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Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies
- On Myths, Morons, Free Speech, Football, and Assorted Absurdities
- Narrated by: Chris Kluwe
- Length: 5 hrs and 1 min
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Publisher's summary
"Hi. In your hands, right now, you hold the culmination of thousands of years of human intelligence, ingenuity, and brilliance. Now put your goddamn phone down and pay attention to my book.
"What is in my book, you ask? (I'm really glad you asked, by the way, because now I get to tell you.)
"Time travel. Gay marriage. Sportsballing. Futuristic goggles that DO NOTHING.
"Tiny brags from my publisher, stuff like: 'This is an uproarious, uncensored take on empathy, personal responsibility, and what it means to be human.'
"Excessive brags about myself: 'An extraordinarily clever, punishingly funny, sharp-tongued blogosphere star, NFL player, husband and father, one-time violin prodigy, voracious lifetime reader, obsessive gamer, and fearless champion of personal freedom.'
"Oh, and also an essay on the Pope's Twitter account. Honestly, if that doesn't draw you in, there's no hope left for humanity. I also give my own funeral eulogy, in case you were hoping I'd go away and die now!
"So please, join me in the glorious art of windmill tilting by reading this 'collection of rousing, uncensored personal essays, letters, and stories' (I have no idea why that's in quotes).
"Join the herd of Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies.
"(You know you want to.)"
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Story
The Unincorporated Man is a provocative social/political/economic novel that takes place in the future, after civilization has fallen into complete economic collapse. This reborn civilization is one in which every individual is incorporated at birth and spends many years trying to attain control over his or her own life by getting a majority of his or her own shares. Life extension has made life very long indeed.
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Hmm
- By CB on 06-15-09
By: Dani Kollin, and others
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How to Host a Viking Funeral
- The Case for Burning Your Regrets, Chasing Your Crazy Ideas, and Becoming the Person You're Meant to Be
- By: Kyle Scheele
- Narrated by: Kyle Scheele
- Length: 5 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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Turning 30, artist and speaker Kyle Scheele wanted to do something unusual to mark this milestone. Instead of a birthday bash, he decided to hold a funeral to memorialize the decade of his life that was ending. Building a 16-foot Viking ship out of cardboard, he invited friends to help him set it on fire—a symbolic farewell to his 20s and all the grief, regret, and mistakes that accompanied those years.
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underwhelming
- By Amazon Customer on 12-11-22
By: Kyle Scheele
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Invisible Man, Got the Whole World Watching
- A Young Black Man's Education
- By: Mychal Denzel Smith
- Narrated by: Kevin R. Free
- Length: 5 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
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How do you learn to be a Black man in America? For young Black men today, it means coming of age during the presidency of Barack Obama. It means witnessing the deaths of Oscar Grant, Trayvon Martin, Michael Brown, Akai Gurley, and too many more. It means celebrating powerful moments of Black self-determination for LeBron James, Dave Chappelle, and Frank Ocean. In Invisible Man, Got the Whole World Watching, Mychal Denzel Smith chronicles his own personal and political education during these tumultuous years.
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History through a Young Black Man's Eyes!! Perfect
- By Patricia Hambsch on 08-31-16
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Rick Mercer Final Report
- By: Rick Mercer
- Narrated by: Rick Mercer
- Length: 6 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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Rick Mercer can always be relied on to provoke a strong reaction - but what he said one fall day in 2017 truly shocked Canada. In a rant posted on social media, the great Canadian satirist announced loud and clear that the 15th season of the Rick Mercer Report - the nation's best-watched and best-loved comedy show - would be the last. This volume brings together never-before-published rants from the last five seasons of the show, plus a selection of the very best rants from earlier years.
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Mercer Hits It Out Of The Ballpark
- By Wade Lancaster on 11-11-19
By: Rick Mercer
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Grow a Pair
- How to Stop Being a Victim and Take Back Your Life, Your Business, and Your Sanity
- By: Larry Winget
- Narrated by: Larry Winget
- Length: 3 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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The straight-talking, best-selling author and Pitbull of Personal Development is back with a pithy and prescriptive guide to success. A five-time best-selling author and one of the country's leading business speakers, Larry has made a reputation for being the first to challenge the positive-attraction gurus and the law-of-attraction bozos with his commonsense approach to success. Larry doesn't sugar-coat, and he isn't afraid to make people uncomfortable, because he wants us to stop making excuses, and start getting results.
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half the book is him saying "grow a pair"
- By Dustin on 01-08-14
By: Larry Winget
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An Inconvenient Book
- Real Solutions to the World's Biggest Problems (Unabridged)
- By: Glenn Beck
- Narrated by: Glenn Beck
- Length: 6 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
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The world is a mess. It seems that everywhere listeners turn, there's another problem. What is needed now are solutions. If only there was a man who could simplify things, cut through the rhetoric, and fix everything. Then, if he was just able to put all of that insight into something that people could buy...in a store and online...man, that would great. Wait a minute!
