Never Enough
When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic—and What We Can Do About It
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Narrated by:
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Jennifer Breheny Wallace
About this listen
AN INSTANT NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER
The definitive book on the rise of “toxic achievement culture” overtaking our kids' and parents' lives, and a new framework for fighting back
In the ever more competitive race to secure the best possible future, today’s students face unprecedented pressure to succeed. They jam-pack their schedules with AP classes, fill every waking hour with resume-padding activities, and even sabotage relationships with friends to “get ahead.” Family incomes and schedules are stretched to the breaking point by tutoring fees and athletic schedules. Yet this drive to optimize performance has only resulted in skyrocketing rates of anxiety, depression, and even self-harm in America’s highest achieving schools. Parents, educators, and community leaders are facing the same quandary: how can we teach our kids to strive towards excellence without crushing them?
In Never Enough, award-winning reporter Jennifer Breheny Wallace investigates the deep roots of toxic achievement culture, and finds out what we must do to fight back. Drawing on interviews with families, educators, and an original survey of nearly 6,000 parents, she exposes how the pressure to perform is not a matter of parental choice but baked in to our larger society and spurred by increasing income inequality and dwindling opportunities. As a result, children are increasingly absorbing the message that they have no value outside of their accomplishments, a message that is reinforced by the media and greater culture at large.
Through deep research and interviews with today’s leading child psychologists, Wallace shows what kids need from the adults in the room is not more pressure, but to feel like they matter, and have intrinsic self-worth not contingent upon external achievements. Parents and educators who adopt the language and values of mattering help children see themselves as a valuable contributor to a larger community. And in an ironic twist, kids who receive consistent feedback that they matter no matter what are more likely to have the resilience, self-confidence, and psychological security to thrive.
Packed with memorable stories and offering a powerful toolkit for positive change, Never Enough offers an urgent, humane view of the crisis plaguing today’s teens and a practical framework for how to help.
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“This deeply reported book is a wake up call for all of us. Skyrocketing expectations and the unrelenting grind to achieve are doing immeasurable damage to an entire generation -- but as Jennifer Wallace persuasively argues, it doesn't have to be this way.” –Katie Couric
“Recently a sixteen-year old high school student asked me, “Is achievement the same as success?” I wish I could have handed her this book. Because if achievement is all you’re chasing, it will never be enough—but if you matter to your friends, family, and community, you’ll always feel like a success. Jennifer Breheny Wallace offers a much-needed perspective on why mattering matters most.” –Angela Duckworth, New York Times bestselling author of Grit
“In Never Enough Jennifer Wallace takes up one of the toughest questions in all of parenting - How do we give kids every opportunity without asking too much of them? - and delivers clear, compassionate, actionable answers. Never Enough is more than a wise and practical parenting book - it’s a pathbreaking introduction to one of the most powerful ways to protect our children’s mental health: mattering.” –Lisa Damour, New York Times bestselling author of Untangled and Under Pressure
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- Narrated by: Kaleo Griffith
- Length: 11 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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Many of us know we're putting too much pressure on our kids - and on ourselves - but how do we get off this crazy train? We want our children to succeed, to be their best, and to do their best, but what if they are not on board? A few years ago, Ned Johnson and Bill Stixrud started noticing the same problem from different angles: even high-performing kids were coming to them acutely stressed and lacking any real motivation. Many complained that they had no real control over their lives.
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Practical, wise, and well researched
- By Andrew on 07-12-18
By: William Stixrud PhD, and others
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One and Only
- The Freedom of Having an Only Child, and the Joy of Being One
- By: Lauren Sandler
- Narrated by: Lauren Sandler
- Length: 6 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
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Journalist Lauren Sandler is an only child and the mother of one. After investigating what only children are really like and whether stopping at one child is an answer to reconciling motherhood and modernity, she learned a lot about herself - and a lot about our culture's assumptions. In this heartfelt work, Sandler legitimizes a discussion about the larger societal costs of having more than one.
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Data Driven
- By Meghan B on 01-11-22
By: Lauren Sandler
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The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness
- Five Steps to Help Kids Create and Sustain Lifelong Joy
- By: Edward M. Hallowell MD
- Narrated by: Pete Larkin
- Length: 8 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
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Edward M. Hallowell, MD, father of three and a clinical psychiatrist, has thought long and hard about what makes children feel good about themselves and the world they live in. Now, in The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness, he shares his findings with all of us who care about children. We don't need statistical studies or complicated expert opinions to raise children. What we do need is love, wonder, and the confidence to trust our instincts.
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Love this book and will be listening again
- By Jenny on 09-15-22
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Parenting the New Teen in the Age of Anxiety
- Raising Happy, Healthy Humans Ages 8 to 24
- By: Dr. John Duffy
- Narrated by: Anne Cross
- Length: 7 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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No parent experienced their teen years the way that children do today. This guide provides strategies and tips for actively learning the world of our children.
