
Before We Were Blue
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Narrated by:
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Chloe Dolandis
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Gail Shalan
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By:
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E.J. Schwartz
About this listen
Get healthy on their own — or stay sick together?
At Recovery and Relief, a treatment center for girls with eating disorders, the first thing Shoshana Winnick does is attach herself to vibrant but troubled Rowan Parish. Shoshana — a cheerleader on a hit reality TV show — was admitted for starving herself to ensure her growth spurt didn’t ruin her infamous tumbling skills. Rowan, on the other hand, has known anorexia her entire life, thanks to her mother’s “chew and spit” guidance. Through the drudgery and drama of treatment life, Shoshana and Rowan develop a fierce intimacy — and for Rowan, a budding infatuation, that neither girl expects.
As “Gray Girls”, patients in the center’s Gray plan, Shoshana and Rowan are constantly under the nurses’ watchful eyes. They dream of being Blue, when they will enjoy more freedom and the knowledge that their days at the center are numbered. But going home means separating and returning to all the challenges they left behind. The closer Shoshana and Rowan become, the more they cling to each other — and their destructive patterns. Ultimately, the girls will have to choose: their recovery or their relationship.
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Story
In this painfully moving memoir, take a firsthand look at anorexia through the eyes of a young girl. Even in kindergarten, Rachel Richards knows something isn't right. By leading us through her distorted thoughts, she shines a light on the experience and mystery of mental illness. As she grows up, unable to comprehend or communicate her inner trauma, Rachel lashes out, hurting herself, running away from home, and fighting her family. Restricting food gives her the control she craves. But after being hospitalized and force-fed, Rachel only retreats further into herself.
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A Gripping Account of Anorexia and Recovery
- By Nephi Ferguson on 10-12-17
By: Rachel Richards
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The Girls at 17 Swann Street
- By: Yara Zgheib
- Narrated by: Saskia Maarleveld
- Length: 7 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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Anna Roux was a professional dancer who followed the man of her dreams from Paris to Missouri. There, alone with her biggest fears - imperfection, failure, loneliness - she spirals down anorexia and depression till she weighs a mere 88 pounds. Forced to seek treatment, she is admitted as a patient at 17 Swann Street, a peach pink house where pale, fragile women with life-threatening eating disorders live. Women like Emm, the veteran; quiet Valerie; Julia, always hungry. Together, they must fight their diseases and face six meals a day.
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Wonderful
- By JoelleW on 02-25-19
By: Yara Zgheib
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The Weight of Beautiful
- By: Jackie Goldschneider
- Narrated by: Jackie Goldschneider
- Length: 6 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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All Jackie Goldschneider ever wanted was to be thin. As a child, she’d stand in front of the mirror, sucking in her stomach and arching her back to feel her ribs, praying to see a model-like figure looking back. As an obese teen, lonely and tormented by her weight, her doctor encouraged her to start dieting, ultimately leading to a prolonged battle with anorexia that nearly took her life. After decades of hiding her eating disorder from friends, family, and the world, Jackie is ready to expose the realities of her devastating struggle.
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Such a great book
- By Chelsea Sylva on 03-16-25
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More than a Number
- By: Tia Souders
- Narrated by: Sarah Brands
- Length: 8 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
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My sophomore year changed everything. I dropped 40 pounds after a stint in fat camp. Prior to losing weight, most of my time was spent comparing myself to my twin sister and trying to hide my cankles. But losing weight made all things seem possible. Now I'm popular, vying for the hottest guy in school and competing for a prom queen nomination. Finally, I'm getting noticed, and it's all because I dropped the pounds.
