Surviving BPD Relationship Breakups

By: A.J. Mahari
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  • Summary

  • A.J. Mahari is a Counselor and Trauma Recovery Coach who has 35 years experience working with people surviving Borderline Personality Relationship Breakups in all relationship types, healing from codependency, Inner Child Healing, Family of Origin and Self Differentiation. A.J. also works with people surviving a Narcissistic Relationship Breakup or Co-Monbidly both BPD/NPD Breakup and Narcissistic Abuse Recovery and much more.
    A.J. Mahari
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Hygiene & Healthy Living Personal Development Personal Success Psychology Relationships Social Sciences
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Episodes
  • BPD Stable Before Relationship Rupture? Was My Ex Like Sherri Papini?

    BPD Stable Before Relationship Rupture? Was My Ex Like Sherri Papini?
    Feb 22 2025
    BPD Stable Before Relationship Rupture? Was My Ex Like Sherri Papini?

    A commenter asks how could my BPD Ex be fine in a relationship for 4 years and suddenly be so unstable? Is a person with BPD stable in a relationship until they aren't? A BPD Ex compares his ex to Sherri Papini - any similarity to a thought to be "stable" partner who then suddenly shows how unstable they are? Does the length of a relationship with someone BPD have anything to do with whether or not they have stability? People with BPD are not emotionally stable people.

    https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
    https://survivingbpdrelationshipbreakup.com

    This podcast is included in the top 100 Relationship Podcasts on Feedspot at:
    100 Best Relationship Podcasts You Must Follow in 2025
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    32 mins
  • Borderlines Are Not Relationship Worthy

    Borderlines Are Not Relationship Worthy
    Feb 9 2025
    Borderlines Are Not Relationship Worthy

    Borderlines are not relationship worthy. They lack a self, have no object constancy and have relational and communication deficits. People with BPD feel very unworthy. They struggle without a known "self" to have any positive regard for "self" or "other". People with BPD often really don't like themselves and this is projected out on to anyone that gets close until a person with BPD can't cope with being close.

    People with BPD need extensive therapy in a psychodynamic modality of treatment that takes years so that they can find the lost "self" and among other things, develop and nurture their own self-worth first
    .
    Codependents also struggle with their own self-worth and need to learn in their healing and recovery that they are worth more than settling for a one-sided 'situationship' with someone with BPD. You deserve to be consistently seen and heard!

    https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
    https://survivingbpdrelationshipbreakup.com

    This podcast is rated in the Top 100 Relationship Podcasts on feedspot.net - 100 Best Relationship Podcasts You Must Follow in 2025
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    29 mins
  • BPD Breakup Ghost or Discard Is Not Your Fault

    BPD Breakup Ghost or Discard Is Not Your Fault
    Feb 8 2025
    BPD Breakup Ghost or Discard Is Not Your Fault

    BPD breakup, ghosting, or discard is not your fault. People with suspected BPD, diagnosed BPD untreated (or not fully treated) can't stop the ghosting or discards and neither can you. People with BPD often feel out of control in relationships and people with Codependency try to help, rescue, fic and change them. They need years of therapy that they would fully engage in to ever be able to have a healthy, age-appropriate relationships with healthy communication. It takes years of therapy for people with BPD to unlearn maladaptive defenses - namely splitting and all-or-nothing thinking along with not taking everything personally and to build and create a container of self. No matter how many times you recycle as a Codependent with an untreated person with BPD nothing can change. Each relationship recycle you just experience more and more of the same.

    https://ajmahari.ca/sessions
    https://survivingbpdrelationshipbreakup.com
    Show more Show less
    23 mins

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Profile Image for Mr swaff

maybe not for you?

as the comment currently shown when scrolling past this podcast claims heartbreak from the way bpd is discussed, perhaps you are experiencing emotional pain from realizing that you're kind of a terrible person when going through the described cycles of behavior? If so instead of being heartbroken go to therapy and stop propagating these, basically true and honest, perceptions of those people interacting with those with the diagnosis.
use this as a test. remove the label, it doesn't matter what but in this case dbt I think. now it's just a person that will engage another individual, happily establish what appears to be a healthy relationship, and then suddenly act as if their former partner is the source of all their problems and refuse to ever talk to them again never saying why.
when anyone else in the world behaves like that they are called many things, and really, none flattering. BUT! just like the podcast says (if you listen and attempt to improve your life and thus those who try to love you rather than go straight to uhh heartbreak) going to therapy can help and one day you'll be able to be with someone without the inevitable dumpster fire that always happens. and it's not the fault of everyone else in the world, it's definitely the person with the matches and dumpster.
go. to. therapy.

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Profile Image for Leah C

Unbelievably Negative

This is the worst podcast series ever! The speaker is extremely negative and demeaning towards BPD. I cant help but to feel discouraged, unworthy and hopeless by this series! Completely heartbreaking.

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A bitter rant about a misunderstood group

As the spouse of someone with BPD, I am well aware of the heartache and frustration that can be caused by those with BPD. However, this podcast is simply someone ranting about their negative experiences with BPD individuals, by someone who has not bothered to take the time to try to understand individuals who suffer from this diagnosis. Despite their challenges and inappropriate behaviors, individuals with BPD can also be creative, loving, insightful, and fun to be around. I will not pretend that dealing with BPD individuals is always easy, but the black & white/good & evil view of of this disorder voiced in this podcast is simply ignorant & inaccurate.

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Absolutely Inaccurate

It's people like her that give BPD a stigma. As a person diagnosed with BPD, I can tell you that this doctor is trying to sway the perception of people diagnosed with BPD in a bad light. We do know how to have a successful intimate relationship. We know who we are and our worth. So trying to be heard and understood is not us, projecting it onto our partner, rather its us trying to have healthy communication addressing normal needs and concerns within the relationship. Is it for fear of abandonment or fear of losing the relationship? Yes, absolutely. it's called trying to find a resolution to everyday relationship problems. Something healthy relationships require. So quit trying to make it something it is not. We are not dramatic. It may seem that way when the other party refuses to contribute to coming to a mutual understanding on what is borderlines are trying to address. and not all of us are violent or give the silent treatment. Some just want to be heard and understood. To feel validated. Like any human being. I would appreciate it if you did not portray us as unstable people incapable of having good relationships.

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Profile Image for sonora

Thank You

Thank you for your well informed and truthful discussions . I listen to all of your videos . This has helped keep me together as I try to not reverse hover my ex. He told me he would marry me 5 times always coming up with excuses and empty promises. It was my responsibility to not continually enable or stay sitting in this mistreatment. We have the power to value ourselves and take back our lives

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Profile Image for Dylan Newsome

So helpful

AJ has been through it and really understands the pain and confusion one experiences in a relationship with pwbpd. Her advice is spot on with no unnecessary fluff and has helped keep me grounded. She definitely keeps it real.

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