Everlong: An Immortal Love Story
Failed to add items
Add to Cart failed.
Add to Wish List failed.
Remove from wishlist failed.
Adding to library failed
Follow podcast failed
Unfollow podcast failed
Get 2 free audiobooks during trial.
Buy for $24.95
No default payment method selected.
We are sorry. We are not allowed to sell this product with the selected payment method
-
Narrated by:
-
Shannon Nicole Locke
-
By:
-
R. Raeta
About this listen
Gold Medalist 2022 Readers’ Favorite for Literary Fiction
Lily doesn’t remember her death, or even her reawakening, but she knows this: the sun is to be feared, words are her salvation, and—above all—the bench facing the playground is hers. She is the pin holding the hands of the clock, watching the world move and change around her while she remains fixed, lonely, and unchanged... until a boy takes a seat beside her.
A story about love, loss, and what it means to live forever.
©2021 R. Raeta (P)2025 R. RaetaCritic reviews
"Quite simply one of the most heart achingly, beautifully written books which I have had the pleasure to read. This is 100% how it *should* be done." (Kenneth Baxter, author of Circles and Stones)
Related to this topic
-
Project Hail Mary
- By: Andy Weir
- Narrated by: Ray Porter
- Length: 16 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Ryland Grace is the sole survivor on a desperate, last-chance mission - and if he fails, humanity and the Earth itself will perish. Except that right now, he doesn't know that. He can't even remember his own name, let alone the nature of his assignment or how to complete it. All he knows is that he's been asleep for a very, very long time. And he's just been awakened to find himself millions of miles from home, with nothing but two corpses for company.
-
-
Bazinga
- By Davidgonzalezsr on 05-04-21
By: Andy Weir
-
George Orwell’s 1984
- An Audible Original adaptation
- By: George Orwell, Joe White - adaptation
- Narrated by: Andrew Garfield, Cynthia Erivo, Andrew Scott, and others
- Length: 3 hrs and 27 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
It’s 1984, and life has changed beyond recognition. Airstrip One, formerly known as Great Britain, is a place where Big Brother is always watching, and nobody can hide. Except, perhaps, for Winston Smith. Whilst working at the Ministry of Truth, rewriting history, he secretly dreams of freedom. And in a world where love and sex are forbidden, where it’s hard to distinguish between friend and foe, he meets Julia and O’Brien and vows to rebel.
-
-
A Revelation!
- By wotsallthisthen on 04-07-24
By: George Orwell, and others
-
The Martian
- By: Andy Weir
- Narrated by: Wil Wheaton
- Length: 10 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Six days ago, astronaut Mark Watney became one of the first people to walk on Mars. Now, he's sure he'll be the first person to die there. After a dust storm nearly kills him and forces his crew to evacuate while thinking him dead, Mark finds himself stranded and completely alone with no way to even signal Earth that he’s alive - and even if he could get word out, his supplies would be gone long before a rescue could arrive. But Mark isn't ready to give up yet.
-
-
I love Wil Wheaton but why not R. C. Bray?
- By L. Newman on 01-11-20
By: Andy Weir
-
Starter Villain
- By: John Scalzi
- Narrated by: Wil Wheaton
- Length: 8 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Inheriting your uncle's supervillain business is more complicated than you might think. Particularly when you discover who's running the place. Charlie's life is going nowhere fast. A divorced substitute teacher living with his cat in a house his siblings want to sell, all he wants is to open a pub downtown, if only the bank will approve his loan. Then his long-lost uncle Jake dies and leaves his supervillain business (complete with island volcano lair) to Charlie. But becoming a supervillain isn't all giant laser death rays and lava pits.
-
-
Volcanic Lairs, Death Rays & Cats… Oh My! 😼
- By C. White on 09-19-23
By: John Scalzi
-
Artemis
- By: Andy Weir
- Narrated by: Rosario Dawson
- Length: 8 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Jazz Bashara is a criminal. Well, sort of. Life on Artemis, the first and only city on the moon, is tough if you're not a rich tourist or an eccentric billionaire. So smuggling in the occasional harmless bit of contraband barely counts, right? Not when you've got debts to pay and your job as a porter barely covers the rent. Everything changes when Jazz sees the chance to commit the perfect crime, with a reward too lucrative to turn down.
-
-
A ferrari with no motor
- By will on 11-18-17
By: Andy Weir
-
The Signal
- By: Eric Buchman, Gabriel Urbina, Sarah Shachat
- Narrated by: Paget Brewster, full cast
- Length: 2 hrs and 39 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Two astronomers have detected a strange, pulsing signal from deep space. Within hours, the US government goes into lockdown, restricting airspace and scrubbing scientific data. Was the signal an intercepted communication revealing alarming plans for an enemy’s military strike? Or has humanity at long last found proof of extraterrestrial life?
