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Everyone This Christmas Has a Secret
- A Festive Mystery
- Narrated by: Barton Welch
- Length: 5 hrs and 2 mins
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Publisher's summary
Benjamin Stevenson returns with a Christmas addition to his bestselling, “deviously good fun” (Nita Prose), Ernest Cunningham mysteries. Unwrap all the Christmas staples: presents, family, an impossible murder or two, and a deadly advent calendar of clues. If Knives Out and The Thursday Murder Club kissed under the mistletoe.
My name’s Ernest Cunningham. I used to be a fan of reading Golden Age murder mysteries, until I found myself with a haphazard career getting stuck in the middle of real-life ones. I’d hoped, this Christmas, that any self-respecting murderer would kick their feet up and take it easy over the holidays. I was wrong.
So here I am, backstage at the show of world-famous magician Rylan Blaze, whose benefactor has just been murdered. My suspects are all professional tricksters: masters of the art of misdirection.
THE MAGICIAN
THE ASSISTANT
THE EXECUTIVE
THE HYPNOTIST
THE IDENTICAL TWIN
THE COUNSELLOR
THE TECH
My clues are even more abstract: A suspect covered in blood, without a memory of how it got there. A murder committed without setting foot inside the room where it happens. And an advent calendar. Because, you know, it’s Christmas.
If I can see through the illusions, I know I can solve it.
After all, a good murder is just like a magic trick, isn’t it?
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- By Bernadette on 05-30-21
By: Tia Williams
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American Psycho
- By: Bret Easton Ellis
- Narrated by: Pablo Schreiber
- Length: 16 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
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Patrick Bateman moves among the young and trendy in 1980s Manhattan. Young, handsome, and well educated, Bateman earns his fortune on Wall Street by day while spending his nights in ways we cannot begin to fathom. Expressing his true self through torture and murder, Bateman prefigures an apocalyptic horror that no society could bear to confront.
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Fanntastic book but maybe not for everyone....
- By So Fain on 03-27-11
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CRAY
- By: Darrell Hammond, Elizabeth Stein
- Narrated by: Darrell Hammond
- Length: 1 hr and 10 mins
- Original Recording
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He is one of the longest-running cast members on Saturday Night Live, an American comedy genius renowned for his spot-on sendups of politicians and celebrities. But off-stage, Darrell Hammond’s life was anything but a joke. In CRAY, a special audio performance captured live onstage at Audible’s Minetta Lane Theatre, Hammond brings to life his acclaimed memoir, God, If You're Not Up There, I'm F*cked: Tales of Stand-Up, Saturday Night Live and Other Mind-Altering Mayhem.
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Thanks for sharing
- By Nickisnotgary on 09-06-24
By: Darrell Hammond, and others
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Breakfast of Champions
- By: Kurt Vonnegut
- Narrated by: John Malkovich
- Length: 6 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Breakfast of Champions (1973) provides frantic, scattershot satire and a collage of Vonnegut's obsessions. His recurring cast of characters and American landscape was perhaps the most controversial of his canon; it was felt by many at the time to be a disappointing successor to Slaughterhouse-Five, which had made Vonnegut's literary reputation.
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Kurt Was Right to Grade This a C
- By Dubi on 01-10-16
By: Kurt Vonnegut
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Heads Will Roll
- By: Kate McKinnon, Emily Lynne
- Narrated by: Kate McKinnon, Emily Lynne, Tim Gunn, and others
- Length: 4 hrs and 6 mins
- Original Recording
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Heads Will Roll is an Audible Original from Saturday Night Live star Kate McKinnon and her cocreator/costar (and real-life sister) Emily Lynne. Produced by Broadway Video, this is not an audiobook - it’s a 10-episode, star-studded audio comedy that features performances from Meryl Streep, Tim Gunn, Peter Dinklage, Queer Eye’s Fab Five, and so many more. Please note: This content is not for kids.
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More like this please
- By Anon893 on 05-03-19
By: Kate McKinnon, and others
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Napoleon's Hemorrhoids…And Other Small Events That Changed History
- By: Phil Mason
- Narrated by: LJ Ganser
- Length: 8 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Hilarious, fascinating, and a roller coaster of dizzying, historical what-ifs, Napoleon's Hemorrhoids is a potpourri for serious historians and casual history buffs. In one of Phil Mason's many revelations, you'll learn that Communist jets were two minutes away from opening fire on American planes during the Cuban missile crisis, when they had to turn back as they were running out of fuel. You'll discover that before the Battle of Waterloo, Napoleon's painful hemorrhoids prevented him from mounting his horse to survey the battlefield.
