Episodios

  • Taboos

    Taboos
    Jul 7 2025
    In this episode, sex educator and therapist Melanie Ramey talks openly about two of the largest taboos in society: sex and death. Specifically, she discusses sex and sexuality in palliative and hospice care for people facing the end of their lives. These two subjects individually are ones we as a society struggle to address, so we tend to ignore or avoid the subject of terminally ill people who may still want sex in their lives. Why do we do this? How can professionals begin talking about sex and sexuality with their patients? How can patients or family advocate for openness about this subject for themselves or a loved one? Melanie has insight to help answer all those questions.One of the first things Melanie explores is physicians' reluctance to clearly communicate to families about when a person is terminally ill. There can often be confusion about how long a loved one has left to live due to a lack of clarity about the situation. This is a death taboo that must be unpacked. Melanie then examines how the issue of sex or sexual expression for terminally ill or hospice patients is avoided. Many healthcare professionals simply are not taught how to discuss it, so the subject is simply not brought up. Melanie shares practical advice on how to have a conversation about intimacy respectfully and how patients, family, or friends can assist by bringing up the subject directly with healthcare workers. These taboos need to be tackled and broken down because people at the end of life are no different than people in the middle of life in terms of needs, desires, and their right to express sexuality. There may be complications due to illness or mobility, but having solutions to these challenges is something the healthcare profession needs to understand.Resources discussed in this episode:Sex and the Senior: The Health Professional’s Role - University of Maryland—Contact Melanie Ramey: Instagram: @SexuallySpeakingWithMelanieFacebook: Sexually Speaking with Melanie RameyLinkedin: Sexually Speaking with Melanie Ramey—Canon in D Major performed by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/—TranscriptNarrator: [00:00:04] If you want to make someone squirm, bring up either sex or dying. Most humans aren't particularly comfortable discussing either topic, which makes sexuality at the end of life an even more vexing situation. Welcome to the Sexually Speaking podcast with sex educator and therapist Melanie Ramey. Melanie says we should not assume that those who are terminally ill have lost interest in sexual relationships. Melanie Ramey: [00:00:34] Hello and welcome to Sexually Speaking, and I'm Melanie Ramey. And we're really glad that you're joining us for this particular podcast, because we're going to deal with two big taboos. And the taboos are talking about sexuality and talking about end of life. This is a culture, for example, that really doesn't talk much about either one of these. And so this podcast is going to put them together because we think that there is a connection between them. And as you know, here we talk about human sexuality as being the core of who we are as human beings and that we certainly have sexual experiences. But sexuality is who we are, and our sexual experiences is what we do. But I wanted to begin to talk about end of life, because, again, this is the subject that nobody likes to talk about. And it's really quite interesting because in the last few months, I had occasion to hear a presentation by a physician who is one of a group in a startup company. And the goal of this company is to develop a medication so that people will live to be 150 years old. And he seemed very enthused about this whole thing that people could live to be 150 years old. Now, they have not tested any of this yet in humans. But he did have a video of a dog. And in the beginning of the video, the dog was just, hardly looked like it was alive. Melanie Ramey: [00:02:25] And then after, of course, administration of this medication, the dog just jumped up and was running around. You couldn't believe it, how spry it was. And this, of course, was supposed to illustrate that this particular injection of some kinds of combinations of hormones was what did it. Now, I raised the question with him about what kind of side effects that this might have, because studies of other hormones have indicated that they can sometimes be causal agents for cancer, etc. Oh, he assured me this did not have any kinds of side effects because I don't know how I knew since they hadn't tested in humans, but nonetheless. The other thing was that I did inquire around about other people who were present. And no one wanted to live to be 150 years old. Because if you lived to be 150, this means you probably have to work to your 125, etc., etc. and then have to have enough money in all these years to last out. It did not appeal to a lot of people. In ...