-
-
it did a good job keep me listening but disappointed at the ending
- By Tristan M. on 12-21-24
By: Eric Buchman, and others
-
Project Hail Mary
- By: Andy Weir
- Narrated by: Ray Porter
- Length: 16 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Ryland Grace is the sole survivor on a desperate, last-chance mission - and if he fails, humanity and the Earth itself will perish. Except that right now, he doesn't know that. He can't even remember his own name, let alone the nature of his assignment or how to complete it. All he knows is that he's been asleep for a very, very long time. And he's just been awakened to find himself millions of miles from home, with nothing but two corpses for company.
-
-
Bazinga
- By Davidgonzalezsr on 05-04-21
By: Andy Weir
-
George Orwell’s 1984
- An Audible Original adaptation
- By: George Orwell, Joe White - adaptation
- Narrated by: Andrew Garfield, Cynthia Erivo, Andrew Scott, and others
- Length: 3 hrs and 27 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
It’s 1984, and life has changed beyond recognition. Airstrip One, formerly known as Great Britain, is a place where Big Brother is always watching, and nobody can hide. Except, perhaps, for Winston Smith. Whilst working at the Ministry of Truth, rewriting history, he secretly dreams of freedom. And in a world where love and sex are forbidden, where it’s hard to distinguish between friend and foe, he meets Julia and O’Brien and vows to rebel.
-
-
A Revelation!
- By wotsallthisthen on 04-07-24
By: George Orwell, and others
-
The Martian
- By: Andy Weir
- Narrated by: Wil Wheaton
- Length: 10 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Six days ago, astronaut Mark Watney became one of the first people to walk on Mars. Now, he's sure he'll be the first person to die there. After a dust storm nearly kills him and forces his crew to evacuate while thinking him dead, Mark finds himself stranded and completely alone with no way to even signal Earth that he’s alive - and even if he could get word out, his supplies would be gone long before a rescue could arrive. But Mark isn't ready to give up yet.
-
-
I love Wil Wheaton but why not R. C. Bray?
- By L. Newman on 01-11-20
By: Andy Weir
-
Starter Villain
- By: John Scalzi
- Narrated by: Wil Wheaton
- Length: 8 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Inheriting your uncle's supervillain business is more complicated than you might think. Particularly when you discover who's running the place. Charlie's life is going nowhere fast. A divorced substitute teacher living with his cat in a house his siblings want to sell, all he wants is to open a pub downtown, if only the bank will approve his loan. Then his long-lost uncle Jake dies and leaves his supervillain business (complete with island volcano lair) to Charlie. But becoming a supervillain isn't all giant laser death rays and lava pits.
-
-
Volcanic Lairs, Death Rays & Cats… Oh My! 😼
- By C. White on 09-19-23
By: John Scalzi
-
Artemis
- By: Andy Weir
- Narrated by: Rosario Dawson
- Length: 8 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Jazz Bashara is a criminal. Well, sort of. Life on Artemis, the first and only city on the moon, is tough if you're not a rich tourist or an eccentric billionaire. So smuggling in the occasional harmless bit of contraband barely counts, right? Not when you've got debts to pay and your job as a porter barely covers the rent. Everything changes when Jazz sees the chance to commit the perfect crime, with a reward too lucrative to turn down.
-
-
A ferrari with no motor
- By will on 11-18-17
By: Andy Weir
-
The Signal
- By: Eric Buchman, Gabriel Urbina, Sarah Shachat
- Narrated by: Paget Brewster, full cast
- Length: 2 hrs and 39 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Two astronomers have detected a strange, pulsing signal from deep space. Within hours, the US government goes into lockdown, restricting airspace and scrubbing scientific data. Was the signal an intercepted communication revealing alarming plans for an enemy’s military strike? Or has humanity at long last found proof of extraterrestrial life?
-
-
it did a good job keep me listening but disappointed at the ending
- By Tristan M. on 12-21-24
By: Eric Buchman, and others
People who viewed this also viewed...
-
Angel of Fire
- Medieval Heroes
- By: Tanya Anne Crosby
- Narrated by: Marian Hussey
- Length: 7 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
King Henry's blue-eyed champion has been sent to quell a nation's rebellion. He vows to seal their peace by wedding Gilbert de Lontaine's beautiful daughter, but although the girl with smoky eyes holds his heart in peril, the real danger lurks in unexpected quarters. Can true love bind two hearts and bring the Wolf's bride home?