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Every parent should read this!!
- By Kitty Kitty on 10-20-19
By: Dr. John Duffy
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All the Rage
- Mothers, Fathers, and the Myth of Equal Partnership
- By: Darcy Lockman
- Narrated by: Abby Craden
- Length: 8 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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The inequity of domestic life is one of the most profound and perplexing conundrums of our time. In an era of seemingly unprecedented feminist activism, enlightenment, and change, data shows that one area of gender inequality stubbornly remains: the unequal amount of parental work that falls on women, no matter their class or professional status.
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Must read for men
- By Brooks Rainey Pearson on 06-12-19
By: Darcy Lockman
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Differently Wired
- Raising an Exceptional Child in a Conventional World
- By: Deborah Reber
- Narrated by: Deborah Reber
- Length: 8 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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Today millions of kids are stuck in a world that doesn't respect, support, or embrace who they really are - these are what Deborah Reber is calling the “differently wired” kids, the one in five children with ADHD, dyslexia, Asperger’s, and other neurodifferences. Their challenges are many. But now there’s hope. Written by Deborah Reber, a best-selling author and mother in the midst of an eye-opening journey with her son who is twice exceptional (he has ADHD, Asperger’s, and is highly gifted), Differently Wired is a how-to, a manifesto, a book of wise advice, and more.
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very well thought out but not for everyone
- By Trudy Owens on 01-01-19
By: Deborah Reber
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How to Raise a Boy
- The Power of Connection to Build Good Men
- By: Michael C. Reichert
- Narrated by: Adam Grupper
- Length: 11 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
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Michael C. Reichert draws on his 30 years of experience researching the process by which boys become men to provide a road map for parents and educators who hope to help the boys they love and care about grow into strong, emotionally intelligent, and compassionate men.
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Good overall information, but a but lacking how-to
- By Dima on 01-12-21
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The Formula
- Unlocking the Secrets to Raising Highly Successful Children
- By: Ronald F. Ferguson, Tatsha Robertson
- Narrated by: Cynthia Farrell
- Length: 10 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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In The Formula: Unlocking the Secrets to Raising Highly Successful Children, Harvard economist Ronald Ferguson, named in a New York Times profile as the foremost expert on the US educational "achievement gap," along with award-winning journalist Tatsha Robertson, reveal an intriguing blueprint for helping children from all types of backgrounds become successful adults.
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would recommend
- By Marcia on 02-25-20
By: Ronald F. Ferguson, and others
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Unschooled
- Raising Curious, Well-Educated Children Outside the Conventional Classroom
- By: Kerry Mcdonald, Peter Grey PhD
- Narrated by: Lesa Lockford
- Length: 9 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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In a compelling narrative that introduces historical and contemporary research on self-directed education, Unschooled also spotlights how a diverse group of individuals and organizations are evolving an old schooling model of education. These innovators challenge the myth that children need to be taught in order to learn.
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Not for parents
- By online shopper on 05-24-20
By: Kerry Mcdonald, and others
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Building Confidence in Your Child
- By: James Dobson
- Narrated by: Jon Gauger
- Length: 6 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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Proven ways to improve your child's self-esteem. A solid sense of self-worth helps your child make good choices, develop healthy relationships, and work to achieve his or her dreams. But what's the best way to instill self-confidence while still teaching your child to value and care about others? Based on a biblical understanding of human worth, Building Confidence in Your Child teaches you how to parent positively and help your child grow into a secure adult who is poised for success in life.
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Outdated Terms/Assumptions- I'm disappointed
- By Bobye M Ruddell on 02-17-20
By: James Dobson
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Raising a Strong Daughter in a Toxic Culture
- 11 Steps to Keep Her Happy, Healthy, and Safe
- By: Meg Meeker
- Narrated by: Lisbeth Carol Keen
- Length: 6 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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Learn about the essential, complementary roles that mothers and fathers play; the dangers of social media - and how to help your daughter navigate them; what every daughter needs to know about God; how to launch your daughter into successful womanhood; and more.
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Should had read the details instead of the title.
- By Ms. Burke on 11-15-20
By: Meg Meeker
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How Children Succeed
- Grit, Curiosity, and the Hidden Power of Character
- By: Paul Tough
- Narrated by: Robert Petkoff
- Length: 8 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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The story we usually tell about childhood and success is the one about intelligence: success comes to those who score highest on tests, from preschool admissions to SATs. But in How Children Succeed, Paul Tough argues that the qualities that matter most have more to do with character: skills like perseverance, curiosity, conscientiousness, optimism, and self-control. How Children Succeed introduces us to a new generation of researchers and educators who, for the first time, are using the tools of science to peel back the mysteries of character.