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    34 m
  • Myths, Sexually Speaking

    Myths, Sexually Speaking
    Jun 2 2025
    In this episode, sex educator and therapist Melanie Ramey continues to explore her topic from the last episode about the sexuality of people with disabilities or chronic illnesses. In addition to other struggles, they often cope with several pervasive myths regarding their sexuality. Melanie names the myths and dismantles them by sharing the truth about the sexual health and lives of those with disabilities. The myths cause misunderstanding and harm to the community because they rob those with disabilities or chronic pain of their innate rights and their truth as sexual beings.Melanie addresses the myths that people living with disabilities or chronic illness are not sexual, that they are not desirable, that people who live in institutions shouldn’t have sex, that people living with disabilities don’t get sexually assaulted, and that they shouldn’t get married or have children. Each of these myths is false and robs people of their natural existence as human sexual beings. Melanie debunks each myth thoroughly and explains the need for better sex education tailored to those living with disabilities or chronic illnesses, and better education for health workers and the parents of disabled children. This is a key episode that challenges false assumptions many of us may consciously or unconsciously carry. Resources discussed in this episode:“Our Sexuality, Our Health: A Disabled Advocate’s Guide to Relationships, Romance, Sexuality and Sexual Health” by Melissa Crisp-Cooper“Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability: For All of Us Who Live with Disabilities, Chronic Pain, and Illness” by Miriam Kaufman, Cory Silverberg, and Fran Odette—Contact Melanie Ramey: Instagram: @SexuallySpeakingWithMelanieFacebook: Sexually Speaking with Melanie RameyLinkedin: Sexually Speaking with Melanie Ramey—Canon in D Major performed by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/—TranscriptNarrator: [00:00:01] Using a wheelchair, experiencing chronic pain, or suffering from some other disability doesn't negate one's sexuality. In fact, myths regarding this area can make life even more challenging for those who have too much to handle already. Welcome to the Sexually Speaking podcast with sex educator and therapist Melanie Ramey. Melanie Ramey: [00:00:27] Hello and welcome! This is my second podcast focusing on sexuality of people with disabilities. And as we always emphasize, we are all human sexual beings from the day we're born till the day we die. In their excellent book on sex and Disability, Kaufmann, Silverberg and Odette cover the idea not only of people with disabilities, but those with chronic pain and illness in terms of their sexuality. I highly recommend this book and I will put it as a resource on the Facebook page. If people with these kinds of conditions didn't have enough to cope with, then they must also cope with several myths about their sexuality. Let's be sure we understand we're on the same page here. A myth is a belief about something that is not true. It has no basis in fact. And yet people believe things when they never check out to find out what the facts actually are. So I want to talk about some of the myths that people with disabilities have to deal with in terms of their sexuality. And one of the first things is that people living with disabilities and chronic pain are really not sexual. Now, most of this is based on the fact that many people who are not disabled think that they are basically created differently. They actually think that there is some innate difference between people who are disabled and people who are not. Melanie Ramey: [00:02:18] Because people with disabilities often need help with their daily functioning, they are often even seen as being like children. People in wheelchairs often have to endure being patted on the head like a child. And so thus the idea that if people are childlike, they really aren't sexual beings. A second myth is that people living with disabilities or chronic pain are not desirable. So how can they be sexual? Now the society norm for everyone is for women to be young and beautiful, and for the men to be studs. Anything less is really not acceptable, especially if one might need to take extra time or have assistance to give or receive sexual pleasure. And then they certainly could not be considered desirable. Now, most of the people listening to this podcast are probably not going to fall into the category that the society has, because there are very few people, certainly nobody's eternally young, and nobody's eternally a stud. So, you know, sooner or later you would all fall into the category. So to think that some people, just because they don't look a certain way or act a certain way, are undesirable is absolutely ridiculous. A third concept about sexuality and disability is that, well, they can't really be sexual because sex must be spontaneous...
