
- Length: 7 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In the tradition of Orange Is the New Black and Jerry Stahl's Permanent Midnight, Amy Dresner's My Fair Junkie is an insightful, darkly funny, and shamelessly honest memoir of one woman's battle with all forms of addiction, hitting rock bottom, and forging a path to a life worth living.
-
-
if you don't read this I'll brandish a bread knife
- By Jackie Lange on 03-02-18
By: Amy Dresner
-
Down the Drain
- By: Julia Fox
- Narrated by: Julia Fox
- Length: 10 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Julia Fox is famous for many things: her captivating acting, such as her breakout role in the film Uncut Gems; her trendsetting style, including bleached eyebrows, exaggerated eyeshadow, and cutout dresses; her mastery of social media, where she entertains and educates her millions of followers. But all these share the trait for which she is most famous: unabashedly and unapologetically being herself. This commitment to authenticity has never been more on display than in Down the Drain. With writing that is both eloquent and accessible, Fox recounts her turbulent path to cultural supremacy.
-
-
Zero Character Growth.
- By Alisa on 11-27-23
By: Julia Fox
-
The Woman in Me
- By: Britney Spears
- Narrated by: Michelle Williams, Britney Spears - introduction
- Length: 5 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In June 2021, the whole world was listening as Britney Spears spoke in open court. The impact of sharing her voice—her truth—was undeniable, and it changed the course of her life and the lives of countless others. The Woman in Me reveals for the first time her incredible journey—and the strength at the core of one of the greatest performers in pop music history. Written with remarkable candor and humor, Spears’s groundbreaking book illuminates the enduring power of music and love—and the importance of a woman telling her own story, on her own terms, at last.
-
-
Lack of transparency
- By Lori K on 10-31-23
By: Britney Spears
-
Stash
- My Life in Hiding
- By: Laura Cathcart Robbins
- Narrated by: Laura Cathcart Robbins
- Length: 9 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
After years of hiding her addiction from everyone—stockpiling pills in her Louboutins and elaborately scheduling her withdrawals between PTA meetings, baby showers, and tennis matches—Laura Cathcart Robbins is running out of places to hide. She has learned the hard way that even her high-profile marriage and Hollywood lifestyle can’t protect her from the pain she’s keeping bottled up inside. Facing divorce, the possibility of a custody battle, and the insistent voice of internalized racism that nags at her as a Black woman in a white world, Laura wonders just how much more she can take.
-
-
Best Mom/wife alcoholism memoir I’ve read
- By Allison M. Billet on 04-06-23
-
High Achiever
- The Incredible True Story of One Addict's Double Life
- By: Tiffany Jenkins
- Narrated by: Tiffany Jenkins
- Length: 8 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
With heart-racing urgency and unflinching honesty, Jenkins takes you inside the grips of addiction and the desperate decisions it breeds. She is a born storyteller who lived an incredible story, from blackmail by an ex-boyfriend to a soul-shattering deal with a drug dealer, and her telling brims with suspense and unexpected wit. But the true surprise is her path to recovery. Tiffany breaks through the stigma and silence to offer hope and inspiration to anyone battling the disease - whether it’s a loved one or themselves.
-
-
I Get it, You Were an Addict
- By Jim Thompson on 10-16-19
By: Tiffany Jenkins
-
Self-Tanner for the Soul
- How I Ran Away to Europe and Found My Inner Glow (When Life Got Dark)
- By: Cat Marnell
- Narrated by: Cat Marnell
- Length: 6 hrs
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The spring of 2017 should have been the greatest time of Cat Marnell’s life. She was 34 and living the New York glamour life downtown, with a thriving career and a best-selling memoir. Instead, it was one of the worst. She’d gone through a protracted and traumatic breakup, nearly run out of money, and, during a month-long binge, "done something horrible" to herself that she couldn’t undo. Her troubles mounting, Marnell makes a radically simple choice: She decides to leave her problems behind.
-
-
Substance free and self indulgent
- By CC on 10-24-19
By: Cat Marnell
-
My Fair Junkie
- A Memoir of Getting Dirty and Staying Clean
- By: Amy Dresner
- Narrated by: Amy Dresner
- Length: 7 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In the tradition of Orange Is the New Black and Jerry Stahl's Permanent Midnight, Amy Dresner's My Fair Junkie is an insightful, darkly funny, and shamelessly honest memoir of one woman's battle with all forms of addiction, hitting rock bottom, and forging a path to a life worth living.
-
-
if you don't read this I'll brandish a bread knife
- By Jackie Lange on 03-02-18
By: Amy Dresner
-
Down the Drain
- By: Julia Fox
- Narrated by: Julia Fox
- Length: 10 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Julia Fox is famous for many things: her captivating acting, such as her breakout role in the film Uncut Gems; her trendsetting style, including bleached eyebrows, exaggerated eyeshadow, and cutout dresses; her mastery of social media, where she entertains and educates her millions of followers. But all these share the trait for which she is most famous: unabashedly and unapologetically being herself. This commitment to authenticity has never been more on display than in Down the Drain. With writing that is both eloquent and accessible, Fox recounts her turbulent path to cultural supremacy.
