How Not to Be an *ss
Essays on Becoming a Good & Safe Man
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Narrated by:
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Adam Naranjo
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By:
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Andrew J. Bauman
About this listen
I am a recovering ass.
Of course, at times I still am one, but it's less often. I now recognize my “assness” more quickly, recalibrate, and take action to make amends for my poor behavior. It's important to acknowledge the truth of our mistakes without turning toward self-contempt, shame, or beating ourselves up for the harm we have caused to those we love. Yet, we must take full responsibility for our poor behavior and fully own what we have done and learn to live differently, becoming men who bring life rather than further heartache.
This audiobook is just as much for me as it is for you. I am in the process of learning to become a good and safe man, and writing out these truths in this book has helped me immensely. I hope it will help you on your journey to becoming the man you most desire to be.
©2022 Andrew Bauman (P)2022 Andrew BaumanListeners also enjoyed...
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- A Wife's Guide to Healing in the Wake of a Husband's Sexual Sin
- By: Fred Stoeker, Mike Yorkey, Stephen Arterburn - Forward, and others
- Narrated by: Carla Mercer-Meyer, Lyle Blaker
- Length: 11 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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As the wife of a man who is addicted to lust, pornography, or masturbation, you are not alone. Millions of men can't get through the day or the week without clicking on to their favorite Internet porn sites, thumbing through adult magazines, or watching sensual videos - and millions of wives suffer as a result. Over the past decade, nearly 400,000 men have found inspiration and hope in Every Man's Battle, the best-selling men's guide to victory over sexual sin. Now, here at last is the book for every woman who has become a casualty in the fight for sexual purity. Every Heart Restored offers godly guidance and wisdom for a woman facing such personal betrayal.
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Good Book, However...
- By hcmontessori on 03-11-21
By: Fred Stoeker, and others
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He-Motions
- Even Strong Men Struggle
- By: T. D. Jakes
- Narrated by: Richard Allen
- Length: 12 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
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As a man, you may often feel the pressure of fulfilling many roles in life: husband, father, son, businessman, member of the church community. Now, T. D. Jakes comes to your aid with a guidebook to help you understand your own needs for emotional and spiritual support. He offers practical, sound answers to assist you in expressing your needs and having them met in healthy and wholesome ways by those you love. This is a candid, no-holds-barred look at sexuality, spirituality, and the seldom mentioned but extremely important emotions that shape success in every area of a man’s life.
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eye opening.
- By Nicolette on 10-27-16
By: T. D. Jakes
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Rethinking Sexuality
- God’s Design and Why It Matters
- By: Dr. Juli Slattery, Gary Thomas - Foreword by
- Narrated by: Dr. Juli Slattery
- Length: 6 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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Sexual abuse, sex addiction, gender confusion, brokenness, and shame plague today's world, and people are seeking clarity and hope. By contesting long-held cultural paradigms, this book equips you to see how sexuality is rooted in the broader context of God's heart and his work for us on earth. Instead of arguing with the world about what's right and wrong about sexual choices, this practical resource equips you to share the love and grace of Jesus as you encounter the pain of sexual brokenness - your own or someone else's.
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Raw, Real, & Honest
- By Bianca on 05-02-19
By: Dr. Juli Slattery, and others
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Forgiving What You'll Never Forget
- By: David Stoop
- Narrated by: Tom Hatting
- Length: 3 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Forgiveness is an essential part of being a Christian, but that doesn't make it easy. What do we do when confronted with the unforgivable - an act that shakes our moral foundations to their roots, often committed by someone trusted and loved? Murder, sexual abuse, adultery - all leave lifelong wounds. Thankfully, they are all trespasses that, through the grace of God, can be forgiven.
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So grateful to have come upon this book
- By Tina on 05-19-18
By: David Stoop
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Party of One
- Truth, Longing, and the Subtle Art of Singleness
- By: Joy Beth Smith
- Narrated by: Madeleine Rose
- Length: 5 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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Did you enter adulthood thinking marriage would find you, only to end up at a second-cousin's wedding, dodging yet another bouquet the night before you turned 30? Maybe you've started wondering if this the best the single life has to offer. Joy Beth Smith says it's not - that single life doesn't have to leave you constantly waiting for real life to begin. If you let go of the tired lies weighing you down, you can turn toward truth.
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Have hope, but don’t wait...
- By Jules on 10-20-18
By: Joy Beth Smith
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Changes That Heal
- Four Practical Steps to a Happier, Healthier You
- By: Henry Cloud
- Narrated by: Dick Fredricks
- Length: 10 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Many of us struggle with anxiety, loneliness, and feelings of inadequacy. We know that God created us in his image, but how can we be loving when we feel burned out? How can we be free when we struggle with addiction? Will we ever enjoy the complete healing God promises? Combining his professional expertise and personal experience, renowned psychologist Dr. Henry Cloud guides us through four basic ways to become joy-filled, mature followers of Christ.
