John Dies at the End
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Narrated by:
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Stephen R. Thorne
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By:
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David Wong
About this listen
John Dies at the End is a genre-bending, humorous account of two college drop-outs inadvertently charged with saving their small town—and the world—from a host of supernatural and paranormal invasions.
Stop.
You should not have touched this flyer with your bare hands.
No, don’t put it down. It’s too late. They’re watching you.
My name is David Wong. My best friend is John. Those names are fake. You might want to change yours. You may not want to know about the things you’ll read on these pages, about the sauce, about Korrok, about the invasion, and the future. But it’s too late. You touched the book. You’re in the game. You’re under the eye.
The only defense is knowledge. You need to read this book, to the end. Even the part with the bratwurst. Why? You just have to trust me.
The important thing is this: the drug is called Soy Sauce, and it gives users a window into another dimension. John and I never had the chance to say no. You still do.
I’m sorry to have involved you in this, I really am. But as you read about these terrible events and the very dark epoch the world is about to enter as a result, it is crucial you keep one thing in mind: none of this was my fault.
©2007 David Wong and Permuted Press. All rights reserved. (P)2011 BBC Audiobooks AmericaListeners also enjoyed...
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Urban fantasy noir. Done right..
- By Cliff on 02-19-15
By: Craig Schaefer
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The Hospital: The First Mountain Man Story
- By: Keith C. Blackmore
- Narrated by: R.C. Bray
- Length: 1 hr and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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A survivor of undead suburbia, mountain man Augustus “Gus” Berry is extremely careful when it comes to his actions and movements. He takes no chances and painstakingly weighs every decision—until he sets out for the hospital at the edge of town, hoping to discover a treasure trove of essential supplies. Soon, Gus will experience terror the likes of which he's never encountered before . . .
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40 ROLLS OF ASS CLEANING GOODNESS
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 04-25-15
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The Brotherhood of the Wheel
- By: R. S. Belcher
- Narrated by: Bronson Pinchot
- Length: 14 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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In AD 1119, a group of nine crusaders became known as the Poor Fellow-Soldiers of Christ and of the Temple of Solomon - a militant monastic order charged with protecting pilgrims and caravans traveling on the roads to and from the Holy Land. In time, the Knights Templar would grow in power and, ultimately, be laid low. But a small offshoot of the Templars endure and have returned to the order's original mission: to defend the roads of the world and guard those who travel on them.
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Epic Battle Brewing
- By Doug D. Eigsti on 03-29-16
By: R. S. Belcher
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13 Bullets
- A Vampire Tale
- By: David Wellington
- Narrated by: Bernadette Dunne
- Length: 11 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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All the official reports say they are dead—extinct since the late ’80s, when a fed named Arkeley nailed the last vampire in a fight that nearly killed him. But Arkeley knows what most people don’t: there is one left. In an abandoned asylum she is rotting, plotting, and biding her time in a way that only the undead can. When state trooper Laura Caxton calls the FBI looking for help in the middle of the night, it is Arkeley who gets the assignment.
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HER LARYNX ROTTED AWAY YEARS AGO
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 10-20-16
By: David Wellington
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Ghost Road Blues
- The Pine Deep Trilogy, Book 1
- By: Jonathan Maberry
- Narrated by: Tom Weiner
- Length: 14 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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The cozy little town of Pine Deep buried the horrors of its past a long time ago. Thirty years have gone by since the darkness descended and the Black Harvest began, a time when a serial killer sheared a bloody swath through the quiet Pennsylvania village. The evil that once coursed through Pine Deep has been replaced by cheerful tourists getting ready to enjoy the country’s largest Halloween celebration in what is now called “The Spookiest Town in America.”
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Love Joe Ledger Series? Avoid This Trainwreck.
- By Kathleen on 10-21-13
By: Jonathan Maberry
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Cold City
- Repairman Jack: Early Years Trilogy, Book 1
- By: F. Paul Wilson
- Narrated by: Alexander Cendese
- Length: 11 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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If you've never read a Repairman Jack novel, this is the place to begin. It's 1990. A twenty-one-year-old named Jack has dropped out of college, leaving his old life behind to build a new one in New York City. Manhattan's rough edges are jagged enough to shred any unwary newcomer, but perhaps not one who is determined to stay off the grid, at any cost, in the busiest metropolis on earth. And to do so, he'll have to take jobs of a less than legal nature.
