With multi-generational housing on the rise – aging parents moving in with their adult children — this segment looks at the complex issue from the child's point of view. Elder law attorney Andrea Lee from Legacy Estate Planning joins Suzanne Newman on the Answers for Elders podcast to talk about expectations and approaches.

Andrea says, "There's obviously many ways this can be set up... And the big question that we always want to advise is sitting down and formulating a plan of what that would look like, not just structurally, but emotionally. If mom and dad were to live in there, if mom and dad are investing hundreds of thousands of dollars to modify a house or to add an apartment, then the conversation needs to be had. My recommendation is two kitchens, two living areas. That has been a proven need to make long term care housing happy for everyone, is their home separate space, so you're not constantly in each other's hairs. But the conversation the child needs to have with their parent is, 'hey, if you're investing all this money and you're living with me, both parties need to be protected.' So you have to have a plan.

"What about the time when mom and dad die? What is going to happen with that money they've invested? Do they expect to be put on that deed? Do they expect to earn an ownership interest in that property, or are they going to treat it as a gift to the child and say, 'I'm giving you this $200, $300,000, and my hope is you let me live in this apartment that we're building. That creates a risk for the parent, because what if the kids change their minds after a few years? They don't want mom and dad to live there anymore. If it's a gift, the parents aren't protected. But if the parents own an ownership interest in that house, then it opens the kids up to the possibility of, if mom or dad die, and that becomes a part of their will, or distributed through their trust, might they be in a position where they have to sell their own house to pay off a sibling? You don't want them to be in that position either."

Andrea adds, "Many questions can arise if your parents are thinking of living with you. it's absolutely essential that the parent and the child sit down and discuss these possible scenarios. And because most people only do this once in their life, it is best done if that parent and that child sits down with professionals who have experience guiding families through creating multi-generational housing. So you can discuss the pros and the cons and the risks to the parents and to the child."

Learn more:

• About Andrea Lee
• Legacy Estate Planning website
• Legacy Estate Planning podcasts

Check out our affiliate podcast Alzheimer’s Speaks.

Since COVID, there has been a 40% increase in multi-generational housing: either senior parent or parents have moved in with their children, or kids who can’t afford to live on their own have moved back home again. For an aging parent, they wonder: should I sell my house? Should I invest money in my son or daughter's home? Should I move in with them? What does that mean for my overall estate plan, my assets? How does that affect the other heirs if I have other children? Elder law attorney Andrea Lee from Legacy Estate Planning joins Suzanne Newman on the Answers for Elders podcast to talk about this complex issue.

Andrea says, "I'm a huge proponent of multi-generational housing. If you want your kids to help you, it shouldn't be a burden to them. My own mom and dad bought a house half a mile from me, and that's what allowed us to keep my mom home for ten years after her dementia diagnosis, because we were able to support my dad and provide that care. And it's even easier if you can live within the same house, because that even decreases that burden of having to go somewhere else to help with that day to day care that people frequently need as they age.

"Now in some instances, maybe a multi-generational house itself is not the best option, or it's not feasible. But at minimum, you need to live within a mile of your kids... I was part of that sandwich generation, where I had young children at home and I had a mom and dad who needed help. And I'm an attorney, and I work full time. And it was overwhelming at times for me to try and balance my kids, their sports, their school, dinner, homework, work, and also care for my parents. And so for any parent who's out there, moving near your child so that they don't have to drive 30 minutes — that's an hour out of your day, that's valuable time that really causes a lot of stress for your children.

"One of the challenges I have found as an elder law attorney with multi-generational housing is combining two households. That's so hard to do, it can actually increase stress a lot. So if you want to live together, the goal is that it is beneficial for everyone, and not just you as a parent. First, take a step back and say, 'I want to make sure I'm not overly burdening my child,' and setting up that expectation of what your child is going to do for you, listening to them in their circumstances...

"Mom and dad are thinking, I'm going to make a very large investment. I'm going to remodel my son or my daughter's home so that I can have a downstairs living area that is wheelchair accessible, and that I can age in for the rest of my life. Well, then you have to have that conversation, if mom and dad died a few years later, that money has been invested into that child's house and the other children aren't going to get the benefit of that. So those parents need to make sure they've updated their estate plan. They've created a deed that allows that resource to then pass to the child with whom they're living. Or if that's not what they want, they have to have that clear conversation and expectation with that child. But also with other members of the family, they don't want to be in a circumstance where mom and dad die. Something happens. They can no longer remain in that home, and people are fighting over the investment mom and dad made into living there. And what's going to happen to that? There's so many ways it can go wrong, that's extremely important for clients who are considering doing this, sit down with an expert who has a lot of knowledge of multi-generational housing and issues that need to be addressed when making that decision."

Learn more:

• About Andrea Lee
• Legacy Estate Planning website

Daphne Davis from Pinnacle Senior Placements in Seattle, Washington joins Suzanne Newman on the Answers for Elders Radio Show to talk about providing nationwide assistance for people seeking answers.

Daphne says, "When you're looking for someone to help you guide you through this maze of options, ask for referrals in terms of what are other families — and I would specifically ask for, I want to know about your hardest ones. You know, I want to know about the ones that you had to work hard. What was the outcome? And it doesn't have to be all rosy. We're human beings, right? We know that things can go sideways. That's the uniqueness of each story.

"I am president of the chapter in the State of Washington for NPRA, the National Placement and Referral Alliance. It is a trade association specific for referral and placement agencies. They have a code of ethics that they are developing nationwide, much like you would think of the Bar Association for attorneys, but certainly not at that level of sophistication. It allows me to be able to have vetted people in most states that can provide the level of guidance that I would want for for any of my clients.

"And so that really does my heart well in terms of being able to be a part of Answers for Elders and having this nationwide presence, that we can start to establish a a litmus, a benchmark of what consumers can expect. And the other piece that NPRA does is really focuses on legislation about family choice, being able to protect our seniors and not being bombarded by a constant information that's not appropriate or feeling like they don't have choice. So that's something that NPRA is very, very focused on. I wanted to share with you that information on how can I help people nationwide when I'm sitting in the Seattle greater area."

Daphne adds, "It's very hard to know who I'm supposed to trust these days. And so there's there's some ways of just vetting people through NPRA. There's a test that's designed specifically for referral agencies, and you can look for a little CPRS [logo], which is Certified Placement and Referral Specialist, and it's very akin to little letters behind someone's name. CSA, Certified Senior Advisor. And the difference between the two is the CSA is broad — it's for many, many different disciplines of help and support to our senior communities — and the CPRS is specific to [people] like myself. So that's one thing that you can look for."

Reach Pinnacle at 1-855-734-1500 or visit PinnacleSeniorPlacements.com.

Learn more:

• Pinnacle Senior Placements at Answers for Elders
• About Daphne Davis
• Hear more podcasts with Daphne Davis

Check out our affiliate podcast Alzheimer’s Speaks.