Many of us are quick to label ourselves as an “introvert” or “extrovert” — but have you ever wondered if this is actually representative of your most authentic self? In this episode, Sarah explores the role trauma plays in shaping our relational identity. Whether you fawn, withdraw, feel drained by connection, or are known as the “life of the party,” this episode will help you to begin distinguishing what patterns might actually be a result of unresolved trauma.

Through a powerful blend of science-backed modalities, Sarah breaks down what it really means to connect from regulation, not self-protection. She shares how to begin listening to your own internal rhythm of connection and solitude, how to recognize protective parts when they show up, and how to gently guide your system back to safety, so that you can experience deeper, more fulfilling relationships.

Episode Highlights

00:00 Intro

01:24 Connection Is a Primary Human Need

08:23 Being an Introvert from Past Relational Trauma

12:26 Why We Find Some Connection Exhausting

18:19 Being an Extrovert from Past Relational Trauma

21:31 Connection Coming from Survival

23:21 How to Become Your Most Authentic Self

26:17 Who Do You Enjoy Connecting With?

28:06 Finding Safe Environments

30:02 Anchoring in Your Adult Self

32:09 Disconfirming Experiences & Leaning Into Discomfort

34:22 “I Become a Verbal Firehouse in Social Settings”

38:30 “Why Do I Constantly Blush?”

42:04 “How Do I Navigate Awkward Silences?”

Join the NEW 2-Day Live Experience:

Feel overwhelmed by conflict in your relationships? Get ready for tangible, science-backed tools inside Mastering Conflict: The Art of Turning Conflict into Connection. The two-day live experience is co-hosted by Sarah and marriage and family therapist, Vienna Pharoan.

Only $27 with replays available for a limited time.

bit.ly/sp-masteringconflict

Connect with Sarah on:

Email Community - https://bit.ly/yms-sp-newsletter

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/sarahbcoaching/

Website - https://www.sarahbaldwincoaching.com/

Submit a Question: https://sarahbaldwin1.typeform.com/podcast

Important Keywords:

Nervous System Regulation - The process of supporting your autonomic nervous system to return to a balanced, calm state. This is essential for feeling safe, connected, and present in your life and relationships.

Trauma - Trauma is the overwhelm of activation (energy) experienced in our bodies, in the face of helplessness. If we do not have the conditions necessary for trauma to process through our bodies, it becomes stuck and stored, leaving lasting emotional, physical, or psychological imprints. It disrupts the nervous system causing chronic dysregulation, disconnection, and/or hypervigilance.

Parts Work – A therapeutic approach (e.g., Internal Family Systems) that explores different parts or aspects of the self and their roles in emotional healing.

Fawning - This is not a state in the nervous system but a self-protective behavioral response that can happen in any state of dysregulation. It often looks like over-agreeing, over-giving, avoiding conflict, or becoming what you think others want you to be in order to feel safe or loved.

Dysregulation - Active self-protection that occurs when the nervous system believes we are in danger, whether it is a real or perceived threat. Chronic dysregulation is often a result of unresolved trauma and can significantly impact daily functioning.

Attachment - The emotional bonds we form in early life and carry into adulthood that influence how we relate to others. Sarah references the insecure attachment styles (anxious, avoidant, and disorganized) that lead us to seek or push away connection as a way to maintain safety.

Somatic Healing - A body-based approach to healing that works with the nervous system to discharge stored trauma and create internal safety. Sarah’s entire approach is rooted in this method, helping people heal through embodiment and felt experience.

There can be so much shame around the ways we procrastinate and self-sabotage. But these behaviors aren’t just “bad habits” — they’re actually forms of self-protection. In this episode, Sarah uncovers the hidden roles our nervous system and parts play in keeping us stuck around the things we desire most.

You’ll learn how to work with your nervous system and parts, rather than against them, using practical somatic tools to help shift these patterns. Plus, Sarah answers listener questions on discipline, self-care, and why some of us freeze when it comes to responding to text messages, emails, and other correspondence. If you’ve ever felt stuck in a cycle of avoidance and frustration, this episode will show you why it makes so much sense.

Episode Highlights

00:00 Intro

00:42 Self-Sabotage Is a Form of Self-Protection

03:30 Understanding the Experience of Procastination

09:10 The Habitual Process of Procastination

14:09 Why Do We Self Sabotage?

17:41 Protective Parts at Work When We Self Sabotage

19:31 How to Befriend Your Nervous System

27:53 “Why Can’t I Stay Disciplined?”

41:31 “Why Do I Feel So Much Resistance Around Self-Care?”

50:48 “Why Do I Struggle to Respond to People?”

53:53 Relationships Are About Messiness

Join the NEW 2-Day Live Experience:

Feel overwhelmed by conflict in your relationships? Get ready for tangible, science-backed tools inside Mastering Conflict: The Art of Turning Conflict into Connection. The two-day live experience is co-hosted by Sarah and licensed marriage and family therapist, Vienna Pharoan.

