Bite Me
A Love Story
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Narrated by:
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Susan Bennett
About this listen
"The city of San Francisco is being stalked by a huge, shaved vampyre cat named Chet, and only I, Abby Normal, emergency backup mistress of the Greater Bay Area night, and my manga-haired love monkey, Foo Dog, stand between the ravenous monster and a bloody massacre of the general public. Whoa. And this is a love story? Yup.
"‘Cept there’s no whining. See, while some lovers were born to run, Jody and Tommy were born to bite. Well, reborn, that is, now that they're vampires. Good thing theirs is an undying love, since their Goth Girl Friday, Abby Normal, imprisoned them in a bronze statue. Abby wants to be a blood sucking fiend, too, but right now she’s really busy with other stuff, like breaking in a pair of red vinyl thigh-high Skankenstein® platform boots and wrangling her Ph.D.-candidate boyfriend, Steve (the love monkey). And then there’s that vampire cat Chet, who’s getting bigger and smarter—and thirstier—by the minute. Abby thought she and Steve could handle the kitty cat on their own, mais non."
Before you can say “OMG! WTF?” Tommy and Jody are sprung from captivity, and join forces with Abby, Steve, the frozen-turkey-bowling Safeway crew, the Emperor of San Francisco and his trusty dogs Lazarus and Bummer, Abby’s gay Goth friend Jared, and SF’s finest Cavuto and Rivera to hunt big cat and save the city. And that’s when the fun really begins.
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Sam Hunter is a bit of an animal. He's a former Twin Cities cop who lost his badge because of excessive force. Abusive husbands, child molesters, and other lowlifes wound up looking like they'd been mauled by a dog...or a wolf. Now Sam's a low-rent PI in Philadelphia. He takes the kinds of cases no one wants. His clients are usually on the fringes of society. The kind who are prey for all manner of predators - human and otherwise.
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SO, CLICHE I ALMOST LAUGHED
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Andrew Ranulf Blankenship is a handsome, stylish nonconformist with wry wit, a classic Mustang, and a massive library. He is also a recovering alcoholic and a practicing warlock, able to speak with the dead through film. His house is a maze of sorcerous booby traps and escape tunnels, as yours might be if you were sitting on a treasury of Russian magic stolen from the Soviet Union thirty years ago.
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Finally - Magic / Fantasy Novel for adults.
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Bone Shop
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Marla Mason is the chief sorcerer of Felport, a woman who's tangled with gods and monsters and come out on top (if a bit damaged in the process). Bone Shop tells the story of Marla's evolution from runaway to sorcerer's apprentice to mercenary magician and beyond. Fans of the urban fantasy series from Bantam Spectra that began with Blood Engines will find surprising secrets revealed about Marla's past, and new listeners can get to know the character from the very beginning.
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LIKE LIVING IN A FRAT HOUSE
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Blood Oranges
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My name's Quinn. If you buy into my reputation, I'm the most notorious demon hunter in New England. But rumors of my badassery have been slightly exaggerated. Instead of having kung-fu skills and a closet full of medieval weapons, I'm an ex-junkie with a talent for being in the wrong place at the right time. Or the right place at the wrong time. Or…whatever. Wanted for crimes against inhumanity I (mostly) didn't commit, I was nearly a midnight snack for a werewolf until I was "saved" by a vampire calling itself the Bride of Quiet.
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Great Narration, Subpar Book
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The living dead are more alive than ever! Zombies have become more than an iconic monster for the 21st century: They are now a phenomenon constantly revealing as much about ourselves - and our fascination with death, resurrection, and survival - as our love for the supernatural or post-apocalyptic speculation. Our most imaginative literary minds have been devoured by these incredible creatures and produced exciting, insightful, and unflinching new works of zombie fiction.
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A well blended mix
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Kim Lam is an ordinary college student until a freak scientific accident (what else?) transforms Kim and three housemates into Sparks - and drafts them into the never-ending war between the Light and Dark. They struggle to master their new abilities - and (of course) to design cool costumes and come up with great hero-names. Turns out that "accident" was just the first salvo in a Mad Genius's latest diabolical scheme. Now it's up to four newbie heroes to save the day, before they even have a chance to figure out what their team's name should be!
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Great start to a new series!
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Grave Witch
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Not even death can save her now. As a grave witch, Alex Craft can speak to the dead---she's even on good terms with Death himself. As a consultant for the police, she's seen a lot of dark magic, but nothing has prepared her for her latest case.
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Excellent Story Narrator needs alot more practice
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Crimes by Moonlight
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In number-one New York Times best-selling author Charlaine Harris’s "Dahlia Underground,” venerable vampire Dahlia Lynley-Chivers survives an attack by an anti-vampire terrorist group, only to show them they tried to blow up the wrong bloodsucker. Bailey Ruth Raeburn, a ghost assigned to assist humans in trouble, steps into the middle of a marital dispute with surprising twists in Carolyn Hart’s “Riding High”....
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Pleasantly surprised
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John Dies at the End
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STOP. You should not have touched this flyer with your bare hands. NO, don't put it down. It's too late. They're watching you. My name is David Wong. My best friend is John. Those names are fake. You might want to change yours. You may not want to know about the things you'll read on these pages, about the sauce, about Korrok, about the invasion, and the future. But it's too late. You touched the book. You're in the game. You're under the eye. The only defense is knowledge. You need to read this book, to the end. Even the part with the bratwurst. Why?
