Do you have daughters? Do you have some mom wounds? Are you facing some “mean girl” moments as you raise your daughters? Then, you cannot miss this one.

I’m always amazed at the way Melanie Shankle cuts through the clutter of life and gets to the core of the issue. She’s one of my very favorite moms out there - I have always read her books, learned from her journey, admired her faith and soaked up her wisdom.

It can be really tricky to walk through your own junk and past while raising your own kids. She gives very specific ways we can face our own struggles during your years as a mom. I am praying Melanie’s courage rubs off on all of us and we face some of our hardest moments and gain strength through that process.

My favorite part is when Melanie talks about what she needed from her mom including stability and an environment where she could be herself. This really motivated me to think about how often I critique and pick at my girls. They need a home where they can be themselves without changing anything about them.

In this episode, we discuss:

• How to recognize mean girl behavior
• When to step in when your girl is being bullied
• How to heal from past wounds as a mom
• Parenting differently than your own mom

Praying for you all as you process through your mom wounds and mean girl moments. God will meet you there! Let him heal the hurting places of your heart.

Much love,

Courtney

(00:00) Puppy Love and Life with Dogs

(06:00) Hard No's: Navigating Everyday Annoyances

(12:01) Skincare Secrets: Affordable Beauty Tips

(17:55) Mean Girls: Navigating Childhood Friendships

(23:28) The Importance of Emotional Safety

(29:35) Healing from Past Wounds

(37:32) The Struggle as a Path to Strength

Connect with Pardon The Mess:

Christian Parenting

Pardon The Mess

Courtney DeFeo

Get your 2024-2025 prayer journal, A Life of Faith

Resources from today’s show:

The Unbreakable Boy movie

Connect with Melanie

Here Be Dragons - Melanie’s new book

American Eagle - sweat pant

Eminence Vitamin C

Extreme cream

Elastic skin

Melanie’s Amazon Shop

Pardon The Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.org

“My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline, and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in” (Proverbs 3:11–12)

Because we love our kids and want what’s best for them, we want them to grow up to be well-rounded, healthy, successful, godly people, so we establish boundaries in their lives and we reinforce them when they are broken. We explain why certain rules exist and how to act in social situations. We correct. We talk. We talk some more. We lose our cool. We say sorry. We hug. We discipline our kids.

Because the Lord loves us and wants what’s best for us, he is constantly changing us and conforming us into the image of Christ through spiritual discipline because he wants us to become more and more like Jesus. God’s discipline is not meant to hurt us, it is never out of anger, and it’s not about perfect behavior; it is to protect us and grow our relationship with him. The Lord’s discipline is not to punish us, it is to transform us. Understanding this requires spiritual maturity in our kids that they will gain as they follow Jesus through their lives.

So let’s pray that our kids will grow to see that God’s discipline in their lives is a wonderful part of following him—it means he is taking an active part in growing them to be more and more like him for his good purpose.

Father God, you are a good father who loves your children. Thank you for calling ________ your child. Help them to see you as a father who disciplines out of love and care, not out of anger and rules. You want what's best for your kids and you know how much sin hurts us, help them to experience the peace that comes from confession and forgiveness! Amen.

Pardon The Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.org

Raise your hands if you are excited about talking with your teen about sexual integrity? Not me. These are hard, but necessary conversations we must have with our kids. I have the very best voices in this area, Jim Burns and Erin Mashaw, on the podcast today.

In this episode, we discuss the complexities of parenting, particularly in relation to sexuality and communication. We talk about the importance of early education on sexual integrity, the challenges posed by the purity culture and the need for open dialogue between parents and children.

The bottom line is our kids need a healthy and safe place to talk about their sexuality. As a parent, that can feel very scary. You will love these two and want to pick up their newest book - that gives you and your teen some language that will help. Our kids are all curious about sexuality and bombarded with messages that are far from biblical truth. Erin and Jim approach a tough topic with such love and grace.

In this episode, we chat about:

• How to start conversations about sexuality early
• How purity culture created shame around sexuality
• Understanding curiosity and boundaries
• How to encourage dating in a way that fosters healthy relationships

Enjoy!

