Horror, Humor, And Heroes
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Narrated by:
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Jeffrey Kafer
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By:
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Jim Bernheimer
About this listen
Horror, Humor, and Heroes is a collection of twelve short stories, one novella, and a preview for my next novel that should contain enough variety to entertain you readers. Sample some of my finest offerings, such as - a guardian wolf fearing the coming of man, a producer willing to do anything to bring the first pay per view live werewolf hunt to the world, a zombie running for congress, a vampire trying to get his life insurance company to pay up, a six year old girl, who makes a cookie people will do anything for, the story of the first child born on the Moon, or a draftee in a war against science gone awry.
This collection includes the novella, "Confessions of a D-List Supervillain." It is one of my favorite endeavors and anyone who has ever cracked open a comic book will appreciate this story about a down on his luck bad guy forced into the reluctant role of world savior. Also inside is a preview of Prime Suspects: A Clone Detective Mystery.
©2009 Jim Bernheimer (P)2013 Jim BernheimerListeners also enjoyed...
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BEING A VILLIAN IS NOT ABOUT WHAT YOU KNOW,
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Story
When out-of-shape IT technician Roen wakes up and starts hearing voices in his head, he naturally assumes he’s losing it. He isn’t. As of last night, he has a passenger in his brain - an ancient alien life-form called Tao, whose race crash-landed on Earth before the first fish crawled out of the oceans. Over the millennia his people have trained human heroes to be great leaders, to advance our species at a rate far beyond what it would have achieved on its own. Split into two opposing factions - the peace-loving, but under-represented Prophus, and the savage, powerful Genjix - the aliens have been in a state of civil war for centuries.
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Not funny, just a lot of fighting
- By Julie W. Capell on 09-19-15
By: Wesley Chu
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All Those Explosions Were Someone Else's Fault
- By: James Alan Gardner
- Narrated by: Emily Woo Zeller
- Length: 13 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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Kim Lam is an ordinary college student until a freak scientific accident (what else?) transforms Kim and three housemates into Sparks - and drafts them into the never-ending war between the Light and Dark. They struggle to master their new abilities - and (of course) to design cool costumes and come up with great hero-names. Turns out that "accident" was just the first salvo in a Mad Genius's latest diabolical scheme. Now it's up to four newbie heroes to save the day, before they even have a chance to figure out what their team's name should be!
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Great start to a new series!
- By Donaithnen on 11-16-17
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Dire: Fate
- The Dire Saga, Book 0.5
- By: Andrew Seiple
- Narrated by: Amy McFadden
- Length: 48 mins
- Unabridged
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All Doctor Dire wants to do is save the world. But those pesky heroes keep getting in the way, and it's all she can do to give them a good fight without killing them. Supervillainy is such an underappreciated job these days....
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A good taste
- By AV on 02-23-21
By: Andrew Seiple
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Monster Hunter International
- By: Larry Correia
- Narrated by: Oliver Wyman
- Length: 24 hrs
- Unabridged
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Five days after Owen Zastava Pitt pushed his insufferable boss out of a 14th story window, he woke up in the hospital with a scarred face, an unbelievable memory, and a job offer. It turns out that monsters are real. All the things from myth, legend, and B-movies are out there, waiting in the shadows. Some of them are evil, and some are just hungry. Monster Hunter International is the premier eradication company in the business. And now Owen is their newest recruit.
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Suprizingly entertaining
- By Konstantin on 02-17-12
By: Larry Correia
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Dodge Tank
- Crystal Shards Online Series, Book 1
- By: Rick Scott
- Narrated by: Eric Michael Summerer
- Length: 10 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
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Ryan's life sucks. His brother is a jerk, his mom is sick, and his legs are next to useless thanks to a neurological disorder. Plus the world ended two centuries ago from nuclear war. Now the only escape from reality being the massive VR world of Crystal Shards Online. But even in the game, Ryan's life sucks. He works as a miner, earning not nearly enough to afford the operation that will save his mom. When Ryan discovers an item that grants the ability to dodge any attack, however, he has the chance to become one of the game world's most elite and sought after players: a Dodge Tank.
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Multiple Classes?! Mostly, but Multiple Classes!!
- By Sheldon "Tech" on 06-17-18
By: Rick Scott
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Unwind
- Unwind Dystology, Book 1
- By: Neal Shusterman
- Narrated by: Luke Daniels
- Length: 10 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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After America’s Second Civil War, the Pro-Choice and Pro-Life armies came to an agreement. According to their Bill of Life, human life may not be terminated from the moment of conception until the age of thirteen. But between the ages of thirteen and eighteen, the child may be gotten rid of by their parent through a process called “unwinding.”
