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I'd Like to Play Alone, Please
- Essays
- Narrated by: Tom Segura
- Length: 6 hrs and 4 mins
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Publisher's summary
From a massively successful stand-up comedian and co-host of chart-topping podcasts “2 Bears 1 Cave” and “Your Mom’s House,” hilarious real-life stories of parenting, celebrity encounters, youthful mistakes, misanthropy, and so much more.
Tom Segura is known for his twisted takes and irreverent comedic voice. But after a few years of crazy tours and churning out podcasts weekly, all while parenting two young children, he desperately needs a second to himself. It’s not that he hates his friends and family — he’s not a monster — he’s just beat, which is why his son’s (ruthless) first full sentence, “I’d like to play alone, please,” has since become his mantra.
In this collection of stories, Tom combines his signature curmudgeonly humor with a revealing look at some of the ridiculous situations that shaped him and the ludicrous characters who always seem to seek him out. The stories feature hilarious anecdotes about Tom's time on the road, including some surreal encounters with celebrities at airports; his unfiltered South American family; the trials and tribulations of parenting young children with bizarrely morbid interests; and, perhaps most memorably, experiences with his dad who, like any good Baby Boomer father, loves to talk about his bowel movements and share graphic Vietnam stories at inappropriate moments. All of this is enough to make anyone want some peace and quiet.
I’D LIKE TO PLAY ALONE, PLEASE will have listeners laughing out loud and nodding in agreement with Segura's message: in a world where everyone is increasingly insane, sometimes you just need to be alone.
PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.
Featured Article: Best of the Year—The 10 Best Comedies of 2022
Discover memoirs and essay collections, scripted podcasts, and even—in the case of our winner—a documentary series. The protean nature of this list makes sense for comedy, because there’s humor just about everywhere and in everything if you’re looking for it. Sometimes that humor is just plain silliness, but sometimes that humor gets down to the core of what it means to be a person—a way to make sense of the bumps and bruises we get along the way.
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- Narrated by: Bob Saget
- Length: 6 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Story
Millions of viewers know and love Bob Saget from his role as the sweetly neurotic father on the smash hit Full House, and as the charming wisecracking host of America's Funniest Home Videos. And then there are the legions of fans who can't get enough of his scatological, out-of-his-mind stand-up routines, comedy specials, and outrageously profane performances in such shows as HBO's Entourage and the hit documentary The Aristocrats.
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Meh to the 2nd Power
- By Hilary on 06-30-14
By: Bob Saget
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Crash and Burn
- By: Artie Lange, Anthony Bozza
- Narrated by: Sean Runnette
- Length: 10 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
At a high point in his career, Artie Lange performed a sold-out show in Carnegie Hall-and he did it with a pocketful of heroin. In the midst of a deep, self-destructive depression, addicted to heroin, cocaine, and prescription drugs, he lashed out at everyone around him-from his cohosts on The Howard Stern Show to celebrity guests and even his longtime friends. Then came his legendary meltdown on-air, with 6 million people listening, after which Lange pulled himself together enough to go to a buddy's bachelor party in Amsterdam.
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[Narrator Fail] Comic Genius+Depression+Drugs=Mess
- By Hilary on 11-07-13
By: Artie Lange, and others
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You're Better than Me
- A Memoir
- By: Bonnie McFarlane
- Narrated by: Bonnie McFarlane, Alexander Cendese
- Length: 7 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
In the spirit of Mindy Kaling, Kelly Oxford, and Sarah Silverman, a compulsively listenable and outrageously funny memoir of growing up as a fish out of water, finding your voice, and embracing your inner crazy person from popular actress, writer, and comedian Bonnie McFarlane.
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Sandy!!! She wrote a book...it's crazy, a book!!!
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By: Bonnie McFarlane
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Easy for You to Say
- By: John Melendez
- Narrated by: John Melendez
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Overall
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Easy For You To Say is "Stuttering" John Melendez's memoir of his childhood being bullied in school for his stutter; his years as an on-air personality with The Howard Stern Show; and his subsequent 10-year career as a writer and on-air announcer for Jay Leno's Tonight Show. It details his famously acerbic relationships with celebrities he interviewed/insulted (Raquel Welch once punched him in the face). In the audiobook, Howard Stern emerges as a surprisingly mean, stingy, and megalomaniacal boss - and Jay Leno as a seeming sufferer from OCD.
