
The Soul of Discipline
The Simplicity Parenting Approach to Warm, Firm, and Calm Guidance—from Toddlers to Teens
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Narrated by:
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Christopher Brown
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By:
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Kim John Payne
About this listen
In this groundbreaking book, parenting expert and acclaimed author of the bestselling book Simplicity Parenting Kim John Payne, M.Ed., flips the script on children’s challenging or defiant behavior and lays out an elegantly simple plan to support parents in establishing loving, age-sensitive boundaries that help children feel safe and settled. In short: What looks like misbehavior is actually your children’s signal that they’re feeling lost, that they are trying to find direction and looking to you to guide them back on course.
Payne gives parents heartwarming help and encouragement by combining astute observations with sensitive and often funny stories from his long career as a parent educator and a school and family counselor. In accessible language, he explains the relevance of current brain- and child-development studies to day-to-day parenting. Breaking the continuum of childhood into three stages, Payne says that parents need to play three different roles, each corresponding to one of those stages, to help steer children through their emotional growth and inevitable challenging times:
• The Governor, who is comfortably and firmly in charge—setting limits and making decisions for the early years up to around the age of eight
• The Gardener, who watches for emotional growth and makes decisions based on careful listening, assisting tweens in making plans that take the whole family’s needs into account
• The Guide, who is both a sounding board and moral compass for emerging adults, helping teens build a sense of their life’s direction as a way to influence healthy decision making
Practical and rooted in common sense, The Soul of Discipline gives parents permission to be warm and nurturing but also calm and firm (not overreactive). It gives clear, doable strategies to get things back on track for parents who sense that their children’s behavior has fallen into a troubling pattern. And best of all, it provides healthy direction to the entire family so parents can spend less time and energy on outmoded, punitive discipline and more on connecting with and enjoying their kids.
Advance praise for The Soul of Discipline
“The Soul of Discipline offers practical tools for helping parents implement discipline that’s respectful and effective, but the book is so much more. Kim John Payne offers a framework to guide parents in making decisions about why, when, and how to hold tighter reins as we build skills in our children, and why, when, and how to loosen the reins as we scaffold freedom.”—Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D., co-author of No-Drama Discipline
“This book gets deep inside the challenge of getting along with children and teens and thinks deeply about what they need from us to become strong and self-managing. It elevates discipline to what it should be—a caring process of helping kids orient to the world and live in it happily and well.”—Steve Biddulph, author of The New Manhood
“Kim Payne provides a useful model for choosing our parenting stance—Governor, Gardener, or Guide—depending on the situation. Most powerfully, Payne begins with the radical view that children are not disobedient but rather disoriented. The upshot of this shift in perspective is that discipline is about helping children orient themselves effectively, not about controlling or chastising.”—Lawrence J. Cohen, Ph.D., author of Playful Parenting
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Critic reviews
“The Soul of Discipline draws on Kim John Payne’s years of gifted school and family counseling to show us with its clear and simple tone how to discipline without becoming our children’s enemy. It is filled with memorable stories, dialogues that will engage your imagination, and great strategies. By the book’s end, a new picture of parenting will live in you, one that will honor the soul of your children as you provide the structure, training, and guidance they need at each stage of their development.”—Dee Joy Coulter, Ed.D., author of Original Mind
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This Is So Awkward
- Modern Puberty Explained
- By: Cara Natterson MD, Vanessa Kroll Bennett
- Narrated by: Cara Natterson MD, Vanessa Kroll Bennett
- Length: 13 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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Almost everything about puberty has changed since today's adults went through it. Bewildered adults have begged for reliable and relatable information about the modern adolescent experience. This Is So Awkward answers their call. Written by a pediatrician and a puberty educator—together the hosts of a lively and popular podcast on puberty, and moms to six teens between them—this is the handbook everyone has been searching for. Eye-opening and reassuring, This Is So Awkward will help adults understand the turbulent pubescent decade and become confident guides for today’s kids.
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Text book reading for understanding your kids
- By Leap4 on 09-23-24
By: Cara Natterson MD, and others
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I Am Diosa
- A Journey to Healing Deep, Loving Yourself, and Coming Back Home to Soul
- By: Christine Gutierrez
- Narrated by: Christine Gutierrez, Yetta Gottesman
- Length: 9 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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This raw and relatable guide to radical self-care and self-love empowers listeners to embrace the powerful Diosa within. In this fiercely inspiring book from a fresh new voice in the women's empowerment space, psychotherapist Christine Gutierrez welcomes women to join her in healing the wounds from past hurt or trauma to reclaim their worth and come back home to their true self and soul.
