
Off with My Head
The Definitive Basic B*tch Handbook to Surviving Rock Bottom
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Narrated by:
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Stassi Schroeder
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By:
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Stassi Schroeder
About this listen
Named one of Us Weekly’s Best Celebrity Memoirs of 2022
The New York Times bestselling author of Next Level Basic and fan-favorite alumna of Bravo’s Vanderpump Rules returns with the definitive Basic Bitch handbook for surviving your rock-bottom moments.
The year 2020 was going to be the best year of Stassi’s life. Besides getting engaged and feeling like she was on top of the world career-wise, she bought her first house and was planning her dream Italian wedding. The future showed so much freaking promise—until it all went to hell. Stassi may not be perfect—she may have made some (major) mistakes—but she does feel like she has some insight (and plenty of hilarious tales) about getting knocked up, called out, and learning from what went wrong.
Through stories, confessions, illustrations, and plenty of self-reflection and self-deprecation, this new book goes behind the scenes and addresses the experience of getting cancelled, getting that positive pregnancy test, and saying “I do” in the backyard instead of in Italy. Stassi won’t hold back about her transformation from proud basic bitch to... proud basic bitch who has a deeper appreciation for what’s really important in life: love, relationships, mutual respect, and, okay fine, an Aperol spritz and some showtunes when you need them most.
Stassi hopes her story will help others see the light at the end of the tunnel in their own lives and make them laugh along the way. She writes about the importance of having a good cry (at work, in the shower, in your closet), ways to navigate social media responsibly (sometimes that means logging the eff off when crowds are chanting, “OFF WITH HER HEAD”), how to practice self-care when wine is not an option, and how not to become a Bridezilla—plus she’ll offer tips on marrying your f*ckboy, embracing pregnancy sweats (both cashmere sweats and night sweats), and styling baby OOTDs.
So roll up your bedazzled sleeves…or the sleeves of the tattered robe you’ve been wearing nonstop because you’re at rock bottom; grab a cocktail; and let your favorite (more evolved) basic bitch take you on a wild ride inside the bumpiest year of her life.
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You Can't Be Serious
- By: Kal Penn
- Narrated by: Kal Penn
- Length: 9 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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You Can’t Be Serious is a series of funny, consequential, awkward, and ridiculous stories from Kal Penn’s idiosyncratic life. It’s about being the grandson of Gandhian freedom fighters, and the son of immigrant parents: people who came to this country with very little and went very far—and whose vision of the American dream probably never included their son sliding off an oiled-up naked woman in the raunchy Ryan Reynolds movie Van Wilder…or getting a phone call from Air Force One as Kal flew with the country’s first Black president.
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The book is so much more
- By Ag on 11-04-21
By: Kal Penn
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You'll Grow Out of It
- By: Jessi Klein
- Narrated by: Jessi Klein
- Length: 7 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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In You'll Grow Out of It, Jessi Klein offers - through an incisive collection of real-life stories - a relentlessly funny yet poignant take on a variety of topics she has experienced along her strange journey to womanhood and beyond. These include her "transformation from Pippi Longstocking-esque tomboy to are-you-a-lesbian-or-what tom man", attempting to find watchable porn, and identifying the difference between being called "ma'am" and "miss" (" miss sounds like you weigh 99 pounds").
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I like this woman so much!
- By Sarah F. on 07-24-16
By: Jessi Klein
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He's Making You Crazy
- How to Get the Guy, Get Even, and Get Over It
- By: Kristen Doute, Michele Alexander
- Narrated by: Kristen Doute
- Length: 4 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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Unpacking the ups and downs of Kristen’s laugh-out-loud funny, sometimes cringe-worthy dating history, He’s Making You Crazy will hold your hand through deep self-reflection — while giving you that push to put on your detective’s hat and hack your man’s email account if you need to. From trapping your boyfriend in ridiculous lies to gathering all your crush’s security question answers on the first date, Kristen shares her no-holds-barred, hysterically funny, and hard-earned advice on men, love, and modern dating.
