Two Homes, One Childhood
A Parenting Plan to Last a Lifetime
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Narrated by:
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Jonathan Coleman
About this listen
A paradigm-shifting model of parenting children in two homes from an internationally recognized expert.
A researcher, therapist, and mediator, Robert Emery, PhD, details a new approach to sharing custody with children in two homes. Huge numbers of children are affected by separation, divorce, cohabitation breakups, and childbearing outside of marriage. These children have two homes. But their parents have only one chance to protect their childhood. Building on his 2004 book The Truth About Children and Divorce and a strong evidence base, including his own research, Emery explains that a parenting plan that lasts a lifetime is one that grows and changes along with children's - and families' - developing needs. Parents can and should work together to renegotiate schedules to best meet the changing needs of children from infancy through young adult life.
Divided into chapters that address the specific needs of children as they grow up, this book:
- Introduces Emery's Hierarchy of Children's Needs in Divorce
- Provides specific advice for successful parenting, starting with infancy and reaching into emerging adulthood
- Advocates for joint custody but notes that children do not count minutes and neither should parents
- Highlights that there is only one "side" for parents to take in divorce: the children's side
Himself the father of five children, one from his first marriage, Emery brings a rare combination of personal and professional insight and guidance for every parent raising a child in two homes.
©2016 Robert E. Emery (P)2016 Penguin AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
“Emery’s assessment of divorce and its effects on children is spot-on. Parents faced with divorce would do well to bring Emery’s book to the table at the next mediation session.” (Kirkus Reviews)
“Two Homes, One Childhood provides a crucial road map for understanding children’s needs at every stage of development with guidelines for flexible parenting plans that change with the child’s needs over time. [A] brilliant, child-centered approach…a must-read for every separating parent and the professionals who work with them.” (Joanne Pedro-Carroll, PhD, author of Putting Children First, clinical psychologist, and child specialist)
“An invaluable guide and resource for parents working together to raise their children after divorce or separation. [Emery’s] advice and insight are sensible, sympathetic, and scientifically sound.” (Elizabeth Scott, Harold R. Medina Professor of Law at Columbia Law School)
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Open adoption isn't just something parents do when they exchange photos, send emails, share a visit. It's a lifestyle that may feel intrusive at times, be difficult or inconvenient at other times. Tensions can arise even in the best of circumstances. But knowing how to handle these situations and how to continue to make arrangements work for the child involved is paramount. This book offers listeners the tools and the insight to do just that.
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Who is talking?
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By: Lori Holden, and others
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Joint Custody with a Jerk
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It's a fact that parenting is hard enough in a family where two parents love and respect each other. After divorce, when the respect has diminished and the love has often turned to intense dislike, co-parenting can be nearly impossible, driving one or both parents to the brink of insanity. Joint Custody with a Jerk offers many proven communication techniques that help you deal with your difficult ex-husband or ex-wife.
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Victim blaming
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We have a tendency today to over-parent, micromanage, and underappreciate our adolescents. Dr. John Duffy's The Available Parent is a revolutionary approach to taking care of teens and tweens. The available parent of a teenager is open to discussion, offering advice and solutions but not insisting on them. He allows his child to make some mistakes, setting limits, primarily where health and safety are concerned. He never lectures - he is available but not controlling. He is neither cruel nor dismissive, ever....
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Parenting teens can be much less stressful!
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From the moment a mother holds her newborn son, his eyes tell her that she is his world. But often, as he grows up, the boy who needs her simultaneously pushes her away. Calling upon thirty years of experience as a pediatrician, Meg Meeker, MD, a highly sought-after national speaker, assistant professor of clinical medicine, and mother of four, shares the secrets that every mother needs to know in order to strengthen-or rebuild-her relationship with her son.
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Update of wording in your book is required
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Being good parents is hard even when you're happily married, but for separated or divorced couples, parenting can be particularly daunting. There is hope. Mindful Co-Parenting provides divorced parents a practical way through the process that protects their children. In this compact, step-by-step guide, written in a supportive yet direct style, clinical psychologists Jeremy S. Gaies, Psy.D., and James B. Morris Jr., Ph.D., identify what matters most to kids and describe the importance of parents being mindful of their children's needs and wants.
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Great for handling hard situations.
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Your ex-spouse is bad-mouthing you to your children, perhaps even trying to turn them against you. If you handle the situation ineffectively, your relationship with your children could suffer. This groundbreaking work gives parents powerful strategies to preserve and rebuild loving relationships with their children and provides legal and mental health professionals with practical advice to help their clients and ensure the welfare of children.
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Required Reading
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The Sibling Effect
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Nobody affects us as deeply as our brothers and sisters - not parents, not children, not friends. From the time we - and they - are born, our siblings are our collaborators and co-conspirators, our role models and cautionary tales. They teach us how to resolve conflicts and how not to, how to conduct friendships and when to walk away.
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This is the only book I never finished
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We have seen the enemy . . . and they are small. If anyone understands why children behave the way they do, it's psychologist and best-selling author Dr. Kevin Leman. Equipping you with seven principles of Reality Discipline, this father of five shows you how to get kids to do what you want them to do, foil finicky eaters, turn off temper tantrums, and minimize sibling rivalries, use authority and decisiveness to show your kids you're not a pushover, and know when to take the little buzzards by the beak.
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Life Saver for you and your kid!
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Based on the most detailed survey of long married people ever conducted, 30 Lessons for Loving shows the way to lifelong, fulfilling relationships. The author, an internationally renowned gerontologist at Cornell University, offers sage advice from the oldest and wisest Americans on everything from finding a partner, to deciding to commit, to growing old together.
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Our Elders Really are the Experts!
