Carpet Diem
Or...How to Save the World by Accident
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Narrated by:
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Matthew Lloyd Davies
About this listen
Fifteen years after losing most of his family to a devastating, pudding-related tragedy, Simon Debovar has settled into a life of self-imposed exile from the stinking, selfish morass of humanity. Content that his daily highlights will include hazelnut coffee, a long bath, and the occasional jar of olives, his life is completely upturned by the discovery that his ornate living room carpet is the deciding factor in a bet between God and Satan.
When mysteriously well-timed carpet thieves deprive him of the crucial heirloom, Simon is forced to leave his hermit's existence behind for a world of angels, demons, witches, and immortals.
And then it gets complicated.
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Story
Jig the goblin was the runtiest member of an admittedly puny race. Jig was scrawny, so nearsighted as to be almost blind, and had such a poor self-image that when he chose a god to worship, it was one of the forgotten ones - after all, what other sort of god would have him as worshiper? He also had a cowardly fire-spider for a pet, a creature that was likely to set your hair on fire if it got into a panic. Made to stand tunnel watch by the goblin bullies who'd been assigned the job, it was just Jig's luck to be taken captive by a group of adventurers.
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Theater of the mind
- By Muharrem on 04-02-21
By: Jim C. Hines
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The Busy Body
- By: Donald E. Westlake
- Narrated by: Brian Holsopple
- Length: 5 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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Al Engel had worked his way up to being Nick Rovito’s right-hand man, near the top of the syndicate. And this was a delicate job that Rovito had given him: retrieving a very important jacket, loaded with heroin, from the fresh grave of the drug mule who was accidentally buried wearing it. There was just one problem (at least - just one to begin with): It turned out the grave was empty. Suddenly Engel was the one finding himself “in deep”.
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What Gangsters Go Through
- By Larjane on 11-17-23
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Death in Fine Condition
- By: Andrew Cartmel
- Narrated by: Olivia Dowd
- Length: 10 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
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Cordelia knows books. An addict-turned-dealer of classic paperbacks, when she's not spending her days combing the charity shops and jumble sales of suburban London for valuable collector's items, she's pining for the woman of her dreams and nimbly avoiding her landlord's demands for rent. The most elusive prize of all, her white whale, has surfaced—a set of magnificent, vintage Sleuth Hound crime novels. Gorgeous, and as rare as they come. Just one problem. They're not for sale. Still, that won't stop a resourceful woman like Cordelia…
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An entertaining antihero
- By Colby Johnson on 07-01-23
By: Andrew Cartmel
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Supervillainy and Other Poor Career Choices
- By: J.R. Grey
- Narrated by: Neil Hellegers
- Length: 7 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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When a down-on-his-luck engineer ends up coming into possession of a rundown suit of power-armor, he sees an opportunity to make some quick cash by selling it off to the nearest supervillain. Unfortunately for him, what should have been a quick and easy sale to pay off his debts quickly grows into an ongoing series of events that serve only to drag him deeper and deeper into the criminal underbelly of the city he calls home.
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Who doesn’t love a techno-hermit with a set of power armor! 🤖
- By C. White on 11-12-19
By: J.R. Grey
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The Unhappy Medium
- A Supernatural Comedy
- By: T.J. Brown
- Narrated by: Marston York
- Length: 15 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
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Meet the ultra-rational Dr Newton Barlow. Cool, cynical, scientific, he’s the last man you’d want to be a bridge between the living and the dead. But with his academic reputation in tatters, and nothing to lose but his few remaining marbles, the great skeptic is about to discover that the past that haunts him will be nothing compared to his ghost-ridden future.
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Funny & Entertaining
- By Victor @ theAudiobookBlog dot com on 06-11-20
By: T.J. Brown
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A Little Murder
- By: Suzette A. Hill
- Narrated by: Julia Franklin
- Length: 10 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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London, early 1950s. Marcia Beasley of St John's Wood is discovered dead in her home, naked and covered with a coal scuttle. Detective Sergeant Greenleaf is tasked with solving the crime and bringing meaning to her gruesome death, and it seems her whole social circle have secrets to hide and grudges to bear. Who, for example, is the limping midnight visitor? Is the bibulous priest as ingenious as he seems? And will Mrs Burkiss ever yield her keys to the broom cupboard?
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A bit disappointing
- By Lisa on 07-22-16
By: Suzette A. Hill
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Rubber Legs and White Tail-Hairs
- By: Patrick McManus
- Narrated by: Norman Dietz
- Length: 6 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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America's most hilarious sportsman returns with this collection of insights about youth, the great outdoors, and the philosophy of fileting fish. When best-selling author Patrick McManus looks at a subject, you're sure to come away with an outrageously new perspective.
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Laughed so hard I cried!