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Chilling, Scary, Difficult to Read
- By Joe on 11-11-20
By: Neal Shusterman
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The Eternal World
- A Novel
- By: Christopher Farnsworth
- Narrated by: Tom Perkins
- Length: 10 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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It is 500 years ago. A group of Spanish conquistadors searching for gold, led by a young and brilliant commander named Simon De Oliveras, land in the New World. What they find in this uncharted land is a treasure far more valuable: the Fountain of Youth. The Spaniards slaughter the Uzita, the Native American tribe who guard the precious waters that will keep the conquistadors young for centuries. But one escapes: Shako, the chief's fierce and beautiful daughter, who swears to avenge her people - a blood oath that spans more than five centuries.
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Not what I expected
- By cristina on 09-10-15
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Invasion
- Book One of the Secret World Chronicle
- By: Mercedes Lackey, Steve Libbey, Cody Martin, and others
- Narrated by: Nick Sullivan
- Length: 16 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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The world had become used to the metahumans - people sometimes perfectly ordinary, but sometimes quite extraordinary in appearance - who mostly worked with their governments as high-powered peace officers, fighting crime, and sometimes fighting rogue metahumans who had become super-criminals. Then that comfortable world ended in just one terrifying day.
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It's ...okay.
- By C Yohe on 10-16-12
By: Mercedes Lackey, and others
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The Rise of Io
- By: Wesley Chu
- Narrated by: Soneela Nankani
- Length: 14 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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Ella Patel, thief, con-artist and smuggler, is in the wrong place at the wrong time. One night, she happens upon a man and woman being attacked. The man freezes, leaving the woman to fight off five attackers at once, before succumbing. As she dies, to both Ella and the man's surprise, the sparkling light that rises from the woman enters Ella, instead of the man. She soon realizes she's been inhabited by Io, a low-ranking Quasing. Now Ella must help the alien presence to complete her mission.
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14 plus hours that I'll never get back.
- By Pachypanchax on 11-08-17
By: Wesley Chu
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The Ark
- Children of a Dead Earth, Book 1
- By: Patrick S. Tomlinson
- Narrated by: Mirron Willis
- Length: 11 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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Humankind has escaped a dying Earth and set out to find a new home among the stars aboard an immense generation ship affectionately named the Ark. Bryan Benson is the Ark's greatest living sports hero, enjoying retirement working as a detective in Avalon, his home module. The hours are good, the work is easy, and the perks can't be beat. But when a crew member goes missing, Bryan is thrust into the center of an ever-expanding web of deception, secrets, and violence.
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Nearly there
- By Michaela on 05-11-16
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A Red Peace
- The Starfire Trilogy, Book 1
- By: Spencer Ellsworth
- Narrated by: John Keating, Mary Robinette Kowal
- Length: 6 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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A Red Peace, first in Spencer Ellsworth's Starfire trilogy, is an action-packed space opera in a universe where the oppressed half-Jorian crosses have risen up to supplant humanity and dominate the galaxy. Half-breed human star navigator Jaqi, working the edges of human-settled space on contract to whoever will hire her, stumbles into possession of an artifact that the leader of the Rebellion wants desperately enough to send his personal guard after. An interstellar empire and the fate of the remnant of humanity hang in the balance.
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Suits & Insects War & Technology
- By Midwestbonsai on 11-28-18
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Blood Oath
- By: Christopher Farnsworth
- Narrated by: Bronson Pinchot
- Length: 10 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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The ultimate secret. The ultimate agent. The President's vampire. Zach Barrows is an ambitious young White House staffer whose career takes an unexpected turn when he's partnered with Nathaniel Cade, a secret agent sworn to protect the President. But Cade is no ordinary civil servant.
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Buy It
- By colleen on 05-27-12
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AlterWorld
- Play to Live, Book 1
- By: D. Rus
- Narrated by: Michael Goldstrom
- Length: 12 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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A new pandemic - the perma effect - has taken over Earth of the near future. Whenever you play your favorite online game, beware: your mind might merge with the virtual world and dump its comatose host. Woe be to those stuck forever in Tetris! But some unfortunates - the handicapped and the terminally ill, shell-shocked army vets, wronged crime victims and other society misfits - choose to flee real life willingly, escaping to the limitless world of online sword and sorcery MMORPGs.
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One Of The Best Books I Have
- By Steven on 11-20-15
By: D. Rus
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Shadowline
- Starfishers, Book 1
- By: Glen Cook
- Narrated by: Oliver Wyman
- Length: 11 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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The vendetta in space had started centuries before "Mouse" Storm was born, with his grandfather's raid on the planet Prefactlas, the bloodbath that freed the human slaves from their Sangaree masters. But one Sangaree survived--the young Norborn heir, the man who swore vengeance on the Storm family and their soldiers,in a carefully mapped plot that would take generations to fulfill. Now Mouse's father, Gneaus, must fight for an El Dorado of wealth on the burning half of the planet Blackworld.