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They just throw the facts too fast
- By Concerned_llama on 12-11-20
By: Phil Mason
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Adam Turner works the mid-dawn shift at his local radio station. From 12am to 6am, it’s his job to fill the airtime with old songs, inane chatter, and the occasional talkback caller. It’s a long way from his prime-time slot from over a decade ago, when he was a star in the making. Now there’s no producers, no billboards, no stakes, and not many listeners. His frequent callers are drunk students headed home from a night out, or long-range truck drivers. He is completely alone in the studio from midnight until dawn every night. And then one night at 12:45am, he gets a different kind of call.
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I don’t understand the reviews
- By James Perkins on 07-15-23
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Last One to Leave
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Seven strangers are invited to compete to win a clifftop mansion. The rules are simple: each contestant must have at least one hand in contact with one part of the house at all times. The last one to take their hand off, wins the house.
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You'll want to be the first to leave this one
- By SB on 06-07-22
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FIND US
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Every object has a ghost. There is a small yellow backpack - half unzipped, mouth yawning to the pavement, contents strewn around it (a banana, an exercise book, a pair of scissors) - abandoned on a suburban footpath. Ten feet away, the rubber stamp of tyres, resisting clamped brakes, mount the curb and cut across the path. The tracks come to an end at a crippled stop sign. The street, a tree-lined suburban road dappled in late-afternoon sunlight, is calm. But anyone walking past can feel the ghosts: the prickle on the back of their necks that tells them something happened here.
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Not your normal book
- By Skinny on 06-04-21
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The Christmas Countdown
- By: Holly Cassidy
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All Callie wants for Christmas is to hibernate. She's still reeling from being dumped by her childhood sweetheart, and under no circumstances will she go home for the holidays considering her ex will be right next door with his new, perfect partner. Callie is officially in grinch mode, but her meddling sister, Anita, won’t let her give up on life, love, and Christmas quite so easily.
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Very Entertaining
- By readingcornercozy on 11-02-24
By: Holly Cassidy
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The Christmas Murder Game
- By: Alexandra Benedict
- Narrated by: Ana Clements
- Length: 9 hrs and 5 mins
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Lily Armitage never intended to return to Endgame House—the grand family home where her mother died twenty-one Christmases ago—until she receives a letter from her aunt, asking her to return to take part in an annual tradition: the Christmas Game. The challenge? Solve twelve clues to find twelve keys. The prize? The deeds to the manor house. Lily has no desire to win the house. But her aunt makes one more promise: The clues will also reveal who really killed Lily's mother all those years ago.
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This recipe just doesn’t work.
- By Faith Horter on 12-05-23
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Remember You Will Die
- A Novel
- By: Eden Robins
- Narrated by: Henriette Zoutomou
- Length: 7 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Told entirely through obituaries and ricocheting through time, Remember You Will Die is an innovative, genre-bending epic about the messy tapestry of human history and the threads that connect us, told through the eyes of Peregrine, an AI mother grappling with the unexpected death of her human daughter, Poppy.
By: Eden Robins
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Adam Turner works the mid-dawn shift at his local radio station. From 12am to 6am, it’s his job to fill the airtime with old songs, inane chatter, and the occasional talkback caller. It’s a long way from his prime-time slot from over a decade ago, when he was a star in the making. Now there’s no producers, no billboards, no stakes, and not many listeners. His frequent callers are drunk students headed home from a night out, or long-range truck drivers. He is completely alone in the studio from midnight until dawn every night. And then one night at 12:45am, he gets a different kind of call.
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I don’t understand the reviews
- By James Perkins on 07-15-23
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Last One to Leave
- By: Benjamin Stevenson
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- Length: 4 hrs and 23 mins
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Overall
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Seven strangers are invited to compete to win a clifftop mansion. The rules are simple: each contestant must have at least one hand in contact with one part of the house at all times. The last one to take their hand off, wins the house.
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You'll want to be the first to leave this one
- By SB on 06-07-22
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FIND US
- By: Benjamin Stevenson
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- Length: 4 hrs and 18 mins
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Overall
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Every object has a ghost. There is a small yellow backpack - half unzipped, mouth yawning to the pavement, contents strewn around it (a banana, an exercise book, a pair of scissors) - abandoned on a suburban footpath. Ten feet away, the rubber stamp of tyres, resisting clamped brakes, mount the curb and cut across the path. The tracks come to an end at a crippled stop sign. The street, a tree-lined suburban road dappled in late-afternoon sunlight, is calm. But anyone walking past can feel the ghosts: the prickle on the back of their necks that tells them something happened here.
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Not your normal book
- By Skinny on 06-04-21
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The Christmas Countdown
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All Callie wants for Christmas is to hibernate. She's still reeling from being dumped by her childhood sweetheart, and under no circumstances will she go home for the holidays considering her ex will be right next door with his new, perfect partner. Callie is officially in grinch mode, but her meddling sister, Anita, won’t let her give up on life, love, and Christmas quite so easily.
