Pillow Talks

By: Vanessa & Xander Marin | QCODE
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  • Summary

  • Meet Vanessa and Xander Marin, your new BFF couple friends! She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience and he’s a regular dude. Together they’re the shockingly open, slightly nerdy, and seriously funny couple you want to grab sushi with. They share the ups and downs in their relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours. Subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally do-able sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It’s the sex education you WISH you’d had!
    2024
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Hygiene & Healthy Living
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Episodes
  • Episode 204: Confessions Of An Overactive Bladder

    Episode 204: Confessions Of An Overactive Bladder
    Apr 17 2025
    If you’ve ever joked about “peeing just a little” when you sneeze, or you’re the kind of person who always has to know where the bathroom is, this one’s for you. Vanessa is sharing her personal (and super vulnerable) journey with bladder issues: how it started, the surprising symptoms, the anxiety it caused, and the expert-backed tools and tricks that actually helped. We asked our community if they’ve experienced bladder problems — and 62% of women said yes. So if you’re in that group, or just curious to hear a side of health and intimacy we’ve never talked about before, tune in. This episode might just be a game changer for you. Here’s a peek at what we cover: That awkward moment when you realize… something’s off The role of pelvic floor physical therapy (and who V followed to learn more) Bad habits no one tells you are actually bad The urologist visit from hell (you won’t believe what they said) How Vanessa trained her bladder like a dog (yes, really) Small changes that made a HUGE difference — and why Vanessa finally sleeps through the night Disclaimer: This episode is based on personal experience and is not intended as medical advice. Always consult with your doctor about your individual health needs. Links & resources in the episode: Expecting and Empowered The Vagina Whisperer 👉 Ready to level up your skills in (and out of) the bedroom? Grab The Ultimate Sex Guide for sex therapist-backed tips that’ll have you saying “oh my GOD… I didn’t know it could be this good?” — or get that AND everything we offer inside Deeper, our super affordable membership packed with steamy tools, date night ideas, live coaching, and more. Think of it as your all-access pass to better sex, connection that lasts, and WAY more fun together! Stay connected: 💌 Get our best tips and resources straight to your inbox: vmtherapy.com/subscribe 📸 Follow us on Instagram: @vanessaandxander 🎧 Never miss an episode — make sure to follow Pillow Talks wherever you listen to podcasts! Thanks to our sponsors: 👏 Thanks Blissy. Get better sleep, hair, and skin with Blissy. Get an additional 30% off ➡︎ https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD 👏 Thanks ZocDoc. Download the ZocDoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. ➡︎https://www.zocdoc.com/pillow 👏Thanks Alloy. Get $20 off your first order today. ➡︎ https://myalloy.com/PILLOW Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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    56 mins
  • EPISODE 203: Is This Cheating? Part 2

    EPISODE 203: Is This Cheating? Part 2
    Apr 10 2025
    Is it cheating if you go to sex club… but just to watch? What about a flirty Snapchat streak with your ex? A prostate massage with no orgasm? 👀 This week, we’re back with Part 2 of one of our most talked-about episodes. We asked our community to share the moments, confessions, and curveballs that made them ask, “Wait…is this cheating?” And let’s just say… the gray areas are graying HARD. Here’s what we’re dishing on in this episode: Is emotional intimacy outside your relationship OK? When fantasies, DMs, or even Reddit lurking crosses the line. Are AI-generated nudes of your partner’s family the point of no return? Why intention and secrecy matter more than the act itself. The emotional toll “nothing happened” takes on a relationship. The difference between curiosity and disrespect when exploring sexually. No matter how you define cheating, one thing’s clear: these kinds of conversations are hard, and they don’t get easier without the right tools. Join the Deeper membership Want hotter sex, deeper convos, and fewer fights? For less than the cost of a date night, get on-demand access to our expert-led courses, live sessions with us, and interactive tools designed to fit into your busy life. Start your journey inside Deeper here. Links & Resources 🔥 The Art Of Initiation 🤖 Meet Vanessa AI (included with Deeper membership) Stay Connected 📩 Join our email list — vmtherapy.com/subscribe 📲 Follow us on Instagram — @vanessaandxander for behind-the-scenes fun, Q&As, and more tips on love and intimacy. 🎧 Subscribe & Review — New episodes drop every Thursday! Don’t forget to subscribe and leave us a review — it helps us keep creating content you love. ================================= THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ================================= 👏Thanks Dipsea. Right now, listeners of this show can get a 30-day free trial ➡︎ https://dipseastories.com/pillow 👏Thanks Hungryroot. Get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life ➡︎ https://hungryroot.com/pillow 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Get an exclusive discount for up to 40% off ➡︎ https://cozyearth.com/pillowtalks Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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    1 hr and 9 mins
  • EPISODE 202: Am I being defensive, or am I defending myself?