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Beautiful Performance
- By Cliff on 05-21-18
By: Glen Cook
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The Book of Levi
- The Demon Accords, Book 0.5
- By: John Conroe
- Narrated by: James Patrick Cronin
- Length: 10 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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How do you raise a boy who can bend reality with his mind? How do you keep him levelheaded, sane, and good? Raising any child is a tremendous undertaking, let alone one blessed by the goddess herself. Levi Guildersleeve, retired soldier and successful collector of rare books, finds himself as the only male role model of the most powerful witch ever born.
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This could have been amazing, went on too long.
- By Justin on 11-22-22
By: John Conroe
What listeners say about Horror, Humor, And Heroes
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- C. B. Pemberton
- 02-20-15
Not bad but short stories shouldn't be this short.
More bits and pieces than real short stories, weighed down with the first half of Confessions of a D-list Supervillain - a much better book.
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2 people found this helpful
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- DDViews
- 11-27-22
Excellent Collection of Short Stories
I really enjoyed this entire collection of short stories. My favorites were Raw and Reel, Charlie Horse, and Lieutenant Armchair. It was smart to add the first five chapters of the book “Confessions of a D-List Supervillain” which can be considered a short novella but if you are like me you will want to listen to the full-length audiobook. The narration provided by Jeffrey Kafer (one of my favorite narrators) was perfect for these stories. I received this audiobook at my request and have voluntarily left this review.
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- GrayTiger
- 01-06-16
A couple of good story ideas...
A collection of short stories; call of the wild, several zombie themed pieces, and even a vampire shorts. Thisc collection finishes with a significant portion of "Confessions of a ...".
A good listen, but if you all ready have Confessions then you have 40% of this collection.
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- DabOfDarkness
- 12-26-13
With plenty of twisted humor, oh yes.
What did you love best about Horror, Humor, And Heroes?
The variety in the stories. Halfway through, you didn't feel like the next story was just a rehash of one you had already heard.
Who was your favorite character and why?
As this is a short story collection, hard to choose. My top 3 short stories were Adventurers Beware, Charlie Horse, and Lieutenant Armchair. The first - a new twist on the D&D adventure motif, the second - zombies for green energy!, and the third - nitty gritty and there were big, big bugs.
Which scene was your favorite?
Again, hard to choose just one. I liked the ending to Raw and Reel quite a bit. Also Adam on his moon taking his picture. Then Kelley saved by gender bias. Oh,and of course so many bits from the first 5 chapters of Confessions of a D-List Supervillain.
If you were to make a film of this book, what would the tag line be?
Twisted humor for the twisted soul.
Any additional comments?
This short story collection is full of werewolves, zombies, Greek idols, giant bugs, and the first kid born on the moon. With plenty of twisted humor. Oh yes. If the average puns and jokes that populate SFF literature merely get a weak grin out of you, then perhaps you need some deeper, darker humor? It can be found here. This collection contains 11 or 12 short stories plus the first 5 chapters of Confessions of a D-List Supervillain and the first few chapters of Prime Suspects. So it’s a great way to see if this author is for you. And it is thoroughly entertaining.
While I won’t go through each and every short story, I will share my thoughts on my favorites.
Raw and Reel – David is a TV producer, and he is filming a questionable show in Mexico. It’s a werewolf hunt. Yeah, werewolves turn up here and there and as long as they cage themselves during the full moon and don’t make a ruckus, no one much cares. But once one goes wild and crazy, then they have to be put down. Well, this particular werewolf may or may not have done the deed, but it looks like he will have to pay the price. And what of David and his sleazy soul? Well, there’s a surprise waiting for him. I liked the twisted nature of this tale from start to finish.
My Son, The Monster – Daedalus and his son Icarus have been imprisoned by Minos. Daedalus is quite the inventor and manages to fashion a way to escape. As the narrative moves forward through the escape scenes, we also get small flashes of Icarus’s past, and it is not pretty. I liked this story for it’s new spin on an old, old tale. The ending was bitter and just.
Charlie Horse – Oh my! Now this was such an excellent story. I am hard pressed to say which is my favorite of the lot, but this might be it. I am not much of zombie person, but this was awesome. Ted and his band, including the new kid Chuck, round up zombies. Yep. They have a few runners to entice the zombies out and get them to congregate in one location, and a nice big tank or caravan or such for holding them while they are transported to market. Most are sold to the zombie-powered turbines, generating green energy. A good zombie can walk in a circle for a few years before giving out, all the time pushing on a spinner connected to a turbine. Nice. I actually laughed out loud at the idea, thoroughly liking the take on zombies as something useful. Of course the stronger and faster ones can end up doing other things, like at the race tracks…….I’ll just let your twisted little minds chew on that.
