How To Calm Down

Every entrepreneur gets triggered sometimes.

The reasons might be obvious: a late employee, a missed detail, a poor customer experience.

Or they might not be: we could show up to work escalated; we could be carrying dread or guilt around; we could have a fight with our spouse before we left for work.

Many days, our emotional meter is already cranked up to 9 before we start our day, and one little thing pushes us up to MAX 10. Then we have an over-the-top response to some little thing; our staff thinks we fly off the handle; and we feel guilty about it later; and then we overcompensate. That makes us feel even worse, and we keep escalating.

We need to calm down.

I’m not going to tell you to start meditating or get into shape – those won’t help you TODAY, and you already know that you *should* be doing both.

Here’s how to do it in the short-term, long-term and medium term.

Short-term (the quick deescalation):

1. Box breathing. Breathe in through your mouth, as deeply as you can, for 4 seconds. Hold your breath. Breathe out through your nose, trying to empty your lungs, for 4 seconds. Hold your breath. That’s 1 round. Repeat for 10 rounds. Watch this:

2. Imagine the worst-case scenario. can you live with that? Put yourself in the scenario for a few seconds. Then come out of it. This is a Stoic process of acceptance. It doesn’t calm your unconscious right away, but it will calm your conscious mind quickly.

3. Tell yourself that you’re excited instead of nervous or angry. Your body can’t tell the difference.

4. Break the rumination cycle. Go have a conversation about something else, or distract yourself with a story. Rumination just escalates you. Here’s a quick meditation that will break the rumination cycle for a few seconds.

5. Think of the next step instead of what might happen later. Break the problem down into “what will I do in the next minute?” instead of “what might happen if/then?” See the ‘domino’ analogy later.

6. Go outside, eat a banana and have a walk. This is my wife’s advice whenever I’m stressed.

Medium-Term

1. Adopt a meditative practice. I start the day by writing 750 words. That’s a ‘brain dump’. You can do this forever, but you’ll start to see the benefits within a week.
2. Slow down your thoughts. One reason we stress is because our thoughts line up like dominoes, and we quickly amplify the worst-case scenario.
3. “If I say this, she’ll say that. And I’ll respond with this other thing. She’ll get mad, but I can’t back down. So she’ll walk away and not speak to me for a day. I’ll have to address that. It’s not acceptable in a workplace. I’ll deal with it Monday.” Then you spend all weekend ruminating, imagining Monday’s confrontation.
4. Imagine each of these thoughts as a separate domino. Space the dominoes out, so that each doesn’t automatically push the next one over.
5. “I will say this.” – full stop. You can’t predict how people will react, and trying to do so just escalates your stress.
6. My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened. ~ Michel de Montaigne

Long-Term

1. Watch your thoughts. In “Drive”, Daniel Pink says that most people never have a single positive thought all day. It’s a constant cycle of judgment, guilt and resentment. “That guy shouldn’t have made a turn without signalling!” – and then the domino effect happens: “He must be a jerk! Since he’s a jerk, he probably treats everyone disrespectfully! I bet he did that on purpose! He clearly doesn’t care about other people!”
2. When this happens, don’t judge yourself: just shift your thoughts to something you like.
3. Stop keeping score. We tend to remember the bad things...