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Kill the Farm Boy
- The Tales of Pell Series, Book 1
- Narrated by: Luke Daniels
- Length: 12 hrs and 38 mins
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Publisher's summary
In an irreverent series in the tradition of Monty Python, the best-selling authors of the Iron Druid Chronicles and Star Wars: Phasma reinvent fantasy, fairy tales, and floridly written feast scenes.
"Ranks among the best of Christopher Moore and Terry Pratchett." (Chuck Wendig)
"When you put two authors of this high caliber together, expect fireworks. Or at least laughs. What a hoot!" (Terry Brooks)
Once upon a time, in a faraway kingdom, a hero, the Chosen One, was born...and so begins every fairy tale ever told. This is not that fairy tale. There is a Chosen One, but he is unlike any One who has ever been Chosened. And there is a faraway kingdom, but you have never been to a magical world quite like the land of Pell. There, a plucky farm boy will find more than he's bargained for on his quest to awaken the sleeping princess in her cursed tower.
First there's the Dark Lord, who wishes for the boy's untimely death...and also very fine cheese. Then there's a bard without a song in her heart but with a very adorable and fuzzy tail, an assassin who fears not the night but is terrified of chickens, and a mighty fighter more frightened of her sword than of her chain-mail bikini. This journey will lead to sinister umlauts, a trash-talking goat, the Dread Necromancer Steve, and a strange and wondrous journey to the most peculiar "happily ever after" that ever once-upon-a-timed.
Praise for Kill the Farm Boy:
"A rollicking fantasy adventure that upends numerous genre tropes in audacious style...a laugh-out-loud-funny fusion of Monty Python-esque humor and whimsy a la Terry Pratchett's Discworld." (Kirkus Reviews)
“Dawson and Hearne’s reimagining of a traditional fairy tale is reminiscent of William Goldman’s The Princess Bride and William Steig’s Shrek! Irreverent, funny, and full of entertaining wordplay, this will keep readers guessing until the end.” (Library Journal)
"Will have you laughing out loud until strangers begin to look at you oddly." (SyFy)
"A smart comedy...nuanced, complicated, and human." (Tordotcom)
"[Delilah Dawson and Kevin Hearne] make fun of the typical 'white male power fantasies,' and in that, they succeed, with their heroes all characters of color and/or falling somewhere under the LGBTQ umbrella." (Publishers Weekly)
Critic reviews
"When you put two authors of this high caliber together, expect fireworks. Or at least laughs. What a hoot!" (New York Times bestselling author Terry Brooks)
"Delilah S. Dawson and Kevin Hearne have rigged up an absurdly funny fantasy riff on the Chosen One story, and it had me laughing from literally the name of the first chapter Kill the Farm Boy ranks among the best of Christopher Moore and Terry Pratchett and is not to be missed." (Chuck Wendig)
Editorial Review
But first, let us appreciate this tag line Once. A pun. A time.
As one who unabashedly flocks to any story with even a whiff of eau de chosen one, my bookish senses were tingling as soon as I heard Kill the Farm Boy would be the one chosen one story to rule them all (and make fun of them all). Add to that the fact that it’s written by Kevin Hearne and Delilah S. Dawson—and narrated by Luke Daniels—and this book catapulted to the top of my list of summer listens I’m hyped about. Here it is: imagine The Princess Bride if Westley never met Buttercup, and if maybe he ran into Donkey from Shrek instead. There are shenanigans and adventures to be had in equal amounts, and all in all, it’s riddikulus. —Melissa B., Audible Editor
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- By: Shae Ford
- Narrated by: Derek Perkins
- Length: 37 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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Books 1, 2, and the prequel novella of the Fate's Forsaken series. The series follows the adventures of Kael: a young man who is thrust from his home in the Unforgivable Mountains and onto a hero's path. The journey is long, the battles are fierce - nearly all of his companions are outlaws. And Kael's rotten bad luck seems to make everything worse. This is his story.
