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BOMT overstayed its welcome and continued vegetating (no pun intended) on Asparagusto 1, that orb of flatulence inducing green side dish known as the most asparagus-centric society in the multiverse.

Their system of currency is asparagus. This makes shopping difficult since the asparagus in one’s wallet goes putrid and becomes a glomp of stinky vegetable schmutz that ruins one’s wallet.

The typical inhabitant of Asparagus 9 typically goes through 25 wallets a year. This may not sound too bad however, on planet Asparagusto 1, a year lasts for 25 days therefore every citizen needs to shop for a new wallet every day of the year.

Top economists experimented with other currencies, such as cabbage and broccoli, however, though an asparagus-based economy causes its inhabitants to pee bright green, it's still preferable to the impact of immense broccoli farts caused by an alternative currency.

We begin our episode with the answer to people who find themselves unliked and not able to get along with people by asking the question: “Do you suffer from awful personality syndrome?” A review of the latest sex app is reviewed (and it isn’t a spreadsheet since something it isn’t sheets that are being spread), Poopypants Pete features the latest service for people who are too lazy to go to the toilet on their own and for all the listeners with deep psychological problems (and that includes all listeners of this podcast, you too!!!) the latest breakthrough in psychological theory: Literal Method Therapy

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With a carrot accidently lodged in its back cooling passage, BOMT stumbled upon Planet Asparagusto 1, the most asparagus-centric society in the multiverse, an entire civilization rooted in (no pun intended) asparagus.

On a planet with no intrinsically valuable materials and where nothing valuable, such as gold, exists, the planet’s currency is (and this doesn’t take a psychic to guess): asparagus. Workers toil in the vast asparagus mines (which in reality is just a field but saying ‘workers toil in the vast asparagus fields pulling asparagus out by the roots and take it down to the market’ doesn't sound very impressive).

It is a precarious financial system. On a hot day, if refrigeration fails or if a rat gets into the refrigerated safe, a billionaire can be wiped out.

We begin with another episode of Yes It’s Another Morning where the producer of Yes, It’s Another Morning reviews the secrets of producing a crap morning show as Yes, It’s Another Morning.

Is life too transformational and empowering for you, do you live a transformed life? If so, bring back unworkability and ordinariness in your life with Murad Disempowerment Untransformed Seminars. As this podcast proves, ANYONE can do comedy especially in the new Joey Bambam Fart and Poo joke Academy. And if you can’t be a comedian, we will reveal the way to earn over 1 million in a day through product placement.

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BOMT (The Battery-Operated Magic Toupee) lands on Whackoff 8, the most self-sexually, self-romantically, and self-involved planet in a self-absorbed universe of immense, egocentric, imperiousness. The official transcription logs of BOMT, as it approached the gravitational field of pure narcissistic sexual energy waves, reads as “I am entering the field of Whackoff 8 , detecting a rise in unfiltered egocentric energy and… oh my God, I never noticed how gorgeous and drop dead sexy I am, I … I want to write a love poem to myself… I just can’t help it. My antenna is uncontrollably stroking my throttle-boing stick and it feels so good… I am fanaticising sticking my spoorelease rod into my rear passage duct… and sticking it in and out and in and…. Oh I love me! I am expelling my excess jizzlubricant. I am going to marry myself!”

As BOMT continued admiring a screenshot of itself, it downloaded the following achieve material:

We begin with the Faecal Economist Langly Fulton shares his top tips on toilet paper substitute (note: Do not attempt using discarded sandpaper) and a commercial from Head Bang Industries for the latest technology in walls to bang your head against.

David Cumfucker attempts, unsuccessfully, to report day 69 from the trial of the decade despite obstacles, which include a retarded camera crew (we apologise if saying ‘retarded’ has offended any listeners, including retarded listener, who may tend to become a bit retarded when triggered over retarded things, such as this retarded sketch). After a message from the makers of Kak Gleam who add razzle and sparkle in your dung (and we realise that dung doesn’t usually describe human poop however we are told that some of our listeners are animals), we feature the latest episode of Fucking with Nature where Jim Obean, the fucking naturist, attempts to do it with a bee.

#funnyadults #darkhumor #darkjokes #darkadultjokes #darkadulthumor #humours #humor

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It’s time to verbally vomit clichéd merry Christmases and happy Chanukah schmutz into a microphone and poop out into a second holiday special.

BOMT is shamelessly exploited by producers for a cheesy second holiday special designed by producers to excrete some more happy holiday crap that rips-off synthetic sentiment like hack seasonal Disney porn. It is an alternative time line of cheap drivel where a fourth-rate podcaster, absent of integrity and taste, rehashes worn tripe and creates a podcast called “The Battery-Operated Magic Toupee – The Podcast”.

We begin this episode with asking the probing (and we DO mean probing in a sexual way) question: Why are perverts ruining Christmas? We attempt to answer this question while ignoring the Santa giving his elf a handy. Mean Morty is back with his next Christmas tip and Xmas memories recalling when Skippy the dog did it with the holiday turkey.