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I feel shitty about myself for spending money on this book
- By Aubree on 06-05-20
By: Kristen Doute, and others
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A Minute to Think
- Reclaim Creativity, Conquer Busyness, and Do Your Best Work
- By: Juliet Funt
- Narrated by: Juliet Funt
- Length: 7 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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In A Minute to Think, Juliet Funt, a globally recognized warrior in the battle against busyness, provides a powerful guide that will give you the permission, framework, and specific direction you need.
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Thought Provoking
- By Amazon Customer on 11-13-21
By: Juliet Funt
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So Close to Being the Sh*t, Y'all Don't Even Know
- By: Retta
- Narrated by: Retta
- Length: 6 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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In So Close to Being the Sh*t, Y'all Don't Even Know, Parks and Recreation star Retta takes us on her not-so-meteoric rise from roaches to riches (well, rich enough that she can buy $15,000 designer handbags yet scared enough to know she's always a heartbeat away from ramen with American cheese). Throwing her hardworking Liberian parents through a loop, Retta abandons her plan to attend med school after graduating Duke University to move to Hollywood to star in her own sitcom - like her comedy heroes Lucille Ball and Roseanne.
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I devoured this audiobook
- By MJ Walters on 05-31-18
By: Retta
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This Is How Your Marriage Ends
- A Hopeful Approach to Saving Relationships
- By: Matthew Fray
- Narrated by: Rob Shapiro
- Length: 9 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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One night during his divorce, after one too many vodkas and a call with a phone-in-therapist who told him to “journal his feelings,” Matthew Fray started a blog. He needed to figure out how his ex-wife went from the eighteen-year-old college freshman who adored him to the angry woman who thought he was an asshole and left him. As he pieced together the story of his marriage and its end, Matthew began to realize a hard truth: even though he was a decent guy, he was a bad husband.
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Good and bad advice mixed together
- By Timothy Webster on 08-05-22
By: Matthew Fray
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How to Murder Your Life
- A Memoir
- By: Cat Marnell
- Narrated by: Cat Marnell
- Length: 11 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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From Cat Marnell, "New York's enfant terrible" ( The Telegraph), a candid and darkly humorous memoir of prescription drug addiction and self-sabotage, set in the glamorous world of fashion magazines and downtown nightclubs.
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nice book
- By Taylor on 03-14-17
By: Cat Marnell
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Your Body in Balance
- The New Science of Food, Hormones, and Health
- By: Neal D. Barnard MD MD FACC, Lindsay Nixon
- Narrated by: Timothy Pabon
- Length: 7 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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Your Body in Balance provides step-by-step guidance for understanding what's at the root of your suffering - and what you can do to feel better fast. Few people realize that a simple food prescription can help you tackle all these and more by gently restoring your hormone balance, with benefits rivaling medications. Neal Barnard, MD, a leading authority on nutrition and health, offers insight into how dietary changes can alleviate years of stress, pain, and illness. What's more, he also provides delicious and easy-to-make hormone-balancing recipes.
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Book is good but medical terms needed edited
- By Carol Ann R. on 02-23-20
By: Neal D. Barnard MD MD FACC, and others
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How to Stop Feeling Like Sh*t
- 14 Habits That Are Holding You Back from Happiness
- By: Andrea Owen
- Narrated by: Andrea Owen
- Length: 7 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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How to Stop Feeling Like Sh*t is a straight-shooting self-improvement guide for women, one that offers frank advice about the most common self-destructive behaviors women engage in. Andrea Owen—a nationally sought-after life coach—crystallizes what’s behind several invisible, undermining habits, from catastrophizing and people-pleasing to listening to the imposter complex or to one’s inner critic. Powerfully on the mark, the chapters are short and digestible, nicely bypassing weighty examinations in favor of punch points of awareness.
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A review on general behavioral patterns
- By Karen Goldsmith on 04-20-18
By: Andrea Owen
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Pillow Talk
- What's Wrong with My Sewing?
- By: Craig Conover, Blake Dvorak - contributor
- Narrated by: Craig Conover
- Length: 7 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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As a young boy sitting at a sewing machine in home economics class, Craig Conover had no idea that this hobby would one day change his life for the better. Growing up in Delaware, Conover experienced cruel bullying and suffered from severe anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder. But while law school in Charleston seemed to provide the direction he needed, Conover spent years searching for meaning and passion in life. The chance to become a cast member on Bravo’s Southern Charm promised to provide that.
