In this episode Dara is trying to disembed some of his thinking in an attempt to do better. The well-worn pathways in his brain contribute to narratives that he can't stop regurgitating and which are no longer serving him. Time for change - but that's easier said than done.

He explains why understanding is so central to his concept of wellness. He argues that it is a counter to anxiety and opens the door to greater calm. He also believes that it encourages more successful alignment between the internal and external worlds that we dwell in. The idea of rightness and being justified - in a geometric sense - are part of this existential alignment.

Dara proffers that we instinctively recognise what is right and natural in the world and that recognition consequently produces greater joy and ease in our lives. He talks also about 'craving the absent' which is a simple way of understanding areas of incompleteness in our lives.

Reflecting on the dangers of dichotomous thinking, Dara holds up Robert Frost's The Road Not Taken as Exhibit A for the prosecution, indicting it for oversimplifying the myriad choices and encounters that we never make or have. As a counterpoint, he recites the poem My Father Speaks of His Father by Bro. Yao (Hoke S. Glover III).

Also, thoughts on actors Willem Dafoe and Kevin Kline.

My Father Speaks of His Father - https://rattle.com/my-father-speaks-of-his-father-by-bro-yao-hoke-s-glover-iii/

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In this episode, Dara is concerned about egos getting out of control, and he has two specific case studies in mind - one playing out presently in the Middle East, and one that played out a long time ago on a little Japanese island.

He talks about lessons in humility from the world of martial arts and learning how not to take things personally. He also lays out a simple way to think about conflict and what one's particular disposition might be in that area. He imagines a fanciful scenario where Israel took a very different course of action in response to the October 7th attacks.

Responding to a film treatment of an infamous conflict that rocked the world of Irish football, Dara revisits his own experience of that drama before recommending some alternative sports movie choices.

Finally, Dara tries to pay tribute to a good friend who just passed away and who epitomised the absence of ego and the possession of the ultimate anti-ego weapon - humour.

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Dara kicks off this episode celebrating the extraordinary story of Tina Turner and how she overcame the worst adversity to reinvent herself as an iconic figure of 80s and 90s popular music. Having recently seen the astonishing stage musical based on her life, he has renewed enthusiasm for Tina's inspirational girl power narrative.

After that, it is all about men and Dara's experience, both historical and very recent, of men talking. He challenges the stereotype of the non-communicative male because his experience with his male friends has always been one of forthright and open sharing. In many ways, it has been the defining feature of his friendships and one which he believes continues to serve he and his friends extremely well.

So what is required for male talk to thrive? Dara argues that it is largely about safety and trust that may or may not also need space and time. He talks about side-by-side communication as opposed to the potentially more confronting face-to-face model. And he also reasserts his conviction that most men are sensitive beings who bottle up their thoughts and feelings because compassionate ears and sympathetic shoulders have never been offered to them.

A couple of new British comedy film recommendations round out this edition of the pod. Where else would you get it?

Ep35 of The ClearOut (January 2022) - Scared Women, Damaged Men, and the Crisis of Broken Masculinity: https://theclearout.com/podcast/scared-women-damaged-men-and-the-crisis-of-broken-masculinity-episode-35/

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In this week's show, Dara talks about his experience of fatherhood and his ever-evolving relationship with his daughter. He continues to fall at the same hurdle on a regular basis - will he, or can he change? He shares a personal father moment that made him cry and wonders why it can be so difficult to cry for oneself.

After laying out some movie role models for his daughter, Dara turns his attention to his own father and reads a short piece he wrote about his father's embodiment of a type of masculinity that has had a lasting positive impact. He realises he overlooked his father's sense of humour and to redress the balance he relays a recent exchange that shows there's dog in the old life yet...

Finally, Dara reads three poems about fatherhood that he thought were particularly lovely. The poets featured are Galway Kinnell, Ross Gay, and Carl Dennis.

The ClearOut episode on the American father - https://theclearout.com/podcast/big-bad-daddies-from-tony-soprano-to-my-father-in-several-easy-steps-episode-20/

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This episode has something for everyone. Dara kicks off with an acknowledgement of the show's 4th birthday before breaking down his fandom of Tottenham Hotspur in the wake of their recent Europa League triumph - the trophy monkey is finally off the collective backs of long-suffering Spurs fans. Thanks be to the Gods of Football!