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Very Entertaining
- By readingcornercozy on 11-02-24
By: Holly Cassidy
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The Christmas Murder Game
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Lily Armitage never intended to return to Endgame House—the grand family home where her mother died twenty-one Christmases ago—until she receives a letter from her aunt, asking her to return to take part in an annual tradition: the Christmas Game. The challenge? Solve twelve clues to find twelve keys. The prize? The deeds to the manor house. Lily has no desire to win the house. But her aunt makes one more promise: The clues will also reveal who really killed Lily's mother all those years ago.
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This recipe just doesn’t work.
- By Faith Horter on 12-05-23
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Remember You Will Die
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- By: Eden Robins
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Told entirely through obituaries and ricocheting through time, Remember You Will Die is an innovative, genre-bending epic about the messy tapestry of human history and the threads that connect us, told through the eyes of Peregrine, an AI mother grappling with the unexpected death of her human daughter, Poppy.
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The Christmas Jigsaw Murders
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On 1st of December, renowned puzzle setter, loner, and Christmas curmudgeon Edie O'Sullivan finds a hand-delivered present on her doorstep. Unwrapping it, she finds a jigsaw box and, inside, six jigsaw pieces. When fitted together, the pieces show part of a crime scene—blood-spattered black and white tiles and part of an outlined body. Included in the parcel is a message: 'Four, maybe more, people will be dead by midnight on Christmas Eve, unless you can put all the pieces together and stop me.' It's signed Rest In Pieces.
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Christmas mystery
- By Tony on 11-18-24
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Murder on the Page
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It's a truth universally acknowledged that a genuinely top-notch party must be in want of a theme. Allie Catt, caterer and personal chef in the beautiful mountain community of Asheville, North Carolina, has devised a winning formula by using her clients' favorite books as inspiration. Her first themed event is based on Pride and Prejudice (Allie's cat, Darcy, approves), and it's so popular that soon she has grand ideas for future parties based on Rebecca, The Great Gatsby, Babette's Feast, and more.
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Vera Wong's Guide to Snooping (on a Dead Man)
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Ever since a man was found dead in Vera's teahouse, life has been good. For Vera that is. She’s surrounded by loved ones, her shop is bustling, and best of all, her son, Tilly, has a girlfriend! All thanks to Vera, because Tilly's girlfriend is none other than Officer Selena Gray. The very same Officer Gray that she had harassed while investigating the teahouse murder. Still, Vera wishes more dead bodies would pop up in her shop, but one mustn't be ungrateful, even if one is slightly...bored.
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The Christmas Killer
- DI James Walker, Book 1
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Story
DI James Walker is ready for a quiet family Christmas in the sleepy village of Kirkby Abbey. But when he opens an early Christmas present left on his doorstep, he soon realises it is no gift. Inside is a gruesome surprise and a promise - 12 days, 12 murders. Not long after, the first body is found, half frozen in the snow. As the blizzards descend, panic spreads through the remote Cumbrian village - there’s a killer amongst them, and with 11 more victims to go, anyone could be next.... Can James stop the killer before they strike again?
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Not bad, not great
- By StL Reader on 03-19-21
By: Alex Pine
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How to Seal Your Own Fate
- Castle Knoll Files, Book 2
- By: Kristen Perrin
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- Unabridged
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Kristen Perrin is back with the second novel in her Castle Knoll series. Annie Adams is caught in a new web of murder that spans decades, returning us to the idyllic English village that holds layers of secrets.
By: Kristen Perrin
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The Cornish Wedding Murder
- Nosey Parker, Book 1
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- Unabridged
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Performance
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Still spinning from the hustle and bustle of city life, Jodie ‘Nosey’ Parker is glad to be back in the Cornish village she calls home. Having quit the Met Police in search of something less dangerous, the change of pace means she can finally start her dream catering company and raise her daughter, Daisy, somewhere safer. But there’s nothing quite like having your first job back at home be catering an ex-boyfriend’s wedding to remind you of just how small your village is.
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Fun Novel!
- By Elizabeth B Shepard on 08-24-24
By: Fiona Leitch
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Christmas Crimes at the Mysterious Bookshop
- By: Otto Penzler - editor
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- Unabridged
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The oldest mystery specialty bookstore in the world, The Mysterious Bookshop, has for most of its forty-five-year history commissioned an original short story as a holiday gift for its customers. Written exclusively for the store, the stories were given as a holiday gift to its customers as a thank you for their business, handed out or mailed between Thanksgiving and New Year's Day.
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Christmas Is All Around
- By: Martha Waters
- Narrated by: Nikki Massoud
- Length: 8 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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Charlotte hates the holidays. As a former child actress, she starred in a modern classic of a holiday movie, and its fans won’t let her move on. When a piece revealing that her reluctance nixed plans for a reboot, she flees to London to spend the five-week countdown to the holidays with her sister.