BOMT proudly presents (it really is shocking that BOMT could proudly present this crap) … as we were saying, BOMT PROUDLY presents a special season episode of The Twitlike Zone. This weeks pile: Jerry’s Foreskin for Christmas. It is a retelling of the most world famous Christmas and Chanukah tale that has been told endlessly through the year and has been the inspiration for countless films: The Christmas story of the man who forces his way to the mythical Foreskin Achieve and undergoes a life changing foreskin transplant. (Note – we were shocked to discover that no-one else knows of this, the most traditional holiday tale, ever told. For F£%&CKs sake, where have you been all these years!).

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BOMT landed on an alternative timeliness of Earth in time for the ultimate holiday of love and kindness of man to his fellow man and transvestite. It was the time of year where miracles are celebrated: The annual wanking of the bull.

In this alternative timeliness timeline, Spaniards celebrate the life of the blind saint/ farmer Saint Pullington Juicer, who performed the miracle of accidentally milking a male bull and drawing milk. Theologians theorise that it may not have been milk.

Coincidently, the next day was Christmas. On Christmas day, their alternative St. Nicholas visits all the houses in the neighbourhood and guilt-trips the little children for not buying him a present and for being such greedy, self-centred shits that the they expect a stranger in a ridiculous red suit to buy ‘then' gifts.

BOMT drapes itself in mistletoe and KY Jelly as it oozes into this alternative universe where the wholesome seasonal holiday spirit has been overrun by cheesy Xmas porn and yuletime body secretions. There is no Rudalph the Red Nose Reindeer but there is Barry the Moose with Blue Balls, there is no I’m Dreaming Of A White Christmas but there is I’m fantasising a naked elf with Cream Pie.

Words cannot describe the bodily secretions that are splooged all over the Christmas trees because these body secretions haven’t been named yet. The secretions are from sex acts so offensive, disgusting, and just plain wrong that only the most twisted and sickest pervert could find a way to secrete it while actually performing a sex act that, when we say words can’t describe it, is because no diseased mind has invented the words yet for that which cannot be imagined.

On this episode: we begin with the quandary that weighs on everyone’s mind during this synthetic, festive, season of unfilled expectations and high suicides: “Do you want to fuck a reindeer in the arse?”. We visit the most intelligent department store Santa in the Universe as he faces off against the worst filth in the galaxy: A young child. We feature Mean Morty’s Christmas tips, the stingy pointers on how to save money on Xmas and an inside peak at the Marketing firm of some plastically marketing types as they meet with the council of Rabbis and, despite having the mighty dreidel, proceed to ‘sex up Chanukah’.

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BOMT travels to the most sanitary planet of good taste and smells in the galaxy, a planet where shit doesn’t exist.

No animal or vegetable possesses an anus (that said, minerals possess a micro-atomic level mini anus however it is so tiny and theoretical that, for practical purposes, let’s just say that the concept of an asshole doesn’t exist in minerals either).

Piss also is unthinkable, there is no waste or unpleasant excretions of any time. A fart is impossible and unimaginable.

Even if an alien from outside the planet attempts, with all it’s might, to let go of a stage 3 flatulent event, the expelled gas will smell like the rest of the planet – like expensive perfume.

Obviously, in a planet without shit, piss, vomit or farts – BOMT felt so out of place and uncomfortable that it vacated, both the planet and its bowels, and left immediately.

In this episode we feature the best advise on how not to shit in the show (which is just don’t shit in the f-ing shower, the inspiration for the Armenian Polka hit “A Shark Is Eating My Arsehole”, The true (yea – right – true) story of Adolf Hitler and The Puckered Anus of A Syphilitic Dog With Haemorrhoids. And there’s more:

The Podcast award winner of some random year and a finally a plea (downright begging) to “Please Give Generously To MyEnormous Penis”

(Another day when we reach out to adults who are in love with offensive comedy show. Call us the masters of dark humour for adults. We give it in better doses under our Vip Lounge at patreon.com/BOMT_Podcast)

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🎙 This Episode: Offensive comedy, absurd satire, and unfiltered laughs await as The Battery Operated Magic Toupee travels to Planet Terseconsise—a place so succinct it only has three words in its dictionary: succinct, terse, and concise. Philosophers battle it out over its description, while the locals agree it smells, well… “succinct, terse, and concise.”

🔞 Highlights Include:

• Why you shouldn’t stick things where they don’t belong (we warned you).
• An exclusive interview with the creator of The Butler Who Murdered The Millionaire—a dud even alleys rejected.
• A hilarious tale of a father’s misguided love as the infamous Frimpton Baby poops itself.
• Plus, a premature ejaculation PSA featuring the timeless phrase: “Oops.”

☠️ Love dark humor, offensive jokes, and wildly absurd comedy? Stay tuned for more ridiculousness every week!

Follow us on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and Google for uncensored laughs that push every boundary.

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BOMT watches its back and removes the knives as they appear in it as it revisits a world in which dark comedy writers are unnecessary since all the universe’s absurd, preposterous, and ridiculous crap has fallen from a wormhole and in the midst of a steamining intergalactic shitfest created a parallel stenchverse where satire and comedy is impossible as no comedy writer could ever imagine anything more ridiculous or absurd than writes itself since it is embedded in the very air they breathe.

It is the world of politics.

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Tags:

• Satirical comedy shows
• Twisted humor for adults
• Controversial comedy podcast

#offensivecomedy #offensivecomedyshow #darkhumour