Only $27 with replays available for a limited time.

bit.ly/sp-masteringconflict

Connect with Sarah on:

Email Community - https://bit.ly/yms-sp-newsletter

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/sarahbcoaching/

Website - https://www.sarahbaldwincoaching.com/

Submit a Question: https://sarahbaldwin1.typeform.com/podcast

Contact Us:

Have questions? Want to let us know how you’re liking the podcast? Reach out to Sarah’s support team at media@sarahbaldwincoaching.com.

Important Keywords:

Procrastination – The act of delaying or avoiding tasks, often due to underlying fears or protective mechanisms in the nervous system. Sarah explains that procrastination is not laziness but a way the body tries to keep us safe from perceived danger.

“Self-Sabotage” - This term can often feel shaming, but it is simply a way our nervous system and parts protect us from what they don’t yet know is safe, often by pushing away or leaving things we might actually deeply desire.

Autonomic Nervous System - The body’s internal network that controls responses to stimuli and regulates our experiences of safety, fear, and connection. In the context of self-sabotage, it drives automatic reactions based on past experiences stored in our internal "database."

Protective Parts - Protective parts are internal mechanisms (or versions of ourselves) developed to shield us from pain or harm, often formed during childhood. These parts use behaviors like perfectionism, overachievement, or avoidance to keep us safe from perceived threats. While they are well-intentioned, they can also keep us stuck in unhelpful patterns until their needs are addressed.

Regulation - Regulation refers to the ability to maintain or return to a state of safety, presence, and connection within the nervous system. A regulated nervous system promotes calmness, focus, and the capacity to handle life's challenges effectively. Building regulation involves consistent neural exercises and creating disconfirming experiences that show your system it’s safe to come into a state of rest.

Parts Work - A therapeutic process that involves connecting with and healing younger parts of yourself that hold onto past wounds. It’s a core tool for building internal safety and reshaping how you show up in relationships and life.

Do you struggle to know what kind of boundaries to set? Many of us are taught to intellectualize our approach to boundary setting, which can leave us feeling confused or overwhelmed. In this episode, Sarah explores the embodied nature of boundaries and why unresolved trauma can leave us setting self-protective boundaries that aren’t actually aligned with our highest truth.

You’ll learn about three styles of boundary setting — diffuse, rigid, and embodied — and how to somatically begin coming back in contact with your truth. During the Q&A with Rachel, Sarah will also tackle real-life boundary challenges in work, relationships, and beyond. If you feel caught in cycles of over-giving, reflexively saying “yes” or “no,” or sacrificing your own needs, this episode will help you understand why — and how to create boundaries that truly serve you.

Episode Highlights:

00:00 Introduction

00:15 What Are Embodied Boundaries?

04:46 Why We Struggle With Boundaries

09:22 Self-Protective Boundaries: Diffuse

18:01 Self-Protective Boundaries: Rigid

25:01 Embodied Boundaries

28:33 Steps to Begin Setting Embodied Boundaries

35:17 Q&A Segment With Rachel

35:58 “Can I Stay in a High-Pressure Work Environment?”

43:25 “How Can I Stop Over-Giving and Being Resentful?”

56:20 “Am I Going Backward in My Healing Journey?”

Take Sarah’s FREE Quiz:

Feeling stuck in any area of your life? Take Sarah’s quiz to learn more about the self-protective system inside you that’s often responsible for your stuckness—and how to harness its power to step toward the life you desire.

https://bit.ly/yms-sp-quiz

Connect with Sarah on:

Email Community - https://bit.ly/yms-sp-newsletter

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/sarahbcoaching/

Website - https://www.sarahbaldwincoaching.com/

Submit a Question: https://sarahbaldwin1.typeform.com/podcast

Important Keywords:

Embodied Boundaries – A behavioral response that is rooted in one’s internal truth, limits, and needs. These boundaries are usually accessed when close to or in regulation and allow for deep levels of connectivity and autonomy.

Self-Protective Boundaries – When we’ve experienced trauma or our truth was chronically taken away, we learn to adapt and set self-protective boundaries. These boundaries are typically rooted in survival or a younger part that is seeking safety.

Diffuse Boundaries – An adaptive, self-protective boundary associated with the reflexive “yes” response. Think of these as “Swiss cheese” boundaries, where it is a boundary of sorts but it is permeable.

Rigid Boundaries – An adaptive, self-protective boundary associated with the reflexive “no” response. Think of these as “steel wall” boundaries, where nothing is able to permeate the boundary.

Autonomic Nervous System: The self-protective system within the body that is responsible for our thoughts, feelings, sensations, behaviors, and perception of self, others, and the world around us, as well as regulating involuntary functions, such as your heart rate and digestion, and playing a central role in how you react to stress or calm.