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Fun, as long you don't think too much
- By Andrew Pollack on 01-17-14
By: F. Paul Wilson
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Meddling Kids
- A Novel
- By: Edgar Cantero
- Narrated by: Kyla Garcia
- Length: 12 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Summer 1977. The Blyton Summer Detective Club (of Blyton Hills, a small mining town in Oregon's Zoinx River Valley) solved their final mystery and unmasked the elusive Sleepy Lake monster - another low-life fortune hunter trying to get his dirty hands on the legendary riches hidden in Deboën Mansion. And he would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for those meddling kids.
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should have been a YA novel
- By Bearded Barista on 08-20-17
By: Edgar Cantero
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The Talisman
- By: Stephen King, Peter Straub
- Narrated by: Frank Muller
- Length: 28 hrs
- Unabridged
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On a brisk autumn day, a 13-year-old boy stands on the shores of the gray Atlantic, near a silent amusement park and a fading ocean resort called the Alhambra. The past has driven Jack Sawyer here: His father is gone, his mother is dying, and the world no longer makes sense. But for Jack everything is about to change. For he has been chosen to make a journey back across America - and into another realm. One of the most influential and heralded works of fantasy ever written, The Talisman is an extraordinary novel of loyalty, awakening, terror, and mystery.
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Still Good
- By Bill S. on 03-24-10
By: Stephen King, and others
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Pandemonium
- By: Daryl Gregory
- Narrated by: Peter Berkrot
- Length: 10 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
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It is a world like our own in every respect, save one. In the 1950s, random acts of possession begin to occur. Ordinary men, women, and children are the targets of entities that seem to spring from the depths of the collective unconscious, pop-cultural avatars some call demons. As a boy, Del Pierce is possessed by the Hellion, an entity whose mischief-making can be deadly. With the help of Del's family and a caring psychiatrist, the demon is exorcised... or is it?
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Random demonic possession
- By Michael G Kurilla on 11-17-24
By: Daryl Gregory
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Past Crimes
- A Van Shaw Novel
- By: Glen Erik Hamilton
- Narrated by: Jeff Harding
- Length: 10 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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From the time he was six years old, Van Shaw was raised by his Irish immigrant grandfather, Donovan, to be a thief - to boost cars, beat security alarms, crack safes, and burglarize businesses. But at 18 Dono's namesake and protégé suddenly broke all ties to that life and the people in it. Van escaped into the military, serving as an elite army ranger in Iraq and Afghanistan. Now, after ten years of silence, Dono has asked his grandson to come home to Seattle.
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15 Stars! Okay?
- By Ted on 03-06-16
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Allison Hewitt Is Trapped
- A Zombie Novel
- By: Madeleine Roux
- Narrated by: Piper Goodeve
- Length: 11 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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One woman's story as she blogs about - and fights back against - the zombie apocalypse.
Allison Hewitt and her five colleagues at the Brooks and Peabody Bookstore are trapped together when the zombie outbreak hits. Allison reaches out for help through her blog, writing on her laptop. It may also be her only chance to reach her mother. But as the reality of their situation sinks in, Allison's blog becomes a harrowing account of her edge-of-the-seat adventures.
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lots of potential but disappointing
- By Linda B on 04-29-11
By: Madeleine Roux
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The Cleanup
- By: Sean Doolittle
- Narrated by: Paul Boehmer
- Length: 7 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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Matthew Worth is a mess. Somewhere between a good cop and a bad screwup, he botched a marriage and a career. His fellow officers think he’s a joke. His commanders are tired of cutting him breaks. Even his wife has left him for a flashy homicide detective. Busted to night patrol at a robbery-prone Omaha supermarket, Worth is doing time, wearing his uniform and asking shoppers if they want paper or plastic. If that isn’t enough, he suspects he might be falling for Gwen, the shy checkout girl who may be an even bigger mess than he is. It couldn’t get any worse. Until it does.
