A beautiful and emotional top-of-the-shelf story!

Another stellar writer I’m a lifetime fan of, has shown me what talent and dedication is. Author St. John pulls me into a story and doesn’t let go; I’m engaged in every word, situation and thought that she puts her MCs in and I saw the scenes, felt the emotions and pain, building towards the HEA. An authentic romance. That is what talent brings you. And Daniel James Lewis didn’t tell me a story, he made me live the story of Cal and Eli. Brilliant! I’m looking out for Down and Dirty, narrated by Daniel James Lewis. ❤️

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1 person found this helpful

Great audio great story

4.5

This is an angsty cowboy romance and i was so stressed but rooting for them the entire time.

The best part about the book is the authors writing style. I enjoyed it thoroughly & the smut is not overpowering the romance but it is also hot asf.

Cal made me want to scream but hes a knuckleheaded trailer park boy u cant expect him to make smart decisions.

Loved Eli even though hes a cop (it doesnt take up too much into the book)


Sn: why is that baby so large? Its scaring me

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Don't Let That Bad Review Stop You!

It makes me a little crazy that the first review that pops up for this book is a negative one because the reader disliked an ancillary character. I didn't have to try to like this book. It pulled me in from the beginning. The main character is a bull rider coming back home to his only family, his estranged little sister, because he has nowhere else to go. He's suffered a career-ending injury and sold most of his possessions to pay medical bills and rehab. He's coming home to the place his heart was broken as a gay kid. His sister, who has a young child, is not overjoyed to see him. Even though he sent her money when his career was going well, he walked out of her life when he was 17 and she was 12, leaving her in the care of an alcoholic uncle, and has not been a part of her life since then. She's obviously struggling financially and not overjoyed to see him. And then, there's the man who broke his heart when he was 17--back in town and working as a deputy sheriff. I really enjoyed this book and wish that the next two books in the series were available. I've followed bull-riding over the years, a dangerous sport where the question isn't if you'll get hurt, but when. I found the characters likeable, and their individual realities relatable. I've listened to this books several times ,and if the next books in the series came out on Audible, I'd race to buy it. While the narrator isn't perfect, he's very good. If you like complex characters and m/m romance or a western/rodeo setting, please don't let a bad review deter you. Try this book. I loved it. You may, too.

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Best purchase I’ve made yet!

I don’t usually do a full review for books but I had to for this one! The narrator did an amazing job not only bringing the story off the page but conveying the emotion too! I found myself captivated and often stopping whatever I’m doing to just sit and listen. Will definitely be listening to it more than once!

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Second chance success

This was a much better book than I expected based on the first reviewers comments that appeared below the story summary. That reviewer felt Cal’s sister, and Eli his old lover, were mean and hateful to an extreme degree. My take was that there were hurt feelings because Cal left abruptly, no goodbyes, and didn’t come back for a decade. Cal felt he had good reason to leave and not look back. When he returns from 10 years in the rodeo circuit he’s broke and injured. Parker St. John then weaves Cal back into the lives he deserted. At first the three protagonists are at odds and lots of mean words are exchanged. Over time, and after Cal becomes a hero through a selfless act, each character shares their experience and feelings and it turns out that there was a break down in understanding fueling resentment. Cal failed to communicate, he was young and selfish, but he was in an untenable situation those ten years ago and just escaped. I think the author did a good job revealing the underlying layers of emotion and responses each character possessed. Humans are complex and when misunderstandings and mistakes occur between one another, it’s not an easy task to sort things out. And forgiveness is not a given.
Good narration by Daniel J Lewis, realistic accents.
I enjoyed the book, and think it’s worth a listen.

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I give up

I tried, I really tried to like this book. It's so nice to read a book, for one thing, about actual gay guys, and not "I thought I was straight until I met you" tropes. I liked the narrator a lot. I liked the fact that Eli is the sheriff, and I like books that take place in a small town. And the writing was very good.

However, as soon as we were introduced to Cal's sister Faith, the book went downhill very quickly. Faith is the worst type of character in literature--a character who is completely loathsome, but the author, and consequently the other characters, are unaware of how loathsome she is. From the beginning, she does nothing but rage at Cal, for... well, I never really understood what she was so mad at. Cal was abused, and escaped, and she's angry that he wasn't around for her. No, it doesn't matter that he sent her money, and how DARE he question what she did with it (spoiler alert: she bought drugs). Yes, she makes very little money now, has a child with a felon, and lives in a hovel, and that's Cal's fault too. And Cal feels guilty about it because he agrees that it's his fault.

But WHY? Why is it his fault? Sisters, as Annie Lennox has reliably informed me, have been doing it for themselves since at least the 80's. Faith is an adult, and yet she blames all her problems on Cal, though she never really explains exactly why. Oh, he was horribly abused? Well get over it!