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Terrible production, excellent book
- By R. Carlson on 10-05-08
By: Henry Cloud
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Worthy of Her Trust
- What You Need to Do to Rebuild Sexual Integrity and Win Her Back
- By: Stephen Arterburn, Jason B. Martinkus
- Narrated by: Tom Parks, Kate Rudd
- Length: 6 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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Trust can be rebuilt in your marriage! With patient, loving, self-sacrificing effort, it's possible that one day your wife will risk her heart with you again. And she may even have more respect and love for you than before. In Worthy of Her Trust, Jason Martinkus relates how he repaired his own marriage after revelations of sexual addiction. Along with Stephen Arterburn, Jason offers exercises and tools to help your marriage begin again.
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Best Book on Building Trust
- By Layne & Rylan on 03-05-15
By: Stephen Arterburn, and others
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Real Marriage
- The Truth About Sex, Friendship, and Life Together
- By: Mark Driscoll, Grace Driscoll
- Narrated by: Tavia Gilbert, William Dufris
- Length: 8 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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Pastor Mark Driscoll and his wife, Grace, talk about sex and marriage in down-to-earth terms, hitting issues other Christian books won't. While a wonderful wedding day is important, it's the last day of marriage that really counts. Will the last day of your marriage come prematurely through divorce? Will it be filled with regrets as you sit at the funeral of your spouse? Or, by God's grace, will the last day be a time to rejoice in the life you lived together?
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Great Marriage Book!! Read, Don't Listen...
- By Stephen and Julie George on 05-20-12
By: Mark Driscoll, and others
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No Perfect People Allowed
- By: John Burke
- Narrated by: Tom Casaletto
- Length: 12 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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How do we live out the message of Jesus in today’s ever-changing culture? The church is facing its greatest challenge - and its greatest opportunity - in our postmodern, post-Christian world. God is drawing thousands of spiritually curious “imperfect people” to become his church - but how are we doing at welcoming them? No Perfect People Allowed shows you how to deconstruct the five main barriers standing between emerging generations and your church by creating the right culture.
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No Perfect People Allowed
- By Robin on 04-19-09
By: John Burke
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Let Hope In
- 4 Choices That Will Change Your Life Forever
- By: Pete Wilson
- Narrated by: Van Tracy
- Length: 5 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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Your past is not your past if it’s still impacting your present. Do you ever feel as though your life has become a broken record? You’re hearing the same song play over and over again? Nearly every human being on earth has likely spent some time on the carousel of pain. Whether you’re dealing with the guilt and regret of your own sinful choices, or you’re sitting in the shame of someone else’s deceitful actions, God wants to bring you healing.
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Pete Wilson has practical advice and is inspiring
- By Steve on 06-28-15
By: Pete Wilson
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Toxic Parents
- Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life
- By: Craig Buck, Susan Forward
- Narrated by: Jo Anna Perrin
- Length: 10 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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In this remarkable self-help guide, Dr. Susan Forward draws on case histories and the real-life voices of adult children of toxic parents to help you free yourself from the frustrating patterns of your relationship with your parents---and discover a new world of self-confidence, inner strength, and emotional independence.
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Its worth a listen.
- By Amanda on 08-20-12
By: Craig Buck, and others
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Love Is a Choice
- The Definitive Book on Letting Go of Unhealthy Relationships
- By: Dr. Robert Hemfelt, Dr. Frank Minirth, Dr. Paul Meier
- Narrated by: Christopher Solimene
- Length: 11 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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In Love Is a Choice, best-selling doctors Robert Hemfelt, Frank Minirth, and Paul Meier walk you through their 10 proven stages to recovery from codependency that results from external circumstances. Humans are susceptible to codependency because of our sinful tendency to use defense mechanisms to fool ourselves. In codependent relationships, deceitful games are played, and important Christian principles are often taken out of context and abused.
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Great book, horrible Performance
- By Jeff on 03-15-18
By: Dr. Robert Hemfelt, and others
What listeners say about How Not to Be an *ss
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- cheerlittlun
- 04-21-23
Excellent and very important book
This is an excellent and very important book to break toxic cycles for both men and women. I do hope that many will read it with an open mind and willingness to reflect deeply and be honest with themselves in order to bring about change and growth.
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- Lexie Roberts
- 07-24-22
Good
It would have been a bit better if the author was one that struggled with the issues in the book. I struggle hard and at times don't even realize I'm being a verbally abusive Jerk. Nor do I want to be one!
