What if... we could see everyone’s intimate sexual desires?

My guest in this episode is Liam Wignall, a researcher, lecturer and writer specialising in the role of the internet in our sex lives, especially for kinky people. Liam’s got a fun idea: imagine if we all wore some X-ray specs that revealed everyone else’s sexual tastes. Liam thinks we could get to a world of free sex if only our desires were more visible.

Liam and I tested out the idea of the XXX-ray sex specs in our conversation. We explored the power of the internet, the trouble with the internet, and the enduring stigma that we all live with. Liam was a fascinating and insightful guest, with a big imagination and loads of great examples. You can also buy his book, Kink In The Digital Age, which I really recommend.

A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com.

Hosted, produced and edited by Adam Zmith

Music: Translife by Othon

Artwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka Öberg

Executive Producer: Tash Walker

An Aunt Nell Production

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we desire what we desire?

*This episode discusses sexual assault and an alleged case of rape*

My guest in this episode is Kitty Drake, a journalist who interviews a lot of people about the sex they have. Kitty helped me to see that we could approach a free-sex world if we’re able to give ourselves over to sex while at the same time hold space for reflecting on why we fancy it. How are our desires shaped by the politics and societies that we live in?

Kitty writes a regular column in The Guardian and recently published a fun and fascinating global sweep of peoples’ sex lives. Her work is influenced by feminist politics and deep thinkers, such as Susan Sontag and Amia Srinivasan. Let’s get thinking!

A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com.

Hosted, produced and edited by Adam Zmith

Music: Translife by Othon

Artwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka Öberg

Executive Producer: Tash Walker

An Aunt Nell Production

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How are people with learning disabilities held back from sex?

My guest in this episode is Claire Bates who runs a network for people with learning disabilities, supporting them in sex and relationships. Through her work with Supported Loving Claire has tracked all the ways that people with disabilities are held back from the sex they want to have — whether it’s discriminatory laws or unhelpful staff in residential care homes.

I learnt a lot from this conversation with Claire, about how the world of free sex would not be reached without including those with disabilities. Claire has specific policies, practices and laws that need to change, and important ways to think about sex for all types of people.

A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com.

Hosted, produced and edited by Adam Zmith

Music: Translife by Othon

Artwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka Öberg

Executive Producer: Tash Walker

An Aunt Nell Production

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What if you could have anal sex without the shit?

My guest in this episode is Henry Blest, “the most ambitious bottom in London”. It says that on his LinkedIn profile, honestly! Henry and I talked about the realities of anal sex, from the slipperiness of the term ‘clean’ to ‘taboo tech’, which is technology that faces stigma when trying to solve our problems.

Henry is one half of a duo who have invented a device that means people wanting to have anal sex would not have to douche in order to avoid faecal matter. Along with Anna Vybornova, Henry has co-founded the company Polari Labs; he and Anna are busy attracting investment and getting their device ready for the market in 2025.

A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com.

Hosted, produced and edited by Adam Zmith

Music: Translife by Othon

Artwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka Öberg

Executive Producer: Tash Walker

An Aunt Nell Production

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why do we need social norms around sex?

My guest in this episode is Tina Fetner, a sociologist who has studied peoples’ sex lives in Canada. Tina walked me through her research into the who, why, when and how of sex, including what she’s discovered about masturbation habits, promiscuity and porn. And then we got into a conversation about the social norms of sex, which we all seem to measure ourselves against.

What intrigued me the most about Tina’s ideas was how they encouraged me to think about the basis of the ‘freedom’ in free sex. There are always going to be social norms, including rightly those that help us to take care of each other. So what kinds of social norms about freedom would be necessary for a world of free sex?

A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com.

Hosted, produced and edited by Adam Zmith

Music: Translife by Othon

Artwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka Öberg

Executive Producer: Tash Walker

An Aunt Nell Production

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What can bi-curious men learn from women?

My guest in this episode is Emma Sayle who for two decades has been running glamorous sex parties that centre female pleasure. Many of the men who go to Emma’s Killing Kittens parties have wanted to play with other men, but feel some worries or shame about it. So now Emma is planning a party just for them.

In this episode, Emma told me what she’s learnt from running Killing Kittens and how she intends to build a safe space for men to explore with each other. This involves creating a space with privacy and safety at its heart, and inclusion for all queer men, including trans men and nonbinary people.

A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com.

Hosted, produced and edited by Adam Zmith

Music: Translife by Othon

Artwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka Öberg

Executive Producer: Tash Walker

An Aunt Nell Production

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

When can we have all the sexual health services we need?

My guest in this episode is Phil Samba, health promoter and the host of The Other Blue Pill podcast series. That show is about a pill called PrEP, which stops people getting HIV, and how campaigners fought legal battles for years to make it available to everyone in the UK. Phil is now trying to keep up that momentum in making all our sexual health needs available to everyone, in a way that works for them, all the time.

Phil and I talked not only about HIV and PrEP, but also about doxyPEP which can help reduce your chances of other STIs, and about how sexual health is not enough of a political issue. Phil works for The Love Tank, which is an incredible community organisation campaigning for better sexual health in London—and it was a real treat to talk to him.

Here are some resources:

As a single gay man, here’s how I take control of my sex life by Phil Samba

All about PrEP and how to avoid HIV

All about DoxyPEP to avoid various STIs

The Other Blue Pill podcast series by Queer AF

A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com.

Hosted, produced and edited by Adam Zmith

Music: Translife by Othon

Artwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka Öberg

Executive Producer: Tash Walker

An Aunt Nell Production

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What can straight people learn from queer relationships?

My guest in this episode is Amanda Middleton, a family and systemic psychotherapist. Amanda works with queer couples, families and polycules. Through decades of experience, she’s developed a fascinating practice that places queer attitudes at the heart of her work—and her insights now can benefit everybody.

The point is that these queer approaches help us to get to a world where we can have the sex we want (not just queer sex, but freer sex). I also got to ask Amanda what she thinks of the idea of ‘compatibility’ when it comes to looking for a partner, or trying to make a relationship work. She had so many interesting things to say!

A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com.

Hosted, produced and edited by Adam Zmith

Music: Translife by Othon

Artwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka Öberg

Executive Producer: Tash Walker

An Aunt Nell Production

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.