- By Kindle Customer on 04-05-12
By: Patrick McManus
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Written in Dead Wax
- The Vinyl Detective, Book 1
- By: Andrew Cartmel
- Narrated by: Ben Allen
- Length: 13 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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He is a record collector and a connoisseur of vinyl, hunting out rare and elusive LPs. His business card describes him as the Vinyl Detective, and some people take this more literally than others. For example, the beautiful, mysterious woman who wants to pay him a large sum of money to find a priceless lost recording on behalf of an extremely wealthy yet shadowy client. And so begins a painful and dangerous odyssey in search of the rarest jazz record of them all....
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Outstanding narration!
- By John S. on 01-31-17
By: Andrew Cartmel
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The (Sort of) Dark Mage
- Waldo Rabbit Series, Book 1
- By: Nelson Chereta
- Narrated by: Gary Furlong
- Length: 10 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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The (Sort of) Dark Mage is the story of a young man named Waldo who grows up in a world where monsters, the undead, and dark magic are part of everyday life. He is forced to go on a journey to prove himself and soon discovers that his beliefs don't fit into the wider world.
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Engaging, but has no ending.
- By Ryan on 07-30-17
By: Nelson Chereta
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Florida Straits
- A Key West Mystery, Book 1
- By: Laurence Shames
- Narrated by: Richard Ferrone
- Length: 9 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
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In the grand tradition of Elmore Leonard, Laurence Shames creates an outrageous heavyweight thriller that’s heavy on atmosphere and action. Joey Goldman is a low-level New York hustler. He’s taking a working vacation in South Florida and looking to score big with a time-share scam. His half brother Gino Delgatto is a man in need of a fall guy. When they meet in Key West, the term dysfunctional family takes on a new meaning. Will one of them succeed? Or will the Miami mob find an eye-popping way to dispose of them both?
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Florida Funny
- By Anonymous User on 08-20-16
By: Laurence Shames
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Who Censored Roger Rabbit?
- By: Gary K. Wolf
- Narrated by: L.J. Ganser
- Length: 7 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Private eye Eddie Valiant doesn't like Toons - those cartoon characters who live side-by-side with humans. But Eddie will work for a Toon if his cash supply is low enough. So he reluctantly agrees when Roger Rabbit, a Toon who plays straight man (or should that be straight rabbit) in the Baby Herman cartoon series, asks him to find out who's been trying - unsuccessfully - to buy his contract from the DeGreasy Brothers syndicate. Then Rocco DeGreasy is murdered - and Roger is the prime suspect!
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NOT A NOVELIZATION OF THE MOVIE!!
- By Anonymous User on 07-05-21
By: Gary K. Wolf
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Phule's Company
- Phule's Company, Book 1
- By: Robert Asprin
- Narrated by: Noah Michael Levine
- Length: 7 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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After being court-martialed by the Space Legion for ordering the strafing of a treaty-signing ceremony, multimillionaire Willard Phule receives his punishment: He must command the misfit Omega Company on Haskin's Planet, a mining settlement on the edge of settled space. At his duty station, he leverages his personal money and a knack for managing people to get the company to come together as a unit.
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Entitled know-it-all steamrolls misfit crew
- By 🔥 Phx17 🔥 on 11-09-21
By: Robert Asprin
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Spells, Salt, & Steel, Season 1
- By: Gail Z. Martin, Larry N. Martin
- Narrated by: Roger Wayne
- Length: 11 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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By day, Mark Wojcik can be found elbow-deep in engine grease, making cars and trucks safe for the highway. By night, he can be found traipsing through the wilds of Pennsylvania, making the world safe for humans. He's more than just a mechanic, he's a New Templar Knight. He travels the backroads and byways fighting weresquonks, ningen, selkies, ghosts, and . . . gnomes? Is that gnome . . . naked? (Sigh.) Season One collects the first four novellas in the Spells, Salt, & Steel series: Spells, Salt, & Steel; Open Season; Deep Trouble; and Close Encounters.
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Great fun; the Bubbaverse grows!
- By Anonymous User on 12-06-19
By: Gail Z. Martin, and others
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Almost Infamous
- A Supervillain Novel
- By: Matt Carter
- Narrated by: Nicholas Techosky
- Length: 9 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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Eighteen-year-old Aidan Salt isn't a superhero. With his powerful (and unpredictable) telekinetic abilities, he could be one if he wanted to, but he doesn't. He's unambitious, selfish, and cowardly, and he doesn't want to have to deal with all the paperwork required to become a professional superhero. But since the money, fame, and women that come with wearing the cape are appealing, he decides to become the first supervillain the world has seen in more than 20 years: Apex Strike.
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I DIDN'T WAKE UP DEAD, THAT WAS A GOOD START
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 01-13-17
By: Matt Carter