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    19 m
  • The Disabled are Able to Have Sex

    The Disabled are Able to Have Sex
    May 19 2025
    In this episode, sex educator and therapist Melanie Ramey addresses the need for legislation, education, and understanding regarding the sexual health needs of people with disabilities. Only very recently in our history have we had legislation protecting the human rights of those with physical or cognitive disabilities. As recently as the 70s, disabled persons were simply institutionalized and forgotten about. Melanie unpacks the history of how the disabled have been treated and highlights how much more education and support is required to understand the sexual needs of those with disabilities. One poignant story that Melanie relates is that of a woman who had been institutionalized immediately after giving birth to her son, on the advice of a doctor. It was only after the son was in his forties that the state hospital where she lived was about to discharge her into his care. The stigma about mental health was so great that he had not told his wife and children about his mother for fear of judgement. Melanie assisted in helping the family find a suitable care home for the mother and the family integrated her into their lives, but the most shocking discovery was the reason for the mother’s institutionalization: post-partum depression. The truth is that persons with disabilities, be they physical or cognitive, think about and desire sex the same as any other human being. However, persons with disabilities are more likely to be assaulted and their accounts rejected by the police due to difficulties in prosecution. Melanie’s frank discussion on all aspects of sexual health and assault of persons with disabilities highlights the need for better legislation, education, and support from society.Resources discussed in this episode:Episode 2: Don’t Get Sex Education from AristotleWatson Institute: “Sexual Education for Children with Disabilities” by Dr. Rachel SchwartzNPR: “The Sexual Assault Epidemic No One Talks About” by Joseph Shapiro—Contact Melanie Ramey: Instagram: @SexuallySpeakingWithMelanieFacebook: Sexually Speaking with Melanie RameyLinkedin: Sexually Speaking with Melanie Ramey—Canon in D Major performed by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/—TranscriptNarrator: [00:00:06] The human need for intimacy is no different for the disabled than it is for anybody else. Yet society has not treated people with special needs appropriately in this regard, be it for stigma, ignorance or disinterest. Well, it's way past time to safeguard the rights of the disabled by getting these issues on the table. Welcome to the Sexually Speaking podcast with sex educator and therapist Melanie Ramey. Melanie Ramey: [00:00:35] Hello and welcome. If you have been listening to these podcasts, you know that we believe and that we know that we are all sexual beings from the day we're born until the day we die. And that includes everyone. And that includes people with disabilities. They are created as sexual beings, just like the rest of us who may not have a disability. I want to begin today to talk with you about this whole issue, because I think a lot of people are unfamiliar with the manner in which people with disabilities have been treated historically. And I think it's really important to have the context, because actually, until the early 70s, late 70s, if parents with a child who had a physical or a perceived intellectual disability, they were recommended by physicians to place the child in an institution and forget about them. Now, these institutions were often state hospitals that had actually been built for people who were alleged to be mentally ill or insane or whatever. Occasionally states had some kind of facility just for children, but they are the same kind of situation where people were just put and forgotten about. In the late 60s, a deinstitutionalization movement started in this country, and this was the idea that people with mental illnesses or mental problems could be treated in the community. Now, this came about because at the same time, or as a consequence of some research, of course, some medications had been developed that could control some of the mental difficulties that people had and so they could receive medications and live in the community. Melanie Ramey: [00:02:46] The situation was that people who had been in these hospitals for years were suddenly discharged to families, and the families had no idea of what to do. I will never forget a very, very upset client who came to see me, the agency where I worked as a social worker. He had been informed about a week before that his mother, who had lived in the state hospital for 40 years, was being discharged in about a week and that he, as her only child, would be responsible for her. She had been hospitalized shortly after his birth, and through the years, as he grew older, his father told him about her and he visited her in the ...
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    23 m
  • You Are Never Too Old for Sex, Part 2

    You Are Never Too Old for Sex, Part 2
    May 5 2025