-
To Bleed a Kingdom
- The Bleeding Realms, Book 1
- By: Ella Dawes
- Narrated by: Laura Horowitz, Tristan Warden
- Length: 17 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
For over thirty years, the city of Seboia has barricaded itself against the Gods Cursed kingdom of Brecca and its monstrous creations. Now, the Soulless' numbers are swelling, and their attacks are rising in frequency—an ominous prelude for the darkness sure to come. Captain of the Guard, Darius, must remain focused on his duty to protect his kingdom. But when a group of foreigners arrives in Seboia, their alluring leader becomes an unwanted distraction. A scarred beauty with a sharp mind and even sharper tongue, Lena rouses an all-consuming hunger within the Fire Immortal.
By: Ella Dawes
-
The Golden Spider
- A Historical Fantasy Romance (Elemental Web Chronicles, Book 1)
- By: Anne Renwick
- Narrated by: Timothy Campbell, Zara Hampton-Brown
- Length: 10 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Lady Amanda blackmailed her way into a prestigious London medical school… Not the preferred method of entrance, of course, but necessary, for it’s the only way to force Lord Thornton, a professor at the school, to help her perfect her invention: a clockwork spider capable of spinning artificial nerves. And Lord Thornton is interested… but is he interested in Amanda, or simply the invention that could cure his own debilitating injury?
By: Anne Renwick
-
The Red Dragon of Oxford
- Wings over Albion, Book 1
- By: Joy Lynn Fielding
- Narrated by: Rufus Love
- Length: 6 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
When I’m not on a wild dragon chase, I spend my time in the library. I’d like to think I’m only there to study, but who am I kidding? I’m there for him. Rufus Mortimer is the world’s hottest librarian. He’s strict, enigmatic, and sexy. He makes me feel things I’ve never felt before. But he has a secret. One that could destroy everything.
-
-
Great start to a new series
- By Diane on 01-28-25
-
What a Wolf Desires
- Lux Catena, Book 1
- By: Amy Pennza
- Narrated by: Ramona Master
- Length: 7 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Lizette Butler is determined to escape the clutches of her powerful pack alpha, Maxime Simard. He rejected her once, and she won't let him control her destiny again. Raised by humans, she knows she'll never be good enough for him, even if desire sizzles between them every time they're together. But when Max orders her home unexpectedly, their forbidden attraction is as fiery and undeniable as ever.
-
-
I loved the way max realized he needed to do things differently with lizzette and way he loved her was awesome.
- By Lisa Enoch on 01-28-25
By: Amy Pennza
-
Across Dark Seas
- A Beneath Black Sails Standalone
- By: Clare Sager
- Narrated by: Amelia Hugh
- Length: 6 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Half-human, half-fae, and with rebellion in her blood, Lady Avice chafes against society's strict rules. Climbing trees, cursing, and running through the woods with young men are all strictly forbidden. Eloping with a man she's fairly sure she loves must be the solution to all her problems. But her white knight quickly loses his luster when they're chased across the country by armed men and forced to flee in a pirate ship.
By: Clare Sager
-
Angel of Fire
- Medieval Heroes
- By: Tanya Anne Crosby
- Narrated by: Marian Hussey
- Length: 7 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
King Henry's blue-eyed champion has been sent to quell a nation's rebellion. He vows to seal their peace by wedding Gilbert de Lontaine's beautiful daughter, but although the girl with smoky eyes holds his heart in peril, the real danger lurks in unexpected quarters. Can true love bind two hearts and bring the Wolf's bride home?
-
To Bleed a Kingdom
- The Bleeding Realms, Book 1
- By: Ella Dawes
- Narrated by: Laura Horowitz, Tristan Warden
- Length: 17 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
For over thirty years, the city of Seboia has barricaded itself against the Gods Cursed kingdom of Brecca and its monstrous creations. Now, the Soulless' numbers are swelling, and their attacks are rising in frequency—an ominous prelude for the darkness sure to come. Captain of the Guard, Darius, must remain focused on his duty to protect his kingdom. But when a group of foreigners arrives in Seboia, their alluring leader becomes an unwanted distraction. A scarred beauty with a sharp mind and even sharper tongue, Lena rouses an all-consuming hunger within the Fire Immortal.
