Got a question or comment? Send us a text!

Justin gets summer schooled this week on divas, the queer-coded sissy, and sapphic power dynamics. There’s also Jafar, fleshlights clued to stumps, a sea of red flags, Phoebe’s suicide, personal assistants, phallic celery, a broken bottle of absinthe, lesbians with moving vans, Drunk Justin, the single white female, RIP vaccines and poppers, pretending to be passed out, All About Me, several very dry martinis, the War of 1812 vs 9/11, agents of chaos, old school sexual innuendo, reinventing one’s self, and peeing on a wall outside Gator’s.

Got a question or comment? Send us a text!

Justin gets summer schooled this week on the perils of life for the small town gay, found families and some symbolism for the AIDS crisis of the 90s via the life of Muriel Heslop. There’s also party with laundry room make-shift urinals, whipped icing, several bad Australian accents, ugly dresses, no exploding birds, being screwed into paralysis, reluctantly sad masturbation, politicians with loser families, flirting with a doppelganger, hearing sex through a wall, Project 2025, Courtney Love, jamming to “Dancing Queen” behind a sofa, poor pitiful Betty, one bad South African accent, and mean girls who suck in more ways than one.

Got a question or comment? Send us a text!

Extra Credit: Bad Graduation Songs edition. There’s some listener mail that involves a potential murder, a student attack, an angel teacher, and a media recommendation for student teachers. Justin and Ronnie each bring a song featured at many a high school graduation and tries to sway the other that it’s indeed an awful graduation song. Their high school graduations are also discussed. Then the subject of Summer Schooled coming Monday, June 2nd is announced as well as how these films will be evaluated. Justin’s getting Summer Schooled.

Got a question or comment? Send us a text!

Bad principals. Bad students. The bad concept of Saturday detentions, this one had it all. Besides Bender catching a glob of his own spit, we were subjected to an ugly duckling divisive makeover, a girl making out with the man who sexually and physically assaulted her, magical weed that admin can’t smell, obvious locker were said weed was kept, a library will a lot of unusable space, olive loaf, pissed off librarians on Monday morning, a wise custodian, childhood trauma, a desire for Emilio Estevez to touch our buns tape or no tape, ridiculous 80s dance moves, David Blum fucking right off, unwisely escalating with students, a self-righteous youth group that doesn’t get it, sleeping with a man with one huge testicle, locked gates, voter fraud, fighting back against bullies, and a fist bump.

Exit ticket: It’s once again time for the annual Rose and Thorn Ceremony of the 24/25 Think Pair Swear school year. Congratulations podcast graduates. What was your rose and thorn of the school year?

Got a question or comment? Send us a text!

The nightmare here isn’t just Freddy Krueger and it’s not just a coach into S&M. Going to high school in Springwood isn’t wise but neither is offroading through Joshua Tree National Park, Jared Fogel, A Chorus Line, racist cereal, fungal growth, science teachers with snakes, twerk cleaning, exploding parakeets, wood burning stoves in California basements, several small town gay bars, DaRude’s “Sandstorm,” a dick dad, full mouths, chest bursters, the diarrhea cramps, a Furby with teeth, Fessy, and a big ol’ gay phoenix.

Exit ticket: Ronnie takes Justin on a journey with this one. It’s such a journey it needs to be singing “Don’t Stop Believing.” It’s a Russian nesting doll of an exit ticket so brace yourself to determine what’s real and what isn’t. Just like a Nightmare on Elm Street.

Got a question or comment? Send us a text!

The middle school thematic unit ends with more adolescent awkwardness. What happens when a girl with no friends thinks she’s a YouTube influencer? Besides many bad choices, there’s Gucci, sex education, mean girls, Ronnie making everything about himself, an invitation to throw axes in the Crossroads, shirtless dads talking to kids, amateur go-go dancing, nudes, active shooter training, getting caught staring at an ass on the way to Composition, food court conversations, truth or dare, SpongeBob, time capsules, a rant about pre-high school graduation ceremonies, and chicken nugget envy.

Exit ticket: The data’s in and surprise surprise kids haven’t progressed reading levels post-8th grade in years. And it has nothing to do with kids on tablets now. There is a solution, but most schools aren’t doing it. Justin tells us why.

Got a question or comment? Send us a text!

Ever want to go back and revisit your middle school years but as your adult self? Yeah, the hosts don’t either. Along the way they encounter carpooling, that one annoying teacher who wants to be best friends with students, the meaning of U Gis, dial-up modems that make Ronnie horny, the erotic novella Sleepwalker by Adam Donovan now on sale via Amazon download, librarian Christmas presents, Ace Ventura, “Goody Two Shoes” by Adam Ant, uncut penis, gel pen legibility, cast list drama, hell week, vanity projects, educational spaces, first kisses, and friend fights.

Exit ticket: Justin brings an article from Newsweek where a teacher wouldn’t give another chance with a student over late work. The trouble is that the teacher went to Reddit for advice and it went viral. The hosts have some ideas on how this mess could have been avoided.

Got a question or comment? Send us a text!

The middle school thematic unit kicks off with this story of a kid navigating social media in 2006 during the summer before high school starts. What were the top social media used in 2006? They get into multilingual households, sibling drama, AOL Instant Messenger, a gay mom with cancer, Joan Chen, skateboarding in the 1970s, mother-in-laws, kissing lessons, Ronnie tries the nervous game with Justin, and a resurrected squirrel. Oh and Ronnie catfished a principal once following him around a Barnes and Noble.

Exit ticket: What if you're an internet influencer and also a teacher? A Redditor’s principal wants this influencer to quit that gig or quit teaching. What’s the line between freedom of expression and being in public education?