
Motherhood Is F--king Scary
Quotes and Banter that Will Have You Scream-Laughing Through the Horrors of Motherhood
Failed to add items
Add to Cart failed.
Add to Wish List failed.
Remove from wishlist failed.
Adding to library failed
Follow podcast failed
Unfollow podcast failed
$0.99/mo for the first 3 months

Buy for $6.95
No default payment method selected.
We are sorry. We are not allowed to sell this product with the selected payment method
-
Narrated by:
-
Sienna Hees
-
By:
-
Serena Dorman
About this listen
For fans of My Little Occult Book Club and Sh*ty Mom, Motherhood Is F--king Scary is a deliciously dark humor audiobook that combines two unlikely genres that have a lot of similarities: parenting and horror. This novelty parenting audiobook includes swear quotes, fun quizzes, audio that will have you shaking the bed trying to stifle laughter, and references that will scratch your nostalgic horror/pop-culture itch.
A hug of solidarity to spooky moms who feel underrepresented in the realm of motherhood, and who don’t have time to read a book from cover to cover in one sitting (because you’re a mom, you don’t sit!)
A gift for mom that’s so good it’s scary, Motherhood Is F--king Scary is the perfect gift for moms just trying to survive the hell circus that is motherhood. Play it up to any line for a quick, hilarious getaway.
Spooky fun. Relatable humor with an edge.
©2021 Serena Dorman (P)2021 Serena DormanListeners also enjoyed...
-
I Hate Myselfie
- By: Shane Dawson
- Narrated by: Shane Dawson
- Length: 4 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Shane Dawson has always been an open book. From his first YouTube vlog back in 2008 to his feature film debut Not Cool to a cover story in Variety magazine, Shane has documented his life pre-tty thoroughly. We've seen awkward and adorable Q&As with his mom, weight-loss center drama, love life details, and the all-important haircut reveal. We've seen his hilarious spoofs of Miley Cyrus, Paris Hilton, and Sarah Palin. His music videos are awesome.
-
-
Never heard of Shane Dawson and still loved this!
- By Tim B. on 03-13-15
By: Shane Dawson
-
Let's Pretend This Never Happened
- A Mostly True Memoir
- By: Jenny Lawson
- Narrated by: Jenny Lawson
- Length: 8 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
For fans of Tina Fey and David Sedaris - Internet star Jenny Lawson, aka The Bloggess, makes her literary debut. Jenny Lawson realized that the most mortifying moments of our lives - the ones we'd like to pretend never happened - are in fact the ones that define us. In Let's Pretend This Never Happened, Lawson takes readers on a hilarious journey recalling her bizarre upbringing in rural Texas, her devastatingly awkward high school years, and her relationship with her long-suffering husband, Victor.
-
-
Actually, not for fans of Sedaris and Fey
- By BostonMom on 04-29-12
By: Jenny Lawson
-
Furiously Happy
- A Funny Book About Horrible Things
- By: Jenny Lawson
- Narrated by: Jenny Lawson
- Length: 8 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Audie Award, Humor, 2016. In Furiously Happy, number-one New York Times best-selling author Jenny Lawson explores her lifelong battle with mental illness. A hysterical, ridiculous book about crippling depression and anxiety? That sounds like a terrible idea. But terrible ideas are what Jenny does best.
-
-
Review by a Social Worker
- By dudley1125 on 10-21-15
By: Jenny Lawson
-
We Are Never Meeting in Real Life
- Essays
- By: Samantha Irby
- Narrated by: Samantha Irby
- Length: 9 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Whether Samantha Irby is talking about how her difficult childhood has led to a problem in making “adult” budgets; explaining why she should be the new Bachelorette; detailing a disastrous pilgrimage-slash-romantic-vacation to Nashville to scatter her estranged father’s ashes; sharing awkward sexual encounters; or dispensing advice on how to navigate friendships with former drinking buddies who are now suburban moms (hang in there for the Costco loot!); she’s as deft at poking fun at the ghosts of her past self as she is at capturing powerful emotional truths.
-
-
There, But For The Grace Of God
- By Anthony Robertson on 11-20-17
By: Samantha Irby
-
I Know I Am, But What Are You?
