It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People

By: TruStory FM
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  • Summary

  • Exploring the five types of people who can ruin your life — people with high conflict personalities — and how they weave themselves into our lives in romance, at work, next door, at school, places of worship, and just about everywhere, causing chaos, exhaustion, and dread for everyone else.
    © TruStory FM
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Economics Hygiene & Healthy Living Management Psychology
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Episodes
  • REBROADCAST: Narcissistic High Conflict People

    REBROADCAST: Narcissistic High Conflict People
    Aug 11 2022
    REBROADCASTWhen an HCP is a Narcissist...Do you know someone whose moods swing wildly? Do they act unreasonably suspicious or antagonistic? Do they blame others for their own problems? When a high conflict person (HCP) has one of five common personality disorders – borderline, narcissistic, paranoid, antisocial, or histrionic – they can lash out in risky extremes of emotion and aggression. And once an HCP decides to target you, they’re hard to shake.Most everyone has been around a narcissist, but not everyone understands how to handle a narcissistic HCP. Bill and Megan do a deep dive into this personality type, exploring:Their fear-based need to be superior and makes others feel inferiorThe differences between vulnerable, narcissistic and malignant typesWhy they see themselves as a hero and protector while those around them experience them as bulliesHow to spot themStatistics on Narcissistic Personality Disorder and narcissistic HCPs in the U.SUnderstanding and dealing with Narcissistic HCPs come in layers, and understanding the why they behave that way is the first step.If you’ve been the Target of Blame for a narcissistic HCP, you know the devastating impact it can have. It’s easy to get emotionally hooked by their aggressive behaviors and respond with aggression or avoidance, which emboldens them. Instead, learning the necessary skills –that don’t always feel natural – is the ticket to managing interactions with them. The first step is to understand their behavior patterns, starting now.Send us your stories!We’d love to hear your stories so we can talk through them on the show! Please visit our site and click the ‘Submit a Question’ button at the top of the page. You can also send us an email at podcast@highconflictinstitute.com or send us a note on any of our socials.Please rate, review and share this show!Links & Other NotesBooks:BIFF at Work5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict PersonalitiesIt’s All Your Fault: Managing Narcissists and Other High Conflict PeopleAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books and some in audio format.Training:For attorneys: Dealing with Narcissistic Personalities: The Arrogant Players of Divorce The Narcissistic Family Member: Prickly and SuperiorArticles:Do Narcissists Make Good Leaders in Business?Narcissism and Incivility: Is There a Connection? Narcissist in Your Family? 4 Tips for Dealing with ThemSubmit a Question for Bill and MeganYou can also find these show notes on our website as well.00:00 - Welcome to It's All Your Fault01:45 - Last Time...02:10 - HCP Refresher05:05 - The Narcissistic HCP07:38 - Statistics08:53 - Dealing With an Narcissistic HCP09:57 - Sexual Abuse10:21 - Genetic Component?12:47 - Empathy Factor14:57 - How They See Themselves17:44 - Types of Narcissists23:55 - Lack of Self-Awareness26:06 - Treatment28:59 - Dealing With a Narcissistic HCP in Your Life32:26 - Getting Support33:39 - Gender Breakdown35:17 - Don't Tell Them They're an HCP36:03 - Narcissists vs. Narcissistic HCPs36:49 - Are HCPs bad people?39:00 - Raising Healthy Kids42:05 - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Antisocial HCPs
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    44 mins
  • REBROADCAST: Who Are High Conflict People?

    REBROADCAST: Who Are High Conflict People?
    Aug 4 2022

    REBROADCAST

    In today’s episode, we look at what makes up a high conflict person and talk about EAR Statements.

    Blamers. Narcissists. Accusers. Ragers. These are all people who may fall into the category of High Conflict Personality. Most of us don’t act this way, but these people don’t often realize they’re acting this way and can’t control themselves. So should you engage? Or should you learn how to deal with them? If you guessed the latter, you’d be right.
    Many people say these people are unpredictable, but Megan and Bill talk about how these people actually are very predictable... if you know what to look for. Several things can lead to people becoming HCPs. It could be genetic or could come from how they were raised. And because of this, HCPs can exist anywhere in the world. So how do you deal with them?
    Well, the first step is learning to identify them. They will usually blame anyone but themselves, and they’ll never be able to connect the dots back to themselves. They rarely take responsibility for their own actions. But the feelings are so strongly in them that they can’t have their mind changed. Once you realize you’re dealing with an HCP, definitely don’t tell them they’re an HCP. It’s likely going to trigger them further.