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Article based on interviews
- By Anonymous User on 10-24-24
By: Paul Tough
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The Grown-Up's Guide to Teenage Humans
- How to Decode Their Behavior, Develop Unshakable Trust, and Raise a Respectable Adult
- By: Josh Shipp
- Narrated by: Roger Wayne
- Length: 7 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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Written in Shipp's playfully authoritative, no-nonsense voice, The Grown-Up's Guide to Teenage Humans tells his story and unpacks practical strategies that can make a difference. Ultimately, it's not about shortcuts or magic words - as Shipp reminds us, it's about investing in kids and giving them the love, time, and support they need to thrive. And that means every kid is one caring adult away from being a success story.
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Read it....then read it again!
- By R. Eichelberger on 11-07-17
By: Josh Shipp
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Social Justice Parenting
- How to Raise Compassionate, Anti-Racist, Justice-Minded Kids in an Unjust World
- By: Traci Baxley
- Narrated by: Traci Baxley
- Length: 6 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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As a global pandemic shuttered schools across the country in 2020, parents found themselves thrust into the role of teacher — in more ways than one. Not only did they take on remote school supervision, but after the murder of George Floyd and the ensuing Black Lives Matter protests, many also grappled with the responsibility to teach their kids about social justice — with few resources to guide them.
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Inspiring, motivating, practical
- By Heather Janetzko on 03-18-24
By: Traci Baxley
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Optimization is the driving principle of our modern world. We now can manufacture, transport, and organize things more cheaply and faster than ever. Optimized models underlie everything from airline schedules to dating site matches. We strive for efficiency in our daily lives, obsessed with productivity and optimal performance. How did a mathematical concept take on such outsize cultural shape? And what is lost when efficiency is gained? Optimal Illusions traces the fascinating history of optimization from its roots in America’s founding principles to its modern manifestations.
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Insightful and informative
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What listeners say about Never Enough
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- M. Kern
- 08-22-24
The book this generation of parents need for themselves and their kids
As a practicing school psychologist, I can’t save enough positive things about this book. A breath of fresh air for families and permission to do the things that really matter most for their children’s long term happiness
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- ES
- 02-23-24
A book every worried parent needs to read
Can’t say enough about how much this book puts into words - in a wonderful conversational style filled with real people’s stories, expert advice, and research findings - so many of the stressors, worries, and difficulties so many teens and parents are going through right now. From subtle nuances, like when espousing the “growth mindset” can be harmful, to artful reframing and reminders, I enjoyed every single chapter and also thought the author did a wonderful job reading the book, like a helpful and generous friend passing on what she has learned over time. Love the message, love the focus on mattering. Thank you for writing this book.
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- vcapp
- 03-04-24
Great fresh topic to learn about for me
Very interesting and heartbreaking to think about but glad I came across this as my son is still in 9th grade. Really appreciated the piece on mattering and its importance and how to practice it.
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- familyof5
- 08-26-23
Convicting!
Thoughtful convicting research about the pressures our society and we as parents put on our children. A mental health crisis is growing, especially in high school age kids, with all the pressure they feel with social media, grades, club sports, college, etc. Jennifer offers advice on how to make our children know they matter without adding more pressure.
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- Anonymous User
- 09-15-23
Must Read
It’s a must read for parents, young adults and communities. Tell the people you love that you love them.
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- S.E.
- 08-25-23
Outstanding!
Grateful for the thoughtful advice, shared in such an easily consumable way within this book. I’ve taken away so many concepts and ideas that I am excited to implement in my own family. Mattering matters, and it was so nice to hear that portrayed in such thoughtful and inspiring ways!
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- Doris Vega
- 02-21-24
Very helpful
Interesting information about a real issue. Author provides useful suggestions to implement in our day to day lives
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- Jamie Djelosevic
- 05-21-24
Redefining success!
This book has changed my perspective on how I view my children’s daily lives and our interactions together. The book brought so much awareness to how we value achievement and accolades over well being and purpose in life. Success is redefined through the literature and the focus on mental health, purpose, and how we can make the world a better place is a relief! Thank you for writing, this book will remain in my library and I will listen to again when I need reminders what’s really important when raising happy and successful children who live with purpose and intentionality.
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- Mark
- 09-24-23
Great ideas on schooling
This book is about the over-achievement culture, with very healthy advice for parents and schools. This is well written and engaging, and very important. This is a must-read for parents and educators!
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- Simi Y
- 10-21-23
Stunning depiction of the prevalent toxic culture
I couldn't put this book aside! I'm going to read it again and take notes! Packed with valuable insights on raising psychologically wholesome and strong kids who also excel in their fields. Thank you, Ann Klotz, Head Laurel School, for mentioning this amazing book in the weekly newsletter. Thank you, Ms. Wallace, for writing this stunning book!
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