-
-
Zero Character Growth.
- By Alisa on 11-27-23
By: Julia Fox
-
The Woman in Me
- By: Britney Spears
- Narrated by: Michelle Williams, Britney Spears - introduction
- Length: 5 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In June 2021, the whole world was listening as Britney Spears spoke in open court. The impact of sharing her voice—her truth—was undeniable, and it changed the course of her life and the lives of countless others. The Woman in Me reveals for the first time her incredible journey—and the strength at the core of one of the greatest performers in pop music history. Written with remarkable candor and humor, Spears’s groundbreaking book illuminates the enduring power of music and love—and the importance of a woman telling her own story, on her own terms, at last.
-
-
Lack of transparency
- By Lori K on 10-31-23
By: Britney Spears
-
Stash
- My Life in Hiding
- By: Laura Cathcart Robbins
- Narrated by: Laura Cathcart Robbins
- Length: 9 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
After years of hiding her addiction from everyone—stockpiling pills in her Louboutins and elaborately scheduling her withdrawals between PTA meetings, baby showers, and tennis matches—Laura Cathcart Robbins is running out of places to hide. She has learned the hard way that even her high-profile marriage and Hollywood lifestyle can’t protect her from the pain she’s keeping bottled up inside. Facing divorce, the possibility of a custody battle, and the insistent voice of internalized racism that nags at her as a Black woman in a white world, Laura wonders just how much more she can take.
-
-
Best Mom/wife alcoholism memoir I’ve read
- By Allison M. Billet on 04-06-23
-
High Achiever
- The Incredible True Story of One Addict's Double Life
- By: Tiffany Jenkins
- Narrated by: Tiffany Jenkins
- Length: 8 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
With heart-racing urgency and unflinching honesty, Jenkins takes you inside the grips of addiction and the desperate decisions it breeds. She is a born storyteller who lived an incredible story, from blackmail by an ex-boyfriend to a soul-shattering deal with a drug dealer, and her telling brims with suspense and unexpected wit. But the true surprise is her path to recovery. Tiffany breaks through the stigma and silence to offer hope and inspiration to anyone battling the disease - whether it’s a loved one or themselves.
-
-
I Get it, You Were an Addict
- By Jim Thompson on 10-16-19
By: Tiffany Jenkins
-
Quitter
- A Memoir of Drinking, Relapse, and Recovery
- By: Erica C. Barnett
- Narrated by: Jean Ann Douglass
- Length: 10 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
A startlingly frank memoir, Quitter documents one woman's struggles with alcoholism and recovery, with essential new insights into addiction and treatment.
-
-
Long Drunkaloug But Well Defined
- By Danielle T on 11-16-20
By: Erica C. Barnett
-
Strung Out
- One Last Hit and Other Lies That Nearly Killed Me
- By: Erin Khar
- Narrated by: Jayme Mattler
- Length: 10 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
This deeply personal and illuminating memoir about her 15-year struggle with heroin, Khar sheds profound light on the opioid crisis and gives a voice to the over two million people in America currently battling with this addiction. Growing up in LA, Erin Khar hid behind a picture-perfect childhood filled with excellent grades, a popular group of friends and horseback riding. After first experimenting with her grandmother’s expired painkillers, Khar started using heroin when she was thirteen.
-
-
Surface material
- By blythe mayfield on 03-06-20
By: Erin Khar
-
Guts
- The Endless Follies and Tiny Triumphs of a Giant Disaster
- By: Kristen Johnston
- Narrated by: Kristen Johnston
- Length: 4 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The two-time Emmy Award-winning actress has written her first book, a surprisingly raw and triumphant memoir that is outrageous, moving, sweet, tragic, and heartbreakingly honest. Guts is a true triumph - a memoir that manages to be as frank and revealing as Augusten Burroughs, yet as hilarious and witty as David Sedaris.
-
-
Whiskey and cigarettes have never sounded so good.
- By John Campbell on 05-14-12
By: Kristen Johnston
-
Blackout
- Remembering the Things I Drank to Forget
- By: Sarah Hepola
- Narrated by: Sarah Hepola
- Length: 7 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
A memoir of unblinking honesty and poignant, laugh-out-loud humor, Blackout is the story of a woman stumbling into a new kind of adventure - the sober life she never wanted. For Sarah Hepola, alcohol was "the gasoline of all adventure". She spent her evenings at cocktail parties and dark bars where she proudly stayed till last call. But there was a price. Publicly, she covered her shame with self-deprecating jokes, and her career flourished, but as the blackouts accumulated, she could no longer avoid a sinking truth.