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A Really Good Modern American Noir Crime Novel
- By Frank Donnelly on 04-23-20
By: Sean Doolittle
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Mine
- By: Robert R. McCammon
- Narrated by: Isabelle Gordon
- Length: 16 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
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Story
Back in the 1960s, Mary Terrell shot and killed a man. A former member of the fanatical Storm Front Brigade - a splinter group of the notorious Weathermen - Terrell has stayed one step ahead of the FBI for decades. Living with numerous identities and menial jobs, Terrell's only constants in life have been LSD, psychotic delusions of motherhood, and murderous rage.
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American Radical nightmare!
- By Rob Malone on 04-30-18
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Follow a motley crew on an exciting journey through space - and one adventurous young explorer who discovers the meaning of family in the far reaches of the universe - in this lighthearted debut space opera from a rising sci-fi star.
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In a United States not so unlike our own, the Department of Balance has adopted a radical new form of law enforcement: rather than incarceration, wrongdoers are given a second (and sometimes, third, fourth, and fifth) shadow as a reminder of their crime—and a warning to those they encounter. Within the Department, corruption and prejudice run rampant, giving rise to an underclass of so-called Shadesters who are disenfranchised, publicly shamed, and deprived of civil rights protections.
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A doctor’s powerful and deeply human memoir about the mysteries of the brain and his 40-year quest to find a treatment for multiple sclerosis.
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His drug has not cured MS
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Gods are forbidden in the kingdom of Middren. Formed by human desires and fed by their worship, there are countless gods in the world—but after a great war, the new king outlawed them and now pays “godkillers” to destroy any who try to rise from the shadows. As a child, Kissen saw her family murdered by a fire god. Now, she makes a living killing them and enjoys it. But all this changes when Kissen is tasked with helping a young noble girl with a god problem. The child’s soul is bonded to a tiny god of white lies, and Kissen can’t kill it without ending the girl’s life too.
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You are born to a king, but marry a tyrant. You stand helplessly as he sacrifices your child to placate the gods. You watch him wage war on a foreign shore and you comfort yourself with violent thoughts of your own. You play the part, fooling enemies who deny you justice. And slowly, you plot. But when your husband returns in triumph, what then? Acceptance or vengeance—death follows both. So you bide your time and force the gods' hands in a wretched game of vengeance.
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Jazz Bashara is a criminal. Well, sort of. Life on Artemis, the first and only city on the moon, is tough if you're not a rich tourist or an eccentric billionaire. So smuggling in the occasional harmless bit of contraband barely counts, right? Not when you've got debts to pay and your job as a porter barely covers the rent. Everything changes when Jazz sees the chance to commit the perfect crime, with a reward too lucrative to turn down.
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A ferrari with no motor
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The Golem and the Jinni
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Helene Wecker's dazzling debut novel tells the story of two supernatural creatures who appear mysteriously in 1899 New York. Chava is a golem, a creature made of clay, brought to life by a strange man who dabbles in dark Kabbalistic magic. When her master dies at sea on the voyage from Poland, she is unmoored and adrift as the ship arrives in New York Harbor. Ahmad is a jinni, a being of fire, born in the ancient Syrian Desert. Trapped in an old copper flask by a Bedouin wizard centuries ago, he is released accidentally by a tinsmith in a Lower Manhattan shop.
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Enchanting Debut Novel - Delicious!
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Fever House
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Overall
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When leg-breaker Hutch Holtz rolls up to a rundown apartment complex in Portland, Oregon, to collect overdue drug money, a severed hand is the last thing he expects to find stashed in the client’s refrigerator. Hutch quickly realizes that the hand induces uncontrollable madness: Anyone in its proximity is overcome with a boundless compulsion for violence. Within hours, catastrophic forces are set into motion.
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Finished it - barely
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The Sword of Kaigen: A Theonite War Story
- By: M. L. Wang
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On a mountainside at the edge of the Kaigenese Empire live the most powerful warriors in the world, superhumans capable of raising the sea and wielding blades of ice. For hundreds of years, the fighters of the Kusanagi Peninsula have held the Empire's enemies at bay, earning their frozen spit of land the name "The Sword of Kaigen". Born into Kusanagi's legendary Matsuda family, f14-year-old Mamoru has always known his purpose: To master his family's fighting techniques and defend his homeland.