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Fantasy with light romance
- By Skipper on 09-23-15
By: Shae Ford
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The Sword of Summer
- Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard, Book One
- By: Rick Riordan
- Narrated by: Christopher Guetig
- Length: 15 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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Magnus Chase has always been a troubled kid. Since his mother's mysterious death, he's lived alone on the streets of Boston, surviving by his wits, keeping one step ahead of the police and the truant officers. One day, he's tracked down by an uncle he barely knows - a man his mother claimed was dangerous. Uncle Randolph tells him an impossible secret: Magnus is the son of a Norse god. The Viking myths are true. The gods of Asgard are preparing for war. Trolls, giants and worse monsters are stirring for doomsday.
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First I was disappointed, then I was angry
- By Jeanie on 10-08-15
By: Rick Riordan
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The Bitches of Everafter
- The Everafter Series, Book 1
- By: Barbra Annino
- Narrated by: Erin Fossa
- Length: 7 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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These are not the mild-mannered maidens of your childhood. These are fallen princesses and fierce women with no recollection of who they are, where they came from, or how they arrived in a mysterious town called Everafter. All they know is that they've been sentenced to a stretch in a half-way house by a malicious judge with an ax to grind. They've been stripped of their freedom, their kingdoms, and their true loves. Now, they have nothing left to lose.
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Good Idea, Bad execution
- By A.J. Amendolara on 04-26-15
By: Barbra Annino
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Spirit Animals: Special Edition
- Tales of the Great Beasts
- By: Brandon Mull
- Narrated by: Nicola Barber
- Length: 5 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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Long before they were spirit animals, the four were still legends - Great Beasts, the most powerful beings to roam the wilds of Erdas. Aided by a brave resistance of humans and animals, they gave their lives to protect the world from a threat more dangerous than any it had seen before: their own kind. Wise and cunning, gentle and ruthless, these are tales of the true heroes and villains in the war that started it all.
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review from 9 y/o daughter
- By Ellie on 01-08-17
By: Brandon Mull
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The Infernal City
- Elder Scrolls Series #1
- By: Greg Keyes
- Narrated by: Michael Page
- Length: 8 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Four decades after the Oblivion Crisis, Tamriel is threatened anew by an ancient and all-consuming evil. It is Umbriel, a floating city that casts a terrifying shadow-for wherever it falls, people die and rise again. And it is in Umbriel's shadow that a great adventure begins and a group of unlikely heroes meet. A legendary prince with a secret. A spy on the trail of a vast conspiracy. A mage obsessed with his desire for revenge. And Annaïg, a young girl in whose hands the fate of Tamriel may rest.
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Umbriel is coming
- By Brenden Zapp on 02-01-13
By: Greg Keyes
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The Sword-Edged Blonde
- By: Alex Bledsoe
- Narrated by: Stefan Rudnicki
- Length: 8 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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It should have been a case like any other: a missing princess, a king willing to pay in gold for her return. But before he realizes it, private investigator Eddie LaCrosse, a slightly shopworn sword jockey with a talent for discretion and detection, is swept up in a web of mystery and deceit involving a brutally murdered royal heir, a queen accused of an unspeakable crime, and the tragic past he thought he'd left behind.
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No Redeeming Qualities
- By MightyMite68 on 09-27-20
By: Alex Bledsoe
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The Goose Girl
- Book One of the Books of Bayern
- By: Shannon Hale
- Narrated by: Cynthia Bishop
- Length: 10 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Princess Anidori-Kiladra of Kildenree was born with a word on her tongue, and a secret magic. Though she is raised in luxury, she is never quite comfortable with who she is, or what she is to become. Then she is sent on a journey to marry an unknown prince. The trip is difficult, and before it is finished all her expectations are overturned. Alone, friendless, stripped of her crown and her title, Ani must learn to make her own path in the world. Along the way, she just might learn to be a princess.
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Surprisingly Good!
- By Douglas on 01-08-14
By: Shannon Hale
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The Adventurers Guild
- The Adventurers Guild Trilogy, Book 1
- By: Zack Loran Clark, Nick Eliopulos
- Narrated by: Johnny Heller
- Length: 6 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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In one of the last cities standing after the world fell to monsters, best friends Zed Kagari and Brock Dunderfel have high hopes for the future. Zed desperately wishes to join the ranks of the Mages Guild, where his status as Freestone's only half-elf might finally be an asset. Brock, the roguishly handsome son of merchants, is confident he'll be welcomed into the ranks of the Merchants Guild. But just as it seems the boys' dreams have come true, their lives take a startling turn...and they find themselves members of the perilous Adventurers Guild.
