Diary of an Occult Resolution Assistant
And Training Witch Valentine Orphanet
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Narrated by:
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Michelle Henderson
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By:
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Chris Norgate
About this listen
Valentine Orphanet had an fairly ordinary life until one grey day, she saw that advert in a news agent's window: "Position of employment offered for a researcher/assistant in the field of occult resolution." It seemed more interesting than basic paperwork and filing, but no where did it say anything about exposure to witches, gnomes, fae, creatures of the night, or vampires that share our world with us without our knowledge. We think we sit firmly upon the apex of the Earth's hierarchy pyramid, but it came as some surprise to Valentine to find out we do not.
Valentine is not always up to speed with her employment routines, but she thought that a short spell in the hospital may offer her a chance to rest and possibly enjoy a bunch of grapes from Mr. Xanthic, her employer who was a demon in meetings and a demon in pretty much all things he did. When Mr Xanthic did pay a visit, he brought with him a bloodied knife and a list of instructions instead of fruit.
Children are being preyed upon in their hospital ward. Young girls have been going missing from small villages across the country. Cattle are being mutilated and left strung across pathways. Demonic rituals are in cupboards. Witches are abroad. And somewhere, an angelic librarian is baking very bad cakes. Someone needs to find out what's happening and, if possible, bring everything to a satisfactory conclusion. All in a weeks work for Valentine Orphanet - all 13 days of it.
©2017 ChrisNorgate (P)2018 Chris NorgateListeners also enjoyed...
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- A Novel
- By: Christian Moerk
- Narrated by: Stephen Hoye, Justine Eyre
- Length: 10 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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When two sisters and their aunt are found dead in their suburban Dublin home, it seems that the secret behind their untimely demise will never be known. But then Niall, a young mailman, finds a mysterious diary in the post office's dead-letter bin. From beyond the grave, Fiona Walsh shares the most tragic love story he's ever heard---and her tale has only just begun.
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Great Story
- By Book Worm on 05-28-09
By: Christian Moerk
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Haunted Nights
- A Horror Writers Association Anthology
- By: Ellen Datlow - editor, Garth Nix, Kelley Armstrong, and others
- Narrated by: Gabra Zackman, Erin Spencer, James Patrick Cronin, and others
- Length: 11 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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Here are 16 chilling, never-before-published tales that explore every aspect of our darkest holiday, Halloween, coedited by Ellen Datlow, one of the most successful and respected genre editors, and Lisa Morton, a leading authority on Halloween. Included are stories about scheming jack-o'-lanterns, vengeful ghosts, otherworldly changelings, disturbingly realistic haunted attractions, masks that cover terrifying faces, murderous urban legends, parties gone bad, cult Halloween movies, and trick-or-treating in the future.
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Slow burn stories
- By Alex Sumner on 03-05-22
By: Ellen Datlow - editor, and others
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Afterlife
- Afterlife Saga, Book 1
- By: Stephanie Hudson
- Narrated by: Rebecca Rainsford
- Length: 26 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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Afterlife...just some gothic nightclub where gossip is fuelled by the presence of a rich and unearthly, handsome family or afterlife...the strange place where time seems to stand still and guests feel the presence of something more powerful held within the confines of the VIP. Keira is new to this small, cold town and is running from a past that seems to feast on her darkest memories. She finds living with her sister away from English soil to be just the ticket to the new life she is trying desperately to find.
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It is a good book yet it is NOT in many ways
- By Lexi on 11-29-16
By: Stephanie Hudson
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The Silence
- By: Tim Lebbon
- Narrated by: Marisa Calin, Ralph Lister
- Length: 11 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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In the darkness of a vast cave system, cut off from the world for millennia, blind creatures hunt by sound. Then there is light, there are voices, and they feed. Swarming from their prison, they multiply and thrive. To scream, even to whisper, is to summon death. Deaf for many years, Ally knows how to live in silence. Now, it is her family's only chance of survival. They must leave their home, shun others, and find a remote haven where they can sit out the plague. But will it ever end? And what kind of world will be left?
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I really am starting to question other reviewers
- By leelee8888 on 09-11-20
By: Tim Lebbon
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Black Blade Blues
- By: J.A. Pitts
- Narrated by: Erin Bennett
- Length: 13 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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Sarah Beauhall has more on her plate than most 20-somethings: day job as a blacksmith, night job as a props manager for low-budget movies, and her free time is spent fighting in a medieval re-enactment group. The lead actor breaks Sarah's favorite one-of-a-kind sword, and to avoid reshooting scenes, Sarah agrees to repair the blade. One of the extras, who claims to be a dwarf, offers to help. And that's when things start to get weird.