- By: Samantha Bee
- Narrated by: Samantha Bee
- Length: 6 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Critics have called her “sweet, adorable, and vicious.” But there is so much more to be said about Samantha Bee. For one, she’s Canadian - whatever that means. And now, she opens up for the very first time about her checkered Canadian past. With charming candor, she admits to her Lennie from Of Mice and Men-style love of baby animals, her teenage crime spree as one-half of a car-thieving couple, and the fact that strangers seem compelled to show her their genitals.
-
-
I gotta ramble.
- By Megan on 01-08-11
By: Samantha Bee
-
Daddy, Stop Talking
- And Other Things My Kids Want But Won't Be Getting
- By: Adam Carolla
- Narrated by: Adam Carolla
- Length: 5 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Adam rips parenthood a new one, telling it straight about what adults must do if they don't want to have to support their kids forever. Using his own crappy childhood as a cautionary tale, and touting the pitfalls of the kind of helicopter parenting so pervasive today, Daddy, Stop Talking is the only parenting book you should ever read.
-
-
More than just hilarious
- By Sparky on 07-29-15
By: Adam Carolla
-
I Hate Myselfie
- By: Shane Dawson
- Narrated by: Shane Dawson
- Length: 4 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Shane Dawson has always been an open book. From his first YouTube vlog back in 2008 to his feature film debut Not Cool to a cover story in Variety magazine, Shane has documented his life pre-tty thoroughly. We've seen awkward and adorable Q&As with his mom, weight-loss center drama, love life details, and the all-important haircut reveal. We've seen his hilarious spoofs of Miley Cyrus, Paris Hilton, and Sarah Palin. His music videos are awesome.
-
-
Never heard of Shane Dawson and still loved this!
- By Tim B. on 03-13-15
By: Shane Dawson
-
Let's Pretend This Never Happened
- A Mostly True Memoir
- By: Jenny Lawson
- Narrated by: Jenny Lawson
- Length: 8 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
For fans of Tina Fey and David Sedaris - Internet star Jenny Lawson, aka The Bloggess, makes her literary debut. Jenny Lawson realized that the most mortifying moments of our lives - the ones we'd like to pretend never happened - are in fact the ones that define us. In Let's Pretend This Never Happened, Lawson takes readers on a hilarious journey recalling her bizarre upbringing in rural Texas, her devastatingly awkward high school years, and her relationship with her long-suffering husband, Victor.
-
-
Actually, not for fans of Sedaris and Fey
- By BostonMom on 04-29-12
By: Jenny Lawson
-
Furiously Happy
- A Funny Book About Horrible Things
- By: Jenny Lawson
- Narrated by: Jenny Lawson
- Length: 8 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Audie Award, Humor, 2016. In Furiously Happy, number-one New York Times best-selling author Jenny Lawson explores her lifelong battle with mental illness. A hysterical, ridiculous book about crippling depression and anxiety? That sounds like a terrible idea. But terrible ideas are what Jenny does best.
-
-
Review by a Social Worker
- By dudley1125 on 10-21-15
By: Jenny Lawson
-
We Are Never Meeting in Real Life
- Essays
- By: Samantha Irby
- Narrated by: Samantha Irby
- Length: 9 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Whether Samantha Irby is talking about how her difficult childhood has led to a problem in making “adult” budgets; explaining why she should be the new Bachelorette; detailing a disastrous pilgrimage-slash-romantic-vacation to Nashville to scatter her estranged father’s ashes; sharing awkward sexual encounters; or dispensing advice on how to navigate friendships with former drinking buddies who are now suburban moms (hang in there for the Costco loot!); she’s as deft at poking fun at the ghosts of her past self as she is at capturing powerful emotional truths.
-
-
There, But For The Grace Of God
- By Anthony Robertson on 11-20-17
By: Samantha Irby
-
I Know I Am, But What Are You?
- By: Samantha Bee
- Narrated by: Samantha Bee
- Length: 6 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Critics have called her “sweet, adorable, and vicious.” But there is so much more to be said about Samantha Bee. For one, she’s Canadian - whatever that means. And now, she opens up for the very first time about her checkered Canadian past. With charming candor, she admits to her Lennie from Of Mice and Men-style love of baby animals, her teenage crime spree as one-half of a car-thieving couple, and the fact that strangers seem compelled to show her their genitals.