By: Martha Waters
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The Christmas Guest
- A Novella
- By: Peter Swanson
- Narrated by: Esther Wane
- Length: 2 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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New York Times bestselling author Peter Swanson pens a spectacularly spine-chilling novella in which an American art student in London is invited to join a classmate for the holidays at Starvewood Hall, her family’s Cotswold manor house. But behind the holly and pine boughs, secrets are about to unravel, revealing this seemingly charming English village’s grim history.
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Clever
- By Barbara S on 12-21-23
By: Peter Swanson
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The Blue Hour
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Welcome to Eris: an island with only one house, one inhabitant, one way out. Unreachable from the Scottish mainland for twelve hours each day. Once home to Vanessa: A famous artist whose notoriously unfaithful husband disappeared twenty years ago. Now home to Grace: A solitary creature of the tides, content in her own isolation. But when a shocking discovery is made in an art gallery far away in London, a visitor comes calling. And the secrets of Eris threaten to emerge.
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Another overhyped dismal book
- By Avid series reader on 11-01-24
By: Paula Hawkins
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The Holiday Cottage
- By: Sarah Morgan
- Narrated by: Henrietta Meire
- Length: 10 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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To the outside world, Imogen is a marketing dynamo. Her colleagues don’t know that while her high-achieving professional image is real, the happy childhood stories she spins are as fake as her pretend enthusiasm for Christmas. Working 24/7 has always been her solution to surviving the festive season—until burnout leads to a catastrophic blunder.
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A beautiful story!!
- By Nancy Ferguson Hernandez on 11-08-24
By: Sarah Morgan
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The Christmas Cookie Wars
- By: Eliza Evans
- Narrated by: Eileen Stevens
- Length: 9 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Melody Monroe will do anything to get her nine-year-old twin boys to muster up the holiday spirit. Especially since they lost their father, the boys have started questioning the point of Christmas at all. When Melody learns the school’s cookie committee has disbanded due to dissension in the top ranks, she can’t let the boys lose another ounce of Christmas joy, so she decides to take over the cookie committee herself, even if it means dealing with the infuriating school principal, Jonathan Braxton.
By: Eliza Evans
What listeners say about Everyone This Christmas Has a Secret
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Michael
- 10-29-24
Festive Fun!
I loved this little novella, while at the same time I wished it was a full length novel!
Still, I’ll take anything I can get in this excellent and unique series. Love the audiobook narrator as well!
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- bmacfn16
- 11-17-24
Worth the read if you like the series
While it wasn't as good as the other two books, it's a short little story that's a fun side story in the series. Emphasis on SIDE STORY! He explains the rules of a "Christmas Special" in the book and so if you apply that to this story, it helps you appreciate it for what it is. The explanation of how someone becomes covered in blood is very weak and it's the only explanation I really didn't LIKE. Overall, a fun read if you've enjoyed the other two books.
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- Claire Thomas
- 10-28-24
So Fun!
Even after the novelty of Benjamin Stevenson's approach has worn off, these books are still fun. The themes are clever, the mystery is crazily complicated, the characters are engaging, and Barton Welch's performance is outstanding. I will gobble up every book Stevenson adds to this series.
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- Bare Knees
- 10-30-24
Disappointed
Where do I start?
Too short.
Weak character development.
Not remotely funny.
Nor was there a believable explanation as to how Erin got blood all over her.
I can not believe I waited for this book for months, and woke up [with the excitement of a child on Christmas morning] on October 22nd. Feel cheated, let down, and robbed at the same. Not just because the two previous books were great but because all the literal bells and whitles on the audio book were simple time-fillers. Narrator still has two vocal ranges: constipated and unconvincing, which would have been okay if the book was anywhere near as funny as Everyone in my family has killed someone or clever as Everyone on this train is a suspect.
Hope the next one disappoints less. This was neither the money I spent on it, nor a great birthday present to myself.
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- Julie & Mike
- 10-29-24
Holiday Murder Mystery with Ernest Cunningham
I am really enjoying this series and this book did not disappoint. Complex murder mystery with the narrator/main character who actively involves the reader as he is solving it. This book was missing some of the comedic elements & character development that I really enjoyed about the last 2 books but a great plot nonetheless. Looking forward to the next book!
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- K Ward
- 11-17-24
Firecracker!
I love the style of writing and look forward to many more to come. Be kind to Earnest... He doesn't have many more body parts you can damage... and we need him.
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- Tonya
- 11-12-24
Eh
I didn’t love it because there was literally nothing about Christmas other than every so often the author would “it’s Christmas time”.
And I was not expecting the setting to be in Australia. The narrator had a strong accent but still did great.
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