In this episode, sex educator and therapist Melanie Ramey talks openly about two of the largest taboos in society: sex and death. Specifically, she discusses sex and sexuality in palliative and hospice care for people facing the end of their lives. These two subjects individually are ones we as a society struggle to address, so we tend to ignore or avoid the subject of terminally ill people who may still want sex in their lives. Why do we do this? How can professionals begin talking about sex and sexuality with their patients? How can patients or family advocate for openness about this subject for themselves or a loved one? Melanie has insight to help answer all those questions.

One of the first things Melanie explores is physicians' reluctance to clearly communicate to families about when a person is terminally ill. There can often be confusion about how long a loved one has left to live due to a lack of clarity about the situation. This is a death taboo that must be unpacked. Melanie then examines how the issue of sex or sexual expression for terminally ill or hospice patients is avoided. Many healthcare professionals simply are not taught how to discuss it, so the subject is simply not brought up. Melanie shares practical advice on how to have a conversation about intimacy respectfully and how patients, family, or friends can assist by bringing up the subject directly with healthcare workers. These taboos need to be tackled and broken down because people at the end of life are no different than people in the middle of life in terms of needs, desires, and their right to express sexuality. There may be complications due to illness or mobility, but having solutions to these challenges is something the healthcare profession needs to understand.

Resources discussed in this episode:

• Sex and the Senior: The Health Professional’s Role - University of Maryland

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Contact Melanie Ramey:

• Instagram: @SexuallySpeakingWithMelanie
• Facebook: Sexually Speaking with Melanie Ramey
• Linkedin: Sexually Speaking with Melanie Ramey
  
  

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Canon in D Major performed by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

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In this episode, sex educator and therapist Melanie Ramey continues to explore her topic from the last episode about the sexuality of people with disabilities or chronic illnesses. In addition to other struggles, they often cope with several pervasive myths regarding their sexuality. Melanie names the myths and dismantles them by sharing the truth about the sexual health and lives of those with disabilities. The myths cause misunderstanding and harm to the community because they rob those with disabilities or chronic pain of their innate rights and their truth as sexual beings.

Melanie addresses the myths that people living with disabilities or chronic illness are not sexual, that they are not desirable, that people who live in institutions shouldn’t have sex, that people living with disabilities don’t get sexually assaulted, and that they shouldn’t get married or have children. Each of these myths is false and robs people of their natural existence as human sexual beings. Melanie debunks each myth thoroughly and explains the need for better sex education tailored to those living with disabilities or chronic illnesses, and better education for health workers and the parents of disabled children. This is a key episode that challenges false assumptions many of us may consciously or unconsciously carry.

Resources discussed in this episode:

• “Our Sexuality, Our Health: A Disabled Advocate’s Guide to Relationships, Romance, Sexuality and Sexual Health” by Melissa Crisp-Cooper
• “Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability: For All of Us Who Live with Disabilities, Chronic Pain, and Illness” by Miriam Kaufman, Cory Silverberg, and Fran Odette

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Contact Melanie Ramey:

• Instagram: @SexuallySpeakingWithMelanie
• Facebook: Sexually Speaking with Melanie Ramey
• Linkedin: Sexually Speaking with Melanie Ramey
  
  

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Canon in D Major performed by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

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In this episode, sex educator and therapist Melanie Ramey addresses the need for legislation, education, and understanding regarding the sexual health needs of people with disabilities. Only very recently in our history have we had legislation protecting the human rights of those with physical or cognitive disabilities. As recently as the 70s, disabled persons were simply institutionalized and forgotten about. Melanie unpacks the history of how the disabled have been treated and highlights how much more education and support is required to understand the sexual needs of those with disabilities.

