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Bedtime Stories for Cynics
- Narrated by: Nick Offerman, Phoebe Robinson, David Spade, Maria Bamford, Patton Oswalt, Wyatt Cenac, Tommy Chong, Lewis Black, Tony Hale, Natasha Leggero, John O’Hurley, Nick Thune, Brent Weinbach
- Length: 1 hr and 42 mins
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Publisher's summary
Are the kids asleep? Yes? Good. This one isn’t for them. Now, if your weary, grown-up mind has been searching for a snarkier alternative to your favorite childhood tales, this Audible Original, hosted by Nick Offerman (Parks & Recreation), will scratch that itch - and then some. Enjoy a hilarious collection of short stories, featuring performances from the likes of Tommy Chong (Cheech & Chong), Tony Hale (Veep), Patton Oswalt (The Goldbergs), and David Spade (Saturday Night Live).
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Hilarious, fascinating, and a roller coaster of dizzying, historical what-ifs, Napoleon's Hemorrhoids is a potpourri for serious historians and casual history buffs. In one of Phil Mason's many revelations, you'll learn that Communist jets were two minutes away from opening fire on American planes during the Cuban missile crisis, when they had to turn back as they were running out of fuel. You'll discover that before the Battle of Waterloo, Napoleon's painful hemorrhoids prevented him from mounting his horse to survey the battlefield.
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They just throw the facts too fast
- By Concerned_llama on 12-11-20
By: Phil Mason
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Yellow Face
- A Semi-autobiographical Comedy
- By: David Henry Hwang
- Narrated by: Daniel Dae Kim (CK), Ashley Park, Wendell Pierce, and others
- Length: 1 hr and 44 mins
- Original Recording
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Winner of an Obie and a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize, and directed by Tony nominee Leigh Silverman, Yellow Face is as timely as ever, wrestling with issues of cultural appropriation, complicity, and artistic freedom. It’s brought to life in this audio-only revival by a stunning all-star cast (many playing themselves) led by Daniel Dae Kim.
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Funny, great audible performance, and good dialogue.
- By Ed the Canadian on 05-04-24
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American Psycho
- By: Bret Easton Ellis
- Narrated by: Pablo Schreiber
- Length: 16 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
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Patrick Bateman moves among the young and trendy in 1980s Manhattan. Young, handsome, and well educated, Bateman earns his fortune on Wall Street by day while spending his nights in ways we cannot begin to fathom. Expressing his true self through torture and murder, Bateman prefigures an apocalyptic horror that no society could bear to confront.
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Fanntastic book but maybe not for everyone....
- By So Fain on 03-27-11
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The Heron
- By: Don Winslow
- Narrated by: Ed Harris
- Length: 1 hr and 6 mins
- Original Recording
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“The Heron” is the nickname a big-city accountant has attached to himself in his new home near San Diego, where he’s using the alias to avoid a hit man who may be after him. It seems a former client believes that The Heron has skipped town with several million dollars not his own. Don Winslow’s ensuing, entertaining yarn is by turns twisty, dark, and comical as we observe the delicate dance between the pursuer and the pursued.
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Awfully long middle for such a short story
- By 🔥 Phx17 🔥 on 07-29-22
By: Don Winslow
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The Lost Causes of Bleak Creek
- By: Rhett McLaughlin, Link Neal
- Narrated by: Vikas Adam
- Length: 10 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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At first, high school freshmen Rex McClendon and Leif Nelson believe what they’ve been told - that local students’ strange demises at Whitewood, a local reformatory, were all tragic accidents. But when the shoot for their low-budget horror masterpiece, PolterDog, goes horribly awry - and their best friend, Alicia Boykins, is sent to Whitewood - Rex and Leif are forced to question everything they know about their unassuming hometown and its cherished school for delinquents.
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Does it hold up beyond the R&L fandom?
- By BrettM on 12-01-19
By: Rhett McLaughlin, and others
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Space Force
- By: Jeremy Robinson
- Narrated by: Jeffrey Kafer, Emily Woo Zeller, Machelle Williams
- Length: 9 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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Five years ago, the US Space Force became a reality. And while those writing the checks took things very seriously, the other military branches did not. As a result, Space Force was populated by undesirables. My name is Captain Ethan Stone, a decorated member of SEAL Team Six turned Space Force "recruit". Flash forward five years and between tenses. President West is in office. Power has shifted. And Space Force is defunded. With just a handful of us still living on base, we find ourselves being evicted. But before all of us can leave, aliens invade.
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disappointed
- By Justin H on 03-15-19
By: Jeremy Robinson
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Not funny at all.