-
-
Blackout: A Knockout
- By W Perry Hall on 07-17-15
By: Sarah Hepola
-
Drinking
- A Love Story
- By: Caroline Knapp
- Narrated by: Gabra Zackman
- Length: 9 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Fifteen million Americans a year are plagued with alcoholism. Five million of them are women. Many of them, like Caroline Knapp, started in their early teens and began to use alcohol as "liquid armor", a way to protect themselves against the difficult realities of life. In this extraordinarily candid and revealing memoir, Knapp offers important insights not only about alcoholism, but about life itself and how we learn to cope with it.
-
-
The Big Picture of Alcohol Dependence
- By Karen K on 07-26-16
By: Caroline Knapp
-
Lit
- A Memoir
- By: Mary Karr
- Narrated by: Mary Karr
- Length: 12 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Lit follows Mary Karr's descent into the inferno of alcoholism and madness - and her astonishing resurrection. Karr's longing for a solid family seems secure when her marriage to a handsome, Shakespeare-quoting poet produces a son they adore. But she can't outrun her apocalyptic past. She drinks herself into the same numbness that nearly devoured her charismatic but troubled mother, reaching the brink of suicide. A hair-raising stint in "The Mental Marriott" awakens her to the possibility of joy, and leads her to an unlikely faith.
-
-
Finally! One for the "Win" column
- By Kim on 03-22-10
By: Mary Karr
-
All Fall Down
- By: Jennifer Weiner
- Narrated by: Tracee Chimo
- Length: 12 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Allison Weiss is a typical working mother, trying to balance a business, aging parents, a demanding daughter, and a marriage. But when the website she develops takes off, she finds herself challenged to the point of being completely overwhelmed. Her husband’s becoming distant, her daughter’s acting spoiled, her father is dealing with early Alzheimer’s, and her mother’s barely dealing at all.
-
-
Annoying
- By Jessica on 06-17-15
By: Jennifer Weiner
-
Glorious Rock Bottom
- By: Bryony Gordon
- Narrated by: Bryony Gordon
- Length: 5 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Bryony Gordon is a respected journalist, a number one best-selling author and an award-winning mental health campaigner. She is also an alcoholic. In Glorious Rock Bottom Bryony opens up about a toxic 20-year relationship with alcohol and drugs and explains exactly why hitting rock bottom - for her, a traumatic event and the abrupt realisation that she was putting herself in danger, time and again - saved her life.
-
-
absolutely fabulous ⭐
- By pixie on 03-05-23
By: Bryony Gordon
-
Dry
- A Memoir
- By: Augusten Burroughs
- Narrated by: Augusten Burroughs
- Length: 8 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
At the request (well, it wasn't really a request) of his employers, Augusten lands in rehab, where his dreams of group therapy with Robert Downey Jr. are immediately dashed by grim reality of fluorescent lighting and paper hospital slippers. When Augusten is forced to examine himself, he finds himself in the worst trouble of all. Because when his thirty days are up, he has to return to his same drunken Manhattan life - and live it sober. Dry is the story of love, loss, and Starbucks as a Higher Power
-
-
Sobriety with a sense of style....
- By heidi on 09-28-03
-
My Year of Rest and Relaxation
- By: Ottessa Moshfegh
- Narrated by: Julia Whelan
- Length: 7 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Our narrator should be happy, shouldn't she? She's young, thin, pretty, a recent Columbia graduate; she works an easy job at a hip art gallery and lives in an apartment on the Upper East Side of Manhattan paid for, like the rest of her needs, by her inheritance. But there is a dark and vacuous hole in her heart, and it isn't just the loss of her parents, or the way her Wall Street boyfriend treats her, or her sadomasochistic relationship with her best friend, Reva. It's the year 2000 in a city aglitter with wealth and possibility; what could be so terribly wrong?
-
-
I love it...
- By Claudia Gallegos on 07-12-18
By: Ottessa Moshfegh
-
Memoirs Aren't Fairytales
- A Story of Addiction
- By: Marni Mann
- Narrated by: Arden Hammersmith
- Length: 8 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Leaving behind a nightmarish college experience, 19-year-old Nicole and her best friend Eric escape their home of Bangor, Maine to start a new life in Boston. Fragile and scared, Nicole desperately seeks a new beginning to help erase her past. But there is something besides freedom waiting for her in the shadows - a drug that will make every day a nightmare.
-
-
Misleading and moralizing
- By Mary on 01-03-19
By: Marni Mann
-
Smacked
- A Story of White-Collar Ambition, Addiction, and Tragedy
- By: Eilene Zimmerman
- Narrated by: Eilene Zimmerman
- Length: 6 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Something was wrong with Peter. Eilene Zimmerman noticed that her ex-husband looked thin, seemed distracted, and was frequently absent from activities with their children. Yet in many ways, Peter seemed to have it all. So begins Smacked, a brilliant and moving memoir of Eilene’s shocking discovery, one that sets her on a journey to find out how a man she knew for nearly 30 years became a drug addict, hiding it so well that neither she nor anyone else in his life suspected what was happening.
-
-
Fantastic and captivating.
- By Julie Vandenheuvel on 03-12-20
By: Eilene Zimmerman