How do you know if you're with the right person?

How do you know whether you should ask them to marry you?

Charles Darwin, that beacon of rationality, took a very logical approach to his decision to marry his cousin, Emma Wedgwood, making a list of all the pros and cons of getting married.

The results are hilarious. But simply trusting our gut doesn't work either. So what should we do?

Graham and Matt work their way through this tricky ground in today's episode based on this Psychology Today blogpost:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/get-some-help/202504/is-a-wife-is-better-than-a-dog-the-basis-for-a-good-marriage

Matt and Graham bring the party-pooper vibe to romantic relationships again in this episode with the claim that long-term relationships are no fun, and they're not meant to be.

Most films and songs about love tend to stop at the first kiss, the sprint through the airport. We're crazy in love. Our lovers complete us.

But that stage fades. It’s supposed to. If it didn’t, you’d die of exhaustion or lose your job. What replaces it—if you stick around—is something less exciting but more real.

Where are the stories and narratives about the realities of long-term romance? How do you make love last? Why is it worth the effort? That's the focus for today's episode of Crazy In Love.

Contact us at crazyinlovepodcastuk@gmail.com

Here is the link to the blogpost discussed in today's episode:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/get-some-help/202504/long-term-relationships-are-no-fun

The "Let Them" Theory from Mel Robbins has been embraced by millions across the globe, sparking thousands of Instagram and TikTok videos, and many tattoos.

Mel Robbins' book of the same name asks a simple question: what if the key to happiness, success, and love was as simple as two words?

In simple terms, if you're overwhelmed, angry or frustrated, the problem isn't you. The problem is the power you give to other people. And two simple words―Let Them―will set you free.

But is that too simple? Is it just ancient Buddhist and Stoic wisdom wrapped up in contemporary self-care? What happens when people hurt us, or act in ways contrary to our values? What do we do then?

Matt and Graham dive into "Let Them" this episode, and seek to make sense of a global phenomenon.

Let Them mantra; https://www.instagram.com/melrobbins/p/C7O-KhCyIyE/?hl=en-gb

Let Them tattoos: https://www.instagram.com/melrobbins/p/DEOApA0vmR3/seeing-so-many-of-you-get-let-them-permanently-inked-on-your-body-is-proof-of-ju/?hl=en&img_index=1

The Serenity Prayer: https://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/magazines/the-serenity-prayer/

Attachment theory, and attachment styles, are having their moment. Search any social media site and you'll find thousands of videos how attachment theory explains everything about you, from your success (or lack of success) in romantic relationships, to your overall mental health.

Matt and Graham have spent a big part of their professional lives investigating attachment, and using it to help individuals and couples improve their lives.

But what's the reality about attachment?

What are its limitations?

Should we continue to talk about our attachment styles?

This episode explores those questions, and more.

Contact us at crazyinlovepodcastuk@gmail.com

Miranda July's "All Fours" was one of the literary sensations of the summer. Many women in particular resonated with the tale of midlife sexual and creative freedom.

The New York Times called it "The First Great Perimenopause Novel" and, in a separate piece, discussed how women across the globe were rethinking family and married life as a result of reading the novel.

Others are not so sure. Some see naïve fantasy in its politics instead of liberation.

Matt and Graham consider all this in today's episode of the podcast, and have a think about how the story compares to what they see in their clinical work with couples.

This episode, Matt and Graham stray into unusual territory, don their policy wonk hats, and look at a question of public policy.

They discuss Andrew Yang's idea when running for U.S. President in 2020 for the state to fund marriage counselling before divorce. Similar ideas were proposed as part of legisiation in the UK in 2020.

Should the Government fund counselling to attempt to keep couples together? Even if it's a good idea in principle, could it ever work?

Here's Andrew Yang discussing his idea:

https://thehill.com/homenews/media/452014-meghan-mccain-argues-with-andrew-yang-about-free-marriage-counseling-proposal/

And Patrick Deneen discussing the idea on Ezra Klein's podcast:

https://www.nytimes.com/2022/05/13/podcasts/transcript-ezra-klein-interviews-patrick-deneen.html

Here's the Divorce, Dissolution and Separation Act 2020:

https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2020/11/pdfs/ukpgaen_20200011_en.pdf

Affairs are common. Twenty percent of married men have cheated.

But do they make us happy? Do the relationships that begin with affairs last?

Why do we even have affairs in the first place?

Matt and Graham answer all your questions about affairs in today's episode, based on their Psychology Today blogpost:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/get-some-help/202502/affairs-the-grass-probably-isnt-greener

Contact us at crazyinlovepodcastuk@gmail.com

Controlling behaviour is more common in relationships than you might think. Approximately 1.4 million women and 750,000 men in the United Kingdom experience some form of abuse. And some of our heroes - Gandhi, Einstein, Tolstoy, Dickens - have been extremely controlling in their relationships.

But it should have no place in a healthy relationship. How do you identify controlling behaviour, especially when it can feels like love? What do you do if you think you're in a relationship with a controlling partner?

Matt and Graham answer all these questions in today's episode, based on this blogpost for Psychology Today:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/get-some-help/202501/5-ways-you-might-be-controlled-without-realising-it