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- Tim
- 03-06-24
Accurate descriptions of abusive behavior, language and attitudes that are used in subtle ways to manipulate and coerce others.
Great book quick and easy read with mountains of relevant information that can be easily applied to guide recovery
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- Duke
- 10-20-24
How honest it was and eye opening. I needed to hear. Thank you Jesus for your grace and mercy ❤️❤️
So grateful for listening to this audio book. I am committed to redemption and forgiveness! To glorify the Lord with my story. And to give my wife a safe place and home. And love her like Christ loves me.
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- Anonymous User
- 08-11-22
I Am a recovering ass
the revealing of me was frightening and needed this short book contains great wisdom in such short book. must read for every church goer and pastor but it is only the beginning
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- Broken Vacuum
- 05-31-23
*sses, Mount Up
Men, your wife brings you this book, and you scoff at it. But, read it…and if you get offended by the words, look deeper into why that is. I’ve fallen short time and time again, and this book is written by someone that overcame the issues we are dealing with. This gives me hope. Knowing this, we know that he’s been there, and can relate, but also speak out for the women who’s voices aren’t being heard loud enough. I encourage you to give it a chance. A very informative and necessary book for a step in the right direction.
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- Patrick Dippel
- 07-21-24
Good and brave book
After over a half a decade of my own personal recovery journey from pornography addiction and adolescent/childhood abandonment, I have listened through this book no less than five times in the last year and a half. for context I have spent well over $20,000 in professional counseling therapy and retreats.
this book is very good at calling out the blatantly cruel ways that men insecurely and infantily deal with their own trauma and pain, by projecting it onto their wives or women in their lives.
I do believe that some of the realities and ways that Andrew calls out The church are 100% true and honest, and there are churches like this that are very misogynistic, there are also very healthy masculine churches as well that do not condone the mistreatment of their wives, yet lovingly encourage the women to speak up and be involved while also addressing men's mental health issues, in a proper and submissive way to God's word.
I'm sure that his experiences are very real and true, and should not be discounted, and I believe that healthy churches and healthy masculinity are what we need today in today's society, We don't need cowardly men, we already have enough of them.
I believe we have trended towards overtly feminist leaning, and bordering on complete societal disruption in an unhealthy way. I believe this is led to almost a complete flip in gender roles, and some of the things that Andrew was talking about here with men not being able to see or take accountability for their damaging actions, we now see women doing and acting the same exact way, with an inability to take accountability for their destructive actions based on facts of historical repression. two wrongs do not make a right.
And I believe that it is this entitlement for women to, from what I see, "act like men" and still have the societal benefits of softness towards women with lack of accountability. now we have all these complaints of women not being able to find good strong and providing men, because all of the men have been feminized...
Not to hyperfocus on this, but I believe it needs to be addressed. Men have really been crapped on for the last decade or more. Yes, we have hurt women and done them wrong in the past, we must be vulnerable, stand courageously, and sincerely attempt to heal and make amends with those we have wronged.
And we do not need to continually be brow beaten over the head and shamed, and as courageous and wise men, set boundaries with women and other men. no excuses need to be made for men who were just trying to survive, and with a lack of self-awareness develop destructive addictions. But I don't see any sympathy for them either. this is why men kill themselves, they get no sympathy when they are hurting. this is why it's hard for them to understand and know self-love in a healthy way, because it is never demonstrated to them.
in any case, this is a great book and worthy as a very strong checkup to anyone battling pornography addiction, narcissism, or lack of self-love.
Thank you Andrew for writing this.
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- Heather S
- 11-05-24
Men like Christ
For every man who seeks to be more like his Savior….and every woman who knows that men can be more than what evangelical Christianity has said they were.
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- Kindle Customer
- 03-25-24
Shameful. Toxic, Not Helpful
If you are looking to develop a healthy view of masculinity, become emotionally healthy, learn how to treat women, etc., look elsewhere.
This author has a long way to go to "not be an *ss". He is full of contempt and cheap criticism of men and the Christian church. He goes so far as to compare the men of the US Armed forces to mass shooters.
In his view, real men don't set themselves in harms way to defend their wives and children. No. the best portrait of "healthy masculinity" is himself, when he has the "strength and courage" to cry openly in the face of personal loss. Nothing wrong with shedding som tears, but he couldn't find a single example of gentle, controlled strength, nothing about self sacrifice, nothing about laying one's life down, nothing about courageous leadership and making the tough decisions. "Just take care of yourself emotionally and be good to mama, and you'll be a healthy man" is his message. Sorry, but there's a lot more to it than that. Real men do more than cry. That might get you out of childhood and into your adolescent years, but you still have some ground to cover if you want to claim the title "real man".
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