Peter

If My Ears Were Wrists I Would Slit Them

Revisado: 09-13-17

GET THE PRINT VERSION! This narrator. My God, this narrator. The narration was so startlingly terrible that 3 minutes in my thought was "This can't be real. What's with the hissing and jarring, breathy, over enunciation?"; I've listened to every Honorverse book there is and this aberration is utterly alien. In fear, I checked the book length. I would have to listen to this.. THIS... for 38 hours. If my ears were wrists I would slit them.

I couldn't believe it. I had to know just how many books has Kevin T. Collins turned into a sonic weapon. To my absolute horror, that count currently stands at 251. I'm hardly alone in this realization. Across that entire library, I found many reviews alarmed by the awfulness of this narrator.

It is so bad that I will be keeping a sharp watch on any further books I get from Audible lest I waste a credit on... THIS. It has chased me away from David Weber's Safehold series. It would break my heart to get invested in that series only to endure another 28 hours of THIS in book 6 (and only 6, mercy be upon that audience).

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Pure Gold

Revisado: 05-06-17

Haven't enjoyed a LitRPG book this much since finishing D. Rus' Play to Live series. If you've listened to the first two, you probably found it ironic that the sorta frequent flashback scenes of long dead, one off side characters were far more interesting than anything the protagonist was up to. Book Three finally hits the sweet spot where that changes.

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Very Disjointed

Revisado: 10-24-15

The book plays out like a handful of Star Trek episodes with little narrative relation to each other. Like barely related short stories. For a grand "eliminate the enemy leader" plot objective, that part ends with a rushed whimper.

There are some good side characters (I grin just thinking of the quirky aquatic alien allies or Admiral Hit 'em Hard Hornmeyer) but they all appear once and vanish each episode. The captain and his crew just aren't that interesting when they're not blowing things up and sometimes not even that. It all felt so rushed and poorly balanced.

The struggling underdog feeling that drew me in early in the series is gone. They pay it lip service but scythe through their enemies with such overwhelming ease that it shatters your sense of disbelief that humanity is having any difficulty at all. Definitely a low point in the series.

On the plus side, the narrator is still top notch, smoothly handling foreigner and alien alike. Has the perfect not quite deep yet rumbling voice for the main character. Mixed feelings on the Doctor's frequent chatter but he's supposed to be annoying so maybe its on purpose.

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Light, Derivative, No Regrets

Revisado: 04-12-15

The Iron Tower Trilogy gets a lot of heat for ripping off The Lord of the Rings and it does!

An Alliance of do-gooder men, elves, dwarves and 'wee folk' with no interior conflict - check. A massive rabble of short and tall abhuman brutes, massive trolls and evil swarthy humans led by a faceless sorcerer who never leaves his distant tower and happens to be the lackey of a greater evil - check. A band of heroes fleeing through a lost dwarven city stalked by the ancient evil that brought it down - check. The list goes on and on. The Iron Tower's effortless comparison to LotR is its greatest weakness yet here me out.

I remember reading LotR and it was a heavy, boring read that I struggled to get through. The Iron Tower is a darker, more violent product of 1985. More truly a war story than a band of adventurers. While good and evil remain in glaring stark contrast here, the villains have a bit more variety in undead ghoul cavalry, instant sunlight death across the board and a sorcerous eternal night required to advance. The villains are more competent, maneuver and even win some battles.

Imagine LotR where there is no Gandalf. The good guys LOSE at the Battle of Helms Deep. The Shire is sacked and brought to ruin and the 'wee folk' are not so laughably helpless as LotR but will quill you full of arrows without batting an eye. The good guys must triumph by physical might in forlorn struggle, some very patient prophecy and a few magic trinkets in the right place at the right time, good and bad, all set into motion long ago by competing Gods.

And compliments to the Narrator, Cameron Beierle. An excellent reading with an impressive array of easily distinguished character voices. His performance is nearly flawless. Too, one must credit the world building lore of the setting in the races, their origins and related conflicts of old that are fully explored in spin off books outside this trilogy. A pity only Trek To Kraggen-Cor is here in Audible.

I shall commit nerd heresy and declare that despite looting Tolkien's legacy, I enjoyed The Iron Tower and its spin offs far more than I did LotR.

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Spotty Narration Timing

Revisado: 07-19-14

Stays true to the title. Point A to point B with all the trouble in between following a nationwide EMP effect. Starts on relatively easy mode in day one or two as people expect things to return to normal then the inevitable backslide into desperation and banditry. Still pockets of civilization and nicely realistic. There is a strong whiff of "Thanks Obama" without naming any names but there's no denying that the "current administation" - as the book identifies them - inspires these sorts of stories.