One poignant story that Melanie relates is that of a woman who had been institutionalized immediately after giving birth to her son, on the advice of a doctor. It was only after the son was in his forties that the state hospital where she lived was about to discharge her into his care. The stigma about mental health was so great that he had not told his wife and children about his mother for fear of judgement. Melanie assisted in helping the family find a suitable care home for the mother and the family integrated her into their lives, but the most shocking discovery was the reason for the mother’s institutionalization: post-partum depression. The truth is that persons with disabilities, be they physical or cognitive, think about and desire sex the same as any other human being. However, persons with disabilities are more likely to be assaulted and their accounts rejected by the police due to difficulties in prosecution. Melanie’s frank discussion on all aspects of sexual health and assault of persons with disabilities highlights the need for better legislation, education, and support from society.

Resources discussed in this episode:

• Episode 2: Don’t Get Sex Education from Aristotle
• Watson Institute: “Sexual Education for Children with Disabilities” by Dr. Rachel Schwartz
• NPR: “The Sexual Assault Epidemic No One Talks About” by Joseph Shapiro

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Contact Melanie Ramey:

• Instagram: @SexuallySpeakingWithMelanie
• Facebook: Sexually Speaking with Melanie Ramey
• Linkedin: Sexually Speaking with Melanie Ramey
  
  

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Canon in D Major performed by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

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In Part 2 of the ‘You Are Never Too Old for Sex’ episode, sex educator and therapist Melanie Ramey discusses the need for adult children, caregivers, and assisted living facility staff to understand the sexual and privacy rights of older adults. Melanie shares statistics on how many people remain sexually active past the age of 60 and explains the difficulties facing these adults when they enter care facilities ill-equipped to understand and accommodate their sexual activity and needs.

Older adults have sex wherever they live, just as anyone younger may do, which includes their homes, assisted living facilities, or nursing homes. There is a stigma against older adults engaging in sexual activities, so Melanie shares studies, books, and resources that shed light on the need for privacy and dignity regarding the sexual needs of older adults. Their sexual expression is often labelled as sexually inappropriate behavior due to poor staff training and understanding. The truth about education on the needs of older adults in regards to sexual expression is highlighted and explained by Melanie, and it’s a subject we will all face because aging is one thing we all share.

Resources discussed in this episode:

• “The New Love and Sex After 60” by Robert Butler, MD and Myrna Lewis, PhD
• “Sexuality and Long-Term Care” by Gayle Doll, MS, PhD
• Video: Freedom of Sexual Expression: Dementia and Resident Rights in Long-Term Care Facilities

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Contact Melanie Ramey:

• Instagram: @SexuallySpeakingWithMelanie
• Facebook: Sexually Speaking with Melanie Ramey
• Linkedin: Sexually Speaking with Melanie Ramey
  
  

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Canon in D Major performed by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

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In this episode, sex educator and therapist Melanie Ramey addresses the societal myth that there is an age limit on sex. Simply put, we are never too old for sex. If we are above ground, we are sexual beings. It is a societal construct that leads us to believe we can’t have sex as we age. In reality, it is just as valid to enjoy sexual relations in elderhood as in any other age. Melanie discusses the challenges in finding healthcare providers to talk frankly about sex past 60, the differences in our bodies when we’re older, and how to practice safe sex at any age.

Dr. Louise Aronson, a geriatrician at the University of California in San Francisco, wrote a book called “Elderhood” which says that we need to view the third part of our lives with the same concern and curiosity that we view the other two-thirds. Life should be considered a trio: childhood, adulthood, and elderhood. Melanie states that sex should not be compared to sex we had in our youth, but that the important thing is to feel safe, satisfied, and content with whatever sexual experience we are having. This episode challenges negative perceptions around aging bodies and senior sexual experiences by examining all the ways in which we remain sexual beings throughout our lives.

Resources discussed in this episode:

• “Elderhood” by Louise Aronson

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Contact Melanie Ramey:

• Instagram: @SexuallySpeakingWithMelanie
• Facebook: Sexually Speaking with Melanie Ramey
• Linkedin: Sexually Speaking with Melanie Ramey
  
  

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Canon in D Major performed by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

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In this episode, host, sex educator and therapist Melanie Ramey talks about the most sexually stimulated part of our bodies: our brains. While we may assume everything sex-related occurs below the waist, the brain is the most complex organ known to us. Arousal, emotions, addiction, everything happens in our brains. Melanie discusses addiction, pornography, and learning to control our emotions, backed by in-depth research and experience.