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Waste of Time and Money
- By Crystal on 04-11-09
By: Glenn Beck
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Feminists Don't Wear Pink and Other Lies
- Amazing Women on What the F-Word Means to Them
- By: Scarlett Curtis - curator
- Narrated by: Rosie Akerman, Pippa Bennett-Warner, Grace Campbell, and others
- Length: 5 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
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A diverse group of celebrities, activists, and artists open up about what feminism means to them, with the goal of helping listeners come to their own personal understanding of the word.
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4.5/5 Estrellas
- By Airy on 01-27-21
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The Great Gasbag
- An A-Z Study Guide to Surviving Trump World
- By: Joy Behar
- Narrated by: Joy Behar
- Length: 5 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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Put down the knife, lock away the gun, lay aside the noose - Joy Behar is here to save you from suicide as she hot walks you through the next four years (two if we are lucky, less if liberal dreams come true). Besides despair, the sane response to the insanity in the White House is laughter. On her hit ABC daytime show The View, Joy has been blunt in her condemnation of the comb over-in-chief, and her words have electrified and inspired millions in the resistance for whom #notmypresident has become a rallying cry.
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Funny and Smart !
- By MM on 10-29-17
By: Joy Behar
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Unwind
- Unwind Dystology, Book 1
- By: Neal Shusterman
- Narrated by: Luke Daniels
- Length: 10 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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After America’s Second Civil War, the Pro-Choice and Pro-Life armies came to an agreement. According to their Bill of Life, human life may not be terminated from the moment of conception until the age of thirteen. But between the ages of thirteen and eighteen, the child may be gotten rid of by their parent through a process called “unwinding.”
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Chilling, Scary, Difficult to Read
- By Joe on 11-11-20
By: Neal Shusterman
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Scythe
- By: Neal Shusterman
- Narrated by: Greg Tremblay
- Length: 10 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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A world with no hunger, no disease, no war, no misery: Humanity has conquered all those things and has even conquered death. Now Scythes are the only ones who can end life - and they are commanded to do so in order to keep the size of the population under control. Citra and Rowan are chosen to apprentice to a scythe - a role that neither wants. These teens must master the "art" of taking life, knowing that the consequence of failure could mean losing their own.
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Teenage Thumbs up
- By Lila R on 04-01-17
By: Neal Shusterman
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Lord Foulgrin's Letters
- By: Randy Alcorn
- Narrated by: Frank Muller
- Length: 7 hrs and 8 mins
- Abridged
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Correspondence has fallen into our hands that we were not intended to see. Foulgrin, a high-ranking demon, instructs his subordinate how to deceive and destroy Jordan Fletcher and his family. It's like placing a bugging device in hell's war room, where we overhear our enemies assessing our weaknesses and strategizing attack. To win the battle, we must know our God, know ourselves, and know our enemy. Lord Foulgrin's Letters is written to help us become better acquainted with each.
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Wonderful!
- By BookLady on 04-27-10
By: Randy Alcorn
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Letters to an Incarcerated Brother
- Encouragement, Hope, and Healing for Inmates and Their Loved Ones
- By: Hill Harper
- Narrated by: Kevin R. Free
- Length: 10 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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After the publication of the best-selling Letters to a Young Brother, accomplished actor and speaker Hill Harper began to receive an increasing number of moving letters from inmates who yearned for a connection with a successful role model. With disturbing statistics on African-American incarceration on his mind (one in six black men were incarcerated as of 2001, and one in three can now expect to go to prison some time in their lifetimes), Harper set out to address the specific needs of inmates.
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great read and a amazing book . every black man no matter where should read it.
- By Anonymous User on 06-25-24
By: Hill Harper
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Mad Politics
- Keeping Your Sanity in a World Gone Crazy
- By: Dr. Gina Loudon, Sean Hannity - foreword
- Narrated by: Teri Schnaubelt
- Length: 7 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
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If the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different result, America has been insane since the Reagan era. But the election of Donald Trump is certainly not like what America has done before. The media delights in diagnosing President Trump as “mad” - but what if he’s actually the cure for a country who’s been going mad for years?
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Fantastic book all the way threw.
- By Francis Cavanaugh on 08-30-20
By: Dr. Gina Loudon, and others
What listeners say about Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- C. Woolf
- 09-27-23
Precious truth seeker
I am an old fart at 70. Found hope joy humor and candidness a kick in my old ass. I LOVE our future generations. You will save us from ourselves. Eeeha!