Reality Bites – Life insurance and vampires. You’ve been declared legally dead, zero heartbeat for the past week, but you can’t claim your life insurance benefits because you’re still ambulatory. Nor can you claim any government paycheck or social security. Sucks. Literally, for you are a vampire. well, Mr. Merril is anyway. As he tries first logic, then pleading, and finally the vampire thrall seduction stare on Fundamental Insurance worker Cheryl, his sad little tale unfolds. But Cheryl is an old hand at the insurance company, and has a few surprises of her own. Yep, it’s a messed up situation captured here for my amusement.
Adventurers Beware – This is one of the stories that vies for my favorite of the litter. You’ve got your adventurers, Lord Byron, Lady Anise, Ragnor, and Nimblefingers. They adventure, whether the locals need some adventurers to swoop in and save them or not. Duncan runs the inn and he and the senior business women and men gather about. How to get rid of Lord Byron and his crew? Mulling it over a nice local beer, they come up with a plan. Adventurers love maps. Listening to this story made me think of my man’s D&D games, and of course the numerous hours I’ve logged playing one dungeon crawl PC game or another. very funny.
The View From My Room - Adam was the first person born on the moon. His parents emigrated there perhaps 20 years ago and now Adam is a teen. He is prepping for his first trip the Earth to see his grandparents in person. Wearing a weighted full-body suit daily for several hours to build his muscles and bone density, he contemplates what it will be like to leave the moon. A crowd on the sparsely populated moon is perhaps 20 people. On Earth, the crowds will be unlike anything he has ever experienced. This was probably the only story in the lot that didn’t ride on twisted or dark humor. It was simply cute watching this teenager prep for his first big trip.
Lieutenant Armchair – So here is the 3rd of my favorites. It’s nitty gritty and dark. Some biological agent escaped the labs a few years back and now Kansas is no more. Large, aggressive bugs (just one result of the agent) cause grief and consternation as they spread and make places uninhabitable to humans. Along the TX-OK border, Chris Gibson and his band of merry bug whackers have been sent out to take out a bee hive. But it’s dirty, dangerous business and their armchair lieutenant, who is safely tucked away back at headquarters, is barking orders that make no sense and may get one of them killed. Later, back at base, Gibson gets to unwind with a beer and gives his shoulder to teary Kelly, who had a bad day. There’s a lovely twist to this story, but I don’t want to ruin it.
This book also includes the first 5 chapters of Confessions of a D-List Supervillain, and it works quite well as a short story, or short novella. Mechani-Cal (Cal, for short) is a guy who has been screwed over one too many times. And now is looks like the world will be screwed over by mind-controlling bugs. Luckily, he has been able to lock himself up in his battlesuit and avoid being taken over. Unfortunately, it looks like the superheroes known as the the Olympians have been brainwashed. Battling a few of them, he manages to stun Aphrodite (aka Stacey), whose bug falls off. taking her back to his secret lair, she threatens all sorts of death and anatomical contortions upon him if he doesn’t release her. She needs her bug; it’s an addiction. And it goes from there. And it is pretty cool. Cal has issues, Stacey has issues. But somehow, someway (twisted and full of U-turns) they find a way to work together. I definitely need to read the full-length version.
The Narration: Jeffrey Kafer was once again an excellent narrator. I loved variety of voices he pulled off, from young Adam to battle-scarred Gibson. He even had a variety of female voices for this collection that were believable and not strained. Perfect pick for this book.
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- Douglas Evans
- 05-30-18
Great lead in to fantastic stories!
love Jim Bernheimer and all the books he writes. love Jeffery Kafer and go out of my way to listen to his narrations.
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- Captain Awesome
- 02-10-17
you cant spell lejimdary without jim
a great compilation of short stories with an introduction to the dlist universe. what more can you ask for. well writen and the narration by Jeffrey kafer is epic. he brings out the characters with his iconic voice. i give this 5stars. a must have for all superhero/villain lovers.
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- Walter
- 11-13-17
Great stories
I enjoyed this series of mini stories. I’ve enjoyed Cal from his first story. This addition did not disappoint. I love his inner turmoil to be both who he is and try to be a good guy too. He is an applicable anti hero. The story is lined with wisdom and wit. I recommend it.
AUDIBLE 20 REVIEW SWEEPSTAKES ENTRY
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- Paper Poppet
- 08-18-18
I'm hooked.
So I picked up Confessions of a D-List Supervillain awhile back but never got around to reading it, then last week I did and blazed through it crazy fast. Immediately I ordered the other books in the series but while I waited for them to come in I had to get my fix and listened to this. It was fascinating. Very much like listening to a Twilight Zone episode over and over again. I'm in love with this author!
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