
Two Necromancers, a Bureaucrat, and an Army of Golems
An Unconventional Heroes Publisher's Pack
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Narrated by:
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Fred Berman
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By:
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L. G. Estrella
About this listen
Contains Books 1 and 2 of the Unconventional Heroes series.
Two Necromancers, a Bureaucrat, and an Elf, book 1:
Two necromancers, a bureaucrat, and an elf - it sounds like the start of a bad joke, only the joke is on Timmy.
Timothy Walter Bolton - better known as Timmy - has spent most of his life as a necromancer. When he isn't terrorising his enemies, he's plotting inside his castle, which is built on top of lightless chasms filled with nameless horrors and beings of a generally malevolent and megalomaniacal nature. But after one of his latest creations, a zombie hydra-dragon-bear, tries to eat him, he decides that maybe it's time to find a new, less dangerous, career.
But that's easier said than done. He's a wanted criminal with no shortage of powerful (and crazy) enemies, and he has a bone or two to pick with the Everton Council of Mages.
It's a good thing that he's got some help: an obnoxious 10-year-old apprentice who thinks that pink glasses are appropriate for a budding necromancer and a bumbling bureaucrat who may or may not make it through their first real fight without puking his guts up. Wonderful.
Two Necromancers, an Army of Golems, and a Demon Lord, book 2:
Two necromancers, an army of golems, and a demon lord - it sounds like a recipe for trouble, and for Timmy, it definitely is.
To earn his pardon and avoid horrible torture and/or gruesome execution, Timmy has to complete every mission the Council throws his way, most of which seem to involve extremely scary things trying to kill him. At least he’s got help - sort of. His help consists of an apprentice with designs on his castle (and her plans may or may not involve overthrowing him), a bureaucrat whose two greatest skills are fainting in the face of trouble and using people (usually Timmy) as human shields, and an elf with the world's worst case of pyromania and enough magic to level a mountain.
Somehow, Timmy's got to get this bunch of unconventional heroes to work together. Trouble is coming, and it's trouble of the kind that only a necromancer like Timmy could possibly find himself in the middle of.
©2014 L. G. Estrella (P)2020 Podium AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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A Decade of Death and Decisions
- By: Drew Hayes
- Narrated by: Matt Godfrey
- Length: 17 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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In October of 2013, Drew Hayes began posting a story to his website. Written over the thirteen days leading up to Halloween, when each chapter ended the next step was chosen by the readers. Sometimes this led to great discoveries and triumphs, other paths led to Dead Ends, though even in those there was much to be gleaned. For ten years, this tradition occurred, until in the year of 2022, the readers chose a finale. This is their story: a tale of deaths and decisions that spanned a decade.
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Did not disappoint
- By Liz on 10-27-24
By: Drew Hayes
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The Last Adventure of Constance Verity
- By: A. Lee Martinez
- Narrated by: Cynthia Farrell
- Length: 9 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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Constance Verity has been saving the world since she was seven, and she's sick of it. She sets off on one last adventure to reset her destiny and become the one thing she's never been: ordinary. Ever since she was granted a wish at birth by her fairy godmother, Constance Verity has become the world's great adventurer. She is a master of martial arts and a keen detective and possesses a collection of strange artifacts. Constance has spent the past 28 years saving the world, and she's tired of it.
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Baffled by the enthusiasm
- By Michael Linehan on 07-24-16
By: A. Lee Martinez
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The Squire
- Blood of Kings, Book 1
- By: Duncan M. Hamilton
- Narrated by: John Lee
- Length: 13 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Conrad lives a quiet rural life with his parents in the Northlands. During one fated night, his world is turned on its head, as nightmares become reality. While his Northlands blood cries out for revenge, Conrad’s head tells him surviving is the best he can do. Rescued by a motley band of mercenaries, Conrad embarks on a life he could barely have imagined. As new challenges, friends, and enemies present themselves, Conrad knows that one day he will have to face the evil that so altered his life, and when that day comes, he must be ready.
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Similar Feel to Wolf of North + Society of Sword
- By Samuel Hudnet on 05-01-21
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The Mayor of Noobtown
- Noobtown, Book 1
- By: Ryan Rimmel
- Narrated by: Johnathan McClain
- Length: 9 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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After dying and being reborn into a world that's built like a video game, Jim has found himself stuck in a very old-world style new-player zone for low-level adventurers. Unfortunately, the zone fell out of use centuries ago, and no one told the monsters they were supposed to take it easy on the Noobs. Even worse, the only new player around is Jim. Jim has been given an opportunity, and he'll do his best to take advantage of it.
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Like the land but actually finishes story lines.