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Skinny vs fat
- By Val on 05-28-20
By: Tia Souders
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Wasted
- A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia
- By: Marya Hornbacher
- Narrated by: Marya Hornbacher
- Length: 5 hrs and 25 mins
- Abridged
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Precociously intelligent, imaginative, energetic, and ambitious, Marya Hornbacher grew up in a comfortable middle-class American home. At the age of 5, she returned home from ballet class one day, put on an enormous sweater, curled up on her bed, and cried because she thought she was fat. By age 9, she was secretly bulimic, throwing up at home after school, while watching Brady Bunch reruns on television and munching Fritos. She added anorexia to her repertoire a few years later and took great pride in her ability to starve. Marya's story gathers intensity with each passing year. By the time she is in college and working for a wire news service in Washington D.C., she is in the grip of a bout of anorexia so horrifying that it will forever put to rest the romance of wasting away. Down to 52 pounds and counting, Marya becomes a battlefield: her powerful death instinct at war with the will to live. Why would a talented young girl go through the looking glass and slip into a netherworld where up is down, food is greed, and death is honor? Why enter into a love affair with hunger, drugs, sex, and death? Marya Hornbacher sustained both anorexia and bulimia through 5 lengthy hospitalizations, endless therapy, the loss of family, friends, jobs, and ultimately, any sense of what it means to be "normal." In this vivid, emotionally wrenching memoir, she recreates the experience and illuminates the tangle of personal, family, and cultural causes underlying eating disorders.
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Abridged=Horrible
- By Kelly on 05-05-13
By: Marya Hornbacher
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Wintergirls
- By: Laurie Halse Anderson
- Narrated by: Phoebe Strole
- Length: 7 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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Lia and Cassie are best friends, wintergirls frozen in fragile bodies, competitors in a deadly contest to see who can be the thinnest. But then Cassie suffers the ultimate loss - her life - and Lia is left behind, haunted by her friend's memory and racked with guilt for not being able to help save her.
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entertaining
- By Mora Barrientos on 11-03-19
What listeners say about Before We Were Blue
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Lauren
- 09-21-22
Loved it.
i cant think of anything i didnt like about this book. i liked that there are two narrators and i thought they were both good.
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- Abbigail Rigsbey
- 10-02-23
Before We Were Blue
Glad I got around to finally listening to, and finishing, this book. It was good.
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- j_b
- 12-03-23
Lyrical. Beautiful. Raw.
I’m normally wary of ED books, as they are often filled with stereotypes and read like a how-to manual. This is NOT like that. It’s a beautifully written story that those who have ever been lost in the darkness of an ED can relate to. It’s also hopeful and honest, it’s just good.
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- Pink Amy
- 01-03-25
Meh
2.5 STARS
Soshana, a cast member on a cheerleading reality show and Rowan, reeling from sexual trauma meet at an eating disorder treatment center, both invested in remaining thin (sick). In order to recover, each must choose to embrace treatment, even if it means leaving the other behind.
I identified more with Soshana, the “good” patient, who was nice, more likable and initially braver. Her mom pressuring her to cheer and disregard treatment advice felt realistic. Rowan’s defense mechanisms and desire to escape also felt authentic. The multidimensional characters were the strongest part of BEFORE WE WERE BLUE.
Debut writer E J Schwartz’s powerful word-building was consistent throughout the book, though at times the pacing was uneven and the story became bogged down with detail not central to character or plot. I loved the backdrop of competitive cheerleading.
The treatment center bears no resemblance to anything in the United States, without insurances companies limiting treatment and unlimited months of inpatient treatment.
I was uncomfortable with Schwartz’s use of several phrases that readers could interpret as antisemetic, though Schwartz is Jewish and her intent obviously wasn’t anti Jewish. In one case the Christian atheist Rowan referee to Shoshana’s “Jew curls” and a Christian adult nicknamed her Bagel and Lox. I would have been devastated if either happened to me and I’m concerned about a non Jewish reader thinking the cute phrases would be appropriate to use with Jewish friends. Again, I’m 100% positive Schwartz meant no harm and that she and I approach Judaism from opposite ends of the spectrum. I checked with another Jewish atheist friend who had the same cringeworthy response as me. I respect Schwartz’s #OwnVoices different experience and also prefer to err on the side of not using phrases that could be fine between two like-minded Jewish people yet otherwise cringeworthy.
I would have rated BEFORE WE WERE BLUE another star if not for the two phrases or if those phrases had been addressed as anti Semitic or at least inappropriate. The phrases are enough to make me unsure about whether I’d recommend this otherwise above average book.
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