NIGHTMARE ON 34TH STREET: A XMAS GROTESQUE

Words + Music by Geordie McElroy

Epilogue

***

Muffy Von Klump, Luz de la Cruz

Lunched at Bistro Chez Bleu

Where once the gang was a trio

Now there were only two

“There’s no decent reindeer anywhere”

Luz sulked and dropped her fork

Muffy sighed, “its out of fashion

But you knew that of course”

“Speaking of thing gone out of style

What did you do with Beth?”

“I wheeled her down to a group home

She rolled on my last nerve left”

Muffy asked, “How is Alfonso?”

“I hear he’s doing grand

Such a shame we needed his room

That reno was unplanned”

“Occasionally we get letters

For reunion pleading us

Frankly, they go straight to shredder

Neediness is tedious”

“Any new projects?” Muffy asked

“I took a page from Portia”

“Are you crazy? Committing fraud?

Or dealing in orphans?”

“Those are things that are just not done

Nothing… inelegant

I’m elevating charity

Making it more relevant”

“She was right about the justice system

The whole thing is rotten

Inmates linger in filthy cells

By the world, forgotten”

“So, I’ve committed to fix it

To let dignity ring

I’ve become a prison mentor

With felon under my wing”

“She reports to me her progress

Gives run down of her chores

Work beneath the righteous wives

Reforming for her I’m sure”

“Oh my, that sounds restorative

Muffy bubbled with glee

“Any chance you’ll meet with her soon

Now that, I’d love to see”

****

Inmates entered the visiting room

Guards barked out commands

Muffy and Luz sat by the glass

Receivers in their hands

Muffy’s eyes sparkled with delight

Seeing Luz’s project

Now this was a soul needing reform

Looking ragged, unkempt

Luz spoke into her receiver:

“Have you been doing good?

Are you staying out of trouble?

Like a model inmate should?”

Muffy produced Japanese fan

“It’s awful hot in here

What in god is that yeasty smell?

It reeks of rotten beer”

“Guards say you cell’s been messy

Grub’s constipating you

That jumpsuit fits like a trash bag

What’s with those hideous shoes?”

“Just think, in a decade you’re out

After you’ve made amends

This decor drab and depressing

Are you making any friends?”

“Time to say our affirmations

Repeat them after me:

I’m a felon worthy of love

Self-respect,