Simon and Chris are pixelated by household helpers, those elusive, often hairy beings like Brownies, Tomten, and Skrats who muck out stables, scrub pans, rock babies, edit podcasts and occasionally fetch the midwife, all in exchange for a humble bowl of porridge. Our domestic duo explore why these spirits have such complicated relationships with clothing, what draws them to a home (or sends them storming off), and wonder aloud if you can still hire one in today’s difficult real estate market. Along the way, the two squabble over whether houses go up or down in value with a helper, the emotional climate of homes, and the surprising requirements for crafting your own supernatural assistant (spoiler: toes and horses are involved). UK helpers are compared with their Scandinavian, North European, and North American cousins. While Simon berates Chris for her shocking ignorance of the Swiss variety, Chris lectures Simon on a brave new world of railway-building brownies on the other side of the Atlantic.

Chris and Simon wing it through the strange world of feather folklore — from cursed peacock plumes to pillows that prevent the dying from slipping away. Do feather crowns signal a heavenly reward or a witch’s curse? Simon’s disturbed by beds hiding feather rats and spectral bouquets; Chris dares to suggest a rational explanation. There's a detour into swan-lined pits, angel relics, deer hunting and the suspiciously decorative world of Victorian featherwork. Listener beware: this one might leave you checking your pillow twice.

Simon and Chris dive into a rare cryptid case from Orkney where hundreds of witnesses saw a 'mermaid' swimming in the sea, sitting on a rock, snacking on fish and eels, and tending to her child. Stories of the mermaid went viral in the press. What in the watery world was the creature? Manatee, mutant seal, giant otter or, say it quietly, an actual mermaid? And why, after several years of summer visits to the bay at Deerness, did it vanish from the papers and from history? The duo trade notes about favorite cryptids. Chris goes off on a tangent about giant pink lizards, monsters in the nineteenth-century press and an escaped iguana, and she and Simon nearly come to blows over Cannock Chase and the supernatural/natural nature of unknown creatures.

The source book for the episode is available here: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Deerness-Mermaid-Attested-Nineteenth-Century-Cryptid/dp/1915574404/ref