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Well written and well read.
- By Reviewer on 05-22-19
By: Zack Loran Clark, and others
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Iron Axe
- The Books of Blood and Iron, Book 1
- By: Steven Harper
- Narrated by: P. J. Ochlan
- Length: 13 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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In this brand new series from the author of the Clockwork Empire series, a hopeless outcast must answer Death's call and embark on an epic adventure... Although Danr's mother was human, his father was one of the hated Stane, a troll from the mountains. Now Danr has nothing to look forward to but a life of disapproval and mistrust, answering to "Trollboy" and condemned to hard labor on a farm. Until, without warning, strange creatures come down from the mountains to attack the village.
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I DON'T WANT YOU TO FOLLOW ME,
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 07-22-17
By: Steven Harper
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Enchanted
- The Woodcutter Sisters, Book 1
- By: Alethea Kontis
- Narrated by: Katherine Kellgren
- Length: 7 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
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It isn’t easy being Sunday’s child, not when you’re the rather overlooked and unhappy youngest sibling to sisters named for the other six days of the week. Sunday’s only comfort is writing stories, although what she writes has a terrible tendency to come true. When Sunday meets an enchanted frog who asks about her stories, the two become friends. Soon that friendship deepens into something magical. One night, Sunday kisses her frog goodbye and leaves, not realizing that her love has transformed him....
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Charming... Enchanting
- By The Gabbards on 07-03-12
By: Alethea Kontis
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Shadow Prowler
- Chronicles of Siala, Book 1
- By: Alexey Pehov
- Narrated by: MacLeod Andrews
- Length: 15 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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An army is gathering; thousands of giants, ogres, and other creatures are joining forces from all across the Desolate Lands, united, for the first time in history, under one, black banner. By the spring, or perhaps sooner, the Nameless One and his forces will be at the walls of the great city of Avendoom.
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This Thief will steal your time away
- By Joshua on 03-29-10
By: Alexey Pehov
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The Book of Magic
- By: Gardner Dozois - editor, Scott Lynch, Elizabeth Bear, and others
- Narrated by: Karissa Vacker, Sile Bermingham, Maxwell Caulfield, and others
- Length: 24 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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Hot on the heels of Gardner Dozois's acclaimed anthology The Book of Swords comes this companion volume devoted to magic. How could it be otherwise? For every Frodo, there is a Gandalf... and a Saruman. For every Dorothy, a Glinda... and a Wicked Witch of the West. What would Harry Potter be without Albus Dumbledore... and Severus Snape? Figures of wisdom and power, possessing arcane, often forbidden knowledge, wizards and sorcerers are shaped - or misshaped - by the potent magic they seek to wield.
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Very Good, With One Objection
- By Kindle Customer on 05-05-20
By: Gardner Dozois - editor, and others
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House of Furies
- By: Madeleine Roux
- Narrated by: Billie Fulford-Brown
- Length: 8 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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After escaping a harsh school where punishment was the lesson of the day, 17-year-old Louisa Ditton is thrilled to find employment as a maid at a boardinghouse. But soon after her arrival at Coldthistle House, Louisa begins to realize that the house's mysterious owner, Mr. Morningside, is providing much more than lodging for his guests. Far from a place of rest, the house is a place of judgment, and Mr. Morningside and his unusual staff are meant to execute their own justice on those who are past being saved.
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One of the characters is Satan..lots of the occult
- By Angela Briggs on 07-25-19
By: Madeleine Roux
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Castle Hangnail
- By: Ursula Vernon
- Narrated by: Tara Sands
- Length: 7 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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When Molly shows up on Castle Hangnail's doorstep to fill the vacancy for a wicked witch, the castle's minions are understandably dubious. After all, she is 12 years old, barely five feet tall, and quite polite. (The minions are used to tall, demanding evil sorceresses with razor-sharp cheekbones.) But the castle desperately needs a master, or else the Board of Magic will decommission it, leaving all the minions without the home they love.
