I say I love you, but my throat tightens when I speak those words. It doesn’t feel right.If I had to describe our relationship honestly, I think parts of it have become a horror story. I mean, we’ve worked on fixing the problems for a long time — I’ve tried hard to make things better, but it hurts too much to keep on doing it. I ache from aching. Letting you go seems wrong, but life should be easier than living like this. I’m losing my mind while hanging on to whatever fragments are left of this marriage. I can’t do it anymore.It’s not working. We aren’t working. You feel it too, don’t you? It can’t just be me. We both know something’s wrong, right?There is something we haven’t yet tried.Breaking up.I’ve thought about it a few times. I think it’s a good plan. We should give it a go. I think we should at least try it. What do you think? Would you like to try it with me? There are no guarantees except that we’d be letting go of the ickiness. The conflict will go away. We’ll both feel better. We will.What do you think?One-sided mirror conversations are absolutely brilliant. Each word makes perfect sense when you talk to your reflection.The mirror never argues. It listens with empathy. It’s the kind of support that can’t be bought. But what happens when that mirror becomes flesh and blood and then talks back? It doesn’t just listen. It speaks. Asking those questions has an effect on someone, and I won’t know how they’ll take them. There is no script to follow after that happens.No one ever says how to break up or divorce, do they? Sure, jokes are sometimes passed during times of banter, but few of them are taken seriously. The truth is, once we’ve made a commitment to marry, it’s supposed to be a one-way direction. We’re supposed to remain together forever.Someone should mention something of the words, die trying.Marriage isn’t always sunshine and peaches. Sometimes, those two forget to play their parts and only make guest appearances from time to time.Reaching the relationship Utopia, known as, ’til death do us part, is easier said than done. Making it work every day for a lifetime is a whole different game of hearts. What if it doesn’t go that way, and the journey has more than a few bumps along the way? What happens if it keeps on happening?It’s no one’s fault.It’s everyone’s fault.Silence or bickering. Those are the options for those caught in this weird loop. There must be a way to sever it.Is breaking up allowed?It’s not romantic. There’s no happy story there. It’s tragic. That’s what it is. It’s sad and disappointing and a little bit like death. Something in us will die, and it’ll never come back again. So, the choice is to go with that or to accept the ongoing loop of torture.It is a fool who chooses this looping option, but I’ve been the foolish one.I’ve accepted something I didn’t like and have allowed it to occur every day. I’ve enabled someone else’s bad behaviour to influence me. I let a bad habit take root in my life, and I don’t want to be a part of it anymore.Yes, breaking up is allowed. Death is fine. Kill the relationship. Let it die. Bury it and then walk away. There’s nothing left to see there. It’s dead. Leave. Start walking.We can’t change the past, but we can walk towards a much better future. Things won’t be the same again. That much is certain.That’s also the goddam point!Break-ups happen. They really do. They’re a natural part of life. If we’re to believe that existence’s rainbow is made up of a kaleidoscope of colours, we must also be prepared to accept the darkest ones too. Break-up is one of those horrible colours, but it’s just that, a colour. Nothing more.So, walk away from that black-and-grey world. Lift your head and breathe with confidence. Prettier colours will return. We should be allowed to embrace The End without endless guilt and look forward to seeing some oranges and yellows when the future finally arrives.SEETHINGS is about long-term love. It’s about two proud people who have loved well but became relationship martyrs to sustain an endless ending. She is an educator. He is a photographer. They are being counselled by therapist and radio identity Tony Brindell. He’s trying to unravel their mess but inadvertently uncovers some much darker secrets.A couple is about to find out how much they’ve hurt themselves. Someone will die for all the tears.Enjoy your SEETHINGS journey. Like love, it has the potential to torment — and it certainly won’t disappoint. The book is downloadable and free for a limited time.-M This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit michaelformanevil.substack.com