One of the first things to understand about pornography is that it’s accessible, affordable, and anonymous. Melanie cites studies with statistics on the percentages of men and women, adult and adolescent, revealing their porn habits, and the numbers are high. She explains what porn addiction looks like and the damaging dysregulation that occurs in the midbrain of young people exposed to porn too early. Addiction, Melanie reveals, often occurs when we try to suppress negative emotions with something else. Learning to regulate and face our own emotions helps us in many ways, but importantly, it helps us explore sex healthily and communicatively.

Resources discussed in this episode:

• “Sex Position Coloring Book: Playtime for Couples”

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Contact Melanie Ramey:

• Instagram: @SexuallySpeakingWithMelanie
• Facebook: Sexually Speaking with Melanie Ramey
• Linkedin: Sexually Speaking with Melanie Ramey

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Canon in D Major performed by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

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In this episode, host, sex educator and therapist Melanie Ramey talks about self-respect: what it means and how to nurture it. Self-respect is a key component in our sexuality and in having sex with partners. But what exactly does having self-respect look like? And what kind of values does it align with? Melanie breaks down the fundamental nature of self-respect and explores how it affects sex, intimacy, and relationships.

There are four main red flags that indicate a person likely lacks self-respect. Melanie identifies them as, 1) Over-apologizing, 2) Fear of expressing opinions, 3) Constant self-deprecation, and 4) Tolerating disrespect. If we see ourselves in these examples, Melanie counsels us not to despair and outlines how to develop self-respect. She offers poignant examples of the sorts of values that self-respect aligns with, such as compassion, commitment, and generosity. She also defines the difference between self esteem and self-respect. Often they are used interchangeably but they speak to quite different things. This episode provides guidance for examining how much self-respect we have and how to ensure it is involved in our sexual partnerships and our lives.

Resources discussed in this episode:

• “Aretha: From These Roots” by Aretha Franklin and David Ritz

Desiderata

Go placidly amidst the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble, it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all ardity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and stars, you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.
With all its drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

By Max Ehrmann, 1927

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Contact Melanie Ramey:

• Instagram: @SexuallySpeakingWithMelanie
• Facebook: Sexually Speaking with Melanie Ramey
• Linkedin: Sexually Speaking with Melanie Ramey

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Canon in D Major performed by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

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In this episode, host, sex educator and therapist Melanie Ramey addresses safe sex. She explains certain terms (bareback, for example) and clearly outlines the benefits and risks of engaging in sexual activities. Sex is pleasurable! But safety comes first. Melanie highlights the six important things to remember for sex to be safe and includes information on STIs, STDs, condoms, and communication among other vital advice.

The six things to remember are: 1) Get tested for STDs, 2) Use a condom correctly, 3) Do not use an expired condom, 4) Birth control medications don’t stop STDs, 5) Anal sex is not a sure way to avoid pregnancy, and 6) It’s possible, though unlikely, to still get pregnant while menstruating. Melanie gets real about infections, preventative steps, and pregnancy. She explores the history of condoms - they’ve been around since the Ancient Romans started using them - and details the importance of communication between partners.

Resources discussed in this episode:

• Dental Dams
• “Contraception: A Concise History (The MIT Press Essential Knowledge series)” by Donna J. Drucker
• STDs (Sexually Transmitted Diseases)
• Talking to Your Partner About STDs

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Contact Melanie Ramey:

• Instagram: @SexuallySpeakingWithMelanie
• Facebook: Sexually Speaking with Melanie Ramey
• Linkedin: Sexually Speaking with Melanie Ramey
  
  

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Canon in D Major performed by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

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