Courtney

00:00

Introduction to Parenting Challenges

05:58

The Importance of Early Education

12:05

The Scope of the New Book

17:45

Navigating Honesty in Parenting

23:43

Embracing Differences in Family Dynamics

30:10

The Long Game of Parenting

Connect with Pardon The Mess:

Christian Parenting

Pardon The Mess

Courtney DeFeo

Get your 2024-2025 prayer journal, A Life of Faith

Resources from today’s show:

The Unbreakable Boy movie

Jim’s Organization - HomeWord

Connect with Jim

Connect with Erin

A Student’s Guide To Sexual Integrity -Erin and Jim’s new book

Doing Life With Your Adult Children with Jim Burns

Affresh for your laundry

Courtney’s Amazon List

Pardon The Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.org

“God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another” (1 Peter 4:10 NLT)

One of our strong desires as parents is for our kids to find a place of belonging in the world. We want our kids to know that who they are and what they have to offer is important and valuable, and spiritual gifts are one of the ways God empowers us to find belonging and purpose in the world. Helping our kids discover and use their spiritual gifts well will help them see the bigger picture of how they fit into God’s kingdom.

God made each and every one of our kids uniquely and he gave them all spiritual gifts. Some of these gifts are: teaching, serving, administration, hospitality, mercy, prayer, and more. Spiritual gifts are meant to be used to bring glory to God and using them becomes a testimony of how he has worked in our lives.

This week let’s pray that as our kids follow the Lord, they discover their spiritual gifts, grow into them, and that they are presented with opportunities to use them to serve God’s kingdom. Let’s also ask God to help us recognize spiritual gifts in our kids and to share what we see with them.

Dear God, thank you for the spiritual gifts that you have given ________________. Please reveal to me and to them what those gifts are and show us how you want to use these gifts to encourage others and bring others to Christ. Help them to start to see your purpose for them and to boldly use their gifts to please you! I know you will use them in mighty and awesome ways! Remind my child to value the gifts that you have given them over the things that this world values.

Spiritual Gifts test mentioned in episode: https://www.lifeway.com/en/articles/women-leadership-spiritual-gifts-growth-service

Pardon The Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.org

This week’s episode is packed with insights and practical advice for navigating the complexities of parenting during the middle school years. I’m joined by Steph Thurling, and together we dive into balancing love, independence, and the continuous learning process of parenting.

Here are four key takeaways from this episode:

• Parenting evolves as children grow, and middle school years often require creative ways to re-engage with your kids.
• Allowing children to experience failure helps them develop responsibility and confidence.
• Overparenting can hinder independence—parents should guide their children through problems, not shield them from them.
• Self-care for parents is crucial to maintaining balance and avoiding guilt in the parenting journey.

Steph Thurling is the executive director of Christian Parenting and the host of the Christian Parenting podcast where she encourages parents every week to be the imperfectly perfect parent God created them to be. She is also an author, speaker, and advocate for empowering parents to create lasting family connections.

I love working alongside Steph at Christian Parenting. She’s a delight and filled with wisdom and encouragement.

Enjoy!

Courtney

(01:57) Navigating Parenting Stages

(06:10) Engaging with Middle Schoolers

(10:07) The Balance of Hovering and Letting Go

(13:57) Preparing for Independence

(18:02) Overparenting: Understanding the Roots

(21:06) Navigating the Challenges of Letting Go in Parenting

(24:35) The Importance of Self-Care and Mom Guilt

(26:54) Recognizing Red Flags in Parenting Dynamics

(28:54) Practical Strategies to Avoid Over-Parenting

(31:37) Embracing Independence and Building Confidence in Kids

(34:49) The Balance of Love and Guidance in Parenting

Connect with Pardon The Mess:

Christian Parenting

Pardon The Mess

Courtney DeFeo

Get your 2024-2025 prayer journal, A Life of Faith

Resources from today’s show:

Christian Parenting Podcast

Pardon The Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.org

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9)

Confession is not something that we are typically very comfortable with. No one likes to admit when they do something wrong, especially when it’s something hurtful or will cause someone to feel disappointed in them. Confessing is vulnerable, it’s revealing, and sometimes it’s just downright embarrassing. But like it or not, confession is part of following Jesus.

But when we bring our sins to God we can be assured that he will forgive us. He will make our transgressions as far from us as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12). God wants to forgive us!

