“Before I can begin my tale, you need to know about the king's panties.” So begins the epic adventure of 14-year-old Nigel, digger of latrines, shoveler of poop, and the single greatest threat to all the humans, elves, and halflings of Esteria. Nigel needs to escape from military school. Who can blame him? After all, the king just declared war on the gorks, and he's pretty sure his latrine-digging skills aren't going to be much good on the front lines.

This brilliant new treatment of the world's oldest epic is a literary event on par with Seamus Heaney's wildly popular Beowulf translation. Esteemed translator and best-selling author Stephen Mitchell energizes a heroic tale so old it predates Homer's Iliad by more than a millennium.

Amelia Bedelia is the world's most literal-minded housekeeper, who causes quite a ruckus whenever she's given a chance. In "Amelia Bedelia and the Surprise Shower", she arrives with a garden hose and the party is turned into an uproarious mess. In "Play Ball, Amelia Bedelia", her literal-mindedness adds a new dimension to the game of baseball, and "Thank You, Amelia Bedelia" features Amelia Bedelia "pairing" the vegetables and separating the eggs.

Can you imagine writing to Father Christmas and actually getting a reply? Every year, the children of J.R.R. Tolkien would write to Father Christmas, and the letters they received told wonderful stories of his adventures at the North Pole. These humorous tales are brought to life by Derek Jacobi as Father Christmas, John Moffatt as Polar Bear, and Christian Rodska as Ilbereth the Elf, complete with specially composed music.

The creators of the podcast The Dollop present profiles of the weird, outrageous, NSFW, and downright absurd tales from American history that you weren't taught in school. The United States of Absurdity presents short, informative, and hilarious stories of the most outlandish (but true) people, events, and more from United States history.

The first official Minecraft novel! In the tradition of iconic adventures like Robinson Crusoe and Treasure Island, the number one New York Times best-selling author of World War Z tells the story of a hero - stranded in the world of Minecraft - who must unravel the secrets of a mysterious island in order to survive.

For centuries, mystical creatures of all description were gathered to a hidden refuge called Fablehaven to prevent their extinction. The sanctuary survives today as one of the last strongholds of true magic in a cynical world. Enchanting? Absolutely. Exciting? You bet. Safe? Well, actually, quite the opposite... Kendra and her brother Seth have no idea their grandfather is the current caretaker of Fablehaven.

Nathaniel is eleven-years-old and a magician's apprentice, learning the traditional art of magic. All is well until he has a life-changing encounter with Simon Lovelace, a magician of unrivaled ruthlessness and ambition. When Lovelace brutally humiliates Nathaniel in public, Nathaniel decides to speed up his education, teaching himself spells far beyond his years. With revenge on his mind, he masters one of the toughest spells of all and summons Bartimaeus, a five-thousand-year-old djinni, to assist him.

Harry Potter has never even heard of Hogwarts when the letters start dropping on the doormat at number four, Privet Drive. Addressed in green ink on yellowish parchment with a purple seal, they are swiftly confiscated by his grisly aunt and uncle. Then, on Harry's eleventh birthday, a great beetle-eyed giant of a man called Rubeus Hagrid bursts in with some astonishing news: Harry Potter is a wizard, and he has a place at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. An incredible adventure is about to begin!

Pirates are everywhere—and they have been ever since boats were used as carriers. They are in stories ranging from Treasure Island through Peter Pan to Pirates of the Caribbean; they are in our imaginations with peg-legs, hook-hands, and parrots on their shoulders, saying "Aharr, me hearties!", and they continue to cause havoc in the Gulf of Aden in the 21st century.

Six days ago, astronaut Mark Watney became one of the first people to walk on Mars. Now, he's sure he'll be the first person to die there. After a dust storm nearly kills him and forces his crew to evacuate while thinking him dead, Mark finds himself stranded and completely alone with no way to even signal Earth that he’s alive - and even if he could get word out, his supplies would be gone long before a rescue could arrive. But Mark isn't ready to give up yet.

Neil Gaiman has long been inspired by ancient mythology in creating the fantastical realms of his fiction. Now he turns his attention back to the source, presenting a bravura rendition of the great northern tales. In Norse Mythology, Gaiman fashions primeval stories into a novelistic arc that begins with the genesis of the legendary nine worlds; delves into the exploits of the deities, dwarves, and giants; and culminates in Ragnarok, the twilight of the gods and the rebirth of a new time and people.