I actually like the narrator but a jarring flaw is the complete absence of any distinction when the narrator has jumped to a completely different/distant scene, especially in the second half when it is pretty much 3 separate stories being told at once. This strikes me as more a production failure than an artistic one, easily fixed with a brief audio cue or a pause-Character Name Here-pause whenever they jump scenes.

Sins forgiven, was as a satisfying story. No regrets.

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A hundred barbed commas wielded by an angry God.

Revisado: 07-04-14

Beware of the all encompassing feminine social experiment the fairly interesting book description makes ZERO mention of. One would think a setting featuring a near total plague exterminated male population and hyper feminized spineless culture would merit mention to would be readers. Not so here apparently.

Look forward to details like "the fashionable hand shaped deep pink passion patch located at the crotch of his light grey body suit", jokes about invoking a-generation-ago-emancipated "Ladies Right" forcing men to perform obligatory reproductive sex and having every Sir/Ma'am, Ladies/Gentlemen replaced with "Gracious Lady" and "Gentle Sir". The latter enforced and repeated with the diligence of a commissar and each time making me want to throw up a little inside. Looking again to the book description, this is not what I signed up for.

However, the real salt in the wound here is the absolutely dreadful narrator. Think Captain Kirk on heavy sedatives. Why must. Each. And every. Sentence. Be spoken. As if. Cruelly impaled. By a hundred. Barbed. Commas. Wielded by. An angry God?

6 hours in, still no sign of the death world and I could endure no more. The list of books I have ever quit on is a very short one. This horrid narration of Koban makes that list.

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Pulp of the Highest Caliber

Revisado: 04-22-13

Glorious low brow adventure. That might not be enough for some but Dina Pearlman isn't just narrating the story of a big, biker chick caught up in fantastical Flash Gordon sci fi adventures, she bloody well sounds like one. Her performance sounds so beautifully in character that the book could get by with just a so-so story rather than the very charming, trope nostalgic and clever one that it is.

The author does very well in writing a female adventure protagonist that doesn't just come off as just a guy with boobs. Not too feminine, not too manly, very... American Biker Amazon but not a butch one. All very down to earth and free of high minded idealism or grim/dark villainy, definitely a grinning popcorn flick.

Follows a single perspective throughout so if you need a break from constant character hopping ala Game of Thrones, bonus. Also taught me what the "phone book trick" means in police speak. Learn something new every day.

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Series Killer

Revisado: 08-19-12

If any book in the Black Company series can drive a fan to quit, it is this one. The constant, disjointed, mind numbing jumps between perspective time periods turns this book into some bastardized choose-your-own-adventure story. Take a regular novel, chop it into a dozen or two pieces, then read those pieces in random order and you've got Bleak Seasons.

The narrator does such a fine job with the voices, I almost pity the man for having to read this assault on listeners minds.

The style of presentation in Bleak Seasons is so dreadful and of no narrative relation to its predecessors that one has to wonder if Glen Cook were in a particularly vile mood when he wrote it and was purposefully trying to kill the series.

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Great Story, Narrator Takes Getting Used To

Revisado: 09-21-11

A refreshing romp through a gritty yet colorful medieval fantasy setting that follows a mercenary company recruited by the arch villain. They'll stick it to the rebel "good guys" all the way, often with cheerful deviousness. The story follows the sole 1'st person perspective of the Black Company's annalist/historian/medic giving it a distinct grunt's eye view of a much bigger conflict. There's also no shortage of likeable characters to get attached to; it's neither too serious or too somber.

The narrator definitely takes some getting used to though. At first he sounded like he was channeling Captain Kirk or something and it was most distracting; you'll see some hate on that topic in the other reviews. However, I think he settles into the role eventually and about 1/3 in I didn't even notice anymore. He manages the few female voices there are well enough. Certainly not so cringe worthy as other male narrators I've heard trying the same.

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Solid entertainment, civil war era flavored

Revisado: 06-19-11

Like a kid mismatching toys from a mass box, wonder no more what might happen when you match a regiment of Union troops against a vast horde of 10 foot man eating alien mongols.

Several genuinely likable characters, not-too-pretentious on the abolitionist/freedom side and certainly NOT the bald faced hubris you'd find in stuff like 300. Some peeps grumble about an excess of grimly this n sullenly that but listening through it I didn't even notice. If you came to Rally Cry for the battles (see the toy box above) you won't be dissappointed.

The narrator definitely took some getting used to. It wasn't till halfway in I finally decided I could live with him. Maybe a 3/5 narration. The other reviews are spot on that his 'standard' voice is lacking, but Lawlor does sound much better when he kicks in the accented characters.

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