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Heroine falls way short
- By realdog on 03-19-15
By: J.A. Pitts
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The Apocalypse Boxed Set Novels 1-3
- The Undead World Series
- By: Peter Meredith
- Narrated by: Basil Sands
- Length: 42 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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Greed, terrorism, and simple bad luck conspire to bring mankind to its knees as a viral infection spreads out of control, reducing those infected to undead horrors that feed upon the rest. It's a time of misery and death for most, however there are some who are lucky, some who are ruthless, and some who are just too damned tough to go down without a fight. This is their story.
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Worst writing and VO in HISTORY
- By kd on 11-25-20
By: Peter Meredith
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Frostbite
- An Ivy Granger Psychic Detective Prequel Short Story
- By: E.J. Stevens
- Narrated by: Melanie A. Mason
- Length: 28 mins
- Unabridged
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When a client claims her house is being haunted, Ivy tries to keep her mind open and her weapons handy. If her psychic gifts and recent cases have taught her anything, it's that you're better off arming yourself for the unexpected.
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A haunting release
- By MelHay on 06-21-18
By: E.J. Stevens
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The Kingdom Keepers
- Disney after Dark
- By: Ridley Pearson
- Narrated by: Gary Littman
- Length: 6 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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Using a cutting-edge technology called DHI - which stands for both Disney Host Interactive and Daylight Hologram Imaging - Finn Whitman, an Orlando teen, and four other kids are transformed into hologram projections that guide guests through the park. The new technology turns out, however, to have unexpected effects that are both thrilling and scary. Soon Finn finds himself transported in his DHI form into the Magic Kingdom at night. Is it real? Is he dreaming? Finn’s confusion only increases when he encounters Wayne, an elderly Imagineer who tells him that the park is in grave danger.
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Awful narration
- By Kelsey on 06-14-17
By: Ridley Pearson
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Some Kind of Fairy Tale
- A Novel
- By: Graham Joyce
- Narrated by: John Lee
- Length: 9 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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Twenty years ago, 16-year-old Tara Martin disappeared from a small town in the heart of England. Now, her sudden return and the mind-bending tale of where she’s been will challenge our very perception of the truth. For 20 years after Tara Martin disappeared, her parents and her brother, Peter, lived in denial of the grim fact that she was gone for good. Then suddenly on Christmas Day, the doorbell rings at her parents’ home, and there, dishevelled and slightly peculiar looking, Tara stands. It’s a miracle, but alarm bells are ringing for Peter. Tara’s story just does not add up.
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Extremely Well Done
- By Amanda on 07-11-12
By: Graham Joyce
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The Ninth Rain
- The Winnowing Flame Trilogy, Book 1
- By: Jen Williams
- Narrated by: Jot Davies
- Length: 20 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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Jen Williams, acclaimed author of The Copper Cat trilogy, featuring The Copper Promise, The Iron Ghost and The Silver Tide, returns with the first in a blistering new trilogy. The great city of Ebora once glittered with gold. Now its streets are stalked by wolves. Tormalin the Oathless has no taste for sitting around waiting to die while the realm of his storied ancestors falls to pieces - talk about a guilt trip. Better to be amongst the living, where there are taverns full of women and wine.
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Couldn’t put it down!
- By Renae on 09-09-22
By: Jen Williams
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Angelmaker
- By: Nick Harkaway
- Narrated by: Daniel Weyman
- Length: 18 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
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Joe Spork repairs clocks, a far cry from his late father, a flashy London gangster. But when Joe fixes one particularly unusual device, his life is suddenly upended. Joe's client, Edie Banister, is more than just a kindly old lady - she's a former superspy. And the device? It's a 1950s doomsday machine. And having triggered it, Joe now faces the wrath of both the government and a diabolical South Asian dictator, Edie's old arch-nemesis.
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A cure for the modern cynic
- By Maine Colonial 🌲 on 08-28-12
By: Nick Harkaway
What listeners say about Diary of an Occult Resolution Assistant
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Anonymous User
- 10-03-18
Interesting and original in a well trodden genre
Wow, I've got someway into the audio and have ordered the book already to read at work. It gives me goosebumps and made me jump, not one to listen to alone at night.
But it's not scarey all the way through but funny and unorthodox in they way it's all from one characters point of view.
I love the way angels had babies with mortals in the past and their children are now nurses and such because they want to help. I had a teacher at school who must have had demon in their ancestry and this book explains why!
The story is cool, Valentine isn't all knowing like a lot of main characters so trial and error seem to be how she acts. Very human in the way her thoughts and feelings come in as important as what is actually happening. I hope it all ends well for her.
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