Ask Me How It Works Audiobook By Deepa Paul cover art

Ask Me How It Works

Love in an Open Marriage

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Ask Me How It Works

By: Deepa Paul
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About this listen

Brought to you by Penguin.

Here is my husband.
Here is my boyfriend.
Here I am.


In the early hours of dawn in Amsterdam, Deepa Paul rises from her boyfriend’s bed. She gets dressed, slips away with a kiss and cycles home, where she is welcomed into the arms of her husband, whose contentment is mellow alongside her own. There isn’t a glimmer of shame, deception or guilt, only the honesty and compassion needed to make this kind of life possible — even if it wasn’t always this easy.

You might have questions. Whose idea was it? What are the rules? Are you ever jealous? In this memoir, Deepa offers her answers openly and tenderly, as she explores the truth to questions of her own. Can I ask for what I want, and still honour the life I have chosen? Do I deserve it? Is it worth it?

Unexpectedly relatable and joyfully vibrant, this is one woman’s story of discovering her own desires and how to liberate them, of shifting identities from mother to lover and back again, and of finding the courage to ask for the marriage she wanted, beyond the marriage she had.

One question at a time.

'A spectacular memoir written with verve and style'
NANA DARKOA SEKYIAMAH

'A fascinating and big-hearted portrait of sex, intimacy and non-monogamy' CLOVER STROUD

©2025 Deepa Paul (P)2025 Penguin Audio

Critic reviews

'A singingly honest, live-wire of a memoir. Reads like a long-overdue conversation with an old friend, will leave you thrilled and humming with possibility' (Yael van der Wouden)

'A wonderfully honest and liberating memoir' (Julia Samuel, author of This Too Shall Pass)

'A generous-spirited, imaginative exploration of how to live life differently' (Rebecca Wait, author of I’m Sorry You Feel That Way)

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