I used to depend more on the liquid in my glass than on the people who love me. Alcohol felt like the only reliable source of comfort to relieve me from looking too closely at my pain. It was predictable until it made me unpredictable. I couldn’t recover without acceptance, willingness, and action.

Willingness is the key that unlocks the door, but I don’t get access to the key without accepting that I’m sick. I had to admit to another human being that I needed help and trust something other than my limited understanding of myself. I don’t have to fully understand faith to depend on it. I now depend on a higher power of my understanding and the collective strength of those who have walked this path before me. And trust me, my higher power doesn’t look like anyone else’s; it's just right for me.

Instead of turning to something that was slowly killing me, I can turn to a fellowship that reminds me how beautiful life is. Are your dependencies healthy or unhealthy?

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#RecoveryJourney #SobrietyRocks #FaithOverFear #HealingTogether #WillingnessIsKey #OneDayAtATime #HigherPower #FellowshipFirst #AcceptanceAndAction #ChooseHealing

Thursday mornings my sobriety meeting includes a 10-minute meditation. Every week we get to hear various meditation music. Todays was healing Gregorian chants by the Angelic Choir. The sounds immediately transported me back into a European vacation I took with my daughter. Of the many places we visited there was a beautiful church with stained glass as far as the eye could see. I could almost feel Bailey beside me admiring the church during the meditation today.

When my eyes opened, I had a choice. I could either be sad that the experience with her was over, or I could smile that the experience happened. I have a tendency to choose the first, and I'm practicing choosing the latter. I recognize that my choices today affect tomorrow's version of me. It takes work to recognize the beauty in missing something. It’s proof that it mattered enough to leave a lasting imprint on our hearts.

What is something you've been sad about losing? There must be something because I know I'm not unique in this. We get to choose what we want to carry forward from our past experiences. We can weave those into our gratitude and inner peace.

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#MindfulLiving, #GratitudePractice, #CherishTheMoment, #FindingPeace, #EmbraceTheJourney, #HealingThroughReflection, #LettingGoWithLove, #MemoriesMatter, #InnerPeace, #SerenityNow

Letting go of old ideas is a process of unlearning habitual thinking. Yesterday, we took our dogs to the vet where a young woman at the counter casually mentioned she wished her water bottle was full of alcohol. That used to be my mindset. I constantly wanted to escape, never grateful for the present moment. Unlearning took more than removing alcohol; I got to change the way I think. Instead of chasing temporary relief, looking away, I walk into the fear, sometimes trembling even.

I joined a vestibular support group yesterday that was exactly what I needed. Hearing from others with the same disability helped to ease some of my despair. One woman battled this disorder for 20 years before finally getting a diagnosis last month. Her resilience was inspiring because I only had to live 3 years in the dark. Another person, newly learning that this disability is permanent, was desperately trying to hold on to her old life, resisting acceptance. I get it. How do you accept something that doctors struggle to diagnose. Just like alcoholism, recovery only begins with acceptance.

My old way of thinking was like trying to keep a hot air balloon afloat. Alcohol was the fuel I depended on to lift me up, but over time, no amount of it could keep me from sinking. There was a hole in the balloon. Now, I have new ways to rise through connection, support, and a shift in my thinking. I got to patch the holes in the balloon and learn to steady it without burning so much fuel. I’m actually navigating my way through life and no longer drifting aimlessly.

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#LettingGo #MindsetShift #HealingJourney #SelfDiscovery #Resilience #RecoveryWins #SupportMatters #GratitudePractice #EmbracingChange #InnerStrength

Yesterday was an exciting day. I had the opportunity to be a guest on a podcast hosted by someone I deeply admire. It was something I had quietly hoped for, and when the invitation came, it felt incredibly special. As we talked, I realized that despite stepping away from my career, my executive mindset is still very much a instilled in me. That sense of purpose, confidence, and drive hasn’t disappeared, I just express it in new ways now. The episode will be live on Thursday! I’ll share it as soon as its posted.

The theme of today was spiritual agony, particularly in making amends when I don’t feel I played a role in a broken relationship. For years, I held onto resentment, believing the responsibility to reconnect was on the other person. I heard this morning that resentment is like holding a hot coal, hoping to throw it at my target, while I’m the one getting burned. Forgiveness is to free myself. It’s not excusing others for their behavior. Whether it’s a person or an organization that wronged me, letting go is necessary for my inner peace.

That realization has reshaped how I approach my relationships today. It’s like trying to rescue a princess from a castle guarded by a dragon. It’s nearly impossible alone, but manageable with help. Inviting others into my healing process, sharing my struggles, and practicing forgiveness keeps me from being trapped in resentment. Today, I choose to release that weight and move forward, maybe even charging into that castle, ready to face whatever comes next.