This would be fine--terrible people exist in the world, after all, people who blame their own problems on everyone else--except for the fact that the author clearly agrees with Faith. YES, she shouts as loudly as she can from every sentence on every page, it is CAL'S FAULT that Faith is in the mess she got herself in. He's RIGHT to feel guilty, and the rest of the book will be Cal's atonement for his many sins, of which we're aware of none. And it's not just Faith--Eli treats Cal like he's diseased, because, as far as I can tell, Cal left him when Eli refused to come out for him. A sad situation and not entirely Eli's fault, but a perfectly legitimate reason to break up with someone, honestly. Cal meets an acquaintance from his youth in a diner who stood by and watched Cal be beaten horribly by the class bully, and cheered him on. "You just stood there while I was beaten to a pulp!" Cal accuses. "Well," he responds, "You sort of deserved it." REALLY???

So a book that held a lot of promise for the first, oh, let's say half hour, became an absolute slog. I began to find excuses to listen to other books, or read something else, or watch television, or just about ANYTHING else but listen to more abuse get heaped upon this poor character who honestly did nothing, as far as I can tell, to deserve it. It began to feel as though the rest of the book would be Cal's redemption, and I resent the fact that the author feels as though he has anything to redeem himself for. He was in a horrible, abusive situation and he got out of it. He was a kid. End of story. I don't want to finish. If I read a spoiler somewhere that Faith falls down a manhole at some point, or accidentally gets her face caught in a thresher, I might finish it someday. Until then, I give up.

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11 people found this helpful

Terrible, nothing but victim shaming.

This is an updated review.

I am a huge fan of the reunited lovers trope, coming back together after something terrible tore them apart. A recent favorite is Jaclyn Quinn's Hard To Let Go. At first, I thought that I was in for a similar read. This is my second experience with St John having recently finished Risk Assessment. While I liked that title marginally better, I don't know that I mesh with St. John's writing stye, and by that, I don’t get why she craps on her main characters.

First, let’s talk narration. This was my introduction to Daniel James Lewis, and overall his narration was fine. It is impressive when a narrator is put in the position of having to sing, and Lewis handles the task with ease. I have two complaints though. First is some sloppy mispronunciations. He bungles simple words like impotent, then mis-reads sweet for sweat. There are others, but you get the idea. Then there is how melodramatic he makes Cal when expressing any heightened emotion. The tone becomes higher pitched and grating, lessening the character. However, that is fitting as St John uses Cal as her punching bag for most of the book.

Throughout the story, I feel bad for Cal, wanting things to get better for him. But they never do. I found the attitude of the book, where the underlying theme is - this town isn't how you saw it as a teen. That’s it. The entire story is a love letter to be condescending towards Cal. It didn’t have to be this way. Like Risk Assessment, this book starts strong, the elements are there. St. John can create a compelling premise and characters. Whereas in my initial listen I thought - she has mangled the execution of her plot. But what I have come to realize is that she writes old school misogynist style romances where the ghastly, overbearing men have to let their little ladies know how very wrong they have always been. St. John chooses to use that same garbage here.

If you have read the synopsis, you know that Cal has suffered a career ending injury and he is going home to try and rebuild the damaged relationships from his past. He is lost, lonely and having to start his life again. That is a great start. His first love, Eli is a wild card, someone he thinks discarded him, along with his own sister. Also a good set up. The gist of the story is Cal needed Eli to take him away from their home town when they were 18, and Eli was unwilling to come out to his minister father, leaving Cal feeling he had no choice but to leave home. Fast forward ten years, and we are ready to watch them work through anger and resentment. However, St John has other ideas.

St. John chooses write the story with a third person limited narrator - with Cal as the POV. Each chapter starts with a flashback. The flashbacks tend to be choppy with history overlap in each chapter, so they are not as helpful as they could be. In present day, Cal’s knee is unstable and he is in very regular pain. This is important to remember as Eli is fully aware of this, yet does things over and over to cause Cal physical pain in the present. Eli is cool causing emotional pain too. He’s a great guy. What doesn’t help is that we never get Eli’s POV as the story is fully from Cal’s perspective. Things might be different with balance, but there is none. In fact, St John has Cal on such a merry-go-round that for much of the story, Eli is like a bogeyman who pops up now and then to be a complete jerk to Cal, then be gone again.

