NIGHTMARE ON 34TH STREET: A XMAS GROTESQUE

Words + Music by Geordie McElroy

Part 3

Secret Santa’s crossed off the list

Drug dealers, arsonists, thieves

Necrophiliacs and mountebanks

Cops excised disease

Bodies found in alleyways

Sedan trunks by the docks

Arcades, bars, overpriced condos

In a playground sandbox

Some with bullets between the eyes

Some had jugulars ripped

Some injected with tree frog venom

Some dumped in ditches, stripped

Bodies piled high down at the morgue

As the winter weather cooled

Coroner ruled them accidents

Homicide had all fooled

***

Portia lunched with Muffy and Luz

“What a story to tell

Here’s my latest acquisition

Ladies, behold Noel”

“Isn’t she the waif you booted?”

“Yes, indeed, she’s the thief

Caught her in my charity globe

I gave the orphan relief”

“We welcomed her into our home

Hope she comes to trust us

This is what charity truly is:

Restorative justice”

“The criminal system is a mess

Trust me, group homes broken

So, I adopted this delinquent

You just took in tokens”

“Mercedes, please take our Noel

To sit on Ruprecht’s lap

Sure she love to tell him about

Dodging criminal wrap”

***

Mercedes paraded casting

Elbows and aspersions

To anyone blocking her way

Departments transversing

Noel followed at the girl’s heels

Into Christmas village

They cut the line and found Ruprecht

Koopman’s family privilege

“Excuse me, sir,” Noel piped up

“They say your name’s Ruprecht

But I’ve been watching you closely

Suspect that’s incorrect”

“Is your true name really St. Nick?

You seem to be the source

Of all those legends about him

I could be wrong, of course”

“Someone has been using your name

Your reputation’s heft

To drain the youth from orphan girls

Until there’s nothing left”

Ruprecht stared at the young orphan

And asked: “Are you the one?”

But then their rendezvous cut short

In walked Lt. Dunn

He flashed his badge, approached Ruprecht

The line drew to a halt

“Last night, what were your whereabouts?

Do you know Jacques Perrault?”

Noel spotted the flashing shield

She turned, in terror ran

Was this the goon from the North Pole?

The man who took Roxanne?

Portia stopped the inquisition

“What’s the meaning of...