- By Kaz on 09-03-19
By: Ryan Rimmel
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Forging Hephaestus
- Villains' Code Series, Book 1
- By: Drew Hayes
- Narrated by: Amy Landon
- Length: 26 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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Gifted with meta-human powers, Tori Rivas kept away from the limelight, preferring to work as a thief in the shadows. But when she's captured trying to rob a vault that belongs to a secret guild of villains, she's offered a hard choice: prove she has what it takes to join them or be eliminated. Apprenticed to one of the world's most powerful (and supposedly dead) villains, she is thrust into a strange world where the lines that divide superheroes and criminals are more complex than they seem.
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A Nice Surprise with some Really Fun Characters
- By Small Mountain on 09-29-17
By: Drew Hayes
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Heroes Die
- The First of the Acts of Caine
- By: Matthew Stover
- Narrated by: Stefan Rudnicki
- Length: 22 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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Renowned throughout the land of Ankhana as the Blade of Tyshalle, Caine has killed his share of monarchs and commoners, villains and heroes. He is relentless, unstoppable, simply the best there is at what he does. At home on Earth, Caine is Hari Michaelson, a superstar whose adventures in Ankhana command an audience of billions.
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Don't Let the Cover Turn You Off
- By Paul on 08-13-12
By: Matthew Stover
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By a Silver Thread
- DFZ Changeling, Book 1
- By: Rachel Aaron
- Narrated by: Naomi Rose-Mock
- Length: 11 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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In the world’s most magical metropolis where spirits run noodle shops and cash-strapped dragons stage photo-ops for tourists, people still think fairies are nothing but stories, and that’s exactly how the fairies like it. It’s a lot easier to feast on humanity’s dreams when no one believes you exist. But while this arrangement works splendidly for most fair folk, Lola isn’t one of the lucky ones.
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Good, not great
- By Tango on 05-05-23
By: Rachel Aaron
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Wizard for Hire
- By: Obert Skye
- Narrated by: Kirby Heyborne
- Length: 9 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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Fourteen-year-old Ozzy lives near Portland, Oregon, and is desperate for help. His scientist parents have been kidnapped after discovering a formula that enables mind control. Their work was so top secret that Ozzy is afraid to go to the police, but without help, he fears he'll never find his parents. Then he stumbles across a classified ad in the local newspaper that says "Wizard for Hire. Call 555-SPEL." Ozzy has read about wizards in books like Harry Potter, but wizards couldn't exist today, could they? After Ozzy meets the wizard Labyrinth - a.k.a. Rin - he's even more skeptical.
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Good Story
- By LizzyD629 on 09-12-20
By: Obert Skye
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Second Hand Curses
- By: Drew Hayes
- Narrated by: Scott Aiello, Marc Vietor, Tavia Gilbert
- Length: 9 hrs
- Unabridged
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When your fairy godmother threatens to enslave you with a curse - when a malevolent piper solves your rat problem but steals your children - when you seek revenge on the prince who turned you into a frog - who can you turn to in your hour of need? The band of scoundrels known far and wide as the Bastard Champions - the swashbuckling trio who travel a world of legend, seeking adventure and righting wrongs - as long as there's enough gold to be earned.
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Second Hand Curses is First Rate Storytelling!
- By Tony E. on 11-22-17
By: Drew Hayes
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An Adventure Brewing
- A Cozy Fantasy LitRPG
- By: JollyJupiter
- Narrated by: Christian J. Gilliland
- Length: 20 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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Pete is a simple man who enjoys a good drink amongst good friends. Not too much to ask, right? Now, he's trapped in a fantasy world far from home, stuck underground and inside the body of a smelly dwarf with fantastic facial hair. The worst part? The swill that the dwarves are falling all over themselves to drink. It's flat, it's watery, and it has the alcohol content of a rancid coconut. Can Pete save the dwarves from their own sour fate, or will he be forever doomed to plink his pickaxe away in hopes that he hits the motherlode?
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Glorious beards!
- By Willis Burns on 10-05-23
By: JollyJupiter
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NPCs
- By: Drew Hayes
- Narrated by: Roger Wayne
- Length: 7 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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What happens when the haggling is done and the shops are closed? When the quest has been given, the steeds saddled, and the adventurers are off to their next encounter? They keep the world running, the food cooked, and the horses shoed, yet what adventurer has ever spared a thought or concern for the Non-Player Characters? In the town of Maplebark, four such NPCs settle in for a night of actively ignoring the adventurers drinking in the tavern when things go quickly and fatally awry.