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The right tools for deep healing
- By Jess Pazos on 04-25-21
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The Earned Life
- Lose Regret, Choose Fulfillment
- By: Marshall Goldsmith, Mark Reiter
- Narrated by: Marshall Goldsmith
- Length: 8 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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Goldsmith implores listeners to avoid the Great Western Disease of “I’ll be happy when. . . .” He offers practical advice and exercises aimed at helping us shed the obstacles, especially the failures of imagination, that prevent us from creating our own fulfilling lives. With this book as their guide, listeners can close the gap between what they plan to achieve and what they actually get done—and avoid the trap of existential regret, the kind that reroutes destinies and persecutes our memories.
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Brilliant Book 💛
- By Dr. Lilian Ajayi-Ore on 05-04-22
By: Marshall Goldsmith, and others
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Tell Me More
- Stories About the 12 Hardest Things I'm Learning to Say
- By: Kelly Corrigan
- Narrated by: Kelly Corrigan
- Length: 4 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
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It's a crazy idea: trying to name the phrases that make love and connection possible. But that's just what Kelly Corrigan has set out to do here. In her New York Times best-selling memoirs, Corrigan distilled our core relationships to their essences, showcasing a warm, easy storytelling style. Now, in Tell Me More, she's back with a deeply personal, unfailingly honest, and often hilarious examination of the essential phrases that turn the wheel of life.
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hard but worth it
- By erssmith on 09-19-18
By: Kelly Corrigan
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Mindshift
- Break Through Obstacles to Learning and Discover Your Hidden Potential
- By: Barbara Oakley PhD
- Narrated by: Barbara Oakley PhD
- Length: 9 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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Mindshift reveals how we can overcome stereotypes and preconceived ideas about what is possible for us to learn and become. At a time when we are constantly being asked to retrain and reinvent ourselves to adapt to new technologies and changing industries, this book shows us how we can uncover and develop talents we didn't realize we had - no matter what our age or background.
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Learning by anecdote
- By Mark B. on 08-11-17
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The Yes Brain
- How to Cultivate Courage, Curiosity, and Resilience in Your Child
- By: Daniel J. Siegel M.D., Tina Payne Bryson
- Narrated by: Daniel J. Siegel M.D., Tina Payne Bryson
- Length: 5 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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When facing contentious issues such as screen time, food choices, and bedtime, children often act out or shut down, responding with reactivity instead of receptivity. This is what New York Times best-selling authors Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson call a No Brain response. But our kids can be taught to approach life with openness and curiosity. When kids work from a Yes Brain, they’re more willing to take chances and explore. They’re more curious and imaginative. They’re better at relationships and handling adversity.
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Where is the PDF
- By Erin on 02-15-18
By: Daniel J. Siegel M.D., and others
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The Power of Meaning
- Crafting a Life That Matters
- By: Emily Esfahani Smith
- Narrated by: Mozhan Marnò
- Length: 7 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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This wise, stirring book argues that the search for meaning can immeasurably deepen our lives and is far more fulfilling than the pursuit of personal happiness. There is a myth in our culture that the search for meaning is some esoteric pursuit - that you have to travel to a distant monastery or page through dusty volumes to figure out life's great secret. The truth is, there are untapped sources of meaning all around us - right here, right now.
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Meandering
- By LS on 09-27-17
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Transcend
- The New Science of Self-Actualization
- By: Scott Barry Kaufman PhD
- Narrated by: Scott Barry Kaufman PhD
- Length: 10 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
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When psychologist Scott Barry Kaufman first discovered Maslow's unfinished theory of transcendence, sprinkled throughout a cache of unpublished journals, lectures, and essays, he felt a deep resonance with his own work and life. In this groundbreaking book, Kaufman picks up where Maslow left off, unraveling the mysteries of his unfinished theory, and integrating these ideas with the latest research on attachment, connection, creativity, love, purpose and other building blocks of a life well lived.
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Exactly what I wanted, and needed
- By Shannon Tripp on 06-24-20
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Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings
- How to Stop the Fighting and Raise Friends for Life
- By: Dr. Laura Markham
- Narrated by: Dr. Laura Markham
- Length: 9 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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Popular parenting expert Dr. Laura Markham, author of Peaceful Parents, Happy Siblings, has garnered a large and loyal readership around the world thanks to her simple, insightful approach that values the emotional bond between parent and child. As any parent of more than one child knows, though, it's challenging for even the most engaged parent to maintain harmony and a strong connection when competition, tempers, and irritation run high.