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Paddle Your Own Canoe
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Growing a perfect moustache, grilling red meat, wooing a woman - who better to deliver this tutelage than the always charming, always manly Nick Offerman, best known as Parks and Recreation's Ron Swanson? Combining his trademark comic voice and very real expertise in woodworking - he runs his own woodshop - Paddle Your Own Canoe features tales from Offerman's childhood in small-town Minooka, Illinois, to his theater days in Chicago, beginnings as a carpenter/actor and the hilarious and magnificent seduction of his now-wife Megan Mullally.
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More like this please
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Dive into a world of laughter with "107 Short Humorous Stories for Seniors," a collection that celebrates the quirky and comical moments of senior life. Perfect for quick listens, this book brings together anecdotes of generational clashes, technological mishaps, and everyday adventures that are sure to spark joy and nostalgia.
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Great material for groups
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Set on a large ranch in rural upstate New York, it’s early days for the eccentric group of people who call themselves "The Zeta Family" - quite possibly the next big cult phenomenon. Our protagonist, Katie, is an aspiring reporter who has decided to infiltrate the compound, and her future success as a journalist depends entirely on her ability to win the confidence of Zeta Doug, the likable spiritual leader of the group. He’s like a cross between Hunter S. Thompson and George R. R. Martin, with a little too much sci-fi in his head and acid in his blood stream.
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Really enjoyable
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Cut and Run
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Samantha is a professional seductress and con artist with a heart of gold. If she talked about her work, she’d tell you she only pilfers organs for medical research and that she only takes one kidney, and she only steals those kidneys from dishonest people. It’s hell on her social life. Abe is the doctor and Sam's partner in crime. He isn’t much of a criminal. Except for the kidney stealing. But he’s using that money to fund his research that he anticipates will be able to cure diabetes. So, all for a good cause...? You decide. Of course, it's hell on his social life.
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Dumb and funny
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The Greatest Love Story Ever Told
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At last, the full story behind Megan Mullally and Nick Offerman's epic romance, including stories, portraits, and the occasional puzzle. How did they do it? They came from completely different families, endured a significant age difference, and were separated by the gulf of several social strata. Megan loved books and art history; Nick loved hammers. But much more than these seemingly unsurpassable obstacles were the values they held in common: respect, decency, the ability to mention genitalia in almost any context, and an abiding obsession with the songs of Tom Waits.
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Not sure if I like or not.
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By: Megan Mullally, and others
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The star of Parks and Recreation and author of the New York Times best seller Paddle Your Own Canoe returns with a second book that humorously highlights 21 figures from our nation’s history, from her inception to present day - Nick’s personal pantheon of “great Americans". After the great success of his autobiography, Paddle Your Own Canoe, Offerman now focuses on the lives of those who inspired him. From George Washington to Willie Nelson, he describes 21 heroic figures and why they inspire in him such great meaning.
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Swagger and mirth
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By: Nick Offerman
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The Heron
- By: Don Winslow
- Narrated by: Ed Harris
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- Original Recording
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
“The Heron” is the nickname a big-city accountant has attached to himself in his new home near San Diego, where he’s using the alias to avoid a hit man who may be after him. It seems a former client believes that The Heron has skipped town with several million dollars not his own. Don Winslow’s ensuing, entertaining yarn is by turns twisty, dark, and comical as we observe the delicate dance between the pursuer and the pursued.
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Awfully long middle for such a short story
- By 🔥 Phx17 🔥 on 07-29-22
By: Don Winslow
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All Rise
- Audio Perambulation
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Story
In Nick Offerman's view, we as a country can be doing a better job when it comes to decency. While most of the country has spent the last few years fighting about everything from politics to the existence of science, there are some things we can all agree about, like that we only really need one flavor of Oreo cookies. And that despite all the challenges we're currently facing, America can get it together if we can, simply, rise above it all, and admit that a lot what we're fighting about is actually pretty stupid, especially when told in Nick's signature comedic voice.
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Thank you The Daily Show!
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By: Nick Offerman
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Story
When Kate wins an item at her children’s elementary school auction - an all-inclusive trip to SeaView at Sandpiper Bay - she thinks it’s just what her family needs after a decade of career disappointments and a marriage on its last legs. She has no reason to believe that said trip is a Fyre Festival-level fraud and, in fact, the catalyst to her unraveling. But it is. Oh, but it is.