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Enjoyable if you manage your expectations
- By Miachi on 01-23-15
By: Drew Hayes
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Grilled Armageddon
- Cooking with Disaster, Book 1
- By: Dakota Krout
- Narrated by: MacLeod Andrews
- Length: 13 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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Eli "Nacho" Naches is a fearsome assassin who has lost everything in a post-apocalyptic world full of monstrous creatures. He knows where he fits in this horror show, and he’s only been hanging around to see what’s going to be thrown at him next. When he’s finally put in chains and sent to the chopping block, he goes readily...only to be unexpectedly sent back in time to his younger body with his memories intact and the chance to make a difference.
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Good but Not My Favorite Dakota Krout Book
- By Ben on 01-10-24
By: Dakota Krout
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Gene Harvest
- A LitRPG Adventure
- By: Joshua Rettew
- Narrated by: Eric Michael Summerer
- Length: 19 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
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Benny White had been having a rough couple of years, and the approaching apocalypse wasn’t exactly helping. Pulled from the point of death and thrust into a horde-mode-style survival game, Benny’s odds weren’t looking too great. To make matters worse, an eldritch god… entity… thing named ‘Dave’ tasked him with destroying the very System that now controls his fate. But hey, it's not all bad news. Benny’s experience as a lab tech grants him a rare Splicer Class that lets him repurpose the genetic material of slain enemies into augments for himself.
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No idea where all these 5 stars are coming from.
- By Grey on 03-20-24
By: Joshua Rettew
What listeners say about Two Necromancers, a Bureaucrat, and an Army of Golems
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- Andrew
- 07-12-20
Excellent Compilation: Publisher's Pack Done Right
Normally I don't tend to like publisher's pack audiobooks because they are indicative of a story that couldn't stand by itself, a disorganized collection of stories or short stories I might find unsatisfying. That is why I was so pleasantly surprised when I listened to this publisher's pack. It artfully takes two short stories and two books and combines them into a relatively streamlined product. The combination is perfect because otherwise I would have never encountered a quality story.
A large part of what makes the story entertaining is the parental/humorous tone, off beat world, and interesting characterization. It has a slice of life feel which I found to be a good change of pace from similar stories. Also there is a decent amount of meat on the bone as book 3 is ~15 hours and is quality as well.
The main gripes I had with the book are that the dialogue and character behavior can be repetitive. For instance, there seems to be a reference to how awful Timmy's old master was about every hour. Also the voice of Katie by Fred Berman I found grating. Despite these criticisms, I highly recommend this book. A publisher's pack done right!
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20 people found this helpful
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- VJG
- 06-14-20
Love these 2 Necromancers
This is a fun listen. The quotidian comes to a fantasy world led by Timmy and his apprentice, Katie. Because Necromancers also have to deal with the town council and open bank accounts. Fred Berman's becoming one of my favorite narrators - brings out the humor and the drama perfectly and his Katie is particularly good. I didn't experience any issue with repetition mentioned in a review here - download of the audio was fine.
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16 people found this helpful
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- Ben Smith
- 02-08-21
Silly, popcorn comedy fantasy
Creative, humorous, and fun. It wants to be a fun little comedy that you don't have to take too seriously, and does that very well.
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2 people found this helpful
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- David Young
- 10-05-20
Entertaining
This was a very entertaining book. The narrator does an amazing job at conveying each character definitely give it a read/listen
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2 people found this helpful
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- Kindle Customer
- 06-15-20
extreme enjoyable
i have enjoyed listening to this book a really like the adventures that do not take themselves to seriously
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- Kindle Customer
- 08-28-21
Quirky story
The story is quirky. It is full of dark humor. It also was a lot of fun. The narrator was really good. I usually don’t read or listen to fantasy, and I’m not sure why I picked this one, but I’ll look for more by this author.
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- Litisha
- 11-24-21
book amazing!
listen to this awesome man voicing lots of characters! story is fun and engaging. still whimsical for younger peoples and those of the older generation.
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- Alex
- 01-15-21
Very enjoyable listen
This was a really fun listen and one of those books where I personally just went by the weird title and ended up getting exactly what I wanted. It has a nice story that’s easy to digest. The plot and some of the things going on may fall in to their typical tropes some times and can be a little predictable “x story probably isn’t true” “there is no way that it is true” a few paragraphs later: “omg all of that was true.” Like the title though it doesn’t take itself too seriously and it is just an enjoyable easy listen.
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- Nighteyes
- 01-17-21
a great comedy with better characters
the characters are what drives this wonderful story and each mayor addition are worthwhile, interesting and well written.
it's not gonna change your view of the world or make you think, but this book will be a better way to spend your time than most shows on TV these days.
Fred Berman has a wide variety of voices and keep them both consist and destinct. he was a joy to listen to
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- Travis
- 02-12-21
The funny side of necromancy.
I loved the banter and reminiscing of crazier times. Great characters and magic skill sets.
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