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Heloise and Bellinis
- A Novel
- Narrated by: Elenna Stauffer
- Length: 2 hrs and 49 mins
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Publisher's summary
This charmingly inventive, deliciously improbable seriocomic novel opens at 11 o’clock, on the morning of July 14, in the year 2000, on the Avenue d’Angleterre in Beirut. Private George Smith of the American Peace-Keeping Forces in Lebanon is breathlessly chasing a hand grenade - which he threw in the line of duty - down the street. It seems he forgot to pull the pin. At that very moment, one Heloise Svejk is crossing the street from east to west, bearing an empty coffin on her shoulder. From this unlikely encounter is born one of the great love stories of the first year of the 21st century, not completely unworthy of that of Heloise’s namesake nine centuries earlier.
Private Smith is a reasonably sane soldier, as sane at least as any oversized American of mixed Swedish and Austro-Hungarian descent from Alabama who has not been with a beautiful woman for two years can be. Now Smith knows, inevitably and irrevocably, why fate has posted him to this godforsaken city. He disappears with Heloise for all the right reasons, but for General Custer, Private Smith’s commanding officer, when you’re gone for five days you’re gone for good, fella, and Washington is so informed.
When news spreads that Smith is not dead but only hopelessly in love, the plot does not merely thicken but gets downright sticky. What will Custer tell the President? What will he tell George’s next of kin, and how will he get back the posthumous award for unusual bravery he sent her? And yes, what about this Heloise they are all drooling over? In page after page, chapter after chapter, these and countless other cosmic questions are discussed and dealt with - with mixed results, as the author is quick to point out.
Interspersed with the chapters are intermezzi in which the author muses and comments on George; Heloise; life; love; Harry’s Bar; his father, Giuseppe; peach-nectar-and-champagne cocktails (aka bellinis); and Cousin Wanda - not to mention Abelard himself, the inquisitive, inflexible, and highly unimaginative friend of the author to whom the intermezzi are addressed.
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Fans of romance and sweet peach Bellinis will drink up this quirky love story set in Beirut in the year 2000, right at the tail end of the South Lebanon conflict. In Heloise and Bellinis: A Novel, George Smith, a Private with the American peace-keeping forces, falls head-over-heels with a beautiful divorcée named Heloise Svejk - and immediately abandons his post. The romantic caper that follows is skillfully voiced by audiobook performer Elenna Stauffer with warmth and humor. This audiobook will be of particular interest to fans of Harry's Bar in Venice, where Bellinis were invented: The author is none other than the influential restaurateur himself.
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The Great War changed everything and everyone, and Larry Darrell is no exception. Though his physical wounds from the war heal, his spirit is changed almost beyond recognition. He leaves his betrothed, the beautiful and devoted Isabel; studies philosophy and religion in Paris; lives as a monk, and witnesses the exotic hardships of Spanish life. All of life that he can find - from an Indian Ashrama to labor in a coal mine - becomes Larry's spiritual experiment as he spurns the comfort and privilege of the Roaring 20s.
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An Classic of Love and the Desire for Meaning
- By Eric on 01-06-17
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Marjorie Morningstar
- By: Herman Wouk
- Narrated by: Gabra Zackman
- Length: 28 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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Marjorie Morningstar is a love story. It presents one of the greatest characters in modern fiction: Marjorie, the pretty 17-year-old who left the respectability of New York's Central Park West to join the theater, live in the teeming streets of Greenwich Village, and seek love in the arms of a brilliant, enigmatic writer.
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Great story with really cheesy narration
- By James on 05-05-12
By: Herman Wouk
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Pietr the Latvian
- Inspector Maigret, Book 1
- By: Georges Simenon, David Bellos - translator
- Narrated by: Gareth Armstrong
- Length: 3 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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The first audiobook which appeared in Georges Simenon's famous Maigret series, in a gripping new translation by David Bellos.Inevitably Maigret was a hostile presence in the Majestic. He constituted a kind of foreign body that the hotel's atmosphere could not assimilate. Not that he looked like a cartoon policeman. He didn't have a moustache and he didn't wear heavy boots. His clothes were well cut and made of fairly light worsted. He shaved every day and looked after his hands. But his frame was proletarian. He was a big, bony man.
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Long live Maigret
- By Adeliese Baumann on 11-19-14
By: Georges Simenon, and others
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Auntie Poldi and the Sicilian Lions
- By: Mario Giordano, John Brownjohn
- Narrated by: Matt Addis
- Length: 9 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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Auntie Poldi, sassy, brassy, and 60, moves to Sicily for a quiet alcohol-fuelled retirement. A murder spoils her plans. This is the first novel in a charming new mystery series set in Sicily and laced with Italian sensuality and humor. It features an amateur sleuth, the sassy and foul-mouthed Auntie Poldi. Recently widowed Poldi moves to Sicily in order to quietly drink herself to death with a sea view, but fate intervenes. When she finds the corpse of a young man on the beach, his face blown off with a sawn-off shotgun, she becomes a potential suspect in his murder case.
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Auntie Poldi Rocks!
- By Lynn on 04-01-18
By: Mario Giordano, and others
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Buddenbrooks
- The Decline of a Family
- By: Thomas Mann
- Narrated by: David Rintoul
- Length: 26 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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First published in 1900, when Thomas Mann was 25, Buddenbrooks is a minutely imagined chronicle of four generations of a North German mercantile family - a work so true to life that it scandalized the author’s former neighbours in his native Lübeck.
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Where Have You Been All My Life, Thomas Mann?