    EPISODE 202: Am I being defensive, or am I defending myself?
    Apr 3 2025
    We’ve all had that moment — your partner brings something up, and suddenly you’re snapping back with a list of everything they did wrong. But wait… is that defensiveness, or are you just defending yourself? This week, we’re diving into one of the trickiest relationship dynamics out there: defensiveness. And we’re not just talking about it — we’re unpacking real, raw stories straight from you. From sex drive mismatches to mental load meltdowns, parenting disagreements to pasta-water disputes (yep, really), these stories highlight how easy it is to get caught in the cycle of feeling blamed, getting reactive, and shutting down. But we’re also sharing tips to break out of that cycle — with more compassion, more understanding, and way fewer spirals. What You’ll Hear In This Episode: ✅ What defensiveness actually looks like (and why it shows up so fast) ✅ The difference between explaining yourself and shutting down ✅ Real-life listener stories around parenting, mental load, and misunderstandings ✅ What it really means to validate your partner (without agreeing) ✅ How to talk to your partner without triggering defensiveness ✅Practical ways to pause, reflect, and repair (without spiraling) Links & Resources: Check out DEEPER — our new membership with full access to VanessaAI, monthly date night ideas, live calls with us, and more Grab The Ultimate Foreplay Guides to level-up your pleasure skills Follow us on Instagram for more relationship tips and convos Want us to cover your story next? Keep an eye on our IG Stories for callouts Join our email list – Be the first to know about exclusive offers, new products, and exciting updates: vmtherapy.com/subscribe ================================= THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ================================= 👏Thanks Chewy. Take advantage of amazing holiday savings and shop your personal favorites. Get 20% off your first order ➡︎ https://chewy.com/pillows 👏Thanks Beam. Get up to 40% off for a limited time ➡︎ https://shopbeam.com/PILLOW Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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    55 mins
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Profile Image for Maria Pereda

Amazing !

Thank you guys! I love how easy they make it to understand, how fun and the easy tips they give! Can’t wait to keep listening to the podcast

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Profile Image for Emily Duley

No words, changed my life!

Vanessa and Xander are the best! I was skeptical at first, I'll admit. Their Instagram content first drew me in and I started watching their stories daily, then the podcast next! Even when the topic seems unrelatable I ALWAYS find something to take away from it!

Once I was hooked I bought the sex position playbook for my husband for our anniversary and I could just cry! My entire life I thought intercourse just wasn't for me (15 years!) and I was SO wrong. The playbook gave us the easiest tips to use to make intercourse 🔥🔥! On our 7th wedding anniversary we 🎆🎆 simultaneously for the first time ever and me during intercourse for the first time ever! I always thought something was wrong with me, until I found these two! I can't even put into words how grateful I am (my husband too!)

If you are on the fence, dive right on in and don't look back! These two are the real deal!

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Profile Image for corymartin

My favorite podcast out there

They are relatable and give practical and fun advice that helps me to view my relationship and my partner of over 30 years in new ways. Thank you!

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Profile Image for Kristen

great content, fun listen

I love these 2. Listening to their different perspectives has helped me see a way to better communicate with my spouse in and out of the bedroom. My spouse started listening to the podcast after I recommended a few certain topics, he is also hooked. We both just finished the book and want to go back through the parts that stood out the most, like the yes, no, maybe list. HIGHLY RECOMMEND!

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Profile Image for nightsister.13

My new favorite!

Vanessa and Xander are delightfully forthright and charming about sex and relationships. Worth listening to!

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Profile Image for Dellynda

Great Stuff

All couples can get something from Vanessa & Xander. They are so very easy to listen to & very relatable. I’ve been in my current relationship for almost 25 years & my husband & I are both listening to this. Actually he is very proactive & found this for us. While we have a good relationship we have both learned a lot & this podcast has really helped us be more open with conversations and the conversations led to an improved relationship overall not just in the bedroom. We all know how important our sex lives are in relationships, but they can become just kinda blah as the years go by. The conversations these podcasts helped us have definitely helped the relationship as a whole. I would suggest listening to this even if you think things are going perfectly fine. I think everyone will walk away thinking more about if that is actually true and even if it is true & things are going great. Things can always be better. Give them a listen. You won’t regret it especially if you’re wanting your relationship to last forever & like the idea of getting back to the honeymoon phase. Good Luck!!

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Profile Image for CEliason

Awesome!?

Real life issues in relationship, sometimes things no one wants to talk about. And also ways to spice up you love life.

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