-
-
I gotta ramble.
- By Megan on 01-08-11
By: Samantha Bee
-
Daddy, Stop Talking
- And Other Things My Kids Want But Won't Be Getting
- By: Adam Carolla
- Narrated by: Adam Carolla
- Length: 5 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Adam rips parenthood a new one, telling it straight about what adults must do if they don't want to have to support their kids forever. Using his own crappy childhood as a cautionary tale, and touting the pitfalls of the kind of helicopter parenting so pervasive today, Daddy, Stop Talking is the only parenting book you should ever read.
-
-
More than just hilarious
- By Sparky on 07-29-15
By: Adam Carolla
-
Zombie Spaceship Wasteland
- A Book by Patton Oswalt
- By: Patton Oswalt
- Narrated by: Patton Oswalt
- Length: 3 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Oswalt combines memoir with uproarious humor, from snow forts to Dungeons & Dragons to gifts from Grandma that had to be explained. He remembers his teen summers spent working in a movie Cineplex and his early years doing stand-up. Readers are also treated to several graphic elements, including a vampire tale for the rest of us and some greeting cards with a special touch.
-
-
It's deep. Deal with it.
- By Arlette on 10-14-11
By: Patton Oswalt
-
The Long Hard Road Out of Hell
- By: Marilyn Manson, Neil Strauss
- Narrated by: James Patrick Cronin
- Length: 9 hrs
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
When this best-selling autobiography was originally released, everyone was shocked: The Long Hard Road Out of Hell was the darkest, funniest, most controversial and best-selling rock book of its time - and it became the template, both visually and narratively, for almost every rock book since. Marilyn Manson is not just a music icon, it turned out, but one of the best storytellers of his generation.
-
-
Interesting read (at times) but not well written
- By L-squared on 01-31-18
By: Marilyn Manson, and others
-
Toddlers Are A**holes
- It's Not Your Fault
- By: Bunmi Laditan
- Narrated by: Bahni Turpin
- Length: 3 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Bunmi Laditan's hilarious, satirical guide to toddlerhood offers parents instant (and very welcome) comic relief - along with the very good news that It's Not Your Fault. Chapters cover the cost of raising a toddler, feeding your toddler, potty training, tantrums, how to manage the holidays, and "how not to die inside".
-
-
The PERFECT depiction of what I'm going thru now!
- By Amira on 02-26-16
By: Bunmi Laditan
-
Sh*tty Mom
- The Parenting Guide for the Rest of Us
- By: Karen Moline, Mary Ann Zoellner, Alicia Ybarbo, and others
- Narrated by: Laurie Kilmartin
- Length: 3 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Sh*tty Mom is the ultimate parenting guide, written by four moms who have seen it all. As hilarious as it is universal, each chapter presents a common parenting scenario with advice on how to get through it in the easiest and most efficient way possible. With chapters such as "How to Sleep Until 9 A.M. Every Weekend" and "When Seeing an Infant Triggers a Mental Illness That Makes You Want to Have Another Baby," as well as a Sh*tty Mom quiz, this is a must-have, laugh-out-loud funny audiobook for the sh*tty parent in all of us.
-
-
Would not recommend this book to anyone
- By Anonymous User on 09-14-18
By: Karen Moline, and others
-
I'll Show Myself Out
- Essays on Midlife and Motherhood
- By: Jessi Klein
- Narrated by: Jessi Klein
- Length: 6 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
An instant New York Times bestseller, I'll Show Myself Out is the eagerly anticipated second essay collection from Jessi Klein, author of the acclaimed debut You’ll Grow Out of It.
-
-
Complete sanctimommy navel gaze
- By NJVJ on 05-05-22
By: Jessi Klein
-
Adultolescence
- By: Gabbie Hanna
- Narrated by: Gabbie Hanna
- Length: 1 hr and 20 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Full of confessional, whimsical, and darkly humorous observations about life, love, and the early years of adulthood, this collection of over 150 poems will introduce you to the unique point of view of one of the Internet's most remarkable voices.