The brilliant The Poetry's Dead Podcast just featured a poem of Dara's which gives him the opportunity to sing the praises of that show and its lovely presenters, Ryan Duggins and Leon Dunne. Making poetry accessible and fun, their openhearted advocacy is as infectious as it is unpretentious.

Something raised by the lads prompts Dara to think about where he locates the strength of authenticity and what that feels like. He is surprised to identify a correlation to his experience of depression.

Another questionable wellness article raises at least one of Dara's eyebrows. Why is so much airtime given to people with so little to say? And does Dara secretly wish he was one of those people?

Finally the episode comes to a close with a brief appraisal of cold and warm men. Guess what? Dara's favourite actor from childhood is exceptionally warm!

The Poetry's Dead Podcast (featuring Dara's poem 'Time') - https://thepoetrysdeadpodcast.buzzsprout.com/2322959/episodes/17256354-talking-gargoyles-partying-in-world-war-2-berlin-and-being-inspired-by-young-poets

Guardian interview with Melissa Febos - https://www.theguardian.com/wellness/ng-interactive/2025/jun/03/melissa-febos-memoir-celibacy

Terry Real on male lonleliness and vulnerability - https://www.goloudnow.com/podcasts/modern-love-1000/why-boys-and-men-are-floundering-according-to-relationship-therapist-terry-real-528752

Jim Hamilton's excellent interview with Keith Earls - https://www.theringer.com/podcasts/the-big-jim-show/2025/03/07/keith-earls

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In this week's episode, Dara reviews Ryan Coogler's rip roaring 'Sinners', a movie that defies easy categorisation but is infused with the director's characteristic heart, immersive world-building, and brilliant lead performances. Of particular delight was a thread of Irishness that leant the movie an unexpected and resonant depth. There's also an Irish connection to the movie that Dara recommends as a double bill partner for 'Sinners'.

Next up is Norman Jewison's 1987 romantic comedy 'Moonstruck', a film Dara was delighted to revisit. Most striking is the ensemble playing which garnered Oscar wins for both Cher and Olympia Dukakis, and is simply note-perfect. The tempo and space deployed by the director deliver an end product that is rooted in something truly moving and memorable.

A 1997 movie about brothers and food is the pairing of choice for 'Moonstruck', and the co-director and co-lead of that movie is more and more unashamedly flying his food flag almost 30 years later.

Finally, Dara slaps his forehead in a moment of true ball-dropping forgetfulness as he realises he failed to revel in two most significant occasions. Oh well, maybe next week...

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In this episode Dara is thinking about challenging moments and situations and the places we put them to help us cope better. After a very unpleasant accident that sent him to hospital, Dara laughs at the way men can fail to offer care, depending on their assessment of the urgency involved - everything can be laughed at until it can't.

He draws a connection between his eye emergency and a prison visit to his brother last weekend. One a situation that demanded an immediate response, the other a slow-burn unfolding of personal pain and missteps over a prolonged period of time. They are each sources of anguish and concern, but they are dealt with in very different ways, and stored in very different places.

Dara argues that while this ranking of uncomfortable things is central to how we negotiate getting through life with our sanity intact, it is really important that we don't relegate things that are central to our sense of personal wellbeing and emotional and psychological health. And just as he warns against minimising important things, he rolls his eyes at those who indulge in maximising every little thing that bounces across their field of vision.

Also, impressive doctors, stalwart brothers, faces from the past, and pre-match nerves.

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In this episode Dara tries to thread the needle between domestic and personal crises and those of a much larger, humanitarian nature. Taking in current events in Gaza as well as historic instances of grievous abuse by Catholic institutions in Ireland, the question of truth seems to be of primary importance when a larger power treats others with such callous impunity and indifference to the consequences.

Consequences are also on his mind when he considers the impact of his particular performance of masculinity on how his daughter will regard men and potential partners later in life. It's not the stuff he's paying attention to that concerns him, it's what he's not giving thought to!

Reflecting on the admirable courage and integrity of those who endured unthinkable trauma, Dara still advocates being wary of relativism when looking at one's own burdens. While being a mere spectator to the catastrophes and horrors around the globe, the battle closest to home, metaphorical or otherwise, will always feel most pressing.

Chrissie Tully's heartbreaking story (New York Times) https://www.nytimes.com/2025/05/05/world/europe/ireland-mother-baby-home-tuam-galway.html

Michael O'Brien, clerical abuse survivor, addresses Questions and Answers panel, May 2009: https://www.rte.ie/video/id/24674/

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