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Was expecting more
- By Amazon Customer on 10-25-18
By: John Melendez
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The Chris Farley Show
- A Biography in Three Acts
- By: Tom Farley, Tanner Colby
- Narrated by: Therese Plummer, L. J. Ganser, Mark Boyett
- Length: 9 hrs and 51 mins
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
The New York Times best-selling biography of an American comedy legend. After three years of sobriety, Chris Farley's life was at its creative peak until a string of professional disappointments chased him back to drugs and alcohol. He fought hard against them, but it was a fight he would lose in December 1997. Farley's fans immediately drew parallels between his death and that of his idol, John Belushi. Without looking deeper, however, many failed to see that Farley was much more than just another Hollywood drug overdose. In this officially authorized oral history, Farley's friends and family remember his work and life.
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Incredibly sad....
- By Marie B on 04-12-15
By: Tom Farley, and others
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Lose Well
- By: Chris Gethard
- Narrated by: Chris Gethard
- Length: 9 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Let’s face it: we all want a seat at the cool table, a great job, and loads of money. But most of us won’t be able to achieve this widely accepted, black-or-white, definition of winning, which makes us feel like failures, that we’re destined to a life of loserdom. That’s the conventional wisdom. It’s also crap, according to comedian and cult hero Chris Gethard, who knows a thing of two about losing. Failing is an art form, he argues; in fact, it’s the only the way we’re ever going to discover who we are, what we really want, and how to live the kind of life we only dreamed about.
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WHAT A LOSER
- By Amazon Customer on 01-26-19
By: Chris Gethard
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Bare Bones
- I'm Not Lonely If You're Reading This Book
- By: Bobby Bones
- Narrated by: Bobby Bones
- Length: 6 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Growing up poor in Mountain Pine, Arkansas, with a young, addicted mom, Bobby Estell fell in love with country music. Abandoned by his father at the age of five, Bobby saw the radio as his way out - a dream that came true in college when he went on air at the Henderson State University campus station broadcasting as Bobby Bones while simultaneously starting The Bobby Bones Show at 105.9 KLAZ.
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A look inside the narcissist life of Bobby Bones.
- By Selena on 05-20-16
By: Bobby Bones
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Dirty Thirty
- By: Asa Akira
- Narrated by: Veronica Worthington
- Length: 5 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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As she contemplates turning 30 years old while still being in the adult film trade, Asa Akira, author of the best-seller Insatiable, delves into her past, present, and future, exploring the events that brought her to where she is now and the surprising and insightful plans she has for her future. Internationally known as a porn star, Akira's perceptive, funny, and straightforward writings on love, sex, death, marriage, and celebrity come together in a surprising book of essays.
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this was fun I'm going to buy her other book 2
- By Sir Lawrence on 01-09-19
By: Asa Akira
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She Memes Well
- By: Quinta Brunson
- Narrated by: Quinta Brunson
- Length: 8 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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From comedian Quinta Brunson (creator and star of Abbott Elementary) comes a deeply personal and funny collection of essays about trying to make it when you're struggling, the importance of staying true to your roots, and how she's redefined humor online. In her debut essay collection, Quinta applies her trademark humor and heart to discuss what it was like to go from a girl who loved the World Wide Web to a girl whose face launched a thousand memes. This special Audible edition includes never-before-heard details about the making of Abbott Elementary.
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That moment you know you’re a TEACHER…
- By chrissybrown on 09-19-22
By: Quinta Brunson
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Digging Up Mother
- A Love Story
- By: Johnny Depp - foreword, Doug Stanhope
- Narrated by: Doug Stanhope and Friends
- Length: 12 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Doug Stanhope is one of the most critically acclaimed and stridently unrepentant comedians of his generation. What will surprise some is that he owes so much of his dark and sometimes uncomfortably honest sense of humor to his mother, Bonnie.
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Not my thing.
- By J. Harral on 01-27-18
By: Johnny Depp - foreword, and others
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Stories I Only Tell My Friends
- An Autobiography
- By: Rob Lowe
- Narrated by: Rob Lowe
- Length: 9 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
A teen idol at 15, an international icon and founder of the Brat Pack at 20, and one of Hollywood's top stars to this day, Rob Lowe chronicles his experiences. Never mean-spirited or salacious, Lowe delivers unexpected glimpses into his successes, disappointments, relationships, and one-of-a-kind encounters with people who shaped our world over the last 25 years. These stories are as entertaining as they are unforgettable.
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Great Book and Great Story
- By Natalie J. Belle MD on 04-30-11
By: Rob Lowe
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What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Blacker
- A Memoir in Essays
- By: Damon Young
- Narrated by: Damon Young
- Length: 8 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
For Damon Young, existing while Black is an extreme sport. The act of possessing Black skin while searching for space to breathe in America is enough to induce a ceaseless state of angst where questions such as “How should I react here, as a professional black person?” and “Will this white person’s potato salad kill me?” are forever relevant. What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Blacker chronicles Young’s efforts to survive while battling and making sense of the various neuroses his country has given him.