    In Part 2 of the ‘You Are Never Too Old for Sex’ episode, sex educator and therapist Melanie Ramey discusses the need for adult children, caregivers, and assisted living facility staff to understand the sexual and privacy rights of older adults. Melanie shares statistics on how many people remain sexually active past the age of 60 and explains the difficulties facing these adults when they enter care facilities ill-equipped to understand and accommodate their sexual activity and needs. Older adults have sex wherever they live, just as anyone younger may do, which includes their homes, assisted living facilities, or nursing homes. There is a stigma against older adults engaging in sexual activities, so Melanie shares studies, books, and resources that shed light on the need for privacy and dignity regarding the sexual needs of older adults. Their sexual expression is often labelled as sexually inappropriate behavior due to poor staff training and understanding. The truth about education on the needs of older adults in regards to sexual expression is highlighted and explained by Melanie, and it’s a subject we will all face because aging is one thing we all share.Resources discussed in this episode:“The New Love and Sex After 60” by Robert Butler, MD and Myrna Lewis, PhD“Sexuality and Long-Term Care” by Gayle Doll, MS, PhDVideo: Freedom of Sexual Expression: Dementia and Resident Rights in Long-Term Care Facilities—Contact Melanie Ramey: Instagram: @SexuallySpeakingWithMelanieFacebook: Sexually Speaking with Melanie RameyLinkedin: Sexually Speaking with Melanie Ramey—Canon in D Major performed by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/—TranscriptNarrator: [00:00:03] Here's a fact that should not be surprising, but probably is. 25% of those aged 75 to 85 are still sexually active. Given that reality, there are implications for privacy, individual rights and sensitivity to the issue among adult children, caregivers and assisted living facilities. Welcome to the Sexually Speaking podcast with sex educator and therapist Melanie Ramey. Melanie Ramey: [00:00:32] Hello again. In this podcast we are continuing our discussion of sexuality throughout life from the time we're born until we get old, regardless of how old that will be. And this is a podcast for everyone, regardless of your age. Even if you're younger and you keep on breathing, you will get old. This reminds me of the subject of untold research that seeks to determine how and why some people live to be very old. And you see this all the time. You should eat certain things, you shouldn't eat certain things, you should drink certain things, you shouldn't drink certain things, and on and on kinds of ideas as to how it is that you can live to be old. Well, I have the solution and that is keep on breathing. That is the only sure way to live to be old. But this brings us to our topic then today that we're still breathing. As long as we are alive, we are also sexual beings. And so an interesting study in the New England Journal of Medicine revealed that 73% of Americans 57 to 64 years old, report being sexually active, 53% of Americans 64 to 75 years old report being sexually active, 26% of Americans 75 to 85 years old report being sexually active. People who are in excellent or very good health are two times more likely to be sexually active as those in fair or poor health. Women, for example, reported less sexual activity because they lacked sexual partners more often than men. Melanie Ramey: [00:02:29] So where do older adults have sex? Well, in their private homes, in assisted living facilities, or in nursing homes. Obviously, older adults who continue to live in their own homes have more freedom to pursue whatever kind of relationships they choose. Wherever one lives, there are physical conditions that might interfere with sexual functioning. These, of course, can include health issues. They can include certain diseases like vascular disease, heart disease, diabetes, arthritis, cancer, stress incontinence, Parkinson's, depression and dementia. But I'm putting on the Facebook page a reference to a book by Doctor Robert Butler and Myrna Lewis. And they deal with all the different kinds of the medical conditions and how they impact one's sexuality. And so you might want to take a look at that. There are also medications that can interfere with sexual functioning. And these can include the antihypertensive drugs, the lipid lowering agents, diuretics, opioids, antihistamines, stimulants and antidepressants, to name a few. And alcohol and tobacco can also have an effect. So if you begin noticing a change in your sexual functioning and desire and have added a new medication or changed the dosage of one you have been taking, this should be the first place to check and see if that might be what is causing a change. Usually, when taking a ...
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    21 m
  • You Are Never Too Old for Sex, Part 1

    You Are Never Too Old for Sex, Part 1
    Apr 21 2025
    In this episode, sex educator and therapist Melanie Ramey addresses the societal myth that there is an age limit on sex. Simply put, we are never too old for sex. If we are above ground, we are sexual beings. It is a societal construct that leads us to believe we can’t have sex as we age. In reality, it is just as valid to enjoy sexual relations in elderhood as in any other age. Melanie discusses the challenges in finding healthcare providers to talk frankly about sex past 60, the differences in our bodies when we’re older, and how to practice safe sex at any age. Dr. Louise Aronson, a geriatrician at the University of California in San Francisco, wrote a book called “Elderhood” which says that we need to view the third part of our lives with the same concern and curiosity that we view the other two-thirds. Life should be considered a trio: childhood, adulthood, and elderhood. Melanie states that sex should not be compared to sex we had in our youth, but that the important thing is to feel safe, satisfied, and content with whatever sexual experience we are having. This episode challenges negative perceptions around aging bodies and senior sexual experiences by examining all the ways in which we remain sexual beings throughout our lives.Resources discussed in this episode:“Elderhood” by Louise Aronson—Contact Melanie Ramey: Instagram: @SexuallySpeakingWithMelanieFacebook: Sexually Speaking with Melanie RameyLinkedin: Sexually Speaking with Melanie Ramey—Canon in D Major performed by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/—TranscriptNarrator: [00:00:03] Is there an age limit for good sex? Is it unusual for seniors to still want to have sexual relationships? Welcome to the Sexually Speaking podcast with sex educator and therapist Melanie Ramey. Melanie assures us that we do not stop being sexual simply because we've reached a certain age. As long as we are still above ground, we are all sexual beings.Melanie Ramey: [00:00:30] Hello and welcome again. As we have expressed on this program, time after time, our sexuality is the core of who we are as human beings, and sex is what we do. We are sex beings from the time we are born until we die, regardless of how old you live to be. We are going to focus in this podcast about sex as we grow older. So listen up wherever you are on the journey. If you're young, you have parents and grandparents and others you know who are getting older. You may work in a facility where older people live, and if you keep breathing long enough, you will get old. A friend of mine, who is an orthopedic surgeon, told me that the oldest person he had ever done surgery on was a 90 year old man who lived in a nursing home. And it seems that his patient got into an altercation with another resident over a woman they were both interested in. The 90 year old patient leaned out of his wheelchair to hit the other man, leaned too far, fell out and broke his hip, necessitating surgery by my friend. Now, this is just one of many examples I could cite that shows us that as long as we live, we can desire emotional relationships and caring by another human being, including sexual relationships.Melanie Ramey: [00:02:07] In 2019, Doctor Louise Aronson, a geriatrician at the University of California in San Francisco, wrote the New York Times bestseller Elderhood. I highly recommend this book and will list it on the Facebook page. In her book, she tells us that we need to look at the third part of life with the same concern, curiosity, sensitivity and vigor that we view the other two thirds. She suggests that we should really view life as childhood, adulthood and elderhood as there are changes that occur when we reach 65 and older. An important discussion in her book, I think, is how she talks about the little education that physicians receive about geriatrics. In her case, about 30 minutes during her medical education. I recently talked with a young student who will be receiving a bachelor's degree in nursing in a couple of months, and she has also received zero information about geriatrics. This is relevant because advice columnists, article writers, book editors, so forth and the like are always suggesting that you speak with your health care professional, formerly known as doctors and nurses, for virtually everything, including questions about sexuality. Well, I'm sorry to tell you, you're not likely to get very much help. As a matter of fact, the health care professionals should actually be doing a sexual health assessment for you. I have done an informal survey of probably several hundred people as to those who have had a sexual health assessment. None had had it. If you're having pain during intercourse or if you're having erectile dysfunction, obviously you need to speak with a health care professional and perhaps you need some sort of medication. And sometimes women fare a little ...
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    22 m
  • Sexy Brain

    Sexy Brain
    Apr 7 2025
    In this episode, host, sex educator and therapist Melanie Ramey talks about the most sexually stimulated part of our bodies: our brains. While we may assume everything sex-related occurs below the waist, the brain is the most complex organ known to us. Arousal, emotions, addiction, everything happens in our brains. Melanie discusses addiction, pornography, and learning to control our emotions, backed by in-depth research and experience. One of the first things to understand about pornography is that it’s accessible, affordable, and anonymous. Melanie cites studies with statistics on the percentages of men and women, adult and adolescent, revealing their porn habits, and the numbers are high. She explains what porn addiction looks like and the damaging dysregulation that occurs in the midbrain of young people exposed to porn too early. Addiction, Melanie reveals, often occurs when we try to suppress negative emotions with something else. Learning to regulate and face our own emotions helps us in many ways, but importantly, it helps us explore sex healthily and communicatively.Resources discussed in this episode:“Sex Position Coloring Book: Playtime for Couples” —Contact Melanie Ramey: Instagram: @SexuallySpeakingWithMelanieFacebook: Sexually Speaking with Melanie RameyLinkedin: Sexually Speaking with Melanie Ramey—Canon in D Major performed by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/—Transcript[00:00:02] The most complicated organ in the body is responsible for our arousal and sexual interest. You might be surprised to learn that action below the belt doesn't even compare to what's going on upstairs. Never underestimate the importance of the human brain when it comes to desire and happiness. Welcome to the Sexually Speaking podcast with sex educator and therapist Melanie Ramey. Melanie Ramey: [00:00:29] If you've been listening to these podcasts, you know that we deal with the whole gamut of our sexuality as it is the core of what makes us human. Sexuality is who we are. Sex is what we do. Most often, people have the idea that sex has to do with what is below the waist. Nothing could be further from the truth. Sex has to do with what is in our heads, our brains. Now, for example, we know that the brain is made up of 100 billion cells. That's right, 100 billion. And they connect with 7000 other cells throughout the body. The brain is the most complicated object in the known universe. The desire and consummation, for example, of a sexual