Here are things we learn about Cal in the first few chapters. He and his sister were orphaned at a young age, and left to live with a mean, drunk of an uncle in a trailer park. The uncle was physically abusive towards Cal and he carries scars from some of the truly awful things done to him. We learn that it is fear of this uncle that pushes Cal to leave. Cal struggled in high school with a town bully who nearly beats him to death, a beating that is fueled with gay slurs. In fact it is only that Eli stops the fight that Cal is ok. This fight is witnessed by other kids in their circle, including a guy named West, who becomes a part of the current story. Another negative figure in Cal’s early life is Eli’s father, John, the town minister. Cal feels the anger and judgement of the minister and is afraid of him. We know that after Cal leaves, he does maintain contact with his sister, and provides financial support to best of his ability. When their uncle dies, he is willing to offer money for the service and burial, but will not come home for the service. His sister offers an ultimatum, and when Cal doesn’t come home, she cuts communication with him. We can see he doesn’t have much to come home to.

This trope requires the bad blood to still be present, so when Eli, who is the town sheriff catches sight of Cal in town, his horrible behavior is to be expected. He acts as if he doesn’t recognize Cal, he calls him a vagrant and to not stick around. He then demands to give Cal a ride to the sister’s house, using the opportunity to be a class A jerk. When Cal tries to tell about his injuries, Eli tells him he doesn’t care. Eli then stands back to watch Cal’s sister eviscerate him. Grudgingly his single mother sister allows him to sleep on the couch. Here is where things start to veer from trope, to travesty.

Cal begins to interact with town people, and that is when this theme that - it isn’t all what he thought - begins. West, the kid who witnessed the fight, works in a shop that repairs saddles. West is the first person to start telling Cal to let things go. The minister is now frail, and he and West guilt Cal into helping the church to repair a fence. At the fence party, Cal’s bully is present, and chatting with, of all people, Eli. When Cal expresses his dismay, West tells him that he can’t still be mad about something that happened as kids. I would like to step in and say that Cal can absolutely feel threatened by a person who nearly killed him, and has never acknowledged or apologized for this act - and it doesn’t happen in this book. In fact, after Eli tells Cal to let it go, the good pastor tells Cal that while Cal had it bad, that others, like this kid had it worse and Cal needs to again, let it go. I wasn’t aware that abuse was scored like a sporting event, and Cal’s bronze medal doesn’t qualify him to have any lingering trauma.

Shortly after, Eli has the opportunity to pull Cal over for using his cell phone in a vehicle. Cal becomes irritated and smarts off to Eli, and Eli in a power position, pulls Cal from the truck and knowingly causes him physical pain when he kicks his legs apart to frisk him. St John states that Cal gasps and Eli momentarily freezes before continuing. What is also important to know is there is a tremendous size difference between the two men. Cal is self described as a smaller, wired guy, Eli is the opposite, about a foot taller, at least that is usually what is meant by a head taller. Eli is also a wall of muscle. So much like those earlier mentioned MF romances, size intimidation is at play. Eli has a physical advantage that he uses against Cal - someone he knows is still recovering from significant injuries. Cal states that he is unable to move from Eli’s hold.

When Cal is returning to his sister’s home, he arrives as the ex boyfriend is hitting the sister. Cal goes to her defense and beats up the ex. Remember, Cal can do no right. His sister is mad at him for interfering. He is arrested and taken to lock up, where you guessed it, Eli comes in to tell him all the ways he messed up. When asked if was supposed to let his sister be beaten, the answer is basically yes. She had called the cops, and Cal has made it worse. In any other book, had Cal not come to his sister’s defense everyone would be up in arms that a man stood by while a woman is hurt. But in St John’s world, you let her get hit. Even the minister says Cal made it worse.

It is just after these evens that we begin to see Cal doubting himself. Over the course of the book, because all of the previously described actions are early in the story, Cal takes all this drubbing to heart and he starts to see that everyone else’s issues are his fault for running away after being burned and threatened by his guardian. There is never anything resembling empathy for a scared kid who has lived a hard scrabble life of loss, and both physical and mental abuse. He eventually questions his own reasons for leaving after both the minister and Eli eviscerate him. He is victimized by the very people he has acknowledged he desperately needs to care about him. But they don't. Also, we are duped into the idea that there is some sort of relationship between them. That couldn’t be more wrong. There is some, as Eli calls it, unfinished business during a five hour truce - which ends horribly for Cal. And basically nothing until Cal is a crying shell, and even then it is still spun as unfinished business.

I kept hoping for a secondary love interest to make Eli wake up, but no such luck. Sadly, St. John allows for Eli to ultimately appear the white knight to a grossly repentant Cal. More disgusting than Eli’s behavior, are all the glowing reviews that love Eli. Knowing there are readers, who in this genre are mostly women, do not see the reinventing of these awful anti woman characters thrust upon us decades later in MM romance is disturbing at best.

This is the beginning of a five book series that takes place in the same tiny town. The loathsome bully gets his own book and I can guarantee he won’t be made out as the one in the wrong. Another book focuses on West, the guy who started working on Cal to accept that it was his fault. It should be no surprise if you’ve made it this far that I wouldn’t recommend this book under any circumstances.

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