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#SpiritualGrowth #ForgivenessJourney #InnerPeace #LettingGo #HealingProcess #MindsetShift #MovingForward #SelfDiscovery #EmotionalWellness #PersonalGrowth

I’ve been carrying an increasingly heavy feeling. I thought I’d dealt with it, but its back. I feel myself sinking into sadness about my disability and chronic pain. It distracts me from being present. One might call it hopelessness, fear, despair, desperation. I’m not quite sure what to call it other than depression. I decided during my podcast episode today that it’s time to go back to my psychiatrist. The decision to get help is always the hardest, and it doesn’t seem to get easier whenever I have to do it. I hesitate because once I make the appointment, I feel obligated to keep going. That’s the point, right?

I used to ignore my emotions by drowning myself in work. I lived to work. It was my purpose. It’s not far off to say my obsession with work matched others’ obsession with social media. I was checking my emails and Teams messages continuously. Work was really an escape; I see in retrospect. If I focused on being the best director who does the most and bleeds corporate colors, then I didn’t have to look at my relationships with friends, family, and myself.

There is gratitude to be found in medical retirement depending on how willing I am to address what’s going on between my ears.

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#MentalHealthAwareness #Depression #HealingJourney #SelfCareMatters #BreakTheStigma #EmotionalWellbeing #TherapyIsCool #SeekingHelpIsStrength #WorkLifeBalance #MindfulLiving

Fear of abandonment didn’t stem from one traumatic event in my life. It grew from a string of experiences that, when stacked together, created a quiet ache in my heart—one I believed wasn’t mendable. I have carried this belief that people leave, and they don’t come back.

Looking back, I see a pattern of people who, once part of my daily life, eventually moved on, leaving a void behind. Whether it was the natural course of growing up, relationships evolving, or life pulling them in a different direction, the impression was the same. I absorbed those changes as loss, as proof that nothing stays the same, and that once someone goes, they’re gone for good. That belief followed me into adulthood, shaping how I approached relationships and how I braced myself for the inevitable goodbyes, even with my kids going off to college. I didn’t know how to navigate staying connected when I knew what the end result would be.

For so much of my life, I assumed that when someone walked out the door, that was it. But through work with a psychiatrist and addiction therapist, I’m realizing that abandonment is often just my mindset. Lately, I’ve felt a deep pull to reconnect with people from my past, and I’m seeing that connection takes effort.

Sometimes abandonment is just isolation I’ve unconsciously chosen. I’m starting to fill in those empty spaces with what was here all along—connection.

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#FearOfAbandonment #HealingJourney #InnerWork #EmotionalGrowth #SelfAwareness #BreakingPatterns #ChooseConnection #MentalHealthMatters #OvercomingIsolation #ReframingThoughts

I set a goal for January to finish the first draft of chapter one of my memoir. The overachiever in me decided that I should also write an introduction. So, on the last day of the month, I typed the final words of both. It’s just a first draft, and I know it’ll take countless revisions, but there is satisfaction in completing that goal. Writing has been allowing me to sit with my thoughts, find the perfect words, and deeply process my experiences. It’s been cathartic in a way I didn’t expect, stirring up old emotions but also helping me release them.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about the ways I hold on to the past, to pain, to things I should have let go of long ago. I’ve spent years tying ropes around memories, clutching them tightly as if I might lose a piece of myself if I let them go. But all they’ve given me is rope burn. In sobriety and stroke recovery, I’ve learned that healing means loosening my grip on what’s behind me. When I allow myself to be present, I see the small but powerful connections happening around me, the moments I missed when I was so wrapped up in my own head.

The past keeps moving further away, and my job is to stay here, in this moment, and trust that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. There’s freedom in mentally staying where my feet are planted.

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#HealingJourney #LettingGo #MindfulLiving #SobrietyLife #StrokeRecovery #StayPresent #SelfDiscovery #EmotionalHealing #TrustTheProcess #GrowthMindset

Today, I was thinking about the difference between giving when you feel like you have nothing left and putting someone else’s well-being before your own.

This morning, my neighbor was on his way to his mom’s funeral. Through tears, he shared that she had passed. I hugged him, offering my condolences the best way I knew how.

I met his mother only three short months ago. She was battling brain cancer, and it was clear she was losing the fight, but that didn’t stop her from walking herself to the neighboring school to vote in our elections. She stopped me on a walk and asked if I would help her. Without hesitation, I fell in step with her, slowly making our way to the school. Because of her language barrier, I was able to walk in with her, read the ballot, and fill it out on her behalf. She was grateful. And in that short walk, a friendship sparked—we were both in recovery from something and both living with chronic head pain.

A week later, I found myself struggling to be available for her. My own chronic condition made it difficult to keep up. I let her son know that I had to prioritize my well-being, even though I wished I could do more.

Today, as I watched the funeral procession drive away, I knelt and took a moment of silence for her. I gave what I could, and I’m at peace with that.

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#GriefAndHealing #ActsOfKindness #ChronicIllnessWarrior #HelpingOthers #CommunitySupport #MentalHealthMatters #RecoveryJourney #SelfCompassion #GivingWhatYouCan #ElectionDayStories