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A great romp you shouldn't leave to just the kids
- By Elisabeth Carey on 02-08-16
By: Ursula Vernon
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This was a hard listen
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Al MacBharrais is both blessed and cursed. He is blessed with an extraordinary white moustache, an appreciation for craft cocktails - and a most unique magical talent. He can cast spells with magically enchanted ink and he uses his gifts to protect our world from rogue minions of various pantheons, especially the Fae.
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I can't believe anyone thought this was politcal
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Chasing the Moon
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Diana's life was in a rut - she hated her job, she was perpetually single, and she needed a place to live. But then the perfect apartment came along. It seemed too good to be true - because it was. As it turns out, the apartment was already inhabited - by monsters.
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Douglas Adams on Acid
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By: A. Lee Martinez
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Shrek!
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Before Shrek made it big on the silver screen, there was William Steig's Shrek!, a book about an ordinary ogre who leaves his swampy childhood home to go out and see the world. Ordinary, that is, if a foul and hideous being who ends up marrying the most stunningly ugly princess on the planet is what you consider ordinary.
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your mother
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By: William Steig
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Bloom
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A sweet sapphic romance takes a deadly dark turn in this sharp-as-a-knife novella with the slow build menace of Angela Carter's The Bloody Chamber—from a New York Times-bestselling author hailed by Chuck Wendig as "a storyteller working at the top of her class."
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Actually Disturbing
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Cosmic Delivery Boy
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Simon is the best delivery boy that Mr Edwards’s restaurant has ever had. He’s on time every time, and he’s gotten nothing but good reviews. But he needs more money. His mother’s medical treatment won’t pay for itself, and his father is already working three jobs to try to make ends meet. But it might just be his lucky day: Mr. Edwards has another job for him. It’s more delivery work, but not the usual kind. You might even say that it’s out of this world. Oh well. Beggars can’t be choosers, and the pay is fantastic.
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L.G. Estrella did it again
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Orconomics: A Satire
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The adventuring industry drives the economy of Arth, a world much like our own but with more magic and fewer vowels. Monsters' hoards are claimed, bought by corporate interests, and sold off to plunder funds long before the Heroes' Guild actually kills the beasts. Of course, that's a terrible arrangement for the Shadowkin; orcs, goblins, kobolds, and their ilk must apply for to become Noncombatant Paper Carriers (or NPCs) to avoid being killed and looted by heroes.
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High Fantasy meets Economics- hilarity ensues
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By: J. Zachary Pike
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Caverns and Creatures: Volume I (Books 1-4)
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Swords. Sorcery. Dick Jokes. Truly do the gods smile upon you, dear listener, for the first four books in the hilarious Caverns and Creatures series are now available in one audiobook set. Join Tim, Dave, Julian, and Cooper as they are thrown into a hostile fantasy world filled with magic and monsters, and ruled over by a cruel and sadistic game master who taunts and harasses them while he sits back and eats their fried chicken.
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A great listen, but don't listen while in public!
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A Carriger Quartet
- By: Gail Carriger
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Four original, unabridged, full-cast productions of Gail Carriger's most beloved fantasy short stories: "The Curious Case of the Werewolf That Wasn't, the Mummy That Was, and the Cat in the Jar": A mummified cat, a secret agent, and an aristocrat entangle Alessandro Tarraboti (father of Alexia Tarraboti from the Parasol Protectorate series) in a rollicking, wry adventure into the supernatural secrets of ancient Egypt.
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Cute stories, horrible narration
- By Karissa Eckert on 04-13-17
By: Gail Carriger
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Two Necromancers, a Bureaucrat, and an Army of Golems
- An Unconventional Heroes Publisher's Pack
- By: L. G. Estrella
- Narrated by: Fred Berman
- Length: 13 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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Timothy Walter Bolton - better known as Timmy - has spent most of his life as a necromancer. When he isn't terrorising his enemies, he's plotting inside his castle, which is built on top of lightless chasms filled with nameless horrors and beings of a generally malevolent and megalomaniacal nature. But after one of his latest creations, a zombie hydra-dragon-bear, tries to eat him, he decides that maybe it's time to find a new, less dangerous, career.