act, occurs in three phases in different parts of the brain. With such a complex object, the research on the brain is also very complicated. We are just beginning to learn how addictions are caused by specific areas in the brain being stimulated. That includes alcoholism, gambling, iPhones and maybe pornography. The jury is still out, according to some, as to whether or not porn is an addiction or not. However, it is clear that porn is a problem for some people. They are doing fascinating work at the University of West Virginia, where they are using lasers to alter specific areas of the brain for people with drug addictions. And as the technology for using MRIs, lasers and other technological approaches develop, we will undoubtedly get a more definitive answer. However, an addiction expert, Robert Taibbi, has demonstrated how excessive porn use rewires the brain, causing sexual problems. Melanie Ramey: [00:03:03] Taibbi points out that there are many 20 year olds with a porn addiction, evidenced by excessive use, who have to take Viagra on a regular basis because their midbrains have been dysregulated, affecting their ability to get aroused. I will cite one of his articles on the Facebook page, so you can benefit from his experience in working with people who are addicted. But on the other hand, some proponents say that erotica can enhance their sexual experiences and are a safe recreational outlet. In a 2002 study by the Kinsey Institute at the University of Indiana, 86% of those responding thought porn could be educational, 72% thought it was a harmless outlet for fantasies. 80% of those using porn felt that it was okay. 9% of those using said they had tried unsuccessfully to stop. Men and women report different responses to using porn. Clearly, many people use porn without a problem. How and when it becomes an addiction is still a question in search of a definitive answer. I will post some more references on the Facebook page if you're interested in reading some of the other studies. Whether it is an addiction, it is clear that those who use porn regularly have intense urgings or cravings for sex. They turned to porn when they are anxious. They struggle at home, they struggle at work, so they turn to porn. Some expert believes that there is a link between porn and dissatisfaction with relationships, but there is wide agreement that if porn is getting in the ...
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    25 m
  • Self Respect

    Self Respect
    Mar 17 2025
    In this episode, host, sex educator and therapist Melanie Ramey talks about self-respect: what it means and how to nurture it. Self-respect is a key component in our sexuality and in having sex with partners. But what exactly does having self-respect look like? And what kind of values does it align with? Melanie breaks down the fundamental nature of self-respect and explores how it affects sex, intimacy, and relationships.There are four main red flags that indicate a person likely lacks self-respect. Melanie identifies them as, 1) Over-apologizing, 2) Fear of expressing opinions, 3) Constant self-deprecation, and 4) Tolerating disrespect. If we see ourselves in these examples, Melanie counsels us not to despair and outlines how to develop self-respect. She offers poignant examples of the sorts of values that self-respect aligns with, such as compassion, commitment, and generosity. She also defines the difference between self esteem and self-respect. Often they are used interchangeably but they speak to quite different things. This episode provides guidance for examining how much self-respect we have and how to ensure it is involved in our sexual partnerships and our lives.Resources discussed in this episode:“Aretha: From These Roots” by Aretha Franklin and David RitzDesiderataGo placidly amidst the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble, it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all ardity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and stars, you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.By Max Ehrmann, 1927—Contact Melanie Ramey: Instagram: @SexuallySpeakingWithMelanieFacebook: Sexually Speaking with Melanie RameyLinkedin: Sexually Speaking with Melanie Ramey—Canon in D Major performed by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/—TranscriptSelf-respect and sexuality go hand in hand. When people engage in sex without respecting oneself and their partners, they are going down a very dangerous road. Welcome to the Sexually Speaking podcast with sex educator and therapist Melanie Ramey. Here's Melanie. Melanie Ramey: [00:00:24] Hello and welcome to Sexually Speaking. On this podcast, as you know, we focus on sexuality as the core of our being as humans throughout our lives. Sexuality is who we are. Sex is what we do. A big part of our daily life has to do with our emotions. Emotions are how we respond to events and situations. We make decisions based on whether we are happy, sad, frustrated, or bored. We also choose activities and hobbies based on the emotions they create. It is really necessary for us to understand our emotions so that we can manage them to our benefit. For example, making a decision when you are angry is very often a mistake. You should take time to cool down, maybe even sleep on it, and then think about the issue and make a thoughtful decision. One important area that elicits an emotional reaction is our self-respect. Do we respect ourselves? How do others respect us, or do they? Both are very critical questions. When the Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin, released her recording of the song Respect in 1967, it was a huge success. As she later wrote in her autobiography, Aretha: From These Roots, it spoke to a need in the country at that time. Every human needed to be respected. So what was going on that time? Well, the Vietnam War was going ...