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Waste of time
- By lisa on 10-02-22
By: Craig Conover, and others
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You're Doing Great!
- And Other Reasons to Stay Alive
- By: Tom Papa
- Narrated by: Tom Papa
- Length: 6 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Tom Papa is a little worried about you. You seem stressed, overworked, and, frankly, a little mixed up. Everyone is fighting an overwhelming feeling that things are getting worse, that we should be doing more, that we're not good enough. Well, life isn't perfect. There have always been problems, and there always will be. You can fight for the things you believe in, you can work really, really hard, but you shouldn't lose track of the fact that while you're doing all that, life is flying by at lightning-fast speed.
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Laughing While Walking Makes the Neighbors Think You're Crazy
- By PC737 on 07-10-20
By: Tom Papa
What listeners say about Off with My Head
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- Amanda Olson
- 05-24-22
LOVE LOVE!!!!
love thus book!!!! I love stassi!!! she makes me want to be better and makes me feel that it's ok to mess up and hit rock bottom and pick yourself up and start over again!!
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- Dana Frye
- 05-03-22
So very good!
Loved every minute of this book! This deserves to be on the beat seller list! I can only hope Stassi writes another!
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- holly
- 07-08-22
Stasis's growing up
I have to be honest when I read Stassi's first book I cringed a little. I guess it's because I'm a few years older than her, and definitely not a basic bitch. I feel like she's gonna look back at her old book and realize how superficial is is, especially after having a baby. But, with that being said, her second book was more refreshing and down to earth. More real life problems. Worded amazing, kept me captivated, I enjoyed every minute of it. Great job Stassi Schröder Clark!!!
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- Kelly
- 06-23-23
So good!! Made me cry!
This book was beyond my expectations. I loved everything about it, Her story, VPR, Beau, her daughter. Just everything about it. Thank you. Looking forward to the next book!
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- melissa
- 04-29-22
She's baack!
Have been a fan since the beginning , never truly cancelled her but honestly thought she could use some perspective as she got progressively harder to defend. This book and her reading it to you is just the Stassi we never knew we needed. She's still snarky and witty but now she is thinking before she speaks and she is clearly putting a lot more effort into growing and learning. I appreciated the honesty and her ability to be self deprecating and vulnerable to the reader. I look forward to more in the future from the new and improved Stassi.
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- Kelly Peters
- 05-02-22
Must read!
Whether you like Stassi or not (which I adore her) this book is a must read. It explains what happened in the last few years and you get the full story- not the headline ones that is whatever the “news” reported wanted to say.
Congrats Stassi on your happiness, family and especially your little girl!
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- Beth
- 05-10-22
Thank You Stassi!
I am so thankful I decided to purchase the audio version of “Off With My Head”! Being able to hear Stassi’s voice, tone, emotions and more allows me to understand a little more about how she taken a mistake, canceling and rock bottom and not given up!
Thank you Stassi for being willing to be transparent and allowing your Khaleesi’s/Sassenach’s/Fans to go through this Journey with you! Thank you, Stassi!
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- ChargerGirl
- 06-13-22
Great book!
Loved this book! Stassi is so relatable when she talks about hitting rock bottom, her raw honesty makes me love her even more. I love the person she has grown into.
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- m.seck
- 05-22-22
Finally someone articulated my pregnancy thoughts!
I want to preface this by saying, I don’t know what Stassi was cancelled for, I don’t know the situation, and I’ve only seen one season of Vanderpump Rules. So this review is based solely off of the audiobook.
I found Stassi through her previous audiobook. I loved that one and I love this one as well. Stassi is easy to listen to and easy to relate to. Especially with this audiobook regarding her pregnancy. At so many points, I found myself nodding along with her and thrilled that someone was articulating my feelings into words. Definitely listening to Expecting Better based on her recommendation.
This audiobook is easy to listen to and easy to engage with. She is relatable and writes in a way that feels like she’s talking to a friend.
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- Amazon Customer
- 05-09-22
Amazing!!!
Amazing story. To all the haters Stassi has learned from her mistakes. That is a true Queen!
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