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Vulgar Funny. 4.95 Sale Win.
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Blood Scent
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After the loss of his girlfriend Jesse, druid-trained hunter Colin McCool swore off monster-hunting for good. Now a rogue vampire is killing the weak and defenseless in his city, and no one else seems to care enough to stop him. To end the slaughter, Colin has agreed to take up his sword one last time...but will this "one final job" be the death of him?
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dont waste money
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By: M. D. Massey
What listeners say about Bite Me
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- neonesf1
- 03-24-10
k-so this book is frickin hilarious!
I literaly wet myself I was laughing so hard.
Mr Moore has outdone himself, and I dont think any other narrater than Susan Bennett could have done this reading justice.
Listen to this one on the weekend. If your at work or in the car your going to get some strange looks when you burst out laughing.
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- caroline
- 12-12-12
BEST NARRATOR! HILARIOUS!
Narrator does such a great job of breathing life into the characters. The plot wasn't as exciting as the other 2 books and the ending could have been better. The parts of the audiobook with "Abbey" were the best, I laughed out loud every time!
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- Ken LaTessa
- 12-12-10
Give it a chance. You will not regret it.
I almost turned this off after a few minutes because I found the dialog of Abby a little disorienting (and honestly irritating); however, being a Christopher Moore fan I decided to hold out. I am so very glad that I did. Once the set up is in place the book is a wonderful listen. The story is funny and original, the reader is incredible and the overall experience is one of the best.
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- AmazonCustomer
- 02-16-15
enjoyed series immensely
loved it. storyline was amazing. narrative was awsome. very funny. kept me wanting more. Christopher Moore is a very talented author.
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- kumquatmay
- 12-07-11
•-:¦:-•:*♥" Loved It "♥*:•.-:¦:-•
I've been a hardcore fan of the Christopher Moore's books for years. I have read everything he has published...he is the cult writer of comic horror. Be warned: there is always plenty of x-rated, off-color, politically incorrect humor in Christopher Moore's writing. I just think he does it really well, and the boundaries are fairly inclusive of everyone and everything.
"Bite Me: A Love Story" is the second book of his that I've listened to. I definitely have my Christopher Moore favorites, which includes the Vampire Love Story series, starting with "Bloodsucking Fiends: A Love Story" and "You Suck: A Love Story". "Bite Me"...the latest installment... is in my opinion the best of the three. It is not simply funnier, it is darker and has much more depth as well. The book is full of wacky characters (they will be familiar if you have read or listened to the first two books) yet most of them have an authentic center that reaches out to the listener. "Bite Me"'s initial narration gives a great recap of the first two books through the journal entries of Abigail Von Normal, the Vampires' minion and "Emergency Back-up Mistress of the Greater Bay Area Night". The book is brilliant in capturing the voice and the vernacular of an irreverent high school girl with the bold style of a Goth fashionista. The performance by Susan Bennett (especially of Abby) was remarkable and extremely engaging with the entire myriad of characters. It was an exceptional performance.
The plot is very funny and strange, but also intricate and involved. I was very entertained and did not want the book to end. It is a book I could easily listen to again...which is rare. I hope their might be another installment.
/jae
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- J Barber
- 04-29-12
Susan Bennett's narration steals the show.
Would you consider the audio edition of Bite Me to be better than the print version?
I am a huge fan of Christopher Moore, but "You Suck," and "Bite Me" have to be my favorites. A major reason for that is the hilarious narration of the character Abby Normal by Susan Bennett. I have listened to many, many audio books, and these are on the top of my list. And of course, being Moore novels, the stories are highly entertaining. I have told my husband that he MUST read this series, BUT when he gets to the 2nd and 3rd books, I am insisting that he listens to them - the narration is that good.
What other book might you compare Bite Me to and why?
"You Suck," - same author and narrator
Which character – as performed by Susan Bennett – was your favorite?
Abby Normal
Who was the most memorable character of Bite Me and why?
Abby Normal and the Emperor. And Chet the huge, shaved cat.
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- Nathaniel K. Thompson
- 11-28-10
FUNNY AND INTERTAINING
I love this audio book, it is engaging, pulling you in and making you laugh at unexpected times, I drive for a living and had to pull over several times as it made me laugh, Susan Bennett did an amazing job on this book and the other two in the series
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- Jarrod
- 01-15-12
Fair Story with Great Character
Not one of Christopher Moore's better books but Abby Normal is one of his best characters.
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- Aaron B. Binkley
- 03-24-17
the performance was delicious
to the author... BART doesn't come above ground in The City...that's the MUNI METRO...no one says "the SOMA district"...it's just SOMA. you can't run a foundry on the ground floor of an apartment building...good characterization of the marina 😉
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- Review 2
- 06-18-10
I wrote a fan letter!
I have never sought out a author and thanked him for the laugh before. He even wrote back! Very, Very funny book and for me to say it was well read by Susan Bennett would be in no way do her justice. She is like a total genius with the characters, you feel like your making the movie in your head. "Like Totally OMG, OMG" inside joke.
Guur!!! LOL OUT
PS
The Kona character should of spoken Hawaiian Pigeon English.
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