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OH. MY. GODS! Holy emotional epicness!
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What listeners say about John Dies at the End
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall
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Performance
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- Ryan M. Kelley
- 02-26-13
Tried something new, and I liked it!
What did you love best about John Dies at the End?
I loved that this story wasn't a formula driven story. No "good guy battles the bad guy and wins because he is the good guy" stuff. The characters are not knights in shining armor, everyone is broken (or at least chipped), but that didn't make them bad people, or especially good people. Just... people. The story was a little crazy... a little funny... a little surprising... And the twists and turns weren't sadly obvious, or so ridiculous that it ruined the story. It all felt like it just fit together. And fit well.
What did you like best about this story?
I was afraid the the story was going to get overly complicated... overlapping time, and different dimensions, and all of the classic over-complications of scifi...
Nope! The story was "filtered" by the point of view of the regular guys on an irregular adventure. They didn't bother trying to explain everything. They figured out what they needed to know, and went with it.
It was an interesting premise, a good story, and a very good performance. Thorne's performance fit the characters perfectly, in all their imperfect glory.
Any additional comments?
I almost hope for a sequel to this book.... but I would be afraid it wouldn't be able to capture the same magic as this one did.
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- T. Fleming
- 01-30-16
Appeals to 14 year old boys.
If a 14 year old wrote a supernatural book complete with penis jokes, gratuitous feces, blood, and vomit scenes, and some unsophisticated one liners, this would be it.
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2 people found this helpful
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- M. Webb
- 11-29-18
Interesting story. But the cursing is tiresome.
Why does it seem impossible to find a good book nowadays that isn’t saturated with cursing? It gets very tiresome and turns an otherwise entertaining story, into and experience of irritation.
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- Robbie Austin
- 02-25-19
One of the greatest books ever written.
Douglas Adams meets Stephen King. But with more dick jokes. Read it, you won't be disappointed!
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- greg
- 04-25-13
smartassed & surrealist humor
What did you like best about John Dies at the End? What did you like least?
The book was funny... "Your dead boyfriend's ghost *hits* you? What a dick."
But after too much over-sarcasm, I realized that the writing style still works as a novel, but works much better as Wong's shorter, cracked online editorial rants.
At some points the book had a similar surrealist humor to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
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- Pen Name
- 12-13-15
Suspension of Disbelief
What did you love best about John Dies at the End?
This book absolutely does not take itself too seriously. It is infectious from the get go.There are loose ends that I wish were explained, so i could make sense of them but that is honestly just for me. The humor is outstanding, the plot shifts itself into 5th gear from the Prologue and keeps it red-lined all the way through the book. You have to get out of a serious mindset when listening to this, as well as get used to his repetitive way of describing ridiculous scenarios, which there are plenty. But it is worth it just as a breath of fresh air, which this book is.
Which character – as performed by Stephen R. Thorne – was your favorite?
I believe through a combo of how well written it was, and how well performed it was, John is my favorite character. Buy and large most friend groups have a John type and he is just extravagantly well written in this.
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- Tristen
- 09-28-16
amazing story i loved every second of it
wow just fricking wow this story caries itself so well and keeps you enthralled for every second
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- gabe
- 04-28-14
Really silly but tons of fun.
Would you listen to John Dies at the End again? Why?
No, because it loses the novelty after the first time.
What was one of the most memorable moments of John Dies at the End?
The doorknob turning into a penis before all the meat in the freezer turns into a demon figure.
What about Stephen R. Thorne’s performance did you like?
His conversational narration matched the book's style.
Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?
Laugh a lot from pure randomness and silliness.
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- Phillip Welden
- 02-26-18
Silly and strange and brilliant
Absolutely one of the strangest and funniest horror type books I've ever listened to or read. Mr. Wong and John's adventures in undisclosed are worth a listen.
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- silverio
- 04-06-17
Amazing
watched the movie first but the book is always better. can't wait to start on the next one.
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