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Not for all mothers
- By A mother on 03-05-17
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Coming Alive
- 4 Tools to Defeat Your Inner Enemy, Ignite Creative Expression & Unleash Your Soul's Potential
- By: Barry Michels, Phil Stutz
- Narrated by: Phil Stutz, Barry Michels
- Length: 8 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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In The Tools, Barry Michels and Phil Stutz revolutionized the world of personal growth and self-actualization by offering doable, dynamic actions that transformed challenges into opportunities for change. Now, in Coming Alive, they provide four vital tools for tapping into the Life Force that resides within each of us - a wellspring of positive energy that is the source of creativity, renewal, confidence, and engagement.
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A Stunning Work of Generosity
- By JTN from Seattle on 10-05-17
By: Barry Michels, and others
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The Four Tendencies
- The Indispensable Personality Profiles That Reveal How to Make Your Life Better (and Other People's Lives Better, Too)
- By: Gretchen Rubin
- Narrated by: Gretchen Rubin
- Length: 6 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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During her multi-book investigation into understanding human nature, Gretchen Rubin realized that by asking the seemingly dry question “How do I respond to expectations?” we gain explosive self-knowledge. She discovered that based on their answer, people fit into Four Tendencies: Upholders, Questioners, Obligers, and Rebels. Our Tendency shapes every aspect of our behavior, so using this framework allows us to make better decisions, meet deadlines, suffer less stress, and engage more effectively.
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Terrible, Repetitive, and Filled with Bad Advice
- By T. Hadnot on 03-08-18
By: Gretchen Rubin
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Brain Wash
- Detox Your Mind for Clearer Thinking, Deeper Relationships, and Lasting Happiness
- By: David Perlmutter MD, Austin Perlmutter MD, Kristin Loberg
- Narrated by: Peter Ganim
- Length: 7 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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Contemporary life provides us with infinite opportunities, along with endless temptations. We can eat whatever we want, whenever we want. We can buy goods and services for rapid delivery. But living in this 24/7 hyper-reality poses serious risks to our physical and mental states, our connections to others, and even to the world at large. Brain Wash builds from a simple premise: Our brains are being gravely manipulated, resulting in behaviors that leave us more lonely, anxious, depressed, distrustful, illness-prone, and overweight than ever before.
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Poor performance and poor writing.
- By Julie on 01-21-20
By: David Perlmutter MD, and others
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Resilient
- How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness
- By: Rick Hanson, Forrest Hanson
- Narrated by: Rick Hanson
- Length: 8 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
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With his trademark blend of neuroscience, mindfulness, and positive psychology, New York Times best-selling author Dr. Rick Hanson shows you how to develop 12 vital inner strengths hardwired into your own nervous system. Then no matter what life throws at you, you’ll be able to feel less stressed, pursue opportunities with confidence, and stay calm and centered in the face of adversity. This practical guide is full of concrete suggestions, experiential practices, personal examples, and insights into the brain.
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This is Rick Hanson's BEST book yet!
- By Lyle Walter on 03-30-18
By: Rick Hanson, and others
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How to Calm Your Mind
- Finding Presence and Productivity in Anxious Times
- By: Chris Bailey
- Narrated by: Chris Bailey
- Length: 8 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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It took an on-stage panic attack for productivity expert Chris Bailey to recognize how critical it is to invest in calm at the same time that we invest in becoming more productive. Productivity advice works—and we need it now more than ever—but it’s just as vital that we develop our capacity for calm.
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Amazing
- By Dennis ILIN on 01-05-23
By: Chris Bailey
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A Renaissance of Our Own
- A Memoir & Manifesto on Reimagining
- By: Rachel E. Cargle
- Narrated by: Rachel E. Cargle
- Length: 5 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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There are breaking points in all our lives when we realize that the way things have been done before just don’t work for us anymore, be it the way we approach our relationships, our belief systems, our work, our education, even our rest. For activist, philanthropist, and CEO Rachel E. Cargle, reimagining—the act of creating in our minds that which does not exist but that we believe can and should—has been a lifelong process. Reimagining served as the most powerful catalyst for Cargle’s personal transformation from a small-town Christian wife to an incisive queer feminist voice of a generation.
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Heavy focus on activism
- By M. Gurley on 06-07-23
By: Rachel E. Cargle
What listeners say about The Soul of Discipline
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Sarah Lee South
- 09-05-24
Excellent!
This is my favorite parenting book of all time (and I’ve read a lot). If you are looking for clear guidance for raising and guiding children, this book is it.
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