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Christina Applegate is everything
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By: Matt Boren
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Passable in Pink
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When love reigns supreme in Northridge High just outside Chicago, by the lake, it happens beneath the soft, pink-infused spotlights hovering over that most special night of the year - prom night. Passable in Pink is an Audible Original from New York Times best-selling author Mike Sacks (Stinker Lets Loose!). Sacks has teamed up once again with director Eric Jason Martin (Stinker Lets Loose!, Heads Will Roll) to adapt a forgotten John Hughes-type 1983 movie into a fully immersive cinematic audio experience, with an epic all-star cast.
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A classic parody, f**ing funny as hell.
- By S.Hull on 11-28-19
By: Mike Sacks
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A Crazy Inheritance
- Ghostsitter 1
- By: Tommy Krappweis
- Narrated by: Michael Braun, Marc Vietor, Jay Snyder, and others
- Length: 4 hrs and 25 mins
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When Tom is invited to the reading of a will of a great-uncle he’s never heard of, there’s no way to know what to expect. But on the long list of possible things to inherit, a travelling carnival ghost train is the very last on the list. To get his full $10 million inheritance, all Tom has to do is run the antique ride until his 18th birthday. Easy. Except for a strange caped-creep he’s never met, who’s trying to con him out of the money...and the actual ghosts and ghouls who call the ride home.
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Great Wombie’s Rabbit! Fun kids book.
- By 🔥 Phx17 🔥 on 06-06-20
By: Tommy Krappweis
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Fantastical Bedtime Stories for Stressed Out Adults
- By: Tranquil Voyage Audiobooks
- Narrated by: Lil J. Bush
- Length: 11 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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Escape reality and enter a blissful journey through mystical realms where magic and fantasy gently intertwine. Discover a world where imagination knows no bounds, and float effortlessly through lands of wonder, serenity, and peaceful dreams. Bid farewell to stress, anxiety, and sleepless nights as you immerse yourself in this tranquil collection of 60 bedtime tales. Each story is carefully crafted to lull you into a state of serene sleep, blissful relief, and tranquility, making it the perfect companion for a restful night.
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I am now able to sleep at night!
- By Tea0921 on 11-22-23
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Christmas Eve, 1914
- By: Charles Olivier
- Narrated by: Cameron Daddo, Xander Berkeley, Cody Fern, and others
- Length: 1 hr and 13 mins
- Original Recording
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In 1914, the war which was to have been wrapped up by Christmas had - in reality - only just begun, as all sides entrenched themselves deeper into the Great War. Christmas Eve, 1914 follows one company of British officers as they rotate forward to spend their Christmas on the front lines, a mere 80 yards from the German guns. Upper- and working-class men and boys are thrown together into one trench and struggle to survive.
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I was just reading about this in my news paper
- By Bonnie on 12-22-14
By: Charles Olivier
What listeners say about Bedtime Stories for Cynics
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Elizabeth
- 10-23-19
💗😁💗
grrrrreat! the main narrator presenting the stories was my fave part, but absolutely loved everything about it
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- Hitch
- 08-23-19
Petty Good
Loved the narration and all star cast. It just wasn't as good as the other book.
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- BA25000
- 01-20-20
great
loved it! made me laugh and smile. loves all the stories and the comedians. awesome
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- Duhaney
- 11-21-21
uhhmm! 😴😴😴
was this supposed to be funny. mission accomplished, I guess!!! . performance great but the content is wanting. 😴😴😴
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- Rakayia Holmes
- 04-28-22
Hilarious
I enjoyed all of these stories! The intro's had me on the floor laughing. My work is stressful sometimes and listening to this while doing crappy tasks made the time fly! Thanks for every story. I looked up a couple times and was like....wait. Very good and easy listen. I will certainly replay on restless nights. 🌙
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- Cakegirl
- 01-30-22
Fun Collection
Loved this fun assortment of stories. The vocal performances especially the narration by Nick Offerman was great.
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- Victor R.
- 09-29-22
great adult stories
great stories and a great cast of celebrities to voice different stories. highly recommend
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- Karen
- 04-10-23
I'm no rat!
Hilariously new take on childhood stories we all grew up listening to. Loved it!
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- Nessa
- 05-23-19
Depressingly Funny
Firstly, if you had a childhood where you grew up on fairy tales, DO NOT listen to this book. It will literally spoil every single beautiful fairy tale you knew and loved so much as it turns every single one into something horrifying. Don't get me wrong, they are extremely funny but I was so surprised at the outcome of some of these stories...lo... I'm sorry, I can't give a straight comment on this book.
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5 people found this helpful
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- C.D.
- 05-21-19
Not for sensitive people
Hysterical i couldnt stop listening, abosolutly worth it.... Nick Offerman performance is as always stellar.....
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4 people found this helpful