
Patricia Wants to Cuddle
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By:
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Samantha Allen
About this listen
The contestants of a reality television dating show compete for love--and their lives--in this pulse-pounding and viciously funny fiction debut from the GLAAD Award-winning author of Real Queer America.
When the final four women in competition for an aloof, if somewhat sleazy, bachelor’s heart arrive on a mysterious island in the Pacific Northwest, they mentally prepare themselves for another week of extreme sleep deprivation, invasive interviews, and of course, the salacious drama that viewers nationwide tune in to eagerly devour. Each woman came on The Catch for her own reasons--brand sponsorships, followers, and yes, even love--and they’ve all got their eyes steadfastly trained on their respective prizes.
Enter Patricia, a temperamental but woefully misunderstood local, living alone in the dark, verdant woods and desperate to forge a connection of her own. As the contestants perform for the cameras that surround them, Patricia watches from her place in the shadows, a queer specter haunting the bombastic display of heterosexuality before her. But when the cast and crew at last make her acquaintance atop the island’s tallest and most desolate peak, they soon realize that if they’re to have any hope of making it to the next Elimination Event, they’ll first have to survive the night.
A whirlwind romp careening toward a last-girl-standing conclusion and a scathing indictment of contemporary American media culture, Patricia Wants to Cuddle is also a love story: between star-crossed lesbians who rise above their intolerant town, a deeply ambivalent woman and her budding self-actualization, and a chosen family of misfit islanders forging community against all odds.
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- Unabridged
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In Real Queer America, Samantha Allen takes us on a cross-country road-trip stretching all the way from Provo, Utah to the Rio Grande Valley to the Bible Belt to the Deep South. Her motto for the trip: "Something gay every day." Making pit stops at drag shows, political rallies, and hubs of queer life across the heartland, she introduces us to scores of extraordinary LGBT people working for change, from the first openly transgender mayor in Texas history to the manager of the only queer night club in Bloomington, Indiana, and many more.
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Not what I expected
- By KiroPhoto on 04-09-19
By: Samantha Allen
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When We Lost Our Heads
- A Novel
- By: Heather O'Neill
- Narrated by: Jeanna Phillips
- Length: 14 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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Charismatic Marie Antoine is the daughter of the richest man in 19th century Montreal. She has everything she wants, except for a best friend - until clever, scheming Sadie Arnett moves to the neighborhood. Immediately united by their passion and intensity, Marie and Sadie attract and repel each other in ways that thrill them both. Their games soon become tinged with risk, even violence. Forced to separate by the adults around them, they spend years engaged in acts of alternating innocence and depravity.
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I could not put this book down
- By Melody on 03-22-23
By: Heather O'Neill
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A Lesson in Vengeance
- By: Victoria Lee
- Narrated by: Lindsey Dorcus
- Length: 10 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Felicity Morrow is back at the Dalloway School. Perched in the Catskill Mountains, the centuries-old, ivy-covered campus was home until the tragic death of her girlfriend. Now, after a year away, she's returned to finish high school. She even has her old room in Godwin House, the exclusive dormitory rumored to be haunted by the spirits of five Dalloway students - girls some say were witches.
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unsure how I feel about it
- By Carlie Sparks on 09-28-21
By: Victoria Lee
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Nothing but the Rain
- By: Naomi Salman
- Narrated by: Soneela Nankani
- Length: 2 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
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The rain in Aloisville is never-ending, and no one can remember when it started. There's not much they can remember. With every drop that hits their skin, a bit of memory is washed away. Stay too long in the wet, and you'll lose everything you used to be. By the time Laverne begins keeping a journal, the small town she calls home has been irreparably changed. Every drop of water is dangerous, from leaky faucets to the near-constant rainfall, and a careless trip outside can mean a life down the drain.
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Interesting premise but doesn't deliver
- By Ruan Fourie on 04-16-25
By: Naomi Salman
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Walking Practice
- A Novel
- By: Dolki Min
- Narrated by: Nicky Endres
- Length: 4 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
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After crashing their spacecraft in the middle of nowhere, a shapeshifting alien finds themself stranded on an unfamiliar planet and disabled by Earth’s gravity. To survive, they will need to practice walking. And what better way than to hunt for food? As they discover, humans are delicious. Intelligent, clever, and adaptable, the alien shifts their gender, appearance, and conduct to suit a prey’s sexual preference, then attacks at the pivotal moment of their encounter.
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Odd on every level but not terrible
- By cindi marsh on 02-09-25
By: Dolki Min
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Guillotine
- By: Delilah S. Dawson
- Narrated by: Elisabeth Ashby
- Length: 5 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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Thrift fashionista Dez Lane doesn't want to date Patrick Ruskin; she just wants to meet his mother, the editor-in-chief of Nouveau magazine. When he invites her to his family's big Easter reunion at their ancestral home, she's certain she can put up with his arrogance and fend off his advances long enough to ask Marie Caulfield-Ruskin for an internship someone with her pedigree could never nab through the regular submission route. But once all the family members are on the island and the ferry has departed, things take a dark turn.
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SO FUN AND SURPRISINGLY GORY
- By Bradley on 09-27-24
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M to (WT)F
- Twenty-Six of the Funniest Moments from My Transgender Journey
- By: Samantha Allen
- Narrated by: Samantha Allen
- Length: 3 hrs and 18 mins
- Original Recording
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In this poignant audio piece, Samantha Allen takes listeners along for the wild ride of her own transition: The good, the bad, but mostly, the funny. Because once she began this life-changing journey in earnest, Samantha realized that while the emotional trials of gender dysphoria and self-discovery could be harrowing, there were so many laugh-out-loud moments along this winding road.