-
-
Blown Away
- By Erika Johnston on 10-28-17
By: Gabbie Hanna
-
Everything You Ever Wanted
- A Memoir
- By: Jillian Lauren
- Narrated by: Jillian Lauren
- Length: 8 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In her younger years, Jillian Lauren was a college dropout, a drug addict, and an international concubine in the Prince of Brunei's harem, an experience she immortalized in her best-selling memoir, Some Girls. In her 30s, Jillian's most radical act is learning the steadying power of love when she and her rock star husband adopt an Ethiopian child with special needs.
-
-
It takes a village
- By Derek Jackson on 12-30-24
By: Jillian Lauren
-
Man vs. Baby
- By: Matt Coyne
- Narrated by: Matt Coyne
- Length: 5 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Capturing both the comic helplessness of new fatherhood and his deep love and admiration for his partner, Lyndsay, and child, Matt’s story will appeal to anyone who has a baby - or is even contemplating the idea. Whether you’re looking for a reprieve from the news cycle or a reminder of what’s most important in life, Man vs. Baby will have you laughing out loud - and, if you’re a new mother or father, filled with relief at being truly understood.
-
-
Refreshing Baby Book
- By B. Edwards on 07-08-24
By: Matt Coyne
-
Live Fast Die Hot
- By: Jenny Mollen
- Narrated by: Jenny Mollen
- Length: 6 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Jenny Mollen is a writer and actress living in New York. Until two years ago, her life was exciting, sexy, a little eccentric, and 100 percent impulsive. She had a husband who embraced her crazy - who understood her need to occasionally stalk around the house in his ex-girlfriend's old beach caftans and to invite their drug dealer to Passover seder (so he wouldn't feel like they were using him only for drugs). Then they had their son, Sid, and overnight Jenny was forced to grow up: to be responsible, to brush her hair, to listen to her voice mail.
-
-
Wanted to like it
- By Jessica Gorbett on 09-22-16
By: Jenny Mollen
-
Catastrophic Happiness
- Finding Joy in Childhood's Messy Years
- By: Catherine Newman
- Narrated by: Catherine Newman
- Length: 5 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Much is written about children's infancy and toddler years, which is good, since children will never remember those times themselves. It is ages four to 14 that make up the second act, as Catherine Newman puts it in this delightfully candid, outlandishly funny new memoir about the years that "your children will remember as childhood". Following Newman's son and daughter as they blossom from preschoolers into teenagers, Catastrophic Happiness is about the bittersweet joy of raising children and the ever-evolving landscape of issues parents traverse.
By: Catherine Newman
-
Everything Is Awful
- And Other Observations
- By: Matt Bellassai
- Narrated by: Matt Bellassai
- Length: 6 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
From the break-out star of BuzzFeed and the People's Choice Award-winning comedian comes a collection of hilariously anguished essays chronicling awful moments from his life so far, the humiliations of being an adult, and other little indignities. Matt Bellassai has no idea what he's doing. Well, to be fair, he did become semi-Internet famous by getting drunk at work, making him a socially-acceptable - nay - professional alcoholic. He's got some things figured out. But the rest is all just a terrible, disgusting mess.
-
-
Best Audio Book I’ve heard ever.
- By M on 11-23-17
By: Matt Bellassai
-
Confessions of a Scary Mommy
- An Honest and Irreverent Look at Motherhood - The Good, The Bad, and the Scary
- By: Jill Smokler
- Narrated by: Jill Smokler
- Length: 4 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In a culture that idealizes motherhood, it’s scary to confess that, in your house, being a mother is beautiful and dirty and joyful and frustrating all at once. Admitting that it’s not easy doesn’t make you a bad mom; at least, it shouldn’t. When Jill Smokler was first home with her small children, she thought her blog would be something to keep friends and family updated. To her surprise, she hit a chord in the hearts of mothers everywhere. As other women shared their stories, Jill realized she wasn’t alone in her feelings of exhaustion and imperfection.
-
-
Cracked Me Up!
- By kisa on 04-23-13
By: Jill Smokler