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Reviewed by a B![c# @$$ White Boy
- By netusera on 04-13-19
By: Damon Young
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Has Anyone Seen My Pants?
- By: Sarah Colonna
- Narrated by: Sarah Colonna
- Length: 6 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Has Anyone Seen My Pants? is a laugh-out-loud trip around America (and Mexico!) with Sarah as she braves crying in nail salons, mother-daughter road trips, Iowan casinos, and single-shaming resorts. From a fling-gone-wrong to friend breakups and a new romance, Sarah's signature wit and sharp observations take you on a journey at once so deviously funny and surprisingly compassionate that it might just steal your heart - not to mention your pants.
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clearance shelf material
- By lisa martinez on 04-28-15
By: Sarah Colonna
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How to Be a Man
- (and Other Illusions)
- By: Duff McKagan
- Narrated by: Peter Berkrot
- Length: 7 hrs
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Duff McKagan is one of the most respected survivors in hard rock. In How to Be a Man, he shares the wisdom he gained on the path to superstardom - from his time with Guns N' Roses and Velvet Revolver to getting sober after a life of hard living to achieving his personal American dream of marrying a supermodel, raising a family, and experiencing what it's like to be winked at by Prince.
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Overly dramatic reader.
- By CB on 01-07-17
By: Duff McKagan
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On the need to acknowledge the role luck plays
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Fantastic
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The Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee Book
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Low quality phone recordings spliced together
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The Hidden Tools of Comedy
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While other books give you tips on how to “write funny,” this book offers a paradigm shift in understanding the mechanics and art of comedy and the proven, practical tools that help writers translate that understanding into successful commercial scripts. The Hidden Tools of Comedy unlocks the unique secrets and techniques of writing comedy. Kaplan deconstructs sequences in popular films and TV that work and don’t work and explains what tools were used (or should have been used).
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A book to see the funny around us
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What listeners say about I'd Like to Play Alone, Please
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall
- Josh
- 06-28-22
Great book.
Tom is hilarious. This book is full of great stories. The fact that he reads it himself makes all the difference.
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3 people found this helpful
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- Amazon Customer
- 07-20-22
10 out 12 Benadryl
Tom does an amazing job providing the tone and feel for for his stories here. Rarely as listeners do we get to experience an audio book that’s preformed by its author, and even rarer than that is an author that can actually preform well on mic!
An excellent collection of stories, laughs, an insights from the water champion himself.
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- KATE
- 07-13-22
Keep Featherin' it Brother!
T Bunz always delivers 🙌 The Audio book version makes it real. Loved hearing more stories of Top Dog and Charo. Good job Buddy!
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- Jeff
- 06-27-22
Tommy Buns Delivers
Tom Segura wrote and recorded a fantastic audiobook. If you listen to YMH, you will feel right at home.
I take away a few things from this audiobook.
1. Tom Segura and co. are masters of recorded audio. The book is produced better than the vast majority.
2. Tom’s story should inspire you. The guy, just like most of us, believed at some point in our lives that we were average or below average. He, unlike most people, took initiative. He did what he wanted. That set of ballsy actions and a little luck has made him an extremely successful comedian.
3. Top Dog is missed and Top Dog was loved in the way only a father can be loved.
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- Robert
- 06-15-22
I hope John Stankey knows
that his cell service sucks a dead dogs dick in a dusty driveway.
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- J S
- 06-16-22
Great
Already a fan of Toms other work so I wasn’t surprised to enjoy listening to his new book. I’m not sure how the experience would be different if I had read it but being told the story by Tom himself definitely makes it better for sure.
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- Anonymous User
- 06-16-22
Bro. I've never laughed so hard ...
Bravo, Jeans. I've never laughed so hard at a book in any format. This was a fantastic compilation of stories. I've been a mommy for years so many are not new, but you brought them alive again. I'll absolutely listen to this multiple times. DO NOT START AT BEDTIME! YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO SLEEP! 👖
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- Andrew Truex
- 06-17-22
Doesn't Miss
Tom has been putting out comedy in many different forms for years and has never missed. In fact, it has all overdelivered. This is no exception.
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- Asa Phillips
- 06-20-22
High and tight, Jeans.
If you enjoy tommy buns in any capacity, this will be well worth your time. He is hilarious as always, and has some of the greatest story telling you will ever experience. His jeans are high, tight, and if you want to move in, move in. Can’t recommend this highly enough.
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- Lauren
- 06-20-22
Thank you Tommy!
I’m a stay at home mom. You have no idea how badly I needed this to start a summer with a 9 and 11 year old out of school. I’m team jeans for life but this was absolutely amazing! The way he reads the book is sooooo good! So engaging!!! Thank you!
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