The Princess and the Plumber in Identity Theft: Vol. 3
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Narrated by:
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Bill Allender
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By:
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M. David Lutz
About this listen
Marvin the Magnificent, formerly employed by King Parking as his Black (mediocre) Magician, messed up royally when his potion meant to turn Tundra from beast to beauty cast her into a near fatal sleep. After he was banished, the only employment he could get as an unlicensed magician was mixing drinks at the Black Cauldron, a tavern in the Magic Kingdom. He found he had a talent for making smoothies. He’d gained some notoriety for a drink he called a "Ruptured Spleen". It had a brown fudge swirl for bile in the center of a thick, sickly green liquid with a minty, medicinal taste—that was all the rage.
Gwendolyn, his buxom girlfriend, was putting the squeeze on him to come up with enough money so they could get married. “What are you up to, Marvin? You’re supposed to be cleaning.”
“I knows what I’m supposed to be doing, woman, and that’s making a new drink to get more butts in these seats, so you don’t need to be hard-timing me.”
“Excuse me, Merlin, I didn’t realize a genius was at work. What‘s that?”
“I calls it a Heart Attack, 'cause one sip will knock you flat on your back and someone is gonna have to pound on your chest to get your heart started again.”
“And what if it kills them?”
“They’ll get a refund.”
After a bit of effort, Marvin announced to Gwendolyn, he’d come up with something he called Identity Theft, which he considered slicker than sliding down a slope of ice in January on your bare backside coated with K-Y Jelly.
“I’m gonna exchange places with King Public Parking of Parking-Lot, so I can clean out his vault and steal all he’s got. That’s right, I’m gonna rip that sucker off for banishing me from his kingdom and taking away my license to practice wizardry. When I gets done with the king, he’s gonna be so broke, they’ll repossess his moat.” [laugh] [chuckle] [cough] [snort]
After Marvin took on the appearance of the king, he started walking around helping himself to everything…including the queen. King Parking, who now appeared as Marvin, was forced to go into hiding living on the street, homeless and destitute with nothing to eat. It would be a life-changing experience if he should manage to survive it. The spell would eventually wear off, unless Marvin could find and kill Parking, making him the king permanently.
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- Narrated by: Maggie Mash
- Length: 25 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
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Marla Wolfblade of Hythria is determined to restore her family's great name, but conspirators surround her: The Sorcerers' Collective, the Patriots - even members of her own family. She must make sure her son Damin lives to be old enough to restore the Wolfblade name to its former glory. Elezaar the Dwarf is a small man with big secrets - but that doesn't matter to Marla Wolfblade. Her brother is the High Prince of Hythria, and, in this fiercely patriarchal society, her fate will be decided on his whim.
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An epic political drama
- By Katherine on 07-19-14
By: Jennifer Fallon
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Royal Mistress
- By: Anne Easter Smith
- Narrated by: Heather Wilds
- Length: 15 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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Jane Lambert, the quick-witted and alluring daughter of a silk merchant, is twenty-two and still unmarried. When Jane’s father finally finds her a match, she’s married off to the dull, older silk merchant William Shore. Marriage doesn’t stop Jane from flirtation, however, and when the king’s chamberlain, Will Hastings, comes to her husband’s shop, Will knows King Edward will find her irresistible.
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All history, no romance!
- By Erin on 07-05-13
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The Midwife's Tale
- A Mystery
- By: Sam Thomas
- Narrated by: Leila Birch
- Length: 10 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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It is 1644, and Parliament’s armies have risen against the King and laid siege to the city of York. Even as the city suffers at the rebels’ hands, midwife Bridget Hodgson becomes embroiled in a different sort of rebellion. One of Bridget’s friends, Esther Cooper, has been convicted of murdering her husband and sentenced to be burnt alive. Convinced that her friend is innocent, Bridget sets out to find the real killer.
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Only so so
- By Marie on 11-13-13
By: Sam Thomas
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This Present Past
- By: Traci Harding
- Narrated by: Edwina Wren
- Length: 17 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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During a brush with the Sons of the Long Knives, Gwion earns the trust of Keridwen and is offered employment at her Castell in Gwynedd. There the goddess is brewing a potion of prophetic insight and secret wisdom, destined for her monstrous, shape-shifting son, Morvran. But an ill-timed accident on the final day of his task sees Gwion inherit all the potion's supernatural abilities. In a shapeshifting battle, Gwion is swallowed by Keridwen, and upon her return to human form the Goddess discovers that she is pregnant.
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Amazing addition to the stories of the Chosen
- By MURRAY on 12-04-18
By: Traci Harding
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To Shield the Queen
- By: Fiona Buckley
- Narrated by: Nadia May
- Length: 9 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
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Rumor has linked Queen Elizabeth I to her master of the horse, Robin Dudley. As gossip would have it, only his ailing wife, Amy, prevents marriage between Dudley and the Queen. To quell the idle tongues at court, the Queen dispatches Ursula Blanchard to tend to the sick woman's needs. But not even Ursula can prevent the "accident" that takes Amy's life. Did she fall or was she pushed? Was Ursula a pawn of Dudley and the Queen?
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Fun and engrossing
- By SophieG on 05-31-10
By: Fiona Buckley
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Chasing the Sun
- Land of the Lone Star, Book 1
- By: Tracie Peterson
- Narrated by: Renee Raudman
- Length: 9 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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When her father disappears in war-torn Mississippi, Hannah Dandridge finds herself responsible not only for her younger siblings but also for the Texas ranch her father recently acquired. A marriage of convenience could ease her predicament, but is it the true desire of her heart? Wounded soldier William Barnett returns home only to find out that his family’s ranch has been seized. He’s surprised to discover that it is a beautiful young woman with amazing fortitude who is struggling to keep the place running.
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Disappointed
- By Bonnie on 06-23-12
By: Tracie Peterson
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Push Not the River
- By: James Conroyd Martin
- Narrated by: Dawn Harvey
- Length: 19 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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Push Not the River is the rich story of Poland in the late 1700's - a time of heartache and turmoil as the country's once peaceful people are torn apart by neighboring countries and divided loyalties. It is then, at the young and vulnerable age of seventeen, that Lady Anna Maria Berezowska loses both of her parents and must leave the only home she has ever known.
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Save your time; buy something else.
- By AMS on 10-22-15
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The Memoirs of Mary, Queen of Scots
- By: Carolly Erickson
- Narrated by: Rebekah Germain
- Length: 9 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Born Queen of Scotland, married as a young girl to the invalid young King of France, Mary took the reins of the unruly kingdom of Scotland as a young widow and fought to keep her throne. A second marriage to her handsome but dissolute cousin Lord Darnley ended in murder and scandal, while a third marriage to the dashing, commanding Lord Bothwell, the love of her life, gave her joy but widened the scandal and surrounded her with enduring ill repute.
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Fiction being the key word
- By Bonnie-Ann B on 09-25-09
By: Carolly Erickson
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The Betrothed
- A Novel
- By: Alessandro Manzoni, Michael F. Moore - translator, Jhumpa Lahiri - afterword
- Narrated by: Ari Fliakos, Susan Vinciotti Bonito
- Length: 22 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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The Betrothed is a cornerstone of Italian culture, language, and literature. Published in its final form in 1842, The Betrothed has inspired generations of Italian readers and writers. Giuseppe Verdi composed his majestic Requiem Mass in honor of Manzoni. Italo Calvino called the novel “a classic that has never ceased shaping reality in Italy” while Umberto Eco praised its author as a “most subtle critic and analyst of languages.”
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How to ruin a masterpiece
- By McMurrab on 10-31-22
By: Alessandro Manzoni, and others
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The Agincourt Bride
- By: Joanna Hickson
- Narrated by: Catherine Harvey
- Length: 16 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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When her own first child is tragically still-born, the young Mette is pressed into service as a wet-nurse at the court of the mad king, Charles VI of France. Her young charge is the princess, Catherine de Valois, caught up in the turbulence and chaos of life at court. Mette and the child forge a bond, one that transcends Mette’s lowly position. But as Catherine approaches womanhood, her unique position seals her fate as a pawn between two powerful dynasties.
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Disappointing
- By Michelle on 02-16-13
By: Joanna Hickson
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How Mrs. Claus Saved Christmas
- By: Jeff Guinn
- Narrated by: Susan Denaker
- Length: 10 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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Using as its springboard the actual events of a day in 1647 when 10,000 peasants marched through the streets of Canterbury demanding their right to celebrate a beloved holiday, How Mrs. Claus Saved Christmas is rich in historical detail, adventure, and plain ol' Christmas fun. Children, parents, and entire families will enjoy this holiday classic!
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Not quite what I wanted
- By A. Sentoni on 12-18-10
By: Jeff Guinn
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The King's Return
- By: Andrew Swanston
- Narrated by: David Thorpe
- Length: 11 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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The king's coronation brings hope. Until a murderer strikes. Spring 1661: After years of civil war followed by Oliver Cromwell's joyless rule as Lord Protector, England awaits the coronation of King Charles II. The mood in London is one of relief and hope for a better future. But when two respectable gentlemen are found in a foul lane with their throats cut, it becomes apparent that England's enemies are using the newly re-established post office for their own ends.
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More please
- By tara souther on 12-22-22
By: Andrew Swanston
What listeners say about The Princess and the Plumber in Identity Theft: Vol. 3
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Mark David
- 11-06-22
A different and unique fairytale for grown-ups
Princess and the plumber is a series and you can read each book by itself but it’s not as good as if you read it from the first volume all the way through as the characters repeat and develop I found it very addicting getting involved with dick characters lies and wanting to know what was gonna happen next which keeps me coming back and wanting to read the next volume hopefully it will continue
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