By: Ella Dawes
-
The Golden Spider
- A Historical Fantasy Romance (Elemental Web Chronicles, Book 1)
- By: Anne Renwick
- Narrated by: Timothy Campbell, Zara Hampton-Brown
- Length: 10 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Lady Amanda blackmailed her way into a prestigious London medical school… Not the preferred method of entrance, of course, but necessary, for it’s the only way to force Lord Thornton, a professor at the school, to help her perfect her invention: a clockwork spider capable of spinning artificial nerves. And Lord Thornton is interested… but is he interested in Amanda, or simply the invention that could cure his own debilitating injury?
By: Anne Renwick
-
The Red Dragon of Oxford
- Wings over Albion, Book 1
- By: Joy Lynn Fielding
- Narrated by: Rufus Love
- Length: 6 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
When I’m not on a wild dragon chase, I spend my time in the library. I’d like to think I’m only there to study, but who am I kidding? I’m there for him. Rufus Mortimer is the world’s hottest librarian. He’s strict, enigmatic, and sexy. He makes me feel things I’ve never felt before. But he has a secret. One that could destroy everything.
-
-
Great start to a new series
- By Diane on 01-28-25
-
What a Wolf Desires
- Lux Catena, Book 1
- By: Amy Pennza
- Narrated by: Ramona Master
- Length: 7 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Lizette Butler is determined to escape the clutches of her powerful pack alpha, Maxime Simard. He rejected her once, and she won't let him control her destiny again. Raised by humans, she knows she'll never be good enough for him, even if desire sizzles between them every time they're together. But when Max orders her home unexpectedly, their forbidden attraction is as fiery and undeniable as ever.
-
-
I loved the way max realized he needed to do things differently with lizzette and way he loved her was awesome.
- By Lisa Enoch on 01-28-25
By: Amy Pennza
-
Across Dark Seas
- A Beneath Black Sails Standalone
- By: Clare Sager
- Narrated by: Amelia Hugh
- Length: 6 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Half-human, half-fae, and with rebellion in her blood, Lady Avice chafes against society's strict rules. Climbing trees, cursing, and running through the woods with young men are all strictly forbidden. Eloping with a man she's fairly sure she loves must be the solution to all her problems. But her white knight quickly loses his luster when they're chased across the country by armed men and forced to flee in a pirate ship.
By: Clare Sager
-
The Midnight Arrow
- By: Zoey Draven
- Narrated by: Angelina Rocca, Marcio Catalano
- Length: 5 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Marion enjoys her quiet life of solitude in the shadowy woods of the Black Veil, where even the local villagers don’t dare venture. She sells her healing potions at the village market by day and tends to her otherworldly garden by night, caring for her magical bees and furry familiar, Peek, at their cottage. Then, one moonlit night, she encounters a devilishly handsome male—with powerful wings, sharp fangs, and high fae-like beauty—shot through with a lethal poisoned arrow.
-
-
One of her best stories.
- By LilRedFae on 01-29-25
By: Zoey Draven
-
Falling Like Stars
- By: Emma Scott
- Narrated by: Caitlin Kelly, Zachary Johnson
- Length: 9 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In the dazzling world of Hollywood where fame and glamour reign supreme, award-winning megastar Zachary Butler longs for something more than red-carpet events and paparazzi flashes. As he navigates fame and tries to extricate himself from his celebrity ex-fiancée, he discovers an unexpected spark with Rowan Walsh, a production assistant on his latest project.
-
-
So very good. Well written with excellent narrators that made the story complete💓
- By Valencia Broxie on 01-29-25
By: Emma Scott
-
A Tempest of Shadows
- By: Jane Washington
- Narrated by: Vanessa Moyen
- Length: 10 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
I was born with a curse that spun a violent storm around me, seizing every beautiful and fragile thing that flittered into my life, tearing it all from my grasp as effortlessly as the wings of a butterfly are torn from its body. Or so I thought, anyway. It all changed when they came for me, when they dragged me to trial for my crimes. I should have faced execution, but fate is a fickle and funny thing, taunting me with the knowledge that I was always destined to be so much more.
By: Jane Washington
-
Deadly Desires
- Desires Trilogy, Book 1
- By: Ashley McKnight
- Narrated by: M Woods
- Length: 5 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
She is beautiful. I'm obsessed with her. I will light the world on fire before anyone takes her from me.
By: Ashley McKnight
-
Midnight Stage
- By: Sheridan Anne
- Narrated by: Alyssa Avery, Jarman Day
- Length: 12 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Ezra Knight is the biggest rockstar to ever walk the planet, but before he belonged to the world, he belonged to me. He was my brother's best friend, my soulmate and protector, and when their band—Demon's Curse—took off, so did he. He was like a roaring tornado, crashing through my world and sweeping me off my feet, and just when I had it all, I was abandoned. Left to fend for myself at the hands of a monster. For eight long years, I blamed him for everything that was out of his control. But one phone call changed it all.