    If you’re in a situation with an HCP, try an EAR Statement.

    Empathy. Attention Respect. These tools may seem opposite to how you’d normally deal with a person who is confronting you, but remember, you’re not an HCP. The HCP needs this so you can get out of the situation you’re in. It’s hard, but give it a try.
    We’d love to hear your stories so we can talk through them on the show! Please visit our site and click the Submit a Question button at the top of the page. You can also send us an email at podcast@highconflictinstitute.com or send us a note on any of our socials.
    Please rate, review and share this show!

    Links & Other Notes

    • Submit a Question for Bill and Megan
    • Article – ‘What is a High Conflict Individual’
    • Article – ‘Calming Upset People Fast with an EAR Statement™’
    • Online course for attorneys/judges – Understanding & Managing High Conflict People in Legal Disputes
    • Online course for anyone – Calming Upset People with an EAR Statement
    • Online Course: Who Are High Conflict People?
    • Book: 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life
    • Book: Calming Upset People with EAR
    • All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.
    • 00:00 - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
    • 01:41 - What is a High Conflict Person?
    • 05:28 - Why and How are HCPs Different?
    • 08:48 - Why Are They Like This and Why Don't They Change?
    • 12:43 - Why They Blame
    • 15:24 - How to Deal With HCPs
    • 20:16 - Getting Hooked
    • 24:09 - Breaking Down Megan's Story
    • 27:44 - Using EAR Statements
    • 32:13 - Reminders & Coming Next Week: BIFF Response
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    34 mins
  • Are Personality Disorders a Mental Illness?

    Are Personality Disorders a Mental Illness?
    Jul 28 2022

    Personality disorders are widespread but not always seen as a mental disorder. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders published by the American Psychiatric Association indicates that over 10% of adults have such a disorder, based on studies from several countries.

    These are huge numbers, yet few people know much about personality disorders and many do not see them as a mental disorder. Information found online is often misleading. Ultimately, many people simply get angry with those with personality disorders, believing that they are just being difficult on purpose and can control their behavior. Likewise, judges generally do not consider them a factor in making legal decisions, because they are considered to know right from wrong. However, these views may be changing.

    In this episode, Bill and Megan discuss:

    • what is considered a mental illness or disorder
    • how personality disorders are different from other types of mental illnesses
    • whether personality disorders are a form of mental illness at all, or something more normal
    • the link between personality disorders and important cases, including the Elizabeth Smart case and Unabomber case
    • personality disorders receiving increased awareness in the courts, including an Australian case regarding borderline personality disorder and a California study indicating the presence of narcissistic personality disorder in family court cases

    Links & Other Notes

    BOOKS

    • High Conflict People in Legal Disputes
    • Managing High Conflict People in Court

    ARTICLES

    • Personality Disorders Gaining Importance in Recent Legal Cases
    • Compassion for People with Personality Disorders

    Our website: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/

    Submit a Question for Bill and Megan

    All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.

    You can also find these show notes at our site as well.

    Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

    • 00:00 - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
    • 01:10 - Personality Disorders and Mental Illness
    • 02:43 - What Is a Mental Illness or Disorder?
    • 06:04 - Personality Disorders
    • 09:04 - How Legal Views It
    • 11:01 - The Elizabeth Smart Case
    • 13:40 - The Unabomber Case
    • 17:34 - Medication vs. Skills
    • 19:44 - The Brown Case
    • 24:26 - Narcissistic Personalities in Courts
    • 27:35 - Reminders & End of Season One Note
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    30 mins

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Profile Image for Cassie Bernhardt

Bill and Megan are spot on!

Bill and Megan are spot on! I divorced a HCP 10 years ago, yet we continue to end up back in court over and over again at his hand. Bill and Megan’s experience, shared though this series, is very validating if you have ever experienced splitting, gaslighting, and/or any of the many forms of abuse HCP’s deal out to their targets. These episodes are well worth the listen if you are dealing with a high conflict personality in your life!

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