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    20 m
  • Bareback is for Horses (Safety First!)

    Bareback is for Horses (Safety First!)
    Mar 3 2025
    In this episode, host, sex educator and therapist Melanie Ramey addresses safe sex. She explains certain terms (bareback, for example) and clearly outlines the benefits and risks of engaging in sexual activities. Sex is pleasurable! But safety comes first. Melanie highlights the six important things to remember for sex to be safe and includes information on STIs, STDs, condoms, and communication among other vital advice.The six things to remember are: 1) Get tested for STDs, 2) Use a condom correctly, 3) Do not use an expired condom, 4) Birth control medications don’t stop STDs, 5) Anal sex is not a sure way to avoid pregnancy, and 6) It’s possible, though unlikely, to still get pregnant while menstruating. Melanie gets real about infections, preventative steps, and pregnancy. She explores the history of condoms - they’ve been around since the Ancient Romans started using them - and details the importance of communication between partners. Resources discussed in this episode:Dental Dams“Contraception: A Concise History (The MIT Press Essential Knowledge series)” by Donna J. DruckerSTDs (Sexually Transmitted Diseases) Talking to Your Partner About STDs—Contact Melanie Ramey: Instagram: @SexuallySpeakingWithMelanieFacebook: Sexually Speaking with Melanie RameyLinkedin: Sexually Speaking with Melanie Ramey—Canon in D Major performed by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 Licensehttp://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/—TranscriptSex is fun and enjoyable, but only if we're safe and not putting each other at risk. Sexually transmitted diseases are all too common, and we'd be wise to protect ourselves. Welcome to the Sexually Speaking podcast with sex educator and therapist Melanie Ramey. Today, Melanie discusses the basics about communication related to safe sex and how to protect each other from disease.Melanie Ramey: [00:00:31] Hello, and welcome to Sexually Speaking. This is Melanie Ramey, and I'm really glad you joined us today because I want to remind you about something that happened in 2001. It was really quite interesting because in 2001, the Surgeon General of the United States, at that time he was General David Satcher, issued what was known as a call to action to promote sexual health and responsible sexual behavior. Now, this was the first time that the United States government really had recognized the importance of sexual health. The report really focused on sexual health as a part of overall health and well-being, and Doctor Satcher's report contained many of the aspects that were contained in the World Health Organization definition of sexuality that we also use on this program, that the sex, our sexuality, is the very core of who we are as human beings throughout our life. It's not the absence of disease, but it is a normal, positive and healthy aspect of human life. Now, I also want to point out that our programs do not focus on a certain age range because of sexuality being a part of your life from the day you're born till the day you die, there are many things that you will learn on these programs that will apply to you as long as you live. So, you know, I don't think that we want to think of it as just being certain times in our life.Melanie Ramey: [00:02:20] Someone recently wrote in a question and they asked, Melanie, what do you think about going bareback? Well, since I'm not a veterinarian, my response to that is, first of all, if a person is trying to get pregnant and you are really, really sure that your partner does not have an STI or an STD, then it's fine. In case you aren't familiar with the term, it really means having sex without a barrier. And of course, it's taken from riding a horse without a saddle. I am sure that there are some sharp business types listening in who are familiar with the term RBA Risk Benefit Analysis. This is where the potential risk of an action is compared to the potential benefit. So let's do an RBA about going bareback. The risk is unwanted pregnancy and/or contracting a STI or STD. The benefit is a pregnancy, if one is trying to conceive, and heightened sensation from skin to skin contact. So that's what the RBA would tell us. But going bareback really requires a conversation between the two persons as to the risks, the expectations and the boundaries. Be sure both have been tested recently for STIs. Keep using a barrier until both have the results and then decide how you want to proceed. Just remember that you both have the right to change your minds at any time, regardless of the effect.Melanie Ramey: [00:04:25] There is no question sex can be a very enjoyable experience, but only if it's safe for those involved. And there are really six important things to remember for sex to be safe. The first thing is, if you are sexually active, it's very important to be tested for STDs Sexually Transmitted Diseases periodically. Some STDs are have very mild symptoms and some not at all. You ...
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