-
-
Loved Everything About This!
- By Renee on 01-23-25
By: Sheridan Anne
-
The Lily of the Sky
- By: Terrance D Williamson
- Narrated by: Sarah Zimmerman
- Length: 11 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
German forces have invaded Lily Litvyak's homeland, destroying and plundering everything in their path. Seeking to volunteer her exceptional skills in piloting, Lily is desperate to aid the war effort and keep the intruders far away from her mother and younger brother. Despite her years of flying experience, Lily is forced to confront the prejudice of a society that refuses to allow women to fight. Through persistence, and aided by a multitude of women selflessly volunteering to fight, Lily is permitted the opportunity to fly in the Soviet Air Force in the newly created female regiments.
-
Illusion of Stars
- Enmity of Hearts, Book 1
- By: Sarah Marie Page
- Narrated by: Jacci Prior, Rusty Mewha
- Length: 13 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
As the royal physician of a tiny, windswept island, eighteen-year-old Isabel spends her days trying to keep the queen from dying and the mad king from streaking naked down the halls. But when her best friend is found murdered on the beaches, her world is ripped apart. Desperate for answers, she discovers a stash of letters that reveal a terrifying truth: the neighboring kingdom of Volgaard possesses a kingdom-shattering weapon and is poised to conquer everything in its path.
By: Sarah Marie Page
-
Crown of Light and Shadows
- Courts of Aetheria, Book 1
- By: G.K. DeRosa
- Narrated by: Stina Nielsen, Kale Williams
- Length: 14 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
On the day of my twentieth birthday, a brutally handsome Shadow Fae darkens my doorway and whisks me away to an elite Fae academy. The problem is I'm not Fae, and I certainly don't have any magical powers. Despite this, I'm thrust into a realm where magic is as vital as breath and far more dangerous. Thrown into an academy teeming with powerful Fae, I must navigate the treacherous waters of magical education, summon my dormant powers, and battle merciless fellow students to prepare to face the rival Arcanum Citadel across the river.
By: G.K. DeRosa
-
Mourning Wings
- The Whitmore Legacy Series, Book 1
- By: Nouha Jullienne
- Narrated by: Avery Caris, Valentina Ortiz
- Length: 3 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Welcome to Latibulum Noctis… At the Whitmore estate, the infamous party is more than just an invitation—it’s a test of fate. The guests gather to play a game of hide and seek, where luck and misfortune intertwine in every shadow. When the clock strikes midnight, the true nature of Latibulum Noctis reveals itself. Consumed with a need for answers, Valeria’s mission is clear: uncover the truth behind the mysterious disappearance of her beloved, who vanished many years ago, leaving behind nothing but haunting memories of their past.
By: Nouha Jullienne
-
Spookily Yours
- Witches of Pleasant Grove, Book 1
- By: Jennifer Chipman
- Narrated by: Olivia Wright, Sean Masters
- Length: 6 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
My cat is a demon. No, that's not a joke. An actual, real-life demon. And he needs my help to break a curse. But what happens when that turns into more? It can never be forever, and yet... I'm falling in love with him anyway.
-
-
Cover is deceiving
- By Melissa on 10-14-24
By: Jennifer Chipman
-
Death, Unwinding
- By: Sarah Bailey
- Narrated by: Zoe Baxter, Freddie Wills
- Length: 5 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Not many people can say they woke up dead. Even fewer people wake up as ghosts. Guess I’m the unlucky one since no one can see or hear me, and I have no recollection of how I ended up like this. I thought I’d spend the afterlife alone… until him. The solitary man who stumbled across me during my restless wandering of the Scottish Highlands. He doesn’t want me around. I can’t seem to stay away. It turns out Ciaran has a dark secret. And I’m determined to discover exactly what he’s hiding even if it might mean the death of me all over again.
-
-
Death, Unwinding
- By S. Cole on 01-28-25
By: Sarah Bailey
-
The Sky at Night
- Heroin Heartbreak, Book 1
- By: Samantha Lovelock
- Narrated by: Victoria Connolly, Grayson Owens
- Length: 6 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
I survived my waking nightmare by terrorizing others. The only way to keep my secret was to make sure I was hated. Feared. Alone. And it worked—until my mother shipped me off to The Overlook. And then he showed up. Heroin Heartbreak is the hottest band around and Ty is the reason why. His blistering blend of sexiness, bad-boy charm, and killer voice makes him the perfect front man. But his adoring fans don't realize that it also makes him an arrogant, annoying, unapologetic ass. And he's determined to make my stay here hell.