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her past is my present
- By æ on 10-13-20
By: Samantha Allen
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Comfort Me with Apples
- By: Catherynne M. Valente
- Narrated by: Karis Campbell
- Length: 2 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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Sophia was made for him, her perfect husband. She can feel it in her bones. He is perfect; their home together in Arcadia Gardens is perfect; everything is perfect. It's just that he's away so much - so often. He works so hard. She misses him, and he misses her. He says he does, so it must be true. He is the perfect husband, and everything is perfect.
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strange story
- By Barbara S on 11-03-21
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Tell Me I'm Worthless
- By: Alison Rumfitt
- Narrated by: Nicky Endres
- Length: 8 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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Three years ago, Alice spent one night in an abandoned house with her friends, Ila and Hannah. Since then, Alice’s life has spiraled. She lives a haunted existence, selling videos of herself for money, going to parties she hates, drinking herself to sleep.
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Better Buy Tylenol
- By Silas Hunter on 08-14-23
By: Alison Rumfitt
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People Like Her
- A Novel
- By: Ellery Lloyd
- Narrated by: Nathalie Buscombe, Finlay Robertson, Anna Bentinck
- Length: 10 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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To her adoring fans, Emmy Jackson, aka @the_mamabare, is the honest “Instamum” who always tells it like it is. To her skeptical husband, a washed-up novelist who knows just how creative Emmy can be with the truth, she is a breadwinning powerhouse chillingly brilliant at monetizing the intimate details of their family life.To one of Emmy’s dangerously obsessive followers, she’s the woman that has everything—but deserves none of it.
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Fresh Edgy Dark Thriller
- By JenniferLOVESThrillers on 01-17-21
By: Ellery Lloyd
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Bittersweet in the Hollow
- By: Kate Pearsall
- Narrated by: Reagan Boggs
- Length: 11 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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In rural Caball Hollow, surrounded by the vast National Forest, the James women serve up more than fried green tomatoes at the Harvest Moon diner, where the family recipes are not the only secrets. Like her sisters, Linden was born with an unusual ability. She can taste what others are feeling, but this so-called gift soured her relationship with the vexingly attractive Cole Spencer one fateful night a year ago . . . A night when Linden vanished into the depths of the Forest and returned with no memories of what happened, just a litany of questions.
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Practical Magic meets A Good Girl’s Guide to Murder
- By Heather on 02-19-24
By: Kate Pearsall
What listeners say about Patricia Wants to Cuddle
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Lauren🌙
- 04-13-24
Not what I expected but in the best way possible
I came into this with a totally open mind when someone from my book club recommended this for the month. I honestly went into it thinking this was going to be a romance of some sort but thats further from the truth. There is a tiny romance piece but that’s it. I would say this has more of a horror element to it.
With that said, this book really is fun. It’s a pretty quick read and is great for people that love dating shows like “The Bachelor”. It also has a queer element to it which was a super adorable cherry on top.
The only thing holding me back from that 5th star is that I wish the ending wasn’t so rushed feeling. I wanted to know more… about her of course. I wanted to know more!! It just felt like it was missing some information that I could have really gotten into and that just didn’t happen which bummed me out.
Overall though, if you like fun, pretty tame horror stories this is a good one! I wasn’t expecting to like it as much as I did. I would recommend!
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- Amazon Customer
- 10-16-24
Bachelor with a hint of true crime
I loved the narrator, I loved the storyline, I just felt like it was very rushed. But it’s a parody based off of our reality and o truly enjoyed it
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- Andrew Rosenthal
- 07-27-22
A tad violent and dark but aside from that…
The book was a little dark but quite listenable Not really my taste. Not sure what the remaining characters motivations were, which makes them seem mostly crazy.
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- Kalie Lyn
- 09-26-24
Unique
Fun, graphic, unique read! Definitely will recommend for a mindless listen. Narrators are great as well!
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- Ashley R.
- 08-14-23
An interesting read
This book really surprised me. I wasn't expecting that type of an ending. It was a pretty good read overall.
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- Pierre Crevier
- 10-23-24
Really interesting story!
I was definitely not expecting some of the stuff that happened in this book - in a good way! Really fun read!
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- jmitch
- 06-28-22
CUDDLE ME ALREADY
Patricia gets what Patricia wants and we want more audiobooks like this!
Playfully deadpan narration juxtaposed beautifully with Allen’s clever writing style and fatalistic wit. You’ll hang on every moment, gush on every reveal, just dying to be a lucky few standing for that rose ceremony. Light the candles, pour a glass, and draw my warm bubble bath because true love awaits, my friends, if you’re willing to risk it all!
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4 people found this helpful
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- AM Reader
- 10-17-24
Clever and Entertaining
Really clever and unexpected story. It was funny and entertaining, even if it was very self aware of its cleverness. A good satire about Bachelor Nation.
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- chris golz
- 12-24-24
Goofy and Predictable
The author used all kinds of tricks and plot devices but it felt like Direct to DVD Sandler comedy with splashes of gore. It never got me scared and the characters were one dimensional and boring
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- Sarah Dewey
- 04-10-25
What did I just listen to?
Not at all what I expected, the book doesn’t make a lot of sense and the end is abrupt
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