In his steadfast love and compassion, Jesus forgives our sins and forgets our transgressions when we confess them. When we start to feel ashamed or guilty, we can remind ourselves that Christ died for that sin too. There is nothing we can do or say that will make God love us less or love us more. He just simply loves us!

Accepting forgiveness requires action from us, though. First, we must confess and then turn from our sin. In John 8, Jesus forgives the woman who was committing adultery, but as he forgives her, he tells her to, “go and sin no more,” (verse 11). Second, we must forgive others. God expects his followers to forgive each other just as he forgave them (Ephesians 4:32).

Confessing our sins is our get-to and should be a regular part of our faith! There is freedom that can be found in confessing our sins regularly, so let’s pray that our kids experience that freedom and experience a desire to confess to God.

Father God, you are faithful to forgive our sins. I pray that __________ would understand the gift of confession and forgiveness. May your Holy Spirit stir up in them a heart to know you better, a spirit of conviction, and a desire to make things right with you. May ________ always remember that there is no condemnation for those who believe, but in you there is freedom. Amen.

Pardon The Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.org

Have I mentioned lately how much I love my church and pastor? Ron and I feel really grateful that we found a home at Compass Church. Drew Sherman (lead pastor at Compass) and his amazing wife Michelle are on the podcast today.

It all started with a sermon that he preached at the beginning of the year that was SO GOOD! Even Larson remarked that it was her favorite sermon he has ever done. We are talking about the idea or the issue of: CONSISTENCY. And more specifically, how can we be consistent in our spiritual growth (for us and the kids).

It’s so easy to have huge dreams and ideas at the start of a year only to find yourself failing again and tossing your hands up. From physical goals to reading goals to financial goals - staying consistent can be the hardest part. The same is true for our spiritual goals as a family. Drew and Michelle share 4 very practical ways we can all grow in our consistency.

When he talks he gives us a sincere caution: as a pastor, he is often seeing parents with seriously high (unrealistic) goals for their kids. Don’t miss his encouragement and warning about exhausting our kids and being fixated on goals that don’t matter as much as their walk with Jesus. As he says, “Don't miss the ride and the journey!”

In this episode, we chat about:

• Why “consistency” matters for our spiritual growth
• Embracing small steps that will lead to lasting change
• How to model faith and values in our homes
• How a grace-filled environment allows for mistakes

Enjoy!

Courtney

Chapters

00:00

Introduction and Connection

05:03

The Importance of Declaring Intentions

10:01

Consistency as a Catalyst for Change

14:58

Starting Small in Spiritual Growth

20:04

Overcoming the Urge to Give Up

27:29

Navigating Distractions in Modern Parenting

35:12

Cherishing Small Moments in Family Life

Connect with Pardon The Mess:

Christian Parenting

Pardon The Mess

Courtney DeFeo

Get your 2024-2025 prayer journal, A Life of Faith

Resources from today’s show:

Compass Church

Drew’s sermon on CONSISTENCY

Landon’s sermon on RESPONSIBILITY (mentions manifesting)

Pardon The Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.org

“Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be” (Matthew 6:21 NLT)

Most of us make it a priority to teach our little kids the difference between wants and needs.

“No, you don’t need a new Lego set, you want a new Lego set.”

“I know you don’t want to help clean the house, but you need to.”

Owning things and wanting things is not a bad thing in itself. What is bad is putting those things before following God. Jesus tells us very clearly that we cannot serve two Gods, meaning we cannot serve both God and money (Matthew 6:24). Instead of focusing our minds and hearts on all the things that money can buy, we are to focus our minds and hearts on the greatest gift that money cannot buy: Jesus and his kingdom. This is so hard in our current influencer society, where you can't use your phone without feeling like you need to buy something or compare yourself to someone else, and it starts young!

This week let’s pray that our kids focus their hearts on things that are eternal instead of temporary. Let’s pray that they follow God by putting their energy into what God has for them instead of what the world tells them will make them happy and fulfilled.

Father God, you gave us everything when you gave us the gift of salvation through Jesus. I pray for ___________________. I pray that they store up treasures in heaven, that they fix their eyes on the unseen things that honor and bring glory to you Lord, not on the things of this earth. When they are tempted to idolize material things, give them the strength to see past the temptation and recenter themselves on the things that matter most. Amen.

Pardon The Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.org