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- A. C. Skinner
- 07-31-14
Not as good as I hoped but still pretty good!
Would you recommend this book to a friend? Why or why not?
Yes, but conditionally and in print as opposed to the audiobook. I respect Kluwe as a person and agree with most of his arguments, but I feel they could have been presented better. In this book he comes across as a bit try-hard which isn't entirely unexpected for someone attempting to follow up an explosive original short work, ie. the epic letter that set this whole thing off.
Did the narration match the pace of the story?
It was reasonably paced. However, I find author-read stories to be hit or miss. Some authors are fantastic and others less-so. I'm afraid this is an example of the latter. I chalk it up to not having the narration experience of many other writers, understandable considering the guy's day-job. The narration felt stilted more often than not, with sentences sounding disconnected from the whole (which got more and more noticeable as it went on). I ended up having to play it at a faster speed just to make myself finish.
Did Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies inspire you to do anything?
All other complaints aside, this book was overall pretty good. It really does make you realize the importance of speaking up when you see injustice and standing your ground.
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- StoryAddict
- 08-09-17
Deep thoughts from Chirs Kluwe
Any additional comments?
While I am a football fan, Chris Kluwe was not someone who was on my radar. Part of this is because he played for most of his professional life for the Minnesota Vikings, and I'm a Packers fan. Part of this is because he's a punter and, well, I don't think I could even tell you who the punter for the Packers is.
For me, I found out about Chris Kluwe when he wrote an open letter to Maryland political Emmett Burns, who had publicly condemned, and tried to stifle, Ravens player Brendan Ayanbadejo for speaking out in support of same-sex marriage. His letter, which was a masterpiece in the art of utilizing profanity to its maximum effectiveness, quickly went viral and Kluwe quickly became famous for something other than football.
And, folks, Kluwe has a lot to say. I'll come right out with this--if you are not comfortable with Progressivism, this book will make you very uncomfortable. However, if you are a Progressive, you will quickly realize that Kluwe may just be your spirit animal. He does not hold back in any way--there were many times while I was listening to this where I had to stop the elliptical or put down the weights and rewind to check if he actually said what I thought he said.
Also, if profanity is not your thing, this book is probably not for you. I'm reminded of an essay in Aasif Mandvi's book, No Land's Man, where he likens using profanity to chiles. It is far too easy to use too much and ruin everything you are going to say. However, a skilled chef can use just the right amount of chiles to create a masterpiece. Kluwe, shall we say, is 3-Michelin starred-chef.
There is no topic that Kluwe won't approach--he opens with the (in)famous same-sex letter (reading two versions--the original and the profanity-less one, which is no less cutting). He then talks about everything from the Pope to the Conservative political movement to cheap toilet paper. There were a few times where things were dated--this book is 3 years old, after all. Still, I found myself nodding in agreement (and probably looking like a wacko in the gym) at nearly every one of his essays.
I have 2 cautions about this book. First off, while I enjoyed it greatly in audio form, I'm not sure I would have enjoyed it as much had I read it. Kluwe's narration works with his personal essays, and I think that it adds what is needed to the text. While his essays are well-worth a read one by one, some may get Kluwe fatigue if they tried to read a whole book of them.
Secondly, if you are queasy about injuries, there is an essay towards the end where Kluwe describes in great detail the sensations of all the injuries he incurred while playing professional football. While it is a credit to his writing that he can describe these sensations so well that the reader or listener can almost feel it, it may also be too much for some to take. In that case, I recommend just skipping ahead past that essay.
Even though these essays are over 3 years old, they still make it clear that he voices like Chris Kluwe--people who will speak out and do so in a way that compels people to listen. I highly recommend this audiobook.
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- Eric Flapjack Ashley
- 08-12-13
Great Listen, Great Book
If you could sum up Beautifully Unique Sparkleponies in three words, what would they be?
Funny Honest Liberal
What did you like best about this story?
His genuineness and honesty mixed with a dash of humor.
What does Chris Kluwe bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?
The emphasis in his reading really adds to the funny nature of the book.
Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?
Yes
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2 people found this helpful
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- Justin T. Rossi
- 06-13-21
Great activism, but rest lacks
his rights and economic activism is great, the rest and the semi scifi parts were not compelling. glad he wrote it nonetheless
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- Shirley
- 07-11-13
Not to my liking.
I am a left leaning individual like Chris. I agree with nearly every one of his points of view. However, I find his style obnoxious and worse, he isn't funny. I Didn't laugh once. I found him to be that bad American stereotype. I was hoping to learn a thing or two here. There was nothing for me I'm afraid. If you like his style, then perhaps you will fare better than I.
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1 person found this helpful