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Sound Editing Needed
- By Robert on 05-29-20
By: L. G. Estrella
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Vainqueur the Dragon
- By: Maxime Durand
- Narrated by: Jack Voraces
- Length: 15 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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Vainqueur Knightsbane is your average dragon: A giant, fire-breathing lizard who loves to take naps on his golden hoard, kidnap princesses for fun, and make the life of adventurers miserable. Vainqueur's only pleasure in life is to watch his treasure get bigger, one coin at a time. So when a would-be thief turned unwilling minion tells him about "classes", "levels", and "quests", Vainqueur wonders if maybe, just maybe, he should consider a career change. After all, why bother hunting monsters for free when you can get paid for it?
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Loved It. took me by surprise.
- By Michael Thorp on 05-02-20
By: Maxime Durand
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Brute Force
- By: Scott Meyer
- Narrated by: Luke Daniels
- Length: 9 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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A peaceful organization of civilized planets is faced with a threat to their very existence. Desperate to save themselves, they turn for help to the most brutal, backward, violent species in the known galaxy: humans.
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Entertaining at first, disappointing at the end.
- By V. King on 04-29-23
By: Scott Meyer
What listeners say about Kill the Farm Boy
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Dakota Nikaido
- 07-20-18
A great book to hear
Loved the story and the way Like voiced everyone. Will certainly be recommending this book to others.
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- BlindWanderer
- 11-11-19
Kill me now
If you liked "Bored of The Rings" or "Barry Trodder and The Unauthorized Parody" you will likely enjoy this.
The jokes are many and occasionally funny enough I can't help chuckle aloud.
However, this book is bad. The sort of bad that is good. Not exceptionaly good (does that mean it's bad at being bad?) but still good.
Once the book gets over it's puntification, it gets better.
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- Justin Morton
- 08-17-18
D&D set entirely for humor
Not what I was expecting, but funny and full of puns. Tons of adult humor. Overall it was a good change of pace from more serious storylines, where the authors clearly wanted to have fun and laugh.
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- T. Bennett
- 08-06-18
Loads of fun. Hard to follow at times.
There are a few times where audiobook producers know what they're doing and they pair a narrator with an author. This is what has happened with Luke Daniels and Kevin Hearne. This book is a laugh out loud riot from the beginning. Luke Daniels should get an award for his performance. This story honestly remind me of Monty Python and The Holy Grail.
My only problem is that it takes one-third of the novel for all the threads to come together. Luke Daniels narration makes the story entertaining until then. You just have to hang in for the beginning of the novel. Hence 4 stars on the story.
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- Kindle Customer
- 10-11-19
Hilarious!
Truly a great story, cool plot swerve and really funny characters. And performed hilariously and fantastically by the narrator I was laughing multiple times and totally recommend to anyone that they listen to or read this book.
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- Renee Ruark
- 08-14-18
Absolutely Delightful!
Such a great pairing of authors! How refreshing it was to have something humorous to listen to. Well written, had me smirking the whole time. Fans of role playing games will devour this story for sure. I was sad when it ended. I want more!
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- K. Mathews
- 08-06-18
Hilarious
The story is funny and captivating. It has a terry pratchett feel. The goat is the best character. The narrator does an amazing job!
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- kenneth
- 10-28-18
Hilarious!
Very good writing, story-line, and performance. Excellent in all respects except for for nighttime reading as I find it difficult to fall asleep while laughing out loud. Recommended for anyone with a sense of humor.
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- Dami
- 08-24-23
Sophomoric at best
If you're a 13 year-old boy, you might find it funny, but it's, well as I said, it's sophomoric. The performance is actually quite good, but it can't save the writing. I really can't finish it. I'm on chapter four and I just can't stand another 11+ hours....
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- Dorothy G
- 12-19-23
Quirky “punny” fairytale
Charming story and characters. Voices perform so well! Can’t wait to listen to the next tale of Pell!
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