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Dr. James Dobson has completely rewritten, updated, and expanded his classic best seller The Strong-Willed Child for a new generation of parents and teachers. The New Strong-Willed Child follows on the heels of Dr. Dobson's phenomenal best seller Bringing Up Boys. It offers practical how-to advice on raising difficult-to-handle children and incorporates the latest research with Dr. Dobson's legendary wit and wisdom.
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Answer to my prayers!
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What the award-winning, best-selling Boundaries has done for adult relationships, Boundaries with Kids will do for you and your children. Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend provide the help and guidance you need for raising your kids to take responsibility for their actions, attitudes, and emotions. With wisdom and empathy, they take you through the ins and outs of instilling the kind of character in your children that will help them lead balanced, productive, and fulfilling adult lives.
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Not what I would recommend as a therapist who works primarily with children
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Stopping Stress Before It Stops You
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You can reduce stress and enjoy your life! Homemaker, career woman, wife, supermom—sometimes the roles you have to fill all at once can get to be too much. Internationally known psychologist Dr. Kevin Leman has seen scores of women who are overcome by stress. With humor, insight, and practical solutions, this best-selling author helps you manage the six stress points in your life: kids, career, husband, housework, money, and crammed schedules.
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He assumes you're married to an idiot!
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The Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child
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Most child-behavior books are filled with advice that sounds reasonable, fits with what parents already believe about child-rearing, and isas Dr. Kazdin proves guaranteed to fail. The Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child makes available to parents for the first time Dr. Kazdins proven program, one backed up by some of the most long-term and respected research devoted to any therapy for children.
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Same old same old
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30 Lessons for Living
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More than 1,000 extraordinary Americans share their stories and the wisdom they have gained on living, loving, and finding happiness. After a chance encounter with an extraordinary 90-year-old woman, renowned gerontologist Karl Pillemer began to wonder what older people know about life that the rest of us don't. His quest led him to interview more than one thousand Americans over the age of 65 to seek their counsel on all the big issues- children, marriage, money, career, aging.
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Solid advice, however memory may bias it
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What listeners say about Two Homes, One Childhood
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- stumbler_eleven
- 12-04-21
Great Perspective
This book provides a great research based perspective on divorce with kids. The last chapter was particularly powerful.
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- Andreea
- 11-01-24
Empowering, hope inducing
I'm barely at chapter 3 and feel pulled to write this review. Material is very helpful, full of practical yet research based details. It's the narration, though, that really makes this book next level impactful. I absolutely love love the narration, makes it easier to listen and helps one really take in what is otherwise a delicate, difficult subject.
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- Anna Huffman
- 02-16-23
Wonderful book!
Definitely read all the way through!
A must read for anyone with kids and divorce.
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- Amazon Customer
- 03-01-22
Good points made, but also false accuracy of the actual reality of what the normal man goes through
He made great points, I definitely took note of some points he made.
Unfortunately we cannot expect the same PHDs that have guided these courts into shuffling kids around like it’s 1940s Germany to say they’ve had it wrong for the last several decades.
Around the country, courts are either trying to embrace the more progressive changes that some are now aiming for, or they are still listening to the same old PHDs who got them in the mess to keep them in the mess.
MESS meaning? Around the country you have to be utterly blind to see the change in children, young, and teenage kids.
The writing is on the wall to those who view genders as equal. We have consequentially taken the father out of the home, and the reality of that is what we see everyday. Every other weekend and a night during the week is not enough time to actually have that fatherly relationship that we had once upon a time that help guide our children into successful, respectful, and most of all… EMOTIONALLY SOUND young adults.
How your kids will turn out as a young adult has never been guaranteed, but removing what GOD intended for that child is now wiped away and the final product of how your child will turn out is a flip of a coin now.
Dr Emery has absolutely no clue of the many things that are actually happening to the normal father and children. When he said, “alienation does happen but it’s very rare,” I laughed. He’s most likely just looking at statistics. Those statistics are not reality. Since it’s not a crime to alienate and not follow the court order, which some may argue, but when you call the police to report a violation of a CO, they tel you it’s a civil matter. This means it’s not ever recorded to become a statistic.
Like many other policies, they are based on the higher middle class and above stats. Like himself and his situation with his family.
Dr Emery doesn’t have one clue that the majority of American fathers which is consisted of the middle class can’t afford the lawyer they have to go hire when the mom violates the CO. They are supporting 2 homes, paying child support, they have no extra money to do anything other than just try to naturally be a father like GOD intended.
JUST GO HIRE A LAWYER AND REPORT IT SIR, is what not is told to us as fathers ‘RARELY’ like the doc mentions, it happens so damn much, the dispatcher at the police station says it like she’s annoyed because you aren’t the only one calling in that hour.
Now I’m sure the doctor thinks I’m only describing my situation. But I’m not. That’s the way they brush it off thinking, “well the system can’t be perfect an unfortunate very rarely something like this happens.” That’s his words I have to add again. But the judges who aren’t interested in the progressive movement of the family courts say the same thing.
This is the reality for tens of thousands of fathers. I don’t even have room to talk about the tens of thousands of fathers that don’t have the money to even fight for their rights.
The money involved with this, lawyers-doctors-negotiators-fees is what makes this court AUTHORITARIAN-ish.
Hopefully as a country we start looking at doctors as our grandparents did. With skepticism, and questions.
The amount of doctors involved in the shuffling of children in 1940s Germany is in the thousands.
Just like the mask mandates for 2 years, just like the trust they have abused in our family courts, “ITS FOR OUR SAFETY, it’s for the better to wear a mask, it’s for the better to listen to us on how many times a week you see your son.
Hitlers #1 quote at first to the people of Germany, “It’s for your safety!”
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