- By Virginia Waldron on 03-30-17
By: Thomas Mann
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The Pirate
- By: Harold Robbins
- Narrated by: David Baker
- Length: 11 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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In a raging sandstorm, two men with their pregnant wives fatefully meet in the desert: Samir Al Fay, a Muslim doctor whose son will be named heir to the Prince of Beirut; and Isaiah Ben Ezra, a grizzled Jewish militant Zionist heading to the Promised Land. The women give birth - Samir's unconscious wife delivers a stillborn girl, Ben Ezra's wife dies delivering a healthy boy.
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A little dated
- By Phil Fleming on 10-02-20
By: Harold Robbins
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The Posthumous Memoirs of Brás Cubas
- By: Joaquim Maria Machado de Assis
- Narrated by: Edoardo Camponeschi
- Length: 7 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
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Joaquim Maria Machado de Assis (1839-1908) was the greatest writer ever to come from Brazil and one of the masters of nineteenth-century fiction. Susan Sontag calls him "the greatest writer ever produced in Latin America", surpassing even Borges. Harold Bloom says that Machado is "the supreme black literary artist to date". And Allen Ginsburg calls him "another Kafka". And The Posthumous Memoirs of Bras Cubas is his masterpiece, a dazzling, tragic, and profound novel that belongs next to the greatest works of his contemporaries Melville and Dostoevsky.
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A hidden masterpiece
- By C. Park on 08-09-18
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The Other Side of Midnight
- By: Sidney Sheldon
- Narrated by: Steven Pacey
- Length: 14 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
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In Paris, in Washington, and in Greece in a fabulous villa, an innocent American becomes a bewildered, horror-stricken pawn in a game of vengeance and betrayal. She is Catherine Douglas, a woman caught in a web of four lives intertwined by passion as her handsome husband pursues an incredibly beautiful film star...and as Constantin Demeris, a legendary Greek tycoon, tightens the strands that control them all.
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Forget the movie. Read the book.
- By Reademandweep on 08-29-16
By: Sidney Sheldon
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Dodsworth
- By: Sinclair Lewis
- Narrated by: Grover Gardner
- Length: 13 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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Meet Sam Dodsworth, an amiable 50-year-old millionaire and "American Captain of Industry, believing in the Republican Party, high tariffs, and, so long as they did not annoy him personally, in Prohibition and the Episcopal Church". Dodsworth runs an auto manufacturing firm, but his beautiful wife, Fran, obsessed with the notion that she is growing old, persuades him to sell his interest in the company and take her to Europe.
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A Very Good Novel About 1920s America and Europe
- By Frank Donnelly on 08-17-20
By: Sinclair Lewis
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Moonlight over Paris
- A Novel
- By: Jennifer Robson
- Narrated by: Jane Copland
- Length: 8 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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It's the spring of 1924, and Lady Helena Montagu-Douglas-Parr has just arrived in France. On the mend after a near-fatal illness, she is ready to embrace the restless, heady allure of the City of Lights. Her parents have given her one year to live with her eccentric aunt in Paris, and Helena means to make the most of her time. She's quickly drawn into the world of the Lost Generation and its circle of American expatriates, and, with their encouragement, she finds the courage to pursue her dream of becoming an artist.
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A pleasant trip to 1924 Paris
- By RueRue on 05-09-16
By: Jennifer Robson
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Humboldt's Gift
- By: Saul Bellow
- Narrated by: Christopher Hurt
- Length: 18 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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For years, they were the best of friends: the grand, erratic Humboldt and the ambitious young Charlie. But now Humboldt has died a failure, and Charlie's success-ridden life has taken various turns for the worse. Then Humboldt acts from the grave to change Charlie's life: he has left Charlie something in his will.
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Great Book, Great Reader
- By Scott on 05-10-08
By: Saul Bellow
What listeners say about Heloise and Bellinis
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Kaiyaque
- 10-29-21
odd but good
I had Bellinis w my wife in Venice on our honeymoon. book is strange, mildly irritating, but very enjoyable.
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- 🔥 Phx17 🔥
- 02-17-21
What the ever loving twisted Benny Hill was that?!
Scattershot, aimless story of American soldier George who falls for Eloise after a chance encounter and goes A.W.O.L. in Europe during the World War. The story is told through (A) chapters detailing a found, but incomplete story written by who knows and (B) “intermermezzi” (or interruptions) of letters written by bar owner Harry, a smarmy, lecherous, opinionated snoop narrated in a thick caricature of an Italian (French?) accent.
With each successive intermezzi, the ick factor increases as Harry tells us things about George and Eloise’s romance that a bartender shouldn’t be privy to, and goes off on tangents concerning various women Harry has groped, or had “primordial” sex with, or who are poor because they don’t let men pay for women’s meals. It felt like the old Benny Hill show, with the burlesque and double entendres... but what was perceived as “funny” then just comes off as distasteful now. The weird factor increases as we meet General Custer, who also has an odd romance/thoughts about women while scheming how to cover up George being considered dead instead of A.W.O.L.
Then this story goes off the rails with 22 minutes left into WTF territory. Waxing poetic about lips and nipples gives way to a bonkers sex scene that sees a man plunging between a woman’s legs, with talk of her smelling like the “pungent, intense smell of Earth, rotting at dawn in the first rays of the sun, still not hot enough to assimilate the damp offal of nocturnal animals” before Harry goes off on another tangent about the unfortunate use of bidets in negating the essence of excrement connected to sex. What?!
But, wait, it gets crazier! In the final 10 minutes, we get a frenetic hodgepodge of what became of George and Eloise, jumping ahead in time, recapping their life, and ending a half century later with mushroom cloud explosion from nowhere. An actual bomb? A metaphorical bomb? Who knows. And, still Harry in his intermezzi talks about Dante’s inferno not being plausible because it doesn’t account for the excrement... and instead offering up his own idea of the afterlife, where he can meet up with George and Eloise. What did I just listen to?!
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