Seconds before the Earth is demolished to make way for a galactic freeway, Arthur Dent is plucked off the planet by his friend Ford Prefect, a researcher for the revised edition of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy who, for the last 15 years, has been posing as an out-of-work actor.

Hi! I’m Seth! I was asked to describe my audiobook, Yearbook for websites and shit like that, so...here it goes!!! Yearbook is a collection of true stories that I desperately hope are just funny at worst, and life-changingly amazing at best. (I understand that it’s likely the former, which is a fancy “book” way of saying “the first one.”) I talk about my grandparents, doing stand-up comedy as a teenager, bar mitzvahs, and Jewish summer camp, and tell way more stories about doing drugs than my mother would like.

The world will end on Saturday. Next Saturday. Just before dinner, according to The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch, the world's only completely accurate book of prophecies, written in 1655. The armies of Good and Evil are amassing and everything appears to be going according to Divine Plan. Except that a somewhat fussy angel and a fast-living demon are not actually looking forward to the coming Rapture. And someone seems to have misplaced the Antichrist.

Jack loves his childhood toy Dur Pig. DP has always been there for him, through good and bad. Until one Christmas Eve something terrible happens - DP is lost. But Christmas Eve is a night for miracles and lost causes, a night when all things can come to life...even toys. And Jack’s newest toy - the Christmas Pig (DP’s annoying replacement) - has a daring plan: Together they’ll embark on a magical journey to seek something lost and to save the best friend Jack has ever known....

The kingdom of Cornucopia was once the happiest in the world. It had plenty of gold, a king with the finest moustache you could possibly imagine, and butchers, bakers, and cheesemongers whose exquisite foods made a person dance with delight when they ate them. Everything was perfect - except for the misty Marshlands to the north, which, according to legend, were home to the monstrous Ickabog. Anyone sensible knew that the Ickabog was just a myth to scare children into behaving. But the funny thing about myths is that sometimes they take on a life of their own.

Olaf, Arendelle’s adorable snowman, loves to read. One day, an unexpected message leads Olaf and his friends Anna, Kristoff, and Sven on a quest for a place known as Haus Biblio, described as a “sea of stories”. This Audible Original spans the group’s journey to Haus Biblio as they cross over mountains, search for monsters under bridges, and have conversations with friendly sheep. During his travels, Olaf makes new friends and hears lots of exciting stories along the way.

Mary Lennox starts her life as an unhappy victim of circumstance. After the loss of her parents, she moves to rural Yorkshire to live with a distant uncle where she resents the wildness of the countryside. At first, she struggles to find a place in this new existence. Although unsure about her surroundings and its occupants, through the gentle guidance of the maid she gradually becomes interested in the story of Mrs Craven, who apparently used to spend her time in a garden at the house, the key to which has vanished.

Belle lives in a beautiful castle with a Beast and Enchanted Objects that have come to life. But that isn’t the strangest thing about the castle. Rose petals and leaves have begun to mysteriously appear in random places, leading Belle and her companions Cogsworth the clock and Lumiere the candelabra on a hunt for an intruder.

Seventh-grader Jordan Bryant is desperate for a scoop for his year-end ELA project. When the vice principal gets glitter-bombed in front of the whole class—and the wrong student punished for the prank—Jordan thinks he’s found the perfect story. Instead, he finds himself swept up in the biggest thing to ever hit Murray Middle: the Great Prank War. As the pranks get evermore epic and insane, so do the punishments handed down by the draconian administration.

“Before I can begin my tale, you need to know about the king's panties.” So begins the epic adventure of 14-year-old Nigel, digger of latrines, shoveler of poop, and the single greatest threat to all the humans, elves, and halflings of Esteria. Nigel needs to escape from military school. Who can blame him? After all, the king just declared war on the gorks, and he's pretty sure his latrine-digging skills aren't going to be much good on the front lines.

Maeve Merritt chafes at the rigid rules at her London boarding school for “Upright Young Ladies.” When punishment forces her to sort through the trash, she finds a sardine tin that houses a foul-tempered djinni with no intention of submitting to a schoolgirl as his master. Soon an orphan boy from the charitable home next door, a mysterious tall man in ginger whiskers, a disgruntled school worker, and a take-no-prisoners business tycoon are in hot pursuit of Maeve and her magical discovery.

Eleven-year-old Alex Petroski loves space and rockets, his mom, his brother, and his dog, Carl Sagan - named for his hero, the real-life astronomer. All he wants is to launch his golden iPod into space the way Carl Sagan (the man, not the dog) launched his Golden Record on the Voyager spacecraft in 1977. From Colorado to New Mexico, Las Vegas to LA, Alex records a journey on his iPod to show other lifeforms what life on Earth, his Earth, is like.

If you’re a fan of A Series of Unfortunate Events, Edward Scissorhands, or the darkest bits of Roald Dahl, the Weirdie triplets - Barnacle, Garlic, and Melancholy - will feel like old friends. After being left behind when the entire estate of Deadeye Manor is packed up for a doomed vacation cruise, the triplets have to learn how to fend for themselves.

When Peter Pan and his fairy companion, Tinker Bell, fly in through the window of Wendy's nursery one night, it is the beginning of an adventure that whisks Wendy and her brothers, Michael and John, off to Neverland. There, they will find mermaids, fairies, pirates led by the sinister Captain Hook, and the crocodile who bit off his leg - and still pursues him in hope of the rest!

While her classmates are jetting off to family vacations in exotic locales, Aru will be spending her autumn break at home, in the Museum of Ancient Indian Art and Culture, waiting for her mom to return from her latest archeological trip. Is it any wonder that she makes up stories about being royalty, traveling to Paris, and having a chauffeur? One day, three schoolmates show up at her doorstep to catch her in a lie. They don't believe her claim that the museum's Lamp of Bharata is cursed, and they dare Aru to prove it. Just a quick light, Aru thinks. She can get herself out of this.

This hilarious, heartfelt, and soaring adventure will delight fans of The Goonies and Indiana Jones. Performed as a 1930s radio drama, it’s bursting with humor for all ages, orchestral scoring, and some of the most talented voices on Broadway. When their ace pilot parents (and adorable puppy) mysteriously disappear over the Pacific, the Flamingo Sisters - Flo, Faye, and Franny - escape the clutches of their evil Uncle Freidrich (who believes girls should never pilot aeroplanes) and join a flying circus.

Living in the remote town of Tierra del Sol is dangerous, especially in the criatura months, when powerful spirits roam the desert and threaten humankind. But Cecelia Rios has always believed there was more to the criaturas, much to her family’s disapproval. After all, only brujas - humans who capture and control criaturas - consort with the spirits, and brujeria is a terrible crime. When her older sister, Juana, is kidnapped by El Sombrerón, a powerful dark criatura, Cece is determined to bring Juana back.

Baker Street Four follows Billy (Charlie Brand), Charlie (Kiki May), and Tom (Nathan Moses), three young apprentices of Sherlock Holmes (Paterson Joseph) who assist the famous detective in London’s dodgy East End. With the help of their faithful cat, Watson (Bill Nighy) and Sherlock’s beloved housekeeper Mrs. Hudson (Celia Imrie), this foursome takes local crimes into their own hands while Holmes is off solving mysteries abroad. Follow the Baker Street Irregulars as they pursue different cases, growing by the day as young detectives and as friends.

Foreverywhere tells the tale of a young unicorn (perhaps the last on Earth?!) and his quest, along with a Giant named Rick, a spider named Betsy and the guitar-shredding Princess Rainbow, to form the best band in the fantastical world of Anyville. But first, they’ll have to contend with the increasingly strange weather that seems to follow Princess Rainbow everywhere, and a rival band determined to bring them down. Will this group of misfits be able to rise above?

Kiplings' tales of Mowgli and his exciting life in the Indian jungle have been loved by children and adults alike ever since their publication in 1895. Mowgli the 'man-cub' must learn to fend for himself against terrible foes like Shere Khan the tiger, but he can always call upon his friends Baloo the Bear, Bagheera the Black Panther, and Kaa the Rock Python from whom he learns the Law of the jungle.

Corinne La Mer isn't afraid of anything. Not scorpions, not the boys who tease her, and certainly not jumbies. They're just tricksters parents make up to frighten their children. Then one night Corinne chases an agouti all the way into the forbidden forest. Those shining, yellow eyes that followed her to the edge of the trees, they couldn't belong to a jumbie. Or could they?

Inspiring, relatable, and totally true biographies tell the childhood stories of a diverse group of trailblazers including Kamala Harris, Greta Thunberg, Ai Weiwei, Benazir Bhutto, Elliot Page, and John Lewis, along with ten other powerful figures. Kid Trailblazers highlights contemporary figures who have led the way in government, social activism, environmental justice, and the arts.

Here is a timeless tale of waterside Britain that has been loved by generations of children and acclaimed as a classic. The story of Mole, Ratty, Badger, and Toad, and their escapades, whether messing about on